31 30: Too Late

KINN

"I never had anything and never thought about it but now, I'm starting to think." 

I stood leaning against the window sill in my office before lighting the third cigarette after coming home from university. I sighed incessantly. In my head, Porsche's words kept repeating like a loose tape. The event that just happened had me stunned until now. I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do after all this. 

"My friend's life is now lost because of me." 

"Why Pete?" Arm asked in a hushed tone.

"Huh, I want to slap myself. I am stupid, it all happened because of my stupidity." Pete stood there, head bowed down low and looked like death.

"Fuck, Pete shut up!" I yelled at him as I blew the smoke from my cigarette. I feel like everything around me now is annoying and causing a disturbance in my thoughts.

"How is he?"Arm asked again silently. 

"Huh, Porsche. I'm sorry." Pete murmured, calling out the name of that single person who made me lose 

my sanity. It's hard to believe that every action that he takes, affects my life so much especially my mental state. 

"Tell me about him, I want to know!" Arm asks Pete once again and I stand in silence. I open the window and my eyes stretch to look out into the horizon. 

"It was two days ago when I secretly followed Mr. Vegas. I saw him with Porsche at the mall. They seem to have eaten dinner then when they're done, I took a picture to tease Porsche but I accidentally sent it to Mr. Kinn instead. Ahh! I'm so stupid!"

"Then why didn't you delete the message or cancel the send?"

"I don't know how."

"Ugh, you're really stupid."

I heard my two subordinates talk clearly. No matter how much they lowered their voices, I could still hear them. Everything was just as Pete said. I had him follow Vegas and look at his everyday schedule for suspicious activities. 

But what I got instead was a good shot that had me driving to Tem's place in no time. The scene of Vegas riding the bike while Porsche rides behind him made my blood boil. I am so confused with my emotions right now. I felt sore.

It hurts to see him smile, to see them laugh together. Moreover, when he acted intimately and snuggled to Vegas like that, it caused me so much pain that I couldn't even describe it in words. The sight made me want to grab Porsche and pull him back into my arms.

But what happened was completely my fault. I chose to distance myself from him. I spent so much time on myself that I forgot to think about how Porsche would feel.

What a stupid thing to do.

I fucked up trying to find answers but have forgotten how much he would get hurt from my actions. If I could turn back time, I won't make him feel sad or cry like today. Porsche must have endured so much already. I don't deserve to be forgiven.

Today, when he sought answers and clarity from me, I wasn't in my right mind to answer. I was so surprised by his sudden outburst of emotions that I got stunned and unable to open my mouth for an answer, which ruined everything.

I couldn't answer him right away because of the thoughts that ran across my mind. I couldn't bear to see Porsche in that state. Besides, confessing my true feelings wouldn't guarantee that he won't be in that same state weeks or months later. 

I hated myself for causing so much pain to him. The only person that I worked so hard to open up to me, that same person I wanted to be on my side right now was gone because of my foolishness.

I don't know if he ever wanted to hear my answers anymore. I don't know if my answers would still be meaningful or not. Slowly, ever slowly,  I realized how stupid I am. 

"Pete, is there anything you need to report?" 

I threw the cigarette butt into the glass jar and turned to ask my substitute guard who looked like he was carrying the world. Recently, I asked him and Arm to be with me instead of my guards, something is happening behind my back and I couldn't trust my people.

"Yes."

Pete answers and straightens nervously. He turns to pick up a small notebook and begins to read what he wrote in it. He takes out a deep breath, like a student presenting an assignment in front of the class. He looked straight at me and started to speak.

"Monday morning the thirteenth, Mr. Vegas left the house early and headed straight to the university because it's the morning of the event. But on the way, Mr. Vegas stopped by the avenue and walked to Starbucks, ordered a hot Americano and one cookie. It's the same as every day. But some days when he would wake up late, he would immediately rush to the university."

