Last Time At The Bar

Sounds of people laughing, clanking bottles and inaudible conversations of the crowded bar filled the air.

The old lights buzzed, blending in as background noise to the drunken folks as the smell of alcohol and the cold air radiated throughout of the whole homey establishment.

The heart filling atmosphere of the bar he has been to for the better half of his life forced a small smile across the man's face despite the grueling thoughts wandering his mind.

Sitting at the table with his phone on his lap; his fingers gently tapping on the table and his eyes taking in the gleaming and familiar scenery of the bar to etch into his brain the best he can, knowing well it could be the last time he sees this place.

"Itami! Itami!" a clement voice of his dear friend calling out his name muted the surrounding noises.

The slumped man turned his attention to his friend's exhausted face, panting but with a smile; his black hair messily worn around his head.

He pulled back the creaking chair and sat down with a grunt of relief, finally adjusting his poorly worn jacket.

"sorry man, I know its a blue moon that you invite me out for a drink but yoo my sister's baby-showering was a little something~" the dark-haired man explained his late coming as he proper-ed up his hair the best he could before slumping against the table, mimicking his friend.

Itami straightened his posture and leaned back at the wooden chair, unable to make out any words though he had played back numerous times what he wanted to speak out on.

"ergh, what the- you called me out n' shit and didn't even order the crap?" The man complained before shouting at the bartender their usual drink of choice.

"wait Taro" the brown-haired man finally spoke out, "hold me out, don't feel like drinking."

The pale man looked back at him rather surprised at the words coming from the normally-alcoholic "alright sure Saint Jesus".

 The man crossed his arms and stared at his friend yelling at the bartender of the withdrawal;

Yamato Taro, a man he met 13 years ago in the very bar they're sitting in again. Thinking back to everything, Itami's life was gleamed so much more because of the man right in front of him; a life of nurture he had taken upon after the birth of his niece now suddenly spiced up with booze and music. His eyes darted to his own fingers, calluses laying at his fingertips with the decade of guitar playing he has gotten into because of this man in front of him - a sign of their friendship even. He has gained so much happiness and fulfillment by being a part of his freelance band, happiness he doesn't really deserve.

The black hair man noticed his drinking-buddy focusing his eyes on nothing in particular, lost in thought, "damn you drank without me or something?" 

Itami returned back to reality, though the sight of his friend a little twisted by his thoughts as he saw him as someone he really doesn't deserve to have met. 

"hey taro.."

"hm?"

"t-thanks for being my friend"

He thought a bit trying to think of a witty reply to lighten up his regular ol' emo mood, "hah blame yourself for being a hottie back in highschool" he bit his tongue just as these words came out, maybe he shouldn't bring up this old fact of his crush over him that he brought up once 12 years ago.

Itami chuckled a bit; his mind flashed before him a life of the two musicians together, though it felt uncomfortable to think of a friend under that light, all his mind could come up with was him smiling. 

"maybe I would've been happier if I was gay?"

"huh?" Taro took a second to process his words before laughing out; "I mean you seem pretty content sleeping around with women"

The downy man leaned forward and closed him on himself.

"and I am desperate for men since highschool but I'm not thaat desperate" Taro awkwardly chuckled to drive off the conversation the best he can.

His sight of the slumped man was blocked as he was served his usual drink of strong alcohol. He rubbed his palms childishly before taking in a sip of the drink.

Itami followed his actions, feeling himself dampening the mood but unenergized to change.

"There's this woman.." he started, taking the attention of the drinking man

"There's this woman I keep thinking about when I.. think about my future"

Taro recognized the tone of voice of his friend and prepared himself for the drunken unpaid therapy sessions he has been forced to attend for the past couple years - his attention gave out by the familiarity but he did care enough to simply lend an ear to the pitiful man's disarray. 

"I can't make out the face but she's with me for the rest of my life. S-She and I get married, have kids.."

"Thought it was a one-time thing, you still take drugs? what's with this out-of-the-world hallucinations?" Taro mocked him.

The dreadful man forced out a dry chuckle, not the first time that he has made fun of his single life status but at this current moment in his thoughts, his words hurt him, genuinely.

