1 Prolouge

Dear Diary

It's mid April but it feels so cold

I am sweating but it feels so cold

My brain seems like it's on fire but why it still feels so cold.  

I love him I don't want to lose him but he's sliping out of my hand like a fluid. He told me he loved me. I loved him back but why it's not enough. It's not enough to save me.

I dug my own pool, filled it with water

And drown myself

Drowning but I am still breathing.

Breathing but I am still choking.

I don't know what to do. I am done. I am done.

I know how it feels like. To laugh but not quite. To be surrounded by people and still feel alone. To walk but not moving. To kiss but not feeling. To make love only to be numb. To get stabbed but not bleeding. To gasp for air but still couldn't breath. To die but still living. That's my life for almost 10 years.

I know how it was I just don't know when will it end. Is there anyway I can get out from here. Will it eventually stop. Does this tunnel has a light at the end of it or I am just cruising my way down to the pit of eternal darkness and emptiness. I am not aware what tunnel I choosed I just went for it. Not knowing I'll suffer this much passing through.

Note: Please go easy on me. This is a very early stage of thinking if I could actually right story! Help me figure out if I actually could. :) Peace.