"Today, there must have been enough time before getting in his car, Mr. Vegas saw the dog. He walked to the pork shop next door and bought one to feed the dog and he kissed it on the head before getting into the car heading to the university again. Mr. Vegas parked the car in front of Building C, Unaccompanied, took the coffee mug and cookie bag out to the trash bin near the parking lot. After a while, Mr. Vegas picked up someone's call with an enthusiastic expression on his face and hurriedly walked towards the food court on the other side of the university. And that's it, Mr. Vegas walked up to Porsche, standing and talking with Ai Tem and Ai Jom. The four of them greeted each other in the morning. Porsche looked normally calm while Mr. Vegas looked enthusiastic. Then the four of them walked together to buy food which Mr. Vegas paid for everything. Porsche did not deny his threat and even looked satisfied with it, and at that moment the table was found."

"Wait a minute, are you following him in such detail?" I hurriedly object to Pete in dissatisfaction, Pete's face immediately drops.

"Well, Mr. Kinn asked me to follow his every step," Pete said humming and his eyes closed slowly. 

"I don't want to know if he was kind enough to feed the dog, feed people, or save the world by throwing the trash away." I said in a low tone. 

During this time, my emotions are on edge, I get easily annoyed, frustrated and everything around me seems to bring my blood to boil. 

"Go on, you don't need to be that detailed." Arm murmured and nudged at Pete.

"Yes. After Mr. Vegas walked with the drinks that spilled into Porsche's shirt, they walked towards the bathroom."

"What? Drinks got spilled on Porsche's shirt?" I asked just to be sure that my ears are not hearing things.

I remembered the events this morning. I was in the bathroom to pee but I saw Vegas and Porsche in a state that my mind couldn't even process.

"Yeah. It's a soft drink, Porsche and Mr. Vegas hurried to the bathroom, after that they had an affair with you Mr. Kinn and Time has to come and stop you." 

I wave my hand for Pete to hurry up and finish the report. I feel stupid for being angry at nothing. Porsche was right, I never listened to him. It only shows that whatever he said was true. I didn't listen to him, instead, I yelled and scolded him like this every time until today.

"Mr. Vegas split up with Porsche and watched sports with his friends. No abnormal activities were found until the afternoon that he went to the gym to watch Porsche's competition. Then there was another issue with Mr. Kinn and Mr. Vegas, then he took Porsche to Ai Tem's building and then got home."

Pete closes the notebook and turns to look at me with fear.

"He just dropped Porsche? Didn't go up to his friend's room?"

"Yes, he stayed in the garage."

"So—" I said silently, my head clears a bit.

Porsche must have a lot in his mind right now because everything that he said was true. He never thought of having anything with Vegas. Should I believe his words now? How could I not believe his words up until now? And if I do, how could I tell him? How could I explain that I don't believe even my feelings?

"Mr. Kinn,  can I say something?" Pete said hesitantly. 

I looked at him but remained silent. 

"A person like Porsche is someone you could trust. No matter how stubborn he could get, I know that he would remain loyal and trustworthy especially if he had given his heart to someone, trust me he could never hurt that person." 

I choked on Pete's words because what I am doing seemed skeptical that Porsche could betray me. But it wasn't really the case.

"I didn't say that Porsche did it." I said flatly. 

Even though I said that I don't suspect him of anything, my actions say it all. I sigh deeply thinking of the events that have been happening until now. It was a big deal and it's causing a lot of stress to me. It's an embarrassment that it happened under my watch. Now, besides the matters of my heart being confused, I also have to handle the business matters that have been fucking with my head. It had me frustrated that I failed to deal with the problem properly.

The confidential documents about purchase orders, expenses, and income went missing. And what amazed me was that the second family knew all about the confidential transactions, they stole information as well as our long time customers. We are thinking that someone inside was doing the dirty deed and giving it to the second family. And the main suspect is the one closest to the second family, Porsche. But I don't believe he can do it. I will never believe such an atrocity.

"What about Big? What does he do all day?" I ask Arm. 

I asked him to follow Big because I was suspecting him for some time now. He might have something to do with this, right? I am not sure because I couldn't find evidence. It was purely on instincts.

"Today, he played games, stayed at home all day but there were many phone calls received. He hurried into a room to talk secretly. He locked the door so I didn't hear what he was talking about." 

Arm looks like he was suspicious of something as well. Because of this, I can't trust any of my guards that have been working under Big. At this time, I noticed Big and some of his subordinates went missing in the middle of the night and I was shocked the first time I knew about it. It's not a surprise for Vegas to hire some people to get under my skin and sabotage the company. 