His mind lingered on the faceless woman who he imagined he kissed under their wedding arches, the woman who is the mother of his child, the woman he sees before sleeping. Perhaps it's a calling of God preparing him for his soulmate he has waited 19 years for. 

Taro looked at the man curled in into himself, unwilling to set up a proper conversations. This has happened countless times, to the point he's used to it but let it be that he had to rush in here away from his pregnant sister - he felt fairly annoyed at the sorrowed man

"look did you just call me up to whine again?"

Itami looked up at him.

"yeah"

"..." 

"well atleast you're honest~" He laughed. At points the brown haired man really did seem like a younger brother going through a lonely phase in highschool, only difference being he's a 37 year old man and stretching this phase for the past decade.

He turned his attention away from the bundle of grief and to the bar folks, continuing his regular habit of trying to find a good gay hookup for once. 

Only awkward silence remained as the dark-haired man began finishing up his drink, getting ready to either head home or listen to more of the sober man's blabber about his life.

"I wanna die."

a sharp broken voice muttered out these words.

Taro felt a burning sensation build up in his chest before he even processed these words. He dormanted his movements and turned to look at the man with his face now planted on the table with his arms curled.

blocking out the noises of the bar, Itami took his time thinking about his life. What has he done? He didn't touch college, he took care of his niece, he lives in his brother's house, he gets drunk and all he's done is have on-and-off sexual relations with women; women he wishes nothing but to form a romantic bond with. He knows how pathetic his livelihood is like the back of his hand but even then getting to speak these 3 words out loud made him feel so.. light.

"wh-"

"Taro stop me, I wanna die"

His buried head emerged to face the half-drunken man, revealing a tear flushed face looking back, almost begging for help.

Taro kept his drink down with a sharp 'dink' noise following up.

Words were lodged down his throat as he struggled to think of anything to say.

Itami stared back; though it seemed like he was sadder than ever, simply voicing these words out that bounced around in his mind felt so uplifting - like a pressured can finally opened to let the air out.

The thought of relief was not shared by Taro as his concern slowly turned to anger.

"Look, if your brother's dandy boss job doesn't pay you enough to go see a psychologist I'll lend you some, just don't weep to me"

"n-no I mean, It's just nice to let it all ou-"

"I'm a person too, I have my own problems, I can't listen to someone else's for 8 years." His voice turned sharper, "Maybe it's your fault, maybe if you respected yourself as a human you'd have women clawing at your feet not for your body but for you."

Itami felt a little hard-pressed on how to interrupt these words thrown at him; is he mocking? is he just asking him to shut up? has he.. genuinely always thought this?

 Taro waited for these words to reflect back to him and felt the radiation of toxicity emitting from them.

"I-I mean.. fuck I'm drunk I think hah"

Itami laughed.

"Feels weird for a sober person to talk to a drunk one eh? I'll join in on your round 2"

The half-drunk man was more than happy to be one and a quatre drunk and finally turned his face into a gleeful smile as he shouted at the bartender once again - in just a second almost seeming as he forgot the string of concerning words said by his bandmate.

The brown haired man smiled and wiped off the tears layered on his face; He realized how stupid it was to be gloomy knowing it'll be the last time he'll be in the bar which just acted as his second home really. He remembers moments of this bar mostly with just smiles and laughs - even a few days ago where their whole bandmates huddled together for a drink after their freelance tour, this bar really is supposed to be a second heaven for him and he's just an idiot for not treating it as such every second he's been here.

He looks around the bar, sounds of people laughing, clanking bottles and inaudible conversations of people filling his ears. He nearly tears up again, not because of stricken regrets of his life but because of the few boons he's made in his life; one of them being coming to this homey bar when he was 24.

He listens to Taro's drunken slobber, knowing it'll be the last time he'll hear him like this.

A regular conversation followed as the men got progressively drunker as their drinks got served, 3 drinks turning to 6 and so on.

Blocking out the thoughts seeping in his head, Itami enjoyed his Last Time At The Bar.

6 days to go.