Chapter 2- Waiting Game

"Thank you for staying with me. I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage, you know my name but I don't know who you are." I stared at the handsome man...err doctor that had lead me to this consultation room and then sat with me while I received the update on my brother's condition. Now, after the crisis had been averted, I was feeling rather shy and a little embarrassed for my show of emotion.

He gave me a slight smile again as he began to talk, "sorry about that. I was so focused on you, that I forgot to introduce myself. Are you sure you want to know? I'm pretty boring." His smile got larger as he said the last sentence. I smiled meekly in return and simply nodded. To my surprise, he stood up and held out his hand to shake as he continued, "My name is Dr. Wambleeska Teton, but you can call me Wam or Dr. Teton. I am a member of the Board of Directors here at the hospital and I do a fair amount of consulting when they have a serious case they need opinions on. I happened to be here this morning for the board meeting, so Dr. Adams had consulted with me on Kedron's case. That was how I knew your name."

"Wait...you read the chart once and remembered my name? That's impressive," I reply with my eyebrows raised in surprise.

"I have an eidetic memory. Very helpful in college and medical school." He smiles broadly before continuing. "Not so much fun when there are things you would rather forget." His expression became much more serious as he continued, "the chart said you were his only living relative, but I was hoping there were friends I could call for you. Since there isn't anyone I can call, I'm more than happy to sit with you. My meetings are done for the day."

He seemed to watch me closely after making the offer to stay. I didn't feel right allowing this highly respected doctor, many years my senior, to spend what little free time he had hanging at the hospital with me. I felt like I had no choice but to rebuke his offer, "it was very nice of you to sit with me and clarify things, but you need to go enjoy your time off. Thank you for your kindness Dr. Teton." For some reason my chest felt tight when I finished telling him he could leave. I could not deny I felt calmer and more secure when he was with me. I needed to get back in and see my brother again, though I was really worried about how he would look now with a machine breathing for him. My eyes burned just thinking about it.

I tried to speak with confidence, but fear my voice came out more like that of a little mouse when I finally spoke. "I should go see my brother."

I stood up and moved toward the door. Just as my right hand reached the door handle, I felt his hand wrap around my left wrist. When he spoke, it sounded like he was right next to my ear, "I'll tell you what Kynlee, I'll go into the room with you now before I go home. Seeing someone intubated and on a ventilator for the first time can be a shock. You have no one to lean on, so please let me be there for you."

Before I could give it too much thought, I nodded and opened the door. Dr. Teton let go of my wrist, but I felt his hand on my elbow as he walked next to me down the short hallway and back into my brother's room. Unlike before, there was a nurse standing in front of a mobile computer cart on the far side of the room with all the machines and monitors. I felt grateful they had someone watching my brother so closely, but I was shaken by how vulnerable my big strong brother looked in the extra long, twin sized hospital bed.

"They will have a nurse stationed 1:1 in his room until he shows signs of being more stable again. Depending on the situation and cause for the code, they like to have 24-72 hours of stable vital signs before they consider him 1:2 or step down again. When they can do that, you'll know his condition is improving," Dr. Teton explained.

After his explanation I no long felt thankful, but fearful. My brother way so sick that he had to be watched constantly. I hadn't considered it like that. I brought my right hand up to my mouth again to stifle a sob. As I looked at my brother, instead of the wide shoulders, handsome smile, hazel eyes, and prominent nose usually displayed, I saw pale, ashen skin and absolutely no motion other than his chest rising and falling via the ventilator. His eyelids were closed, and his big strong hands lay motionless atop the flat sheet that covered him from his chest to the foot of the bed. Any hope I had been trying to conjure before, had flown right out the window.

Seeing the tube coming out of his mouth, tape keeping it securely in place, with larger blue and white tubes running to the ventilator, made this all too real. I knew his fall from the ladder at work had been serious, but I didn't understand it was life threatening until now. Like when we were kids and I had my appendix out, I figure they'd fix him up and we would head home for him to recover. I knew financially it would be tough for us, but I figured I'd pick up overtime until he was better and we would be okay. Now, the realization hit me that he may not get better. Kedron may never walk out of this hospital. The tears were again running freely and I couldn't help but wonder why these horrible things keep happening to our family. Was this punishment for some wrong doing in our past?

The heavy set nurse with auburn hair stepped up to Kedron's bedside across from me, and looked at me. I wiped my tears and met her eyes. She gave me a friendly smile before speaking, "your brother can hear you, even though we have him in a deep sleep. Even though his condition is serious, this is the place to talk about hope and happiness and all the things you hope to do when he improves. As his sister, I'm sure you have a strong bond and a lot of fun times to talk about?"

