10 I'll miss you

Two hours....since he dropped me off at our mansion, I find myself staring at my ceiling, I couldn't sleep. What the hell? My mind is wide awake. I try to recall every detail of what happened last night but I failed. All I can really remember is that I poisoned myself with alcohol, numbing myself for a little while. I couldn't remember meeting Bastien last night and how I ended up in his condo.

What happened last night? Why the hell he stayed the whole day with me? Ugghh!! Belia!! You didn't even protest against him. You let your brittle heart rule over you. Today was a strange day. A very strange day. If you'll ask me years ago after our break up if I'll ever spend time with him, I will probably laugh at you for that absurd thought. But here I am, I just spent a day with Bastien without even going insane.

Ten minutes after he dropped me, I received a text from an unknown number. When I opened it was no other than Bastien, telling me he arrived safely in his condo. Did I text him back? Well duh.. of course not! I am not that crazy yet! Letting him be with me today was too much already.

Don't overthink Belia! Probably he was just concern about you getting drunk last night that's why he brought you to his condo. Don't think other things...complicated things Belia!

The next morning, I went to my publisher instead of going to my office first. I already informed my secretary that again I'll be late today. Making my way to his office on the 12th floor, my phone beeped.

"Where are you?"

I ignored his text. I've been doing it since last night and this early morning. When I check my phone this morning, after I woke up, I saw a lot of texts coming from him.

"Good morning!"

"Can I fetch you later?"

"Don't forget to eat your breakfast."

"I'll see you later."

I rolled my eyes. Why so clingy now Bastien?

"Good morning Belia! It's good to see you again." Raul said, my publisher.

"Good morning to you too Raul," I said as I sat on his couch inside his office.

Raul, the man who discovered me and helped me become who I am aside from my usual self. He was the first one who believed in me and my passion. He lets me decide and do whatever I want. That's why my identity as an author is still hidden up to this date. Thanks to him for that.

"How's Eden and the kids? Haven't seen them for a long time now." I said before sipping my green tea.

"She's at home. And the kids are now turning into monsters. My goodness! They're very energetic and I can't keep up with them."

When I first met Raul, he was still trying to start up his own publishing company. I was his first author. We became good friends. To the point that everyone around us thought that we were a thing, when in fact he was hiding his relationship with Eden. Their love story was complicated. Eden's parents weren't pleased with Raul since he wasn't part of the circle Eden belonged to. To protect their relationship, they fake their break up.

Love. Even if it's forbidden, we still try to fight to conquer all the barriers separating us from having and feeling it. Sometimes, I don't understand why do we have to fight for it when everything is against it? Why hold on when you can just let go and be free from the pain? When I asked Raul about it, he laughed at me and said that "You'll know the reason why when you'll meet your true love someday, Belia. You'll beg the heavens or trade with hell just to keep your true love."

I laughed at that.

Why play the martyr role if love will just give you pain? Maybe at some point, I did beg the heavens but they never heard my plea. That's why I stopped hoping and believing in true love.

But when I saw how their love story progress, my heart was filled with bitterness and insecurity. They both fought the tough battle and succeeded. Unlike mine, I was left hanging in the air. I was left in the cold.

"Raul, I'm thinking about revealing myself before this year ends. What do you think about it?"

He looks surprised at what I said. He was taken aback and just stared at me.

"Maybe I can have a greet and meet with my fans after when I'll publish my latest book this year." I continued.

"Wai-wait! What?" he exclaimed. Shock and confusion can be seen through his eyes. I laughed at him.

"Come on Raul! You're acting like you're confused. You were the one who had been convincing me to reveal myself these past few years. Don't act as if you're shock or what."

"Bu-but you don't like THE idea of being known to the public! Yes, I convinced you but I have already accepted it long ago that, that idea will never happen."

I just rolled my eyes at him again. I have given a thought to this. Since my time is almost over, maybe my avid readers deserve to know the author behind their books, which is me. But it'll happen only after I finish writing my new book.

"But why? Why now Belia? Why change your mind?" Another question from Raul.

"I just thought that it's the right time Raul," I said.

I don't have the luxury of time to waste. I don't have much time left. It is also disrespectful to my readers if one day I'll just disappear. Maybe letting them meet and know me would be enough before I'll disappear forever.

I am on my way to my office now. After my talk with Raul, we plan what will happen in the next months ahead. He was still shocked but still, he approved my idea. It will also benefit him if I'll reveal myself. So it's a win-win situation for both of us.

I am walking in the lobby when my secretary approached me with nervousness etched on her face.

"Good morning Miss Yanez!" she said. Smiling at me as she tries to hide her expression a while ago.

"What is it?" I asked her.

"You have a guest Miss."

"Who?" I ask her even though I think I have an idea who it is.

"Sir Bastien Miss. He's waiting for you at your office."

Wow! Unbelievable!

Does he not work? Why is he here again?

When I entered my office, there I saw him standing, facing the glass wall, overlooking the whole city. He's wearing a suit today, unlike yesterday. If he has work today, why is he here?

"Why are you here again Bastien?" I ask immediately. Not waiting for him to turn around and face me.

I put my bag on my table and sit on my swivel chair.

"Where have you been Belle?" he asked me instead of answering my question. Why is he like this? Why does he always answer me with a question?

"I asked you first," I said sternly. I have been contemplating all night what happened yesterday. I let my weak side rule me yesterday but now it won't happen again.

"I just want to see you before I leave for work," he said as he went near me.

"You see me now. You can go." I said before distracting myself with the documents in front of me.

He puts his both hands on my table, leaning over me as he tries to find my eyes and get my attention. And now that he's near, I can smell his minty scent. Don't get distracted with it, Belia!

"But baby it'll take me three or more days before I get to see you again," he whispered to my ears. I can feel his breath and it sends chills to my spine, making me feel nervous.

"So?" I said. Still not looking at him.

"I'll miss you."