19 Like Sugar | Chapter Nineteen

Jared could hear his heartbeat in his ears. It made him feel dizzy and delirious. He opened his mouth, trying to say something but he got overwhelmed and looked away. Darnell was really sitting right across from him. Darnell had really said he loved him and wanted him to be his boyfriend. Jared couldn't believe it. His mind just couldn't handle it.

"I—" he started, bringing his closed fist to his mouth before chomping down. So many words were swimming in his head, but he wasn't sure how to arrange them in a way that they would make sense. He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath before opening them again and looking at Darnell. "Are you serious?"

The younger man's features changed to one of annoyance when his full lips were drawn into a line, and a frown played on his forehead. He looked insulted. "I pour my heart out to you, and you're asking me if I'm serious?" Darnell's voice was shaky, and despite the edge to his voice, he sounded like he might cry at any moment.

"Darnell—"

"Why won't you believe me?" Darnell cracked, his voice coming out as a sob. He mumbled something inaudible, before resting back on his seat and catching the tears with the base of his palm.

"Darnell, I didn't mean it like that," Jared said, not even understand his own words. How did he mean it? Why was he so adamant on refusing what Darnell was telling him? "Please don't cry," he muttered, reaching out to touch Darnell's thigh, but it didn't help. Jared looked around, wondering what on earth he had done.

"Darnell? Listen to me. Please?" Jared asked, watching as the younger man held his sobs back, turning his gaze to Jared. Darnell wondered if Jared was trying to find a nice way to say no.

"Do you know what kind of people looks for someone to have sex with them for an elongated period of time?" Jared asked. Darnell stared at him. People that were too busy to mingle? Darnell still didn't understand what Jared was trying to do. "Sometimes it's people like me. People who never have people who love them or people who want to be romantically or sexually involved with them," Jared muttered, taking his hand away from Darnell's thigh.

"I—" Jared paused, looking up at the driver's mirror. He concluded that maybe he could say it better if he wasn't looking at anyone. "I have really bad social anxiety, and my self-esteem is practically nonexistent. I'm sorry I made you cry. I was beating myself up and ended up hurting you in the process," he muttered, watching Darnell. The younger man seemed to be in a better mood. He stayed quiet though, playing with his fingers as he and Jared just sat in the car.

"Well?" Darnell muttered, catching Jared's attention. "Will you go out with me?" he asked again, a little frustrated with himself for freaking out before Jared could give him a reply.

"Y-yes." Jared's voice came out in a butchered croak. He was willing himself to just accept the situation. It seemed too good to be true, but he was going to go along with it. If Darnell said he loved him, who was he to argue the validity of that? "I l-love yo-ou." He couldn't get himself to stop stuttering but Darnell didn't mind. He was now smiling ear to ear. The younger man leaned in, making sure not to move the gear with his weight as he caught Jared's face with his hands and pressed a kiss to his lips. They kissed with closed lips for a while, until Darnell pressed his tongue between Jared's lips, making the man moan before giving into the open mouth kiss. It felt great — electrifying.

Jared was the first to pull away. "Sorry," he muttered, staring at Darnell' now wet lips. He wanted to keep kissing him, but they really had to get back to his place. Darnell smiled, looking away before touching his lips with the tip of his fingers. He kissed Jared a lot, but the kiss they shared just moments ago seemed to carry a level of significance.

Jared drove his car out of the parking lot, and soon they were on the roads already being lit up by streetlights. They didn't say much to each other on the way, and when they got to his place and made their way into Jared's house it didn't take long for them to reach out for each other. It started with sharing quick kisses in the living room as Darnell put the things he bought aside. The kisses didn't seem to satisfy them so, it progressed to quick squeezes on the waist and shoulders, but that wasn't enough too.

A shared look of want had the two hurrying to Jared's bedroom like two little children getting Christmas presents. When Jared closed the door behind him Darnell moved forward, taking a hold of the man's face before pulling him into a kiss. They stayed like that — kissing while pressed up against the bedroom door, and they somehow managed to get their clothes off.

"Dee..." Jared moved, watching as the younger man kissed down his neck, and then his stomach before going on his knees. Jared held on to Darnell's hair as Darnell took him in his hand, stroking him before pressing a kiss to his shaft's head. It made him moan and squirm. Darnell smiled, pleased with Jared's reaction.

"We should take a shower..." Jared trailed, as Darnell sucked on him gently. The man would let his shaft slip out of his mouth with a little pop before he repeated the process that had Jared dizzy and a little weak in the knees.

"Soon," Darnell mumbled, taking Jared into his mouth as far as he could as he looked up at the older man who kept touching his hair with care. Darnell found that one of the best parts about having sex with Jared was that he wasn't doing it for a power trip. Darnell wasn't going to jack his hair and insist that Darnell went down on him. Jared wasn't going to say demeaning degrading stuff that Darnell didn't like to hear. If Darnell was going to be vulnerable and submissive it was because he wanted to be. Darnell stopped when there was a hike in Jared's breathing. He didn't want things to be over now, he wanted to do something else.

"We can take a shower now," Darnell said, taking hold of Jared's hand before leading him to the bathroom. They did more of kissing and touching than cleaning, and when Darnell wanted Jared to look away because he wanted to clean up behind Jared insisted on helping. Darnell felt a little embarrassed. That part of things wasn't sexy, but if Jared wanted the help, he was fine with it. He wasn't used to having so concerned about his prepping and cleaning up, and maybe that was another reason he adored Jared. He really did care about him.

After cleaning up and a little bit of prepping Jared and Darnell made it to the room, sharing a towel as they talked and laughed to ease the nervousness. They were soon both lying down on Jared's queen-sized bed, staring into each other's eyes as little smiles played on their lips.

