Confession

Chapter 6

There is a loud ringing in my ears and it gets louder each time Minjun says something to me. We've been in this office for almost two hours and I can't seem to say anything, other than, I'm sorry. He sighs as he leans down in front of me. "Nari. Please. It's nearly 6pm. You need to explain to me what's going on, so I can help." I look at him.

"Help? You can't help me. How the fuck are you going to help me?" I question. He puts a finger to his lips and points towards the door.

"It's not soundproof in here so if anyone walks pass here, they can hear you." Our eyes lock. "I am also not the enemy here, so I suggest you don't take any aggression out towards me." I drop my gaze and start crying. Why is this all happening? I did everything to not get caught. How did Felix find out? Do other people know? Who told him? "What happened?" I try to calm myself down, take a few breaths, but they all come out shaky and broken. How am I supposed to go around now with someone knowing who I really am. A murderer.

"I-I-I-I didn't mean for it t-t-to happen l-l-l-like this." I stammer. I put my face in my hands. "Oh God." I shout out and cry harder. Minjun sighs and stands up, stretching his back.

"Nari." My phone starts to vibrate in my pocket. I pull it out and see that it's Moonbin calling. I quickly send him to voicemail, throwing my phone across the room. I'm upset and angry. I want to choke Felix till he can't breathe anymore. I stand up quickly and head towards the door. Minjun runs over to the door, blocking my way. "Hyun Mi. You aren't leaving till you tell me what the hell that's about." He says, his voice laced with ice. I let out a dry laugh.

"What's the point in telling you anything. So, you can tell other people?" I grab his wrist and pull him away from the door. He's quick and grabs my arm, pulling hard. I stumble back towards the desk. "Get out my way Minjun!" I shout.

"I'm trying to fucking help you! Stop resisting me damnit!" We stand there, glaring at each other. "I'm your friend. NOT the enemy." I bawl my fists up. He's not the enemy? I don't believe him. I need to figure out how Felix found out and the only person I can think of is the principal, Mister Kim.

"Move out the way Minjun!" I scream. I lunge at him, my fist tight as I swing towards his face. He sighs, moving to the side and hitting me behind the neck. I gasp and fall to the ground. My vision is leaving quickly and before I have time to react, my world falls black.

It's dark when I wake up. There is a lamp on the desk and I can smell food. It smells divine. I'm thirsty. I slowly sit up but the room around me starts spinning. I lie back down. I hear a sigh. "Jesus. You're finally awake. I thought I hit you too hard and you weren't going to wake up at all." Minjun says. He's standing over the couch. "Listen to me. It's 9:03. We don't have much time before lights out. Will you <b>PLEASE</b> cooperate with me?" I'm too weak to fight back. He also makes a good point. If we don't go back to our dorms, we'll get in trouble. I sigh.

"This isn't me telling you anything. If you heard Felix than you already have a good idea. Someone did die because of me. It's true that I did change my name. It's also true that I came to Korea because it was the only way to avoid going to prison. I'm not an escaped convict though. This person in particular was someone close to me. It was an honest mistake. I didn't want to leave but I had to. What would you have done in my shoes?"

Minjun doesn't say anything for a couple of minutes. I sit up. I hold my head in my hands. "Can I please get something to drink?" He walks over to the plate of food and hands me a water. "Why won't you say anything?" I ask.

"I'm not for sure what to say. How did you kill them?"

"Are the details important? You don't need to know that." He runs a hand through his hair. "I told you what you wanted to hear. Right?"

"Eat before you go." He says, walking over to grab the tray of food. It's a burger with onion rings. I don't say anything as I finish the plate of food. I burp. "Nari. I won't breathe a word to anyone about anything. Let me talk to Felix." I stand up quickly, knocking the tray on the floor.

"NO! I said LEAVE IT ALONE." He holds his hands up defensively. "You said you won't breathe a word. Don't tell a soul. Leave Felix alone." He nods his head slowly. "I'm leaving first. Remember what you said." I yank the water bottle out his hand and unlock the door, walking out. The lights are bright. I squint my eyes as I head down the stairs towards the dorms.

It's almost like nothing has happened. No one says anything to me. No one knows anything. I'm not getting any weird looks or anything. I take a deep breath as I keep walking. As I reach my door, I see Felix leaning against the door, smiling at me. He holds a hand up, wiggling his fingers at me. He runs a hand through his blonde hair as he slowly approaches me. I stand in my spot, not really knowing what to do. I know a couple of hours ago, I wanted to fight him but now that he's in front of me, I can't move. "Nari. Hi." He says. I take a step back. "Relax. I'm not going to do anything. If I wanted to out you, I would have the first day." He chuckles. "Anyway, I know you were with Minjun so I've been waiting for you."

"What do you want?" I ask. It sounds more nervous than I'd like to admit.