I glanced back at Dr. Teton before I nodded and answered her question, "Kedron and I are twins. We have always been very close. As toddlers, we were always praised or punished together." I couldn't help but give a watery smile as I continued, "Mom always knew that whatever one of us was into, we both were. So we were treated the same until we reached grade school. After Kedron punched another little boy for kissing me without my permission on a kindergarten field trip, they put us in separate classes to allow us to grow and mature independently. I hated being away from Kedron at first, but after a while, I actually made some friends. I still saw him at recess and of course at home. He always seemed to think it was his job to protect me, whether I needed it or not. Shoot, I still haven't dated anyone seriously because Kedron chased away every boy that tried to do more than give me a good night kiss." I grabbed Kedron's hand with mine and squeezed, again noting the lack of response. His hands were cool to the touch and appeared pale like his face. It was just wrong, seeing a blue and white checkered gown covering his upper chest, shoulders, and upper arms. Big, athletic, outgoing Kedron would be mortified if he could see himself right now.

The nurse spoke again, "visiting hours are about over. He needs to rest and so do you. Doctors do rounds between six and eight AM in case you want to be here when Dr. Adams returns?"

"I'd rather not leave," I replied to her comment I needed rest.

Dr. Teton then spoke up for the first time since we entered the room. His hand appeared on my low back and felt warm and comforting. "Nurse Nancy is correct Kynlee. You need to rest. Your brother is going to have a long road through his recovery, and you won't be any good to him if you make yourself sick because you didn't take care of yourself. It's eight PM, and you need some rest tonight. Tomorrow will be another long day."

I knew they were right, but I felt like I was abandoning my brother in his time of need. Both Nurse Nancy and Dr. Teton were watching me as I rubbed circles with my thumb on the dorsum of Kedron's hand. I took a deep breath before I spoke and tried to make my voice sound strong, "well Kedron, it seems they are kicking me out for the night so we both can rest. I promise you little brother, I will be back in the morning. So you better get rested up, because tomorrow is Saturday and I don't work. That means I'll be here talking your ear off. I love you K. Get some rest so your body can heal." With that, I kissed his forehead and walked out the door with Dr. Teton right behind me.

As soon as I was outside the hospital room door, I broke down into sobs so big they shook my whole body and tears that ran down my face and dripped onto the floor. If not for Dr. Teton, I'd likely has slid down the wall and sat in plain sight for everyone to witness my meltdown.

Dr. Teton steered me into the consultation room again and pulled me again him, cradling my head in his hand and stroking my hair comfortingly. I felt his other hand across my mid back, holding me up. I wrapped my arms around back, grabbing his lab coat in my fists and squeezed him, soaking up all the comfort he could give me. At some point he rested his chin on top of my head and just held me until I could breath normally again. I'm not sure how long we remained like that, but eventually I pulled back and apologized, "I'm so sorry for getting you all wet." His button up shirt under his lab coat was wet with my tears and possibly runny nose, but I didn't mention that part.

Dr. Teton brushed my hair back from my cheek and looked down at his shirt before saying, "this old thing? No problem at all." Again meeting my eyes, he asked, "do you have a place to stay tonight? Have you eaten?"

I simply shook my head in return.

"Well you are in luck because I may be able to find you a bed and a sandwich." He smiled down at me as he spoke. It occurred to me at that point that he was a whole head taller than my 5'5" frame. He appeared tall and thin, but when I hugged him, I felt definite muscles hidden under his lab coat.

Dr. Teton waited for me outside the bathroom as I gathered myself emotionally and physically before helping me secure a bed that is reserved for family of critically ill patients. A note was made on my brother's chart that if there was any decline in his position, they were to call my cell phone, or my room for the night, immediately. Like the gentleman he was, Dr. Teton gave me a pre-made turkey sandwich and a bottle of water after he'd showed me to my room. With a wave, a caress of my cheek, and an "I'll see you in the morning. Try to rest," he left my room and disappeared toward the elevators.

If this was how Dr. Teton treated all his patients, it was a wonder anyone ever went to other doctors. I didn't notice a ring on his finger, but then he was a surgeon. Maybe he removes it for work? Surely someone as caring and kind as he was tonight, must be married. As I drifted into a fitful sleep, I chastised myself for thinking about my brother's consulting doctor's relationship status, when my brother was at death's door and fighting for his life. Yep, I was going to hell for sure now.