11 Her Position

My head was pounding, my body felt incredibly heavy, and my eyelids were refusing to open. I'm not sure what happened to me after the Ceremony. The last thing I remember was hearing the voice of my Mother Tree. I hope I didn't disappoint my family, and that what happened with creating my own circles wasn't just a figment of my own imagination.

I slowly began to gain a bit of clarity, and with it came the furtive but passionate murmurs of two voices. The first one I could make out was clearly feminine, and despite the obvious hoarseness of her voice, it sounded familiar to me.

"… you can't do that; you'll be breaking the agreement!"

"I don't care about the Gods Cursed agreement, and they don't need to know what I'm planning to do. It will all happen before they can do anything about it. If we work together then I can assure you that any benefit our family would get from the agreement would pale in comparison to what our family could achieve."

The next voice I was all too familiar with. It was definitely my father's. That means that the only person he would be talking to like that was my mother. What agreement were they talking about? I tried to pay more attention to what was being said, but I was quickly discovered by my sharp-eyed father.

"How much did you hear Marisilea?"

"I only heard you say about you having a plan other than 'the agreement' and that it would benefit our family."

I was quick to answer because I understood hesitation would only get me in trouble, and I felt being honest was my best choice here. I was sure there was no good choice under these circumstances, though. Anything I say at this point could lead to a punishment, I can only hope that my hoarse and trembling voice were enough to elicit sympathy and keep my punishment minimal.

"That's more than you should have heard. Keep your mouth shut regarding this conversation as it's a private family matter. I trust you to maintain our dignity Marisilea."

Trust. Not a word I heard often, especially from father. He said nothing about punishment, but that didn't always mean I wouldn't be punished.

"Of course, father."

"Good. Now, you need plenty of rest, so I've refused visitors on your behalf until the next day. Listen well to Lizabeth and don't do anything to worry us."

On the surface his words were kind, but his tone clearly expressed his intention. I know my father well enough to know that what he really meant is that I'm not to leave my room or talk to anyone until at least the next day.

"Father, mother, what happened during the Ceremony?"

Mother looked like she wanted to reply but a swift motion of the hand from my father silenced her.

"You completed the Ceremony, but something went wrong, so everyone is waiting for you to get better to determine if the results we saw are true."

His expression was stern, holding a hint of disappointment. Did I actually fail? Was what happened just my imagination? I had to keep my composure, at least until my father was gone, or any punishment I might receive would become worse. I could also tell by his tone that he would brook no more discussion.

"Yes father."

They both turned to leave at that moment, and my eyes traced their departing figures. If the Ceremony failed, or if my results were poor, this is probably the most I'll hear from them for a while.

When the door was shut and enough time had passed where I was sure they wouldn't be returning, my vision began to blur. I could feel the warm liquid of my tears slowly trickle down my cheeks and my throat began to convulse with the familiar twitch of open sobs. Every breath I took in burned, and they became faster and shallower. My chest hurt, so I clenched at the nightgown that someone had changed me into despite the pain it caused my injured hands, twisting and pulling on the fabric to try to get some relief. I could feel the bandages on my hands begin to wet, indicating that I had reopened my wounds, which only made me cry more.

I couldn't let anyone hear me cry like this, not even the servants, so I turned over on the bed and buried my face into my pillows, hugging them tightly while still trying to come up for breath between my muffled and violent sobs.

I don't know how long I cried for or when I fell asleep, but I was sure of one thing. I'd rather not know what happened during the Ceremony than to wake up tomorrow to discover I've failed.

Inevitably the next morning had to arrive, and the sunlight poured in the windows and across my face. I was greeted by Lizabeth, who was gently shaking me awake.

"M'lady, you need to get up, people are going to be coming to see you in a little bit. I need to brush your hair and you need to eat some of this soup to help your throat."

"Lizabeth, good morning."

I barely choked that out. My throat was on fire. I shouldn't have cried last night as it only made my throat worse.

"Yes, good morning m'lady. Now, sit up so I can do your hair. You don't need to get dressed as you're technically still on bedrest and your current nightgown is modest enough, but you can't look so disheveled in front of visitors."

I let Lizabeth go about brushing my hair, feeding me the soup that was provided for me to soothe my throat, and then washing my face with the provided cloth and water basin. Lizabeth had to help me with everything, not just brushing my hair, because my hands had been rebandaged sometime during the night.

