1 Prologue

I heaved a long and deep sigh as I look at my calendar. I touched the colored days on it. I sigh. It's the red marks I put everyday. I grabbed my pen, open its lid and then I start putting a mark on it. I can't help it but feel a little bit thankful that I am still alive and breathing.

When I was done, I look at the unmarked days, a heavy feeling starts to build up on my chest. This is reminding me that my days are coming to an end. It is reminding me that I am like a ticking bomb that's going to explode and disappear into thin air.

And I am, one day, will disappear.

It had been twenty days since I learned that I -- I am going to die. It's nerve wrecking to know that I have less than a year to live.

One year is equal to three hundred sixty five days. And I only have a maximum of ninety days or three months to live. To know this, is scary. But if there's some miracle that I could live a littl bit longer than what I was expected to, then that's a blessing.

I thought it was just a simple migraine at first, but when I had my check up, my doctor saw something and I was told that I wouldn't last a year. The first time I heard about it, my insides went cold and my palms were sweaty and shaking. I thought I was going to cry and breakdown in front of my doctor.

Well, let me tell you, I did not cry. I did not even shed a tear. I was caught off guard. I was so shocked to the point that even when I was at home I just went straight to my room and sat on my bed and was silent the whole time until I fell asleep. It felt like my body can't cope up with the sad truth, that it malfunctioned.

I only felt hollow inside when I knew about my case. I felt nothing and just went on on my life.

Sometimes I wonder, maybe my doctor had misdiagnosed. Maybe he had it all wrong all along but it was clear on the test results that I won't last a year. I saw it there on the scan. She explained it to me. And I was there, sitting with my hands clenched into a fist, as I listened to my doctor's words.

It was just me and my doctor who knew about my condition. One of the things I could never tell my parents. Because it will just hurt them. It will only cause heartache and it'll be a burden to them. I don't want that for my parents.

My doctor prescribed me medicines, lots of medicines. I will use this capsules whenever my head hurts. So far, the attacks are not coming back yet. For now.

The first days had been difficult for me. I am in denial. My body is in denial with the truth. I was doing my usual routines but then my mind would go back to that truth. That maybe one of these days, I may not be able to wake up.

I sighed and brushed off those thoughts away.

I am currently at my studio right now, planning my next book, probably my last book to be published. I am a writer by the screen name.... AinhioYou...

I've published tons of books already. And all of it were successful. I've gained a lot of readers since I started writing. I was very young then when I started doing it. It's just one day, I suddenly fell in love with writing.

I was probably fifteen years old when I tried writing a story via online. The first one was somehow about my crushing life and the excitement of it. It looked like an open diary. I thought no one would read my story back then but I was wrong. When I published the epilogue part of my story, I've received tons of DMs to write more. And so I did.

My parents knew that I've been writing stories when I was eighteen. When some publisher came to our house, asked me to sign a contract deal with them. My parents weren't sure at first, because they fear that I might get distracted with my studies but in the end, they let me signed the deal. Well of course I had to make some promises to my parents that I'll finish my business course.

And now that I am twenty three, a full time President of our family's business since my father had retired already and a part time secret writer, my life's had been consumed with work.

Up unto this day, I am still the mysterious writer that everybody wants to know and see.

I still haven't let myself be known to the public. Well, my publisher knows and my parents too know who I am. So I guess I am not that mysterious. Anyway,

it's been a crazy year for me since I just released my latest book three months ago. I named it Bittersweet What If.

It is a story that I had trouble writing it, since it's very heavy and close to my heart. It took me almost a year and a half to finish it. But it was all worth it when I knew that my readers loved it. They said that it made them cry and made them feel the connection they have with the main character.

It made me happy to know that they loved my book. And now, with all that's happening to me, I don't know where to start writing. Because when I am about to write something my mind goes back to that day. It is haunting me everyday.

I am still staring at my laptop. Still got nothing to write on. Right after my work in the office, I immediately went here. This is my studio slash condo. This is my secret haven.

It has been an hour or more since I sat down on my chair. And in front of me is a blank page. My thoughts are still in jumble.

I put down my glasses and went out to the balcony. I closed my eyes and feel the cool breeze of the night.

It's useless to let myself think inside my studio when I still get nothing.

Staring into the sea of streetlights and feeling the cold breeze of September, I opened my eyes and I sighed again.

I wonder what will happen to me now within the time frame I have left. I would be denying to myself if I wouldn't admit that I'm not scared. It is slowly sinking to my mind as the days go by that I'm not going to last. That my time is ticking so fast until its final second.

