2 I humiliated Madara

What do you know about anime detectives? I know that there were episodes where Uchiha wore cat ears. As it turned out, in reality the same situation. Fu-fu-fu! That's a big deal! No, why embarrass yourself like that? It's for life!

Here you are a pretentious Uchiha, like Madara. A moment, the word of a mom, grandmother, or any older relative who remembered how you walked under the table, childhood photos, and you're a mimic creature, and shame on you, and in general! Well, in general! And that's it! You're not pretentious, you're funny.

When I recovered, my mother attacked me. Well, you know, all women are like that, especially mothers, even if you are a Dark Lord and the Ruler of Destinies who destroyed half the world, you have a harem from the rest of the world, even if you are a jock under two meters tall, you are still a little boy for her. It was terrible!

According to rumors, my mom was still a kid in her youth, you couldn't wait for any tenderness from her, in general, and she didn't even imagine that she would have a cute son who could be patted on the cheek and do a lot of nice things with him. Be! But this is not accurate.

I have a meme stored in my head for any occasion. And why was I such a loser in previous lives? Which is funny, in all past lives... And I remembered, I had no incentive.

Here are some people on the Internet writing about how other people are wasting their lives, swearing. These are the types who consider themselves different from everyone else. And in general, it makes sense to strain when everything is there, and life is stable? I would understand if a disabled person was suddenly cured, and would start acting weird, traveling, satisfying his spiritual need, which he could not satisfy being disabled, envying healthy people. But initially a healthy person, why such a thing? He had no need, it was enough for him to have a small bird in his hand, not a crane in the sky. Where did I hear this meme? It doesn't matter, I was also small enough, so I was a loser who didn't even improve, didn't try to overcome himself.

There was no incentive. There was no point. No, if the apocalypse had come and the nuclear scribe would have come, then yes, self-development, survival and much more. I always needed a kick in the ass to do something.

And now there is. Become cool as Genghis Khan's eggs. Why are my thoughts jumping like that?

But... I'm a colt. Child. A small type, and thoughts should jump: the psyche is plastic thanks to hormones. Or is it because I was a colony of minds in one of my past lives? Thousands of streams of thoughts that intertwine in a wonderful way. Multithreaded thinking, and all that.

Let's go back to Mom. So, even she herself did not assume that she would have a son, and in general, in her youth she tried to restrain her impulses of tenderness, trying to be an adult: I am an adult! I shouldn't behave like this! And the like. As an adult, her opinion has radically changed. The dam of shyness disappeared, the meaning of keeping a face in front of others disappeared, but there was a deep regret about the lost youth. I think if there were radio-controlled helicopters in this world, and there would not be me, she would play in them.

But I am.

And daughters-mothers, or whatever this game is called, I don't remember very well. And then I was gone for a week, and she missed me. Strongly. It was terrible, guys! You have no idea!

— Pussy! Get up! Today we will introduce you to the main suppliers of weapons of the Uchiha clan! Get up, come on, my darling...

— Mom, let me sleep for another five minutes...

No! I got up the wrong way! Forget it, I'm not like you! Getting up before my mother, I ate breakfast cooked by her in the morning, you don't think anything, my mother knows how to move in time, can you imagine? I got up before my mother, who made me breakfast in the morning. I see you don't believe me...

Okay...

I woke up, ate, scratched my belly and washed. As they say in such situations, nothing foreshadowed trouble. It was an ordinary morning of an ordinary weekend, when I was going to train, as usual, using the experience of all past lives. No, the trouble was foreshadowed by the fact that my mother warned me in the morning, but, as usual, I ignored everything. So yes, nothing foreshadowed trouble for me.

—Pussy, come on, eat faster,— Mom said.

— Yes, yes, - to be honest, that is, I did not want this strange slimy stuff called semolina. Where's the rice? We're in Japan, aren't we?

Although if I remember correctly, in Japan, before, rice was too valuable for everyone to eat. Ate ordinary barley or... I do not remember. Where is the Internet? Give me the Internet! I don't remember anything, I want to clarify. Eh...

In any case, it was strange to see such a familiar semolina porridge against the background of an old Japanese house, cooked by a narrow-eyed, although not particularly, girl, no, she gave birth to me, so already a woman, and not particularly narrow-eyed. A familiar pattern to me... Although no, I have been Japanese in one of my lives, so the template is not destroyed. Except that the language in this world is clearly not Japanese.

He was all-galactic, dog! The alphabet is sound, one hundred and twenty-eight characters, it was even possible to communicate with intelligent spiders, clicks and creaks of chelicerae. And I was thinking in the anime how ninja communicate with birds without using natural energy, and with dogs.

So, we return to "nothing foreshadowed." Carefully, follow the thought and do not get distracted, readers.

Why readers? I've been thinking, I'm definitely not a manga hero. The manga has already been written, the story there is basic, standard. And I'm a typical hitman who can change history. These are fan changes of the lord. Fan fiction.

The probability that someone will draw a separate manga to my story is small. But to write, yes. Judging by the fact that I am Uchiha, and half Senju, I am definitely Marty Sue! Hurray! Comrades! Hurray!

"What's that?" I asked when I finished my porridge.