It has happened for quite some time now but oddly enough, Vegas has never left any evidence to get caught. He's very good at this game. My people are used to giving out information to the other side and they weren't afraid to get caught.

"They did go out together."

"Even though it's hard to believe Mr. Kinn because right now Porsche is close to Mr. Vegas, he cannot do such a thing. Please believe me." Pete said confidently. 

I don't think it's Porsche. But just like what Pete has  said, it's hard to conclude at the moment. I let them out of the room before throwing myself down the long sofa. There are a lot of things running in my mind and I'm not sure which to deal with first. My heart problems or the company's turmoil? 

Like I have said, it's never in my belief that the leak was because of Porsche. I always warned him not to get too close with Vegas because of this scenario. Both my father and Khun Chan called me to talk about the problem of having a leech inside the main house. They certainly saw Vegas and Porsche's closeness and whatever I say about trusting Porsche, I cannot control how others might think about him and it pains me to be helpless in this matter. 

All this time, I started to realize that besides the fact that I didn't want Porsche to get involved with Vegas. It wasn't just that I didn't want anyone to look at him badly, but I flinched every time Vegas came near him. I get annoyed and jealousy eats me alive. 

The feelings became clearer now. The scene today helped me realize everything. The person that was beside Porsche wasn't me, it was Vegas and I'm dying just by seeing them together. 

What could I do? It was my fault that everything got complicated. I kept my distance from him but I don't want him totally out of my life. I just need some time. I need to step back and see out of the box. I wanted to be sure that I didn't want him just to forget about Tawan. I don't want to use him, then hurt him afterward. I was so engrossed with my thoughts that I have forgotten about his feelings.

The pain I caused made him confess his feelings for me. I should be happy right? But when I wanted to apologize and express my true feelings, my brain stopped functioning altogether. I was so shocked because I never thought I would cause Porsche that much pain. He never showed, nor gave hints about his feelings for me, so I have no idea. 

It all happened because of me. I am the one to be blamed.

That day when he saw me with Marsh, nothing really happened. Although I was almost at the moment where I wanted to use just anyone to have my emotions settled. I wanted to forget the turmoil inside me, and I need to be sure about my feelings.

I don't want Tawan back. I don't want casual sex. The events that night made me certain that I don't want anyone else. 

I only need Porsche.

Though Marsh was in front of me, and even when I tried to imagine the past with Tawan, Porsche's image overthrew them both.

Being a person who was afraid to love again, I wasn't brave enough to admit my true feelings. I'm not sure if I could handle the pain from the past happening all over again. It's so hard to accept the fact that I have fallen to love someone truly and deeply like this. The scene earlier was complete torture.

How ironic that the day I admit how much I love him, it was too late. The feelings are now buried with old scars in my heart.

It hurts, even more, knowing that I realized too late. 

I pour the liquor into the glass then sit to drink for a while. I want to forget everything even for a minute. My mind is full of Porsche, how to get him back and lessen hisanger. It's frustrating as fuck. I want to vent this feeling of pain, depression, and annoyance altogether. As soon as I saw him go with Vegas, I couldn't control my emotions. I wanted to kill someone.

I'm sorry, Porsche. I'm sorry for not believing in you. I'm sorry for hurting you, Porsche. 

I hate myself for letting stupidity take over my mind. I wanted to find reasons, wanted to make things clear until I hurt him unintentionally. I shouldn't have called Marsh. I shouldn't have let myself drown in the past. I should have believed myself when I felt that I didn't want anyone else beside me. I should've known for a long time that I couldn't live without him. 

He affects every aspect of my mood and feelings. I should've known this sooner. But instead, I did stupid decisions. I made a mistake and I am ready to face the consequences. He could get mad at me as much as he wants. But could he not leave me? Could he not have sex with anyone else? Just the thought of it kills me inside.

Ring! Ring!

I furrow my brows as I drink a glassful of wine before taking the phone that is placed beside me and sees who is calling me at this time of the night. 

