BREAK UP DAY!

The autumn wind brushes against my skin.

It's as if it's trying to console my heart from the words I am about to say.

I'm tired.

I don't know why I feel that way.

I'm just... tired.

I can't imagine another day with him.

He's suffocating me.

I tried my best to keep up with his demands.

But I no longer can.

I opened the door while he's sitting on his bed, his head on his hands, scattered beer bottles, laundry all over the place and my heart's broken pieces on the floor.

"Let's act like strangers next time we meet."

I closed the door and slowly fall on my knees while leaning against it.

I wished I never saw his smile the first time we met.

I wished he didn't look at me.

I wished he didn't offer to drive me home.

I wish... I didn't meet him.

My tears flooded my heart as my sobs strangle my throat.

I tried to cover my mouth but my mind screams pain.

I stand up and hurriedly went down.

His condominium doesn't feel like home anymore, it's a prison.

I was hoping he'll save me.

But why did it turned out to be, me, saving him, while I can't even save myself?

I tried so hard to dig into this graveyard full of misery but I was only digging my own grave.

I didn't take my jacket, I left it in his bed.

If I only knew the wind is this cold, I might've barged back in earlier but now it's too late.

I'm already standing in front of a grocery store waiting for a cab while I am carrying two bottles of beer.

Being a classy lady drinking wine to drown her problems can't help me now.

I need something to punch me in the head and in my heart.

Why did I cry over a miserable guy like that?

I never cried for a guy before.

My feelings are getting out of hand.

This is pure lunacy!

I am only wearing shorts and a thin cotton peach shirt with my sling bag.

Now, the wind that consoles me tries to peel off my skin and put me in ice.

A few minutes after bullying the wind, a cab arrives and takes me home.

Now, where should I start?

A shower? No, I will only cry with it.

Change my clothes? No, that means I have to deal with another cold thing touching my skin.

Make some food? No, that will probably end up in stress eating.

Drink these lovable, heart-mending, mind reconstructing, soul-warming, and forgetting-ex-boyfriend beers are the perfect answer!

I dive into my daybed sofa and opened the beers using the edge of the center table.

I don't have time to worry about leaving a scratch on that cute center table since my heart is not only scratched, it's shattered!

I started drinking the beer, filling mouth to the fullest before drinking.

"WHY DO I FEEL HEARTBROKEN ABOUT YOU! I'M THE ONE WHO LEFT, I SHOULDN'T FEEL LIKE THIS!"

I shouted while covering my mouth with the pillow.

I, Hailey, never felt this way about breakups.

I usually spend the day celebrating because I'm free once again.

It's as normal as brushing my teeth.

But why do I feel like I'm having a teeth extraction today!

This is not normal and healthy at all.

It means I didn't take good care of my teeth A.K.A my heart, and now it's being removed from my body.

I spend my whole night drinking the two beers, and yes, that's enough to send me to sleep.

I woke up tired.

AS IN TIRED that breathing even makes my whole body ache.

The T.V is on but I can't hear what the news is about.

"Drunk driving?"

I laugh.

Good thing I didn't drive since I don't have a car and I don't even know how to drive!

I can't even ride a bike!

I groan from the pain while I try to stand up.

"Monday... Why does it have to be Monday!"

I just remembered I have a class and obviously I am absent for the first subject since it's too late but I can make it to the second if only I can make myself feel fine.

I slowly went to the bathroom to take a shower not puke but that's what I did.

It's as if I'm letting out all my demons and that made me feel a bit comfortable and so, I took a shower.

I dress warmly this time since my consoling friend betrays me as well last night.

I took a pain reliever medicine and went to school.

I do look tired but I don't look sober as well.

I'm in between living and dying right now.

My friends might know that I broke up with him, but good thing I don't have any friend so I don't really have to explain anything to anyone.

I went to my class and sit in my favorite spot, the last chair in the room.

It's the part where I can't feel that I'm part of the class and where the sun doesn't shine since I may not even pass my course.

I, Hailey, 20 years of age, just broke up with my boyfriend and drown myself with alcohol, just step to that level of break up, and which I may not step down anymore, to the anger level.

I'm not even sure if there's such thing but I want to make that level.

It's the level where you just want to kill your ex because you fell for them and that made you crazy and stupid.

I clenched my fist while listening to the faint voice of my instructor telling stories about his life which is not obviously related to anatomy.

The day went by smoothly, not until I drown myself with alcohol... again.

That became my routine for the next years until I became a physician.

I don't know how but I am a doctor.

I am telling people to do things to make them feel better, yes.

But I still can't feel better since that day.

I dated a lot, as in, A LOT, of guys but the breakups never felt the same with Aiden.

AND I HATE IT.

I AM STILL ON THE ANGER LEVEL.

I still want to take the life out of him and give it to another person who needs it more than he does.

I thought the world is small.

But since that day, I never saw him or his shadow.

"Hey, the reunion is moved to 9 P.M. today, hope to see you."

A classmate of mine back in college texted.

Of course, if you're well known because of your research about curing a type of cancer, you will probably be invited to this gathering even though you were hardly recognized during college.

I didn't bother replying.

I just hurriedly back home to get some rest before going to that reunion.

I may sound like I am not excited, but I am.

I already prepared my clothes and I set my alarm 2 hours before the said time to fix my stressed out and life-threatening face.

I slept soundly and I shouldn't have woke up if I knew I will see him tonight.

"Hi, I'm Aiden, your classmate in Chemistry, remember?"

Oh, I do...

If you weren't my partner, I might not have broken my heart at that time.

"Yes..."

I answered briefly.

Acting as if we're strangers?

That's a good show.

I just fakely smiled at him.

Yes, I emphasized that I FAKELY smiled at him.

I even rolled my eyes before I turn around.

"What a woman..."

I heard his friends say.

I suddenly froze because I know what that means.

I intended to be mean at him.

He deserves it.

But why does it sound like I'm the wrong one here?

I mean.

Hello? Didn't they know?

He broke my heart!

But he did change.

He used to look like trash but now he looks like a corpse.

He's dead gorgeous.

And I only said that because he really stands out of the crowd.

Girls gather around him.

Boys try to get along with him.

And, again, your doctor is sitting in a corner where the sun doesn't rise because I might leave this place without engaging in a conversation with anyone again.

The music started playing.

And if there's something weird about this reunion, it's because this is like a prom, except we're not wearing any formal dress or suits.

We just dance around.

But, yes, no one's dancing the beautiful doctor.

The music seemed familiar...

This is the song I used to replay during my grieving stage!

"You see me walking towards

You're headed for the door

Why is your shoulder so cold?

I know it's hard to speak

With all our history

But that don't mean you should go"

I suddenly remembered that day when I closed the door while he was clearly in a mess.

I was selfish.

Wait, no.

I was not.

"Ooh why do we

We have to be

Enemies, enemies?

Forget all the scars

All that they are

Memories, memories

I know it hurts cause I feel it too

I thought we said we're good

Was I misunderstood?"

It's his fault.

He left me alone when I needed him.

While I was always around him whenever he needs help.

He's the selfish one.

I looked around, but I got stuck looking at him.

He changed, really.

He was not that sociable before.

He does not smile like that.

He never looked at me like that before.

"You're looking at me so cold

After all that we've been –

Through how could you pretend I'm someone that you don't know? But after all that we been through, yeah

Ooh why do we

We have to be enemies, enemies?"

Are we enemies now?

I saw him like that for the past years.

I want to take revenge for that.

"Strangers, huh?"

I whispered and stands up.

Then, I should start once again.

And I will make you feel what you made me feel.