I'm scared. But I have to be strong.

But tonight, maybe finally, my body understands my situation and my truth. For the very first time since that day, a tear fell through my eyes.

I wiped the tears in my eyes. Bitterness starts to creep inside my heart.

It's unfair! The silent scream of my inner voice.

How could life be so unfair?!

I had been a good person not perfect but....still I did not do anything or... something bad to deserve this kind of punishment from the heavens!

I mean....it's just sad and scary to know that my remaining days are almost over. I slowly wipe all the tears streaming down my face.

Don't cry....Belia!!

You are stronger than this! You can definitely survive this!

That's right Belia! You can overcome this!

As I was mentally convincing myself, I felt my phone vibrate inside my pocket. I grab it and see that my Mama is calling me.

"Hello?" I said in a hoarsed voice.

"Lia! Where are you? Are you still in your office? You're late with our dinner young lady!"

Oh no....

"Ma....I'm uh---I'm coming. Actually I'm currently driving right now....so..I'm gonna put this down now ok?"

She was about to say more but I cut the call off and went back inside my studio...grab my keys and dash off.

I know it's bad to lie. But sometimes you just have to you know when you have a very nagging mother.

Five minutes later and I'm inside the restaurant where we'll have our dinner. Escorted by a waiter going to our table....I can clearly see my mama with smokes in her ears and fire in her eyes. She takes our dinner so seriously that when you're late even just for a minute, you will taste her rage. She's very dramatic.

My eyes roam around the table and see that it is not our usual family dinner time. We have guests today. Who are these people? I'm not familiar with them.

My mama pointed to the chair beside her and she looked at me sternly. She's silently telling me that I'll be sitting right next to her.

"Why are you late again?" she angrily whispered to my ear.

"I am not that late Mama."

"Hah! We'll talk later."

I sighed and rolled my eyes at her. She's overreacting, so that means the guests are very important to her and my dad.

The dinner went fine. The guests were my parent's friends in college that just came back from Spain.

I look at my parent's smiling faces as they talk with their friends. I don't want to destroy that happiness....I said to myself. It just don't feel right if I'll tell them about it.They'll just worry and I don't like it. I don't want to erase the glimmer in their eyes.

I was startled when they switched their attention towards me.

"Alicia...you have a very successful daughter now. You and Alfredo must be proud of her."

"Yeah...she works harder than me Miguel."

"Really Fredo?"

"Yes! I now worry if I'll even experience being a grandfather. I didn't hear anything about her dating life. "

"Or maybe you can arrange her to someone Fredo. It's the trend nowadays among our circle. Setting their sons and daughters up to someone. Why won't try it?"

"I don't want that for my daughter. We're giving her the freedom to choose in that aspect."

"You're haven't changed at all Fredo."

They all laugh at what Tito Miguel said. But I was nowhere to be laughing at what it seems like a joke to them.

My breath hitched when I heard what my Papa has said. My heart hurts hearing him said it. What more if I'll tell them that I only have less than a year to live?

It will just crush their heart if they'll know. The words my father had said kept ringing inside my head. That I didn't even know that I was spacing out the whole duration of our dinner.

I was about to go upstairs when I heard my mom shout.

"Belia Ainhio Yanez! You were so disrespectful to your Tito Miguel and Tita Emilia!"

I stopped on my track. I pursed my lips into a grim line. I don't want to explode here in front of them right now. I clenched my hand into a fist while I control my emotions. I did not dare face them. My Mama was about to say something when she was cut off by my Papa.

"Honey..let her be. She must be tired from work." my papa said while calming my mama.

I continued walking upstairs. I can still hear my Mama's laments and my Papa's calming whispers when I reached the second floor.

I grip on my doorknob tightly when my tears start to stream down my face. I immediately went inside and closed the door. I did not even reached my bed. I just sat on my floor, my back leaning against my door, when I burst into tears. I caressed my hurting heart.

My Papa's words hurt me the most tonight. Knowing that one day, I will really break their hearts. That their one and only daughter will have to say goodbye and never come back again. The thought alone is making me angry and sad.

That night, I cried and cried until I fell asleep on the floor. I did not even make it to my bed. I lay there in the cold floor, with tears in my eyes and a broken heart. I even forgot to change what I was wearing that night. My whole being that night was tired and stressed mentally, emotionally drained and physically in pain.

I wish this is all just a nightmare and I will wake up the next day and everything's back to normal and everything's okay.