'Phi Tawan'

On the screen appeared the name of one person that I hated so much and has hurt me to the core enough to never let anyone in again. The painful past keeps on coming back to hurt me again and again. Until now, I have to lose myself and the person I love because of this stupid recollection of past events. I squeeze my phone tightly in anger. I am angry at myself for being selfish. I only think about my feelings and am angry at Tawan for coming back.

It hurts to let those memories come back and cause havoc to my present that is actually going well. 

I throw my phone against the wall in anger. Tired of everything that happens in my life. How long have I let one person hurt me? Why can't I just let him go? I like myself when I am with Porsche. I became crazy about him especially when he frowned in annoyance. I am not sure when I liked him this much but he affected me so much that I felt like I wanted him with me all the time because when we are together, I forget that I am the mafia's second son.I am not the poker-faced Kinn. I am not the business minded Kinn. Not the Kinn who could handle all the problems. 

With Porsche, I became just a normal guy who lives his life from day to day. I never imagined myself liking him this much but I want that happy and contented look in his eyes every time he sees me go crazy over him. 

When I was with Phi Tawan, I was happy and able to be myself as well but there's a thin line separating us due to the social status involved. The fact that he was dating me because I was worthy of the son of a big businessman like him, made me feel like an idiot. When meeting with friends or meeting each other's high society family, we must always carry perfection. 

It was really different from Porsche who was a normal person, acts simple, and lives a simple life. I knew he wanted me just because he liked me. Plain  and simple.

Just being together, everything didn't matter. The status, position, and society are nothing. When I said I don't care, he didn't care as well, even looks from the people around us. 

Now he has changed, I really hurt him. I ruined everything because of my past and my pride. I wanted him back but how? 

I take the old phone that started it all and throw it to the wall. I want to destroy the thing that reminds me of Tawan and the past. I hate it and never wanted to remember it again.

"Mr. Kinn!" Big walk-in quickly and call for me.

I started to feel dizzy because I had drunk a lot of alcohol. It is quite strong so I begin to lose control of my emotions.

"Let me go!" I shake myself off while sweeping things on the table into the floor. I am so tired of all these emotions. I want it to stop. I think I might explode any time.

"Mr. Kinn! Mr. Kinn! Don't be like this." Big helped me to sit on the sofa.

"Let me go!" I continue to flicker like that but the more I move, the more I feel dizzy. I almost finished the whole bottle all by myself so I began to hallucinate as well. 

"Mr. Kinn, what are you stressed about? Mr. Kinn, is something wrong?" Big press me to sit down on the sofa with him sitting beside me and his arms wrapped around me.

"Let me go! Porsche? Porsche?"

My mind begins to blur. The image of Porsche crying kept replaying in my head. I close my eyes, unable to withstand the heavy eyelids. I don't know what the person next to me is saying because I couldn't comprehend and I can't understand anything anymore.

"Sorry, Porsche. I'm sorry Porsche. Let's go home with me." I keep saying like a mad man. His name was the only thing that I know.

"Why does it have to be him?"

"Porsche. I promise I won't make you sad again." 

My head feels so heavy that I can't even support myself before resting my head on someone's shoulder beside me. It reminded me of Porsche's warm body. Those days when we were teasing and hugging regularly, I missed leaning on his shoulders like this.

"How good was he that I can't replace him?" 

I felt the pressure in my hand before my face was lifted and a warm breath was felt on the side of my cheek.

"You came back to me, right? Porsche?" 

In my head the person beside me is Porsche. It is definitely Porsche. My heart instantly swells with the thoughts of him coming back to me.

"It's not me, is it?" 

His lips pressed against my lips. The touch is tight and damp as the person in front of me begins to sniffle softly. I lift my arms and exert pressure on the back of his neck to deepen the kiss. The feeling of nostalgia made me crave for more. I crave that sensation so much that I can't control my emotions  anymore.

My tongue got acquainted with the tip of his that was tucked inside my mouth before snuggling back and forth unyieldingly. Although my subconscious mind thinks that it is Porsche, the taste is different. It isn't warm like it used to be. I don't feel the familiarity and the feeling isn't there.

Strange, strange that even the hand that reaches inside my polo shirt to touch my chest lightly doesn't make me feel dizzy or heart pounding like before. If it is Porsche that attacks me like this, I will be trembling. Because it's challenging to see him being clumsy, daring, and fearless but not doing everything very well.