Jared made the first move, surprising Darnell by run a hand down his chest and lower until he was fondling between his legs. The younger man moaned, cuddling up to Jared and pressing his head against the man's chest as he touched.

"It feels good."

"It does?"

"Yeah," Darnell muttered, making Jared's face grow warm. He kept touching Darnell, watching as the man squirmed and let out low sighs. After a while Darnell pulled away, getting up on all fours before looking down at Jared. "Do you want to go from behind today?" he asked, watching the confused look on Jared's face. He rested his head on the pillow he had been holding, pushing his hips upwards as he stared at Jared. "We've never done it in this position before," Darnell explained, swaying his hips a bit as he tried to make himself more comfortable. He wasn't really a fan of it, but he knew people liked it, and maybe since this was Jared, he would be more careful with him.

Jared stared at him with wide eyes for a bit before looking away as he felt his anxiety eat at him. How was he going to explain that not looking at Darnell during sex would stir bad memories? On one hand, he wanted to do it, and on another had it reminded him too much of paying for sex and getting backs turned to him as he went about his business.

"You don't want to...?" Darnell asked, his question trailing off as he stared at Jared.

"I don't — I do — I mean." Not knowing what to say Jared groaned, running a hand through his hair before turning away from Darnell. He didn't know how to explain himself. His anxiety would probably seem confusing to Darnell. A few seconds later he felt a hand on his shoulder, rubbing it before a kiss was pressed to his neck.

"Is there a reason why?" Darnell asked in a low tone, making Jared bite his bottom lip.

"Yes," Jared said, looking out into the room that was lit with the dim night lights. "It's just something I haven't gotten over yet. I'm sorry," he sighed as Darnell continued to rub his back. "I just want to face you when we do that. I don't want you to have your back turned to me," Jared said, trying to explain himself, a bit worried that Darnell would laugh or say that he was weird, but instead, he heard a low hum from the younger man, and then some rustling and movement behind him. He looked over his shoulder, seeing that Darnell had sat up.

"I could straddle you. Does that work?" he asked, looking at Jared. Jared stared at him, nodding before watching Darnell smile.

"Okay, you can sit up, I'll try and get a bit looser," he muttered, crawling to the other side to get the bottle of lube they had tossed aside. Jared sat up, finding and wearing the condom that had gotten lost after he freaked out. Darnell crawled over to him on his knees sitting on Jared's laps as he put his legs on either side. He looked down at Jared, smiling a bit as he wrapped his hands around the man's shoulder as he raised his hips a bit.

"Can you help me a bit?" he asked in a low tone, leaning in to kiss Jared on the lips as he eased down on Jared's hardness. The older man let out low moans, reaching between them to line himself up to press into Darnell properly. It took a bit of work for Darnell to ease in properly. He wasn't used to this position, but it was new, and he guessed Jared would like it. When he had eased down, and they were both gripping each other in the odd sitting cuddle position Darnell started raising his hips, moving slowly as Jared moved his hands to Darnell's waist, trying to help him out. It was slow and steady, and Darnell seemed to give up on moving up and down and decided to rock instead. Jared held his breath, feeling shocks of pleasure run through his body. It didn't take long for him to come, and he helped Darnell out, stroking the younger man until he came too.

Darnell didn't get off after that. He just sat on Jared's lap, kissing the man as he ran a hand through his hair. Jared accepted the gesture, reciprocating it. Soon, they moved to their sides and Darnell got off, cuddling up to Jared.

"Jared."

"Hmm?" Jared looked at Darnell, wondering what he was thinking about.

"Since we're dating now—" Jared's face warmed up as Darnell let his words hang. Yes, dating. They were doing that. Jared still couldn't believe it. "I think it's okay to talk to each other about personal issues..." Darnell trailed, looking for where to go with his words. "I know it's going to take time, but I would like to know all the things that bother you, and I would like to tell you everything that bothers me too," Darnell explained, looking at Jared as he rubbed the man's cheek with the base of his thumb.

"Oh," Jared mouthed, realizing where this was going. Darnell wanted him to talk about his self-esteem issues. He wasn't sure he could do that. Many of his fears were tied to stupid things, and he didn't want Darnell to think he was silly or overreacting.

"You don't have to say anything you're not comfortable with, but I'm hoping it's not too much to ask that you put a little thought into talking to me," Darnell said, his eyes looking away. They had just concluded they were dating a few hours ago, and here he was making demands. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I just really want you to let me in," Darnell tried to explain himself as his voice got smaller. "But do it with your time, alright?" he added, looking back at Jared who was staring at him in awe.

The older man opened his mouth to say something, but he felt himself choking up with emotion, so he shut his mouth, deciding to nod instead. Darnell let out a relieved sigh before wrapping Jared in a hug that made the older man's heart swell. He closed his eyes, cuddling Darnell as they both stayed silent. The younger man's warmth and scent had Jared's senses dancing. Wrapped in Darnell's arms, he realized there was no other place/situation in the world that felt more comforting to him. If he was going to open up to anyone it was Darnell.

"I love you, Dee," he whispered as his eyes flickered open. He stared at the wall, hoping and begging whatever God there was that Darnell would say it back. The younger man hummed, moving his hand up Jared's back before adjusting the position of his leg he had lodged over Jared's thigh.

"I love you too," Darnell mumbled. His voice was sweet and sugary. It made Jared's mouth water and his eyes sting with happy unshed tears. This was what happiness was, wasn't it? There was no greater happiness than sharing mutual affection. Jared couldn't be happier. His heart continued to sing until he and Darnell slept off.