"Are they waiting already, or will they be here soon Lizabeth?"

"They'll be here shortly m'lady, so just lie back and rest for a minute."

Lizabeth pushed some extra pillows behind my back and helped me sit up to rest against them.

"You were asleep for almost a whole day m'lady. The Duke and Duchess said you woke up just before sunset yesterday, and the servants were told not to disturb your sleep. I was worried all day yesterday and I slept terribly last night. Don't you scare me like that again."

"I will try not to Lizabeth."

She gave me a firm look and crossed her arms.

"What did I say about the word try?"

"Saying 'you'll try' is for people who expect to fail."

How could I forget, it's her favorite phrase.

"Good, now I'll go outside to greet your guests and alert you before they enter."

"Thank you again, Lizabeth."

The first person to arrive was Mage Reginald. He was accompanied by a maid I didn't recognize, and his expression was nervous.

"Are you feeling better Lady Marisilea?"

"I'm feeling much better now Mage Reginald. Thank you for your concern."

I had to maintain a polite demeanor and I couldn't admit to not recovering yet. Even if I was feeling worse than when I first woke up, I can't say anything as that implies that I'm not receiving the proper care.

"Have you seen a healer yet, Lady Marisilea?"

"No, Mage Reginald, not yet. I just woke and I expect my parents will bring a healer here shortly."

Another diplomatic response, and a perfect one if I do say so myself. I've not seen a healer, but it's still early morning and I can use that to imply that my parents will send one soon. Given how public this event is, I know they'll do something about it eventually.

He paused longer than I expected him too though.

"… Alright. You don't have to speak too much Lady Marisilea, I don't want you to strain yourself."

He looked genuinely concerned for me, which I appreciate a lot right now, even if I'm imagining it.

"So, because of everything that happened during your Ceremony I had to put off the verification of your potential. I'm here to do that now, but if you don't feel up to it, I can wait another day."

"May I ask what happened during my Ceremony?"

He frowned, glanced at the maid standing behind him, and took a deep breath before responding to me.

"I'm afraid that because of the… unique… circumstances surrounding what happened, I'm not allowed to discuss that with others in the room."

Oh. Someone is keeping him from talking about it to me. If it was just because he couldn't talk about it around others, then he could send the maid out and have a woman who knows what happened come in as an escort. But why keep him from talking about it with me when I'm the one it happened to?

"That's okay Mage Reginald. What do you need from me to accomplish the verification?"

"I just need you to meditate and give me your hand for a moment and I will run my magic through you briefly. This won't be anything like the Ceremony, so you won't need to meditate deeply."

Nodding I gently begin my meditation as Mage Reginald takes my hand. There's only a moment of brief warmth circulating through my body before he removes his hand and flashes a big, genuine smile.

"All done. I formally congratulate you on the completion of your Magi Circle Ceremony, potential Ninth Circle Mage Marisilea Arkesh. It's a day and a half late, but there it is."

'I must keep my composure. I must keep my composure. I must…'

I couldn't completely hold the emotions back though. I could repeat it as much as I wanted, but everything has been building up within me since my brother was born. A torrent of feelings rushed through my mind, dominated by an overwhelming feeling of relief.

'I'm not a failure.'

The best I could manage was to keep myself from sobbing or crying out loud, but I could still feel the tears streaming down my face. I had turned away from Mage Reginald and managed to keep my face hidden from the maid, but I knew I was seen by Mage Reginald anyway.

Mage Reginald flashed another genuine smile, and then he patted my head. Turning to the maid behind him while blocking her vision of me using his body, his words were nonchalant.

"Well, my work is done here Lady Marisilea, so I hope you can get some rest. Thank you for the escort Ms. Rebecca, I think I'll take my leave now so you can lead me out."

And with that, they departed. I needed a minute to myself, so turning my head to the side so my face wasn't visible from the door I called out to Lisabeth.

"Lisabeth." An immediate reaction to my words came with the cracking of the door.

"Yes m'lady?"

"I need just a moment as I'm still feeling tired." My hoarse voice still cracked.

"Yes m'lady, but keep in mind there are people waiting on you. You mustn't disappoint your father now of all times."

"I won't Lizabeth. I'll call for you shortly when I'm more composed."

With that, the door shut. Why is my father's shadow so ever present, even now when I've succeeded in doing something so important, and what position in the family will I hold going forward?