But even with those thoughts, my brain begins to turn white bit by bit. The effect of alcohol makes my body easily ignite. The hot tongues continue to tease each other like that for a while. The person in front of me began to slide into the crevice of my neck until I had to tilt my head to give him full access to my throat. 

"Big! What the hell are you doing?!" It sounds like the bastard that keeps ringing in my ear every time I am having a serious talk. Someone barges in that the person in front of me stop everything.

"Porsche? Where are you going, Porsche?" I kept babbling and calling his name that has been stuck up in my mind.

"Mr. Kinn, it's me." 

"Wow, why are you so drunk like this? Big! What did you do? Go, leave us!"

"But Mr. Kinn."

"I can take care of my younger brother. You can leave now!"

"Yes, Khun."

"Damn you, Kinn! You almost lost it to that bastard Big! That fucking asshole is taking advantage of you! You're lucky Arm saw him enter your room or else he would definitely do something to you. I won't accept him as a brother-in-law! I'm not giving up on #teamPorsche!"

"Porsche, where are you going Porche?" 

"Oh! What the fuck Kinn! Stop hugging me, Pete help me."

I grab the person next to me. In my head, I will hold on to him tightly so that he can't slip away easily.

"Mr. Kinn, you're already drunk, let's go to sleep." My body was grabbed by someone and my arm was held by another.

"Kinn, don't hug me. You bastard that tickles!" 

"Porsche, sorry."

"I'm not Porsche! I am your brother! Get your head straight!"

My body seemed to float and I was carried somewhere but I don't want to be away from Porsche. I grabbed and touched anyone around me. I want to feel his warmth again. I want to smell his scent. I'm dying to be with him, does he know that?

"Mr. Kinn, just a bit more, we will reach your bed in a bit. Please walk steadily."

"Kinn! What the hell are you doing? Fuck! Why are you sucking my throat? Pete help me!" As soon as my back hit something soft, I didn't forget to pull Porsche into my arms.

"Dammit! Don't—help me, Pete! Why are you standing there and laughing?!"

"Porsche, I'm sorry. Let's get back together." 

I hug him and hold him tight in an embrace. This must be the real Porsche because he struggles so much. He struggled like this in the past before surrendering to me.

"I'm not your wife! I'm your brother! Release me! Oh, don't hug me. Pete, help me!"

"Mr. Kinn, that's your brother."

"Don't! I'll kick you! Fuck, don't lick my ear!" 

"It's okay."

"Kinn! I don't want to be a sinner, dad will kill you! Pete Ai sat! Hurry up!"

"Mr. Kinn, please let go."

"Kinn, don't! This is disgusting! I can't stand it anymore!" 

I suddenly felt a shock on my face before I lost consciousness and didn't know anything else. He's still bad, always playing hard to get with me, isn't he?

"You punched him, Khun!"

"Damn you, Pete! You didn't help me! I'll fuckin kill you! Shit!"

PORSCHE

I went back to Tem's dorm and sat on the sofa for a while. I am not in the mood to watch football or continue to support Jom. Vegas wasn't in the best 

of mood as well so he just dropped me down the garage and left right away. He didn't bother me anymore and I was thankful for it.

I sat in silence on the couch while gently massaging my aching temples. In the dark, I let all my leftover emotions flow and didn't even bother to open the lights.

Silence was Kinn's answer. Right, what did I expect? I am just a no-one compared to his past lovers. 

I do not need to immerse myself in this stupidity anymore. The way I exploded and let out my emotions earlier was liberating and somehow I felt relieved. 

Those tears that made me look weak would be the last time to flow. 

There would be no more after this. I drained everything from my already swollen eyes, as if it could wash away the pain in my heart. I felt something inside me unlocked. I don't have to worry about anything anymore. My questions have been answered and it was as if the last line of my patience had been broken. 

Humans are weak. They are utterly stupid to let themselves experience pain before being enlightened. And now I am one of those weak humans. Why do I have to wait until I am completely broken? Why did I let Kinn treat me this way?

That's enough! This is enough!

With everything that has happened that led me to this craziness for a while, I learned my lesson. I'm not going to let my emotions lead me into a hell hole like this again. 

