1 Chapter 0: Don't drink and drive

Kai was dead. But before we get to that, we should probably address, how exactly, this came to be. (AN: mainly backstory, if you just want to get into the good shit then be my guest, but I'd like to think this writing is decent, so why not read it?) As an orphan who never even knew his parents, he never really like people. He did his best not to get adopted for his whole life, and to his credit, he did a damn good job. He would have rather just stayed in his hideout under his favorite bridge than being forced to meet with families looking to adopt. After almost 18 years of evading would-be new parents, the realization finally struck him that he would be free from the confines of the orphanage if he could only last until he was eighteen, and it was only three days away!

After a quick game of "how close can you get to hitting a pole with a rock", Kai left his second favorite spot on earth to go see if his first favorite was open, the Pet Shop. Kai loved animals. He would have loved to adopt a dog, cat, or even a snake. He wasn't picky at all. He loved every single animal, and all animals loved him so much that it was almost like a superpower.

As he was passing through a darker part of the neighborhood, he was startled by the sound of a tiny shriek that sounded muffled, and was even more surprised to realize that it cut off after only half a second. Naturally curious, he started quietly walking to the shady-looking alley he thought he heard the noise coming from.

When he was able to peek into the alley, he saw a man and a woman, only the man was giving a sick and vile sort of smirk as he was taking off her clothes violently and the woman was crying profusely, tears pouring down her face as she struggled, with duct tape over her mouth and ropes tieing her arms and legs. While Kai was certainly still a virgin, his mind was most definitely not the untainted thing inside of little kids in elementary school, he knew what sex was and how it worked.

He had watched p*rn at the public library on some rare occasions, so he knew exactly what was going on now, as a disturbingly large amount of people for some reason got off at seeing people being taken advantage of and r*ped. Personally, he thought that was incredibly disheartening and even caused his faith in humanity to fall lower than it already was.

Anyway, Kai wasn't a coward. He also was in fact a good person, despite everything he had to go through. Also, r*pe is one of the worst things someone can go through, and he really didn't want that on his conscience for the rest of his life. After making his decision, Kai grabbed a conveniently placed metal pipe sticking out of the dumpster he was hiding behind and slowly, quietly, snuck up behind the unsuspecting piece of scum. The woman seemed to see him but she made no outward gesture or noise and continued to struggle like she had been doing, obviously trying not to alert her attacker.

Right as the scum has started inching his ugly face closer to her neck, no doubt planning something not so wholesome, Kai steeled himself and slammed the pipe as hard as he could against the back of the scum's head with a large *CRACK*. The scum died in an instant from a fractured skull, and after Kai's heart had calmed down enough to think, he immediately took the body and threw it in the dumpster behind them, then covered it with garbage. He then took the tape and ropes off of the woman, who turned out to be a 26-year-old teacher named Tasha. She thanked him profusely, crying and snotting into his shoulder. After a little while comforting her, he gave her his jacket to cover up and she started telling him how she came to be in this situation….

After storytime ended, he expressed his condolences and wished her the best, and said goodbye. She asked for his name, and he gave it to her as he left. As he walked out into the sun again, he started whistling a happy tune.

Chunk Norbis was drunk. You could say he was plastered. You could even say he was wasted. Point is, he no longer gave a single fuck about anything. His wife had filed for divorce and his kid told him he never wanted to see him again. Now, he had cheated on her multiple times, but that wasn't his fault! Those damned Minxes had always sent them their enticing ads on the hub, what else was he supposed to do? Anyway, he was driving wildly and uncontrollably down a side road in his truck when an older-looking teenager came out to an alley about 30 ft (9 meters) in front of him. However, Chunk was honestly too drunk and angry to care, and he figured if the boy wanted to live, he would just jump out the way. Unfortunately for Chunk, that didn't happen. A short while later a routine surveillance check revealed that a truck driver had murdered a kid, and when they tracked down the culprit, not only was he convicted of vehicular manslaughter, driving while under the influence, and having a god-awful haircut, his trial was also broadcasted to the entire nation, and there wasn't one person watching not giggling hysterically at his name…