There were pink ears on the table in front of me. Horror. I have already awakened the Mangekyo Sharingan! How can you make sugary pink ears? I'm not wearing this! They'll laugh at me!

— We will go to our suppliers of weapons and other equipment. This is a pass.

— I'm not wearing this! I replied categorically. — Is there a dark option?

- no.

— You're kidding me Mom. This is bullying of children, psychological abuse. Give me the dark ones or repaint this squalor. I'm an Uchiha, I have to look cool in any situation! Even with ears!

— Okay, so be it, you'll buy yourself blue ones, — mom waved off, upset by my whims.

— By no means blue! What are you? Black as the mourning of death! Only such!

I had to spend an hour to change the rim. And then I realized that in this world, color differentiation means nothing, and I could safely wear pink, the fact of wearing ears is more important, and therefore I immediately threw everything in the trash. I decided to use illusions so that only my mother and those who are pointed out to me could see my ears. My experience and knowledge, as well as spiritual power, allowed me to cast an illusion even on a blind, deaf, or even on a beetle. And a sense of style will make the illusion beautiful, at least from my point of view, and not the one with pink ears.

— You still put on the ears, — mom patted my hair. — An illusion? Are you sure you can cheat?

- yes.

— Well, then let's go, — Mom nodded.

We walked to the desired point for about five hours, judging by the sensations, somewhere to the north. On the way, I marveled at the local nature, watching manga in past lives, I thought that large trees are characteristic only of the forest of death, like large animals, but this was not the case. You see, the whole world has giant trees and big animals, not to mention insects and other creatures. The Forest of death is famous not just for the fact that it is large or there are large animals or medicinal plants, as the authors of other fanfics like to write, but for the fact that it is stupidly dangerous there, the flora and fauna are more predatory than in other places, and not without reason, there animals are descendants of aggressive calls.

Hey, the author of this fan fiction, give me some buns, well, posyazya! How not? You mean not Marty Sue? You know, you're a useless author. Where are the pianos?

The place we came to was an abandoned underground shelter of our clan. It was obviously built by a gigantomaniac, the premises were incredibly huge. The gray stone stretched hundreds of meters ahead, up and down, getting lost in the darkness. The entrance to the shelter was an old wooden door, covered with earth. At first I didn't understand what my mother did, lifting a piece of earth, and only when I went down into the hole, I realized that it was a trapdoor.

By the way, about the earth, I remember what they wrote, the Uchiha clan type belongs to a miserable quarter. Nothing like that, the lands in Konoha do not belong to anyone! Only the administration and the highest authority! Otherwise, think for yourself how someone from the authorities would be able to relocate Uchiha from the legitimate land, because we are stubborn, like a flock of sheep. And so everything is according to the law, everything is fine, move out to the edge of the village, Uchiha, faster, faster! Well, you understand, right?

The Uchiha clan owns one tenth of the land of Fire! A whole small republic inside the country, can you imagine? Shelters, a huge forest, fields with peasants, roads. And I was thinking... But if you really think about it, why does the Nara clan have a whole forest outside of Konoha, and the Uchiha has nothing? It turned out there is! And even a lot!

The shelter we entered belongs to our clan! In addition, there are plots of land somewhere in our country that belong to me personally! I feel like a feudal lord! I live in the capital, under the king, I have lands outside.

My darling! Yum! Yum! Mine!

We were met by two cats, big, fat, like my ass, licked to shine. One is gray, the other is cream-colored, they wear clothes on the body, although it seemed that there was something to cover, the symbol of the Uchiha clan was on the headbands. The illusion worked on them, they seemed to take it for their own. Mom explained to me on the way that ninja cats don't like people, and by wearing ears, you can deceive them.

But that's just it...

What is Madara with pink ears doing here?

Giggles...

— PHA-HA-HA! — I couldn't stand it anymore. — It's a must, the head of our clan, such a loser! Ears! Pink!

Nothing foreshadowed trouble and cunts. Madara just frowned at how I humiliated him, morally. He stood, listened, and slowly, slowly came up to me, grabbing my ear.

— Did you say something, asshole?

—No, nothing," I squeaked, frightened. But the laughter still came out.

No, Madara still seems to be a normal guy, his brains have not been fucked up yet, turning him into a complete psycho. But his fist is heavy, although he restrained himself, it is clearly evident that he does not like to beat children, purely for the sake of prevention, he gave me a thump. And then, nevertheless, he took off his ears, copied my illusion with a sharingan, and left.

But in any case, I remember Madara well, with pink cat ears. Who made such a joke about him that he still wore these ears while communicating with ninja cats? Exactly the female half of our clan, looking at mom, it was very noticeable.

Ha, it's so good that this zashkvar passed me by.

— Well, what do cats sell? I asked my mom, continuing the way after the ninja cats that accompanied us.

It turned out to be a lot of things in exchange for catnip, in fact a drug for cats. Trade is conducted seriously, even among ordinary people. They have an extensive intelligence network throughout the country and beyond. Well, what about it? An ordinary cat does not arouse suspicion among non-ninjas, it is convenient. Only ninjas are ready to suspect a spy in any poop.

They came back late in the evening, bought me a lot, everything for studying. The usual gray days of past lives began. I did start going to the academy again.