Enough of the fuck! Wherever you go, whatever happens to you and even if you die of stupidity, I won't even lift a finger! I will just think that in my past life, I have done bad merit and made food for the pigs and dogs instead.

My sentiments got distracted by the sudden ringing of the phone. I picked it up and frowned as it was an unfamiliar number. I answered the call in silence. Thinking that this might be a scammer, because no one usually calls me that much.

[Damn, Porsche! Where are you?]

The sound of the little ding dong bastard's voice immediately made me flinch as he shouted from the other line that I have to put the phone away from my 

ears. I didn't answer.

[Do you know how drunk my brother is? Just now, Big almost had Kinn as a snack! He was...] He sounded horrified but it just piqued my irritation. 

"And what does that have to do with me?!" 

Khun has been speaking non-stop but he suddenly stopped when I shouted through the phone. This is just so annoying! Kinn's whereabouts do not affect 

me anymore.

Did he just call me to tend to his drunk brother?

[Nong Porsche, I am your Boss!] 

"So? I am resigning. Stop calling me now!"

[What are you so angry about? Let's talk about this. Aren't you worried about your husband?] 

"You bastard! Do you want to keep your mouth open and be able to eat? Or do you want me to shut them up for good?"

The pronoun that he used to mention Kinn made me feel embarrassed and irritated. Husband? What do you mean husband?!

[Damn, Porsche! I am in your team or else I would've let Big do Kinn. #teamPorsche, remember?]

The bastard on the other line yelled. It made me realize how my body is shaking in anger right now. 

"Is that the only reason why you called me? Why don't you go and let him fuck with your dogs?!"

I hung up the phone without listening to the bastard's uproar anymore. I told myself that he is nothing to me now. It hurt until I felt completely numb and there was nothing left to feel.

A person like Kinn was beyond expectation. Making me fall for him but too gutless to admit his doing. I felt betrayed as a hefty amount of tears continued to fall from my eyes. I really felt the loss in my heart, but why? I have been sad for someone before but not like this. And the audacity of that man to come home after our argument then go for Big? Should I value such a man?

Is he worth it? It's over idiot! Enough!

Just thinking about it makes me feel nauseous. 

