2 01

"M-may g-gusto sana akong sabihin sayo."

He gave me a confuse look. This is the time I should confess my feelings about him.

Huminga muna ako ng malalim at tumungo bago muling nagsalita.

"I.. I l-like you."

At last, nasabi ko na yung matagal ko ng gustong sabihin sa kanya.

Tumingala ako para makita ko kung anong reaction niya pero hindi man lang siya nagulat. He just gave me a straight face.

Wala ba siyang sasabihin? I just confessed my feelings for him. He should say something.

"W-wala ka bang gustong s-sabihin?"

Huminga lang siya ng malalim atsaka tinapik ako sa balikat.

"I'm sorry but I'm not into boys." Aniya atsaka siya naglakad palayo sakin.

What the fuck?!

Agad akong napabalikwas ng bangon dahil sa panaginip ko.

"Shit. Bakit ko 'yun biglang napanaginipan?" I asked myself.

I look at the clock, it's already 2:30 a.m.

Bakit ba napanaginipan ko pa yun? Dahil ba sa iisang school na naman kami at may tendency na magkita kami kaya bigla bigla ko na lang napanaginipan yung araw na 'yun?

I took my phone and immediately dial Chen's number, he didn't answer so I called him again and after a few rings he answered, at last.

["Hello."]

Mukhang nagising ko pa yata siya.

"Chen."

["Nate? Why are you calling? Can't sleep? Too excited for tomorrow because finally you will meet your baby Kai?"]

Kahit bagong gising nagawa pang mangasar.

"I just had a dream."

["Hm, what dream?"]

"I dreamt about him, about that day."

Tumayo ako para pumunta sa banyo. Ini-loudspeaker ko yung tawag at inilapag sa may lababo.

["Excited ka lang kasing makita siya ulit kaya napanaginipan mo siya."]

"Excited? Bakit naman ako ma-e-excite?"

Binuksan ko ang gripo atsaka nag hilamos ng mukha ko.

Hindi ako excited na makita siya. Mas natatakot nga ako na makita siya eh. Biruin mo I confess my feelings for him and he rejected me. Nakakahiya yun.

["Kasi finally after three years makikita mo na yung Kai mo araw araw."]

I heard him chuckled.

"Instead na matuwa ako eh nahihiya ako na makita siya after that day."

["You know Nate my dear friend, malaki ang Llana University kaya imposibleng magkita kayo isa pa it's been three years since you confess your feelings for him kaya imposibleng makilala ka pa niya."]

He has a point. It's been three years since that day and I haven't seen him after that confession thing. I'm too shy to face him after he rejected me that's why everytime I saw him I always hide or runaway from him until he graduate.

["Wag ka ng mag alala okay? Let's go back to sleep, I'm going to pick you up later. Goodmornight."]

After that he hang up the call.

I sigh as I look myself at the mirror. Hindi niya ba talaga ako makikilala? Wala namang nag bago sakin bukod sa nawala na yung brace ko, hindi na din ako nag susuot ng salamin at natuto na ako ng mga skin care method eh wala namang pinagbago yung mukha ko. I'm still me, so there's a possibility na makilala or maalala niya ako if he saw me. But I think malabo 'yun sa sobrang daming nag co-confess sa kanya maaalala niya ba ako. Eh paano kung ako lang yung lalaking nag confess sa kanya ibig sabihin maaalala niya? No no no imposibleng ako lang ang lalaking nag confess sa kanya sa gwapo ba naman niyang yun.

Bumalik na ko sa higaan ko at pumikit at sinusubukang bumalik sa pag tulog but I failed. Hindi ako makatulog.

I looked at the ceiling.

Ano na kayang itsura niya ngayon? Kahit naman updated ako sa mga post niya sa social media accounts niya gusto ko pa ding makita siya ng personal.

Bigla ko na lang naaalala yung mga panahong unang beses ko siyang nakita. I'm a fifth grader while him is in a seventh grader. That time lahat ng late ay pinapila sa harap ng Principal's office and Kai is one of them. Nasa principal office ako nung araw na yun kasama si mommy dahil sa ni-report kong pambu-bully sakin ng kaklase ko nun. He's standing in front of the window kaya siya agad ang nakita at napansin ko. I'm looking at him the whole time until I found myself looking for him inside the school everyday. When I found out where his classroom and the schedule of his breaks and luckily we have the same schedule kaya palagi ko siyang tinitingnan from distant. Hanggang sa nag grade seven ako duon ko lang nalaman na gusto ko na pala siya kahit na same ang gender namin nagkagusto pa din ako sakanya.

When I heard his a basketball player for our school sinuportahan ko siya sa bawat laban nila nag papagawa pa ako ng banner tapos ipapamigay ko sa mga classmate para i-cheer siya. When I heard he likes to play instruments and joined the music club I started to get a piano lesson and joined the music club but unfortunately hindi siya masyadong active sa music club dahil basketball player siya kaya ayun hindi ko siya masyadong nakikita. Lumipas pa ang ilang taon na puro tingin lang ako sa kanya and mas dumadami pa ang mga nag kakagusto sa kanya lalo na nung nag grade eleven siya mas naging attractive siya at not just because of his looks but beacuse of being the team captain of the basketball team. Dumami na din ang nag co-confess sa kanya and he even started dating girls. Inggit na inggit talaga ako sa mga nakaka-date niya how I wish na sana ako na lang yun, pati sa mga nag co-confess sa kanya naiinggit din ako kasi buti pa sila may lakas ng loob mag confess ng feelings nila para sakanya.

And dumating na nga yung araw na sa wakas nag karoon na ko ng courage na umamin sa kanya. He's a twelfth grader while me is a tenth grader, may event ang school namin for valentines day. I asked Chen's help para mapapunta siya sa may rooftop mg school para dun ko masabi yung gusto kong aminin sa kanya kaso nga lang ayun nareject ako kaya after nun ayaw ko ng mag pakita sa kanya and I'm still looking at him from distant.

It's been three years since he rejected me but I'm still into him.

Napapailing na lang ako sa sarili ko. I closed my eyes again and try to sleep.

___

I heard a multiple horn outside the house.

"Bye mom, just tell dad goodbye for me. I'm going to call you once I get there."

She jusy nods her head and kissed her cheeks and run outside with my luggage and saw Chen in the drivers seat looking at me.

"Wala bang ibabagal yan?"

Panimula niyang pamumula sa araw na to.

"I told you to get back to sleep but it looks like nag reminisce ka pa bago matulog."

"Shut up and just open the compartment."

I said and walk towards the back.

As soon as the compartment is completelt opened I put my luggage inside and I grab my boxes from the maids and close the compartment. I hurriedly run and jump off in the passenger seat.

"Goodluck kids and have a safe trip!" My mom shouted outside the hands.

Nag thumbs up lang kami ni Chen atsaka kumaway sa kanya.

"Buckle up." Chen said as he starts the engine.

Dahil iisa lang ang school na papasukan namin ni Chen at sa iisang building lang kami ng condo titira we decided na sabay na kaming pupunta dun.

Chen is my bestfriend since I can remember on how to write my name and he's not just my friend he's also my cousin kaya palagi kaming magkasama ang nagkakasundo.

We know everything about us kaya wala akong maitatago sa isa't isa.

"We're here." Saad niya after niyang mai-park ang kotse.

At last nakarating din. Almost two hours din ang byahe namin bago nakarating dito.

Chen helped me to put my things inside my room. Isang luggage lang kasi ang dala niya at mag mamimili na lang siya ng decorations at iba pang kailangan niya samantalang ako dala ko yung mga stuffed toys ko, sapatos ko, cd's and so on.

Gusto ko kasing komporatable ako sa condo ko kaya dinala ko na lahat ng gusto kong dalhin.

"Maiwan na kita dito ha pupunta lang ako ng mall para mamili." Pagpapaalam ni Chen sakin.

I just nodded as a response. He walked towards my door and opened it but he paused and looked back to me and asked, "Do you want to eat something?"

"Mmm... Just buy me some milk, water, eggs, bacon and chips. I'll go eat at the restaurant outside the building."

Chen nod his head and went outside my room. I started to unpack my things and put it in the right place. After that I put my phone inside my trouser pocket and went outside my room.

I waited for the elevator to opened and after a few seconds it opened and only one person inside and left the elevator, but my jaw was almost drop when I realized who is that guy.

"Kai," I whispered his name.

I looked at his back. I know it's him. I'm sure of it.

Tinitigan ko kung saang kwarto siya papasok and to my surprise binuksan niya yung kwartong sa harap ng kwarto ko at pumasok sa loob nun.

Shit. Seriously?

___

"Bakit nakatulala ka diyan? Hindi ba dapat masaya ka kasi magkaharap yung kwarto niyong dalawa. Imagine sabay kayong lalabas ng kwarto tapos mag kakatinginan kayong dalawa tapos hahawakan niya yung kamay mo pati pisngi mo tapos— ouch!"

"Tapos sasapakin kita. Mga pinapanuod mo eh no."

Hinimas naman niya yung ulo niyang natamaan ko ng naibato kong lotion sa kanya.

"Nag bibiro lang naman ako masyado kang seryoso." Chen said while pouting.

I just shooked my head and started to eat the food that he ordered for me from the fast food restaurant.

After I saw Kai went inside the room in front I hurriedly back inside my room and wait if he's going to get out again just incase if it's not his room but unfortunately I heard him talking on his phone saying that he's now back to his room and too tired to get out again. It's confirm that is really his room.

I'm fucked up!

Malaki nga ang school pero yung room namin mag katapat lang. Grabe ha grabe. Paano na lang kung maalala niya ko? Shit nakakahiya yun.

Lipat na lang kaya ako ng condo? Kaso sayang yung binayad ni daddy dito nag advance payment pa naman siya.

Arg! I don't know what to do!

"If I were you just act normal once you see him, wag ka masyadong pahalata kunwari ni mo siya kilala." Chen said while giving me a glass of water.

Tumango naman ako atsaka ininom yung tubig na binigay niya.

"I need to go back to my room. Lock tge doors okay?"

Tumango naman ako bilang sagot atsaka sinamahan siya palabas ng pinto.

"Call me if you need anything." Aniya atsaka naglakad na palayo.

Hinintay ko pa siyang makapasok ng elevator. Isasara ko na sana yung pinto ng biglang bumukas yung pinto sa katapat kong kwarto at lumabas dun si Kai na nakasuot ng plain white shirt and a black trouser and a pair of simple slippers.

He looked at me after he locked his door. I was so shocked when he looked at me so I immediately shut my door.

Shit napalakas yata yung pagsara ko baka isipin niyang galit ako sa kanya.

Ilang sandali pa ay nakirinig na ako ng mga papalayong yabag ng sapatos. I sighed in relief.

Tomorrow morning Chen called me saying that he's waiting for me at the lobby and we will have a breakfast together before we go to school that's why after I took a shower and wear my uniform I went out my room but before I go out I checked the door in front if there's a sign of Kai, luckily there's no sign of him.

Nag madali na ako sa paglalakad papunta sa may elevator, I pushed the button and hinintay na mag bukas ito.

"Okay, papunta na ako diyan. Wait for me, okay?"

That voice. Familiar yung boses na 'yun.

Dahan dahan akong sumilip sa lalaking katabi ko na kakatapos lang makipagusap sa kausap niya sa cellphone.

He's wearing the same uniform like mine, his left hand tuck inside his pocket while the other one is holding and tapping on the screen of his phone, his hair is messy but still looks good on him.

Nag lakad siya papasok sa elevator ng bumukas ito habang ako ay nakatitig lang sa kanya at parang napako na yung paa ko at hindi na ako makagalaw.

He looked at me with a confusing face.

"Aren't you coming? Baka ma-late ka sa first class mo?"

Shit! Kinausap niya ko?!

Code red! Code red! Did he just talk to me?

Papasok na sana ako ng elevator ng may bumangga sakin.

"I'm just checking my stuff." Rinig kong sabi nung babaeng bumangga sakin at pumasok sa loob ng elevator. She's wearing the same uniform, maikli lang ang palda niya at may ribbon. She's pretty and her blonde curly hair really looks good on her.

"Sabi ko sayo kagabi i-check mo yung gamit mo." Kai said to the woman and put his arm around her shoulder.

I felt pain inside my heart. Parang sinaksak yung puso ko ng makita kong inakbayan niya yung babae. Akala ko ako na yung kinausap niya pero hindi pala.

I walked inside the elevator and press the lobby button. I grip the strap of my back pack as I heard them flirting behind my back.

Parang gusto kong manakit ngayon.

Once na bumukas yung elevator agad akong lumabas at nakita ko agad si Chen na nakasandal sa pader di kalayuan sa may elevator habang busy sa pagta-tap sa screen ng phone niya. I walked towards him and throw my bag at his face and fell his phone on the ground.

"What the fuck, Nate?" He cursed when he pick his phone up.

I just glared at him and walk outside the building.

"Come in." I heard that familiar voice again.

Agad nahagip ng mata ko si Kai na pinagbuksan ng pinto yung babaeng kasama niya, binigyan siya ng matamis na ngiti nung babae bago ito pumasok sa loob pagkatapos tumakbo naman si Kai papunta sa may driver's seat at nag drive na palayo.

"Now I know kung bakit badtrip ka ang aga aga." Chen said and gave my bag to me.

I just roll my eyes and started walking at the restaurant in front of the building.

Naaalala ko yung mukha nung babae ung inakbayan siya ni Kai at nang pagbuksan siya ng pinto. Halatang kilig na kilig siya, ngiti pa lang niya kitang-kita na eh. Sana lahat nararanasan na maakbayan at mapagbuksan ni Kai pinto. Sobrang swerte naman ng babaeng yun. Girlfriend niya kaya yung babaeng 'yun? Sa kwarto niya kaya natulog yung babaeng yun? Or baka live-in partner niya 'yun? Hays.

Napabuntong hininga na lang ako sa kawalan habang iniisip ko kung ano kaya ang ginagawa nila sa loob ng kwarto ni Kai.