"I guess, you can say nothing." He says with a smirk on his face. "But I thought about what I told you, about not wanting to ever see you again. When I said that, I meant like don't interfere with something that doesn't concern you. Understand?" I don't say anything. "With that said. I'd like the notebook. I have a lot I want to know about you." He walks over to me, whispering in my right ear. "Like how you killed her." I push him back.

"I don't want anything to do with you." I say, glaring at him. He laughs.

"Oh, Hyun Mi. I don't think you understand how this works. Either you cooperate with me or I have no problem telling the entire school about who you really are." I narrow my eyes. I may look like I don't care on the outside but inside I'm scared. I can't risk everyone knowing. I can't risk uprooting myself again. What about Moonbin? I can't risk losing him either. I sigh, feeling defeated.

"What do you want?"

"Bring me the notebook and wait for me to give you a new assignment. That's all." I open the door to my dorm and walk in, Felix right behind me. Nayeon looks surprised to see us together. She takes an earbud out and watch as I hand him the purple notebook. "See ya later." I watch as he exits the room, closing the door behind him. I sit on my bed and lie back, staring up at the ceiling. Why is this happening to me?

"What's that about? You and Felix got paired up for the assignment?"

"Leave me alone." I say.

"You know, you've become a real bitch since you started hanging with Minjun and his friends. Why are you being so mean all of a sudden?" I turn to glare at her. The color drains from her face.

"I never said we were friends. I'm just tolerating you. So back off and leave me alone." I say, my voice laced with ice. I sit up and head towards the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I sink to the ground and let the silent tears fall down my cheeks and onto the floor.

The next day is Monday and Nayeon doesn't say anything as she shuts the door behind her. It's 7:46 am. I'm missing breakfast even though my stomach is growling. Hopefully it won't be a big distraction in my other classes. I grab my bag and throw it over my shoulder. As I exit my dorm and start towards the the stairs, I see Moonbin heading my way. I quickly avert my eyes to the ground. I can't meet his gaze. Not after everything that's happened. I'll break down. He stands in front of me.

"Hey. Why do I have this weird feeling you're avoiding me? You never came to dinner last night." I keep my eyes on the ground. I'm choking back tears. He reaches his fingers towards me and I quickly back away.

"I'm sorry Moonbin. I'm going to need a few days to sort some things out." I say quietly.

"Do you have the journal at least?" I nod my head and move my bag towards me while I fish it out. I pull the yellow notebook out and put it into his hand. "Nari, you know you can talk to me about anything. I'm here so please don't hide things from me." I quickly turn the other way, a few tears falling down my face.

"I really need to go." I say and start running down the hallway. I wipe at my face. I can't. I can't talk to you Moonbin about this. Who know how you'll think of me if I confess what I've done to you.

Morning classes are long and after English, I'm so hungry. I can eat a whole cow and then some. I quickly head towards the dining hall when I run in Minjun. He's with Chan. "Hey." Minjun says. I wave.

"Hi." I say quietly.

"We were just about to head to lunch as well. You wanna join us? Nayeon will be there too." Chan says. I shake my head.

"I can't. I am going to the library to study." I say. I walk pass them and head towards the tables with food. I wonder is there anyway I can head to the bathroom and eat there. In silence away from all this chatter and noise.

"Hey!" Felix calls. I stop in my tracks. He runs over to me, stopping next to me. "Perfect timing. You're going to have lunch with me." I look at him.

"You want to have lunch with me?" I question. He nods his head.

"Yes, let's sit outside in the courtyard. I want to talk to you in private." I glance over at the table where Minjun and the others sit. Moonbin is looking at me. I quickly look at the ground. "So, hurry up and grab something." I want to fight him, tell him to go away. Tell him that I don't care if he outs me, but I'm too scared. I'm too scared as what people will label me as. They will label me.

"Okay." I say quietly.

I don't grab much as we head outside in the courtyard. It's such a beautiful day on such a terrible week. We sit across from each other as we find a table to sit at. There are other students around but not much. Felix cups his chin in his palms. I open my bag of chips. "So, talk to me. How did you kill her?" I sigh, putting the bag of chips on the table.

"Felix, I understand that you are getting a kick out of this. You know, trying to control my every move and make me break but I'm not going to let you." He raises an eyebrow.

"So, are you saying you're okay with me telling everyone the truth Hyun Mi?" He asks. I chew on my bottom lip.

"Well, of course not." I start.

"Then do what I say and answer the damn question." I put my fingers in my lap and start to twiddle with my fingers. "Now." I sigh and we finally meet eye to eye as my gaze locks with his.

"I uh. I shot her, a couple times." I whisper.

"Speak up, I can't hear you." He says.

"I said, I shot her." I said, a little louder than I wanted. I quickly look around. Everyone seems to be in their own little world, so no one heard anything I said. I lower my voice. "It's a long story."

"I got time." I sigh. I was really hoping I wouldn't have to speak of this again, but here I am.

Flashback -

I'm sitting in my room, on my bed. The pistol in my lap. Tears are covering my vision. "Just do it. Do it." I say to myself. I pick up the pistol and put the end of it in my mouth. Snot is falling down my nose and onto the pistol. I'm sobbing.

You should just kill yourself.

No one wants you around.

You're such a burden. The world would be better without you.

I put the trigger back and take a deep breath. They are right, everything they said is true. No one wants me around. I am a burden. I don't deserve to be here. I'm just a waste of space. I put my finger on the trigger and close my eyes. One. Two. Three.

"Hyun Mi! Stop!" I open my eyes and standing there is my little sister. She runs towards me, putting her little hands on my knees. "Please. Please don't leave us like Dad did. Please." She says, she's crying now. I pull the pistol out my mouth and sit it on the bed. She's sobbing now and so am I. You're a coward. Fucking do it already. My sister reaches for the pistol but I quickly grab it and before I have time to react, the pistol goes off, hitting my sister right in her chest. Blood oozes from her chest. Her mouth filled with blood. I drop the pistol on the bed. My mouth agaped.

"No. No. No. No. No." I say, over and over again. She falls onto the floor, face first. I can hear her gurgling but she's not saying much. Then. Silence. I let out this bloodcurling scream and my Aunt rushes upstairs and her eyes widen.

"What did you do!?" She shouts, walking over to me, shaking my shoulders back and forth. I close my eyes, more tears spilling down my cheeks like a waterfall.

"It wasn't on purpose. It was an accident!" I exclaim. She doesn't hear me though as she picks up my sister and holds her close to her chest. She's sobbing.

"Hyun Mi. Why?" She asks. "I'm calling the police." She says, wiping at her face. Blood covers her face, her lips painted scarlet red.

"No!" I shout. I pull the trigger back and aim it at her. "No. You can't." I say. My heart is pounding in my chest. What is going on with me? Why am I doing this? I feel like I'm going crazy.

"Hyun Mi. Put the gun down. Now." I shake my head.

"No, you're going to call the police. They are gonna take me away. They are going to lock me away forever. I rather die!" She leaps after after me and I pull the trigger, stopping her in her tracks. I squeeze the gun and a BOOM can be heard throughout the house.

I look down as I finish my story. "The first one was an accident but the second one. I really did intend to kill her. I didn't know what I was thinking. I just remember that I didn't want to go to jail." I whisper.

"Why didn't you just shoot yourself?" A few tears trickle down my face and onto my cheeks. I wipe at my face.

"A part of me didn't want to die but every time my mind gets some free time, I think about my sister and how it should have been me and not her. She only wanted to protect me." I take a deep breath. "There, now you know. Can I please go now? I know you only wanted to get the truth out of me." He puts his bag on the table and pulls out the purple notebook.

"You better respond to me because I actually put some effort into this stupid assignment." He stands up, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "I'm off first." He says, walking off. I sit there, feeling numb. How am I supposed to get through the rest of my day?

After classes are done, I escape to the library and get a soundproof room. I put my head into my arms and let the loud sob that I've been holding all day, out. It's loud and ugly and I'm doing so much sobbing that I can't even breathe. I sit up, gasping for air. I start to cough and I pound at my chest. Calm down Hyun Mi. I scramble around in my bag and pull out my inhaler. I haven't had an anxiety attack this bad in a long time.

After I finally get my breathing under control, I pull out a bottle of pills and take two out. I swallow them quickly and take another deep breath. There is a quick nap on the door. I jerk my head towards the door and standing there is Moonbin. He has a frown on his face. He points to the handle. Unlock the door, please. I see him mouth. I quickly shake my head.

"I'm okay." I say. He pulls out his phone and dials on it before he puts it near his ear. My phone starts to buzz in my bag. I pull it out and sigh as I stare at his number. I push the green button. "I'm really okay."

"You are not okay Nari. Please. Let me help. Open the door. Please." I sniffle. I'm choking up. Why does he want to help so bad? "Nari?" I slowly stand up from the desk and head towards the door. I unlock it and he pushes his way through, wrapping his arms tightly around me. He doesn't let me go. I just stand there, taking all of him in. He smells like fresh laundry. Tears fall down my face and onto his shoulder, wetting his shirt. "It's okay to cry." He whispers. I squeeze my eyes shut and put a hand on his back as I sob into his shoulder. Loud and ugly. I can't stop them. He rubs my back gently as I cry for a solid three minutes.

I finally calm down after three minutes have passed and I take a deep breath, sniffling loudly. Moonbin closes the door and he guides me back to the table. I take a seat as he pulls the chair on the other side, close to me. He reaches for my hand and squeezes it gently. "Oh my god Nari." He says quietly. I keep my eyes on the ground. "Talk to me." He coaxes. I take another deep breath and finally lift my head up. Without a warning I open my mouth.

"I killed my little sister and my aunt."