I washed my face, washed my eyes, took a shower, and let the water cleanse everything out of my body. This will be the last day that I will think about him. After this day, this pathetic Porsche won't be here anymore. He will die and I will bury him into the deepest part of my heart where he won't be able to wake up anymore including that stupid feeling called love.

~~~~

"Porsche? Porsche? Porsche!"

"What?" I lousily replied to Tem's frantic call. 

"Are you okay?" He squinted his eyes at me thoughtfully.

"I'm fine." I said as I continued to play the game on my phone.

"Huh, I hope that's true." 

"Yes! Why won't I be fine? Anyway, where are we going after school?" I asked them to invite me and find something to eat.

"That's strange, usually after school, you would go and straightly ditch us." Said Jom. 

"I'm free today." 

I just shrugged my shoulders. They know nothing about the incident between me and Kinn yesterday and I don't have any plans of telling them about it.

"So what are you going to do next? Where are you going?" Tem asked worriedly.

"The day after tomorrow, I will file my resignation and pack my stuff. Ai Pol got my back." I said with a look of embarrassment. If I resign now, I know I will need to pay the release fee for sure so I tried to borrow money from my friends. I hope Khun Korn won't give me a hard time.

"Isn't he asking you? Why didn't you go home?" 

"Who? If Che asks, I said that I have a lot to do at school. If Ai Pol or Pete calls, I hang up on them." 

I know that Tem means Kinn but I just shrugged it away.

"This time it's for real, right?"

"I'm serious every time, damn it! Whoever intervenes with me this time will receive a good beating!" 

I said darkly. If one of Khun Korn or Khun Chan stopped me, I would really go on a rampage and no one could stop me. Yes, I was afraid that if I saw Kinn, I could kill him so I was waiting to calm myself for a bit.

"Okay, when are you going? Tell me so that I can help you carry your stuff."

Tem's face isn't very confident. Once I quit, it only means that I will be living in our house again. I only hope that no one will try to shoot me this time. This time, I might catch that fucking culprit and wring his neck for ruining my life. And after that, I will ask Jaye if she can get me back to my old job. Jaye must have already forgiven me for having ruined the shop multiple times.

"Let's go get something to eat." 

I nodded in agreement with Jom. The three of us walk towards the bastard's car. I feel much better today than yesterday. It's unbelievable that having such an explosion with Kinn would make me feel so good. I try to think much less about it, so much less from the day before and it is almost nonexistent in my head. Unless there is something to poke it like.

"Hello Porsche, you finished your classes early. I'm glad I got here ahead of time."

Suddenly, a familiar figure walks towards us. I immediately turned around and found him standing before me.

"Do you know him?" Tem asks softly.

"What's up, Tawan? Is there something wrong?" I greet him calmly.

"Yes, Porsche, do you have a moment? Tawan has something to talk to you about." He replies smiling. 

"Who are you?" Jom asks.

"Kinn's ex-boyfriend." He said as I turned around to tell my friends that I was rather shocked at what he did. 

"Whatever you say." I murmur in annoyance.

"Ugh, it's inconvenient here. Well, I guess Porsche and his friends are hungry? Shall we get something to eat then?" Though his tone is calm and his face is smiling, his eyes gaze at me as if he is going to drain my blood.

"That's a waste of time, just say it here." I sigh in irritation. Isn't he tired of faking a friendly face like that? And what's with the sweet talk?

"Oh, well the thing is I plan to have a feast all by myself. Don't deny the kindness of Tawan, Kinn once said that Porsche likes free stuff. Who cares anyway? He's gone, Vegas, Kinn. Who else?"

"Hey!" I can't keep my calm anymore. 

His tail appears just as quickly. People like this idiot will always come looking for something obvious.

"Shut it. Just tell me what you want. I am no longer related to Kinn and if that's what you came here for, you're wasting your time." 

I frown at the behavior that he showed just now. He's like a villain in a period drama. This idiot must be crazy! Well, I don't give a fuck.

"But Tawan wants everything settled. Can't we talk for a while? If Kinn still seeks for Porsche like this, Tawan won't be comfortable at all." Tawan says darkly. His face turns pale and his body tenses. His eyes look serious but he doesn't dare look directly at me.

"Go tell Kinn to stop messing with me, that's all!" I was about to walk to Tem's car when–

"Why? What are you afraid of? Are you afraid of Tawan? Tawan didn't do anything. I just want to make sure that everything between you is really over. Or are you waiting for Kinn to reconcile with you again?"

I began to fuss inside and the irritation became unbearable. He must have been spoiled from childhood that he's used to getting whatever he wants just like Kinn. No different from that bastard Kinn.

"Okay! I am going, but when we are done, don't mess with my life again! I'm warning you." I point at him dangerously. But Tawan only smiles in satisfaction. 

"It will be over quickly for sure. It's not going to take long." 

Okay, maybe if I give in this one time, he won't bother me again so I agreed to talk to him for a while. Because by the looks of it, any defiance will only 

cause him to push the issue further. 

I asked Tem to drive along with him. Initially, the idiot asked me to ride with him but my two friends denied that I go with him. Anyone would say that we just had a normal conversation because of his smiling face all this time but my friends won't buy that.

"From which drama Kinn went to dig his ex? His speech is rotten. Tawan wants this, Tawan is not like that. The fuck is wrong with his tongue?" Tem groaned, shaking his head.

"And he looked like a young lady. Too much excess fats! And look at his stingy eyesI You would want to take off your boots and slap them off!" Jom said, groaning.

"Yeah, but you guys don't have to say anything. Just sit there quietly. Damn it! I have to deal with this shit again!" I grunted, telling my friends that they don't have to help me at all. I got this. 

"It will hurt for sure, but this will set you free. Once will be enough."Tem said, narrowing his eyes with me. 

"Whatever! I'm not hurt, I'm annoyed!" 

I mean honestly, what's this shit?! Why does he have to follow me and talk to me like this? If my work with Kinn doesn't end soon, I wonder whose fucker would show up next. Marsh? Or that bastard Big?! 

When the car halted, we arrived at Bang Aor. The same Japanese restaurant that Kinn brought me to. I know why he chose this place specifically, and I am not stupid not to know.

"Order whatever you want, Porche. You're welcome to pick anything." Tawan handed the menu to me and my friends. But the three of us sat still and only ordered some water to drink.

"Get straight to the point, what do you want?" I said bluntly. I want everything to end quickly. Sitting inside this place brings unnecessary memories and it stings my eye.

"So impatient. Then, if no one wants to order, it's a bit of luck I ordered in advance just in case. The food here is delicious. Did Kinn bring Porsche here before?" Tawan said brightly.

I just sat there with my arms crossed along my chest, looking at him in awe. Seriously? What's with his fake attitude? What's there to be jolly about?

"You must have been. Mek told me that he met Kinn and Porsche here. What did you like to eat then?" 

"Permission to serve." 

The Uni plates are lined up on the table. I look down at the plates before I turn my gaze away. Although it doesn't affect me that much, looking at the dishes brings back the memory of Kinn and the idea of them both dining here together makes my head spin.

I am not hurt!

"This is Tawan's favorite. Does Porsche like it or not Tawan ordered this just in case." 

I turn around to look back at Tawan and his fake face. He piqued my interest as soon as he said that the sea urchin is his favorite. I remembered Kinn getting unsettled every time I eat the sea urchin, it actually reminds him of his ex.

Huh, that's why!

"You can eat it too. We have the same taste anyway." 

"This bastard is like a lost doll. He's insane, what do you say?" Jom says, turning to me with a smile. 

I am not sure why he invited me here. To eat or to annoy me? Does he really want to talk about the past and insult me or is he really hungry? He ordered a lot of food, plates were scattered on the table and he started to dig into the food, uncaring for the people sitting with him.

"The salad here is delicious, try it." 

"He looks like a fucking beggar. What a bastard." Tem whispers at me.

"You really don't want to eat? If you wait till I finish, there will only be leftovers. Or, do you like leftovers?"

I smirk at his childish attitude. He does want to annoy me and win this emotional battle, but I'm sorry to disappoint, I don't feel anything. The three of us think that he's crazy and pathetic.

"Whatever you want to talk about, I think you are wasting your time. You can drop the topic about Kinn now. I am not stupid." I said in frustration. Tawan puts down his chopsticks and looks at me in dissatisfaction.

"I came to talk peacefully but I didn't think that the person Kinn liked would be so rude."

"Get it over with." I murmur with annoyance lacing my tongue.

"Tawan just wanted to tell Porsche that no matter how hard you try, Kinn would never get serious." 

"And so what? The hell do I care?" 

"Both your status and the society you belong to are different. Kinn is not an ordinary person. In the future, he will take over his father. Does Porsche think you can stand beside Kinn?" His cynical gaze stabs at me like a knife.

"Is that all? What, is he an angel? That cannot be reached?" I said out of nowhere.

"Porsche, Tawan means well. Kinn has a good reputation in society. But what about you, Porsche? When you go out in public, don't you think Kinn will be ashamed?" 

"In case you don't know yet, Kinn and I have nothing to do with each other. And it's never been like that. You take time to talk dirty to me, but you have no idea who he is screwing right now. It could be Marsh, A rising star, or it could be Nong Phim, a magazine cover model or would it be."

I made a thoughtful stance as I put my fingers down my chin. Hoping to annoy the bastard in front of me. 

"Porsche! Tawan knows what I am doing. If you don't want to get hurt and regret it later, get out of Kinns life!"

"I have no plan of going in any way! I quit already, and even if you don't tell me to, I am going to leave." 

"But even if my friend gets out of Kinn's life, don't think that he will be interested in you. I think that won't happen. Only Kinn can decide about this." Jom said that I looked at him with furrowed brows. 

I don't want my friends to get involved in this problem. Furthermore, I don't want to appear that the three of us are ganging against a single person.

"If you decide to leave the mansion, that's better then. Don't ever change your mind or else Tawan won't stop here." He said angrily. 

I feel like I am stuck in this messy situation because of that bastard Kinn. People who know nothing about the real situation would always think of the stupid possibility. If I have to guess, Kinn won't care about this as well so Tawan kept trying to get rid of the people around Kinn. And if ever I will be offered the same spