21 twenty-one

I explained everything to Peter whilst he prepared for supper. He was such a good listener and it was so easy to talk to him. He also didn’t ask me to help him which was a relief because I did not feel like doing anything rather than snack on my ice cream. By the time I was done venting, I was half way through the tub of ice cream.

“Do you want the harsh truth or should I let you down gently?” he asked sounding a little annoyed. Well I’m annoyed too you know, it’s not easy being “emotionally immature”.

“Let me down gently.” Peter stopped what he was doing, took a sit and folded his hands across his chest. He then gave me a serious look and begun.

“Okay, you don’t really know how to treat people. You act innocent and vulnerable to get what you want. You let people fall in love with you then you leave them hanging. You never really end things with your exes and you somehow still have feelings for all of them. In short you suck when it comes to emotion related stuff.” he stated flatly. How is that letting me down slowly? That hurt so bad.

“Okay now the harsh truth?” I asked unsurely whilst wondering why the hell I wanted to hear worse things. Peter stopped what he was doing for a bit and looked at me intently before saying,

“Can’t say. If I do Danny will kill me and bury my body were no one will be able to find it. Your father will fire me and disown me. Foxy will whoop my behind and don’t get me started on the boys.” That bad? “Oh, and you’ll hate me and probably commit suicide” he concluded with a serious face. Where is the pun? He’s joking right? I can’t be that bad right? Right?

“Soooooo,” I dragged, “what’s for dinner?”

“Changing the topic doesn’t change the fact that you still have baggage. Just choose one of the boys and move on.” he advised as he continued to mush the potatoes. “by the way, Danny cancelled the shopping trip and wants to talk to you in ten. Now leave my kitchen and let me work.”

“Not until you help me. I wanna-“

“Be better and grow up emotionally.” Danny cut in with the blunt truth.

“First of all, ouch! Secondly, exactly. Thirdly, when did you get here?”

“The moment I saw you rummaging through the fridge for a tub of ice cream. You only do that when something is wrong, so I was curious to know what happened.” Danny walked over to peter and gave a tight hug and peck. “I missed you, my big boy.” She said to a jolly Peter. It was so strange to see him act the way he did around Danny. He kept grinning and blushing at her, like a child getting praises.

“You, my dear Petey owe me countless explanations as to why you didn’t call or text or skype or tweet or sms or mms or dm me or video call me or duo me or zoom call me or-” she ranted on and on and I really wanted to shut her up. Before I could Peter stepped in.

“Mom! I’m sorry okay. We good?” Danny pouted and rolled her eyes at Peter before she turned to me.

“I raised this boy and now he doesn’t even respect me.” she sighed, “Is loving you too much a crime? because if it is you better call the cops!” I just cringed and Peter face palmed. “Petey sweetie, you’re the love of my life-”

“Thought that was Daniel” Peter interjected and Danny continued.

“You are both my boys and I love you both equally, though you can’t blame me for loving Daniel a tiny bit more. You grew up too fast and too independent for any mother’s liking.”

“So, not equal love then.” Peter corrected and Danny was at him with a cooking stick. I have no idea where she got one so quickly, furthermore I had no idea Peter could run away so fast. I guess it was something they did quite often when Peter was growing up. Peter’s laughter soon filled the house as he tried his best to get away from Danny as fast as possible. Such a refreshing sight to see. Two grown people acting like children without a care in the world whilst I feel like I carry all the problems of the world on my shoulders.

Without serious thought a memory of my mom presented itself and as usual I tried to suppress it. Sighing as I looked down to my empty tub of ice cream, a tear that I didn’t know I let go of slipped out and rolled off my cheek onto the spoon I was using a few minutes before. Then another followed and the next and soon after I lost count of the world around me. Danny and Peter’s laughs were a mere whisper and the sound of my tears hitting the surface became so deafening. My head started to spin and the room started to get smaller, I could barely breathe as I heard my mom’s gentle laughs. I suddenly felt so cold that I started to tremble. I wanted Danny and Peter to come back so bad, I didn’t like feeling like this. I didn’t want to feel like this. It was then that I felt something warm cover my shoulders, a hug from behind followed and a reassuring whisper blessed my ears.

“I’ve got you princess. Don’t worry, okay?” I sighed in relief as I leaned back into his chest. He held on to me so gently as though I’d break if he held me any tighter. I felt so fragile, vulnerable and weak in his arms and I hated it. I tried to calm myself down but Daniel ripped me open when he spoke again. “Even heroes get tired Vee, you don’t have to be strong anymore. We all know you’re hurting and you know you need this more than anyone. Cry Vee, please cry.” He pushed.

The tears rolled down my cheeks without any brakes to stop them. It was like a dam was destroyed and all that was stored rapidly flowed. With my blurry eyesight I could see figures standing at a distance probably looking at the mess I’ve become. I quickly turned in my chair so that I could hide my face in Daniels chest and hide my shame. I could hear Danny ask Daniel to carry me up to my room whilst my worried dad kept asking what happened. Before I could register and process what everyone kept whispering to each other, Daniel had picked me up and I automatically locked my hands around his neck and feet around his waist. He whispered sweet nothings into my ears as he carried me too my bed. This just made me appreciate him more and more.

Daniel got to my bed and strategically laid in it with me still holding on to him. He continued to hold on to me and rub my back and I focused on his heartbeat and slow breathing. I love the fact that he didn’t push me to say anything at all. If Andy was the one here it would have been a totally different story. Daniel always waited for me no matter what, he always did. He would only learn about stuff when you were ready to actually tell him. I admired his patience but sometimes I wanted him to ask. I wanted him to push me and even break me so that I wouldn’t feel alone.

“Veronica, are you here with me?” Daniel whispered, “are you comfortable or do you want me to get some water for you? Tell me anything and I’ll do it.”

“Can you just hold me a little tighter? Cover us as well.” I don’t know about him but I was so tired. Shortly after fulfilling my requests my eyes got heavy and I fell into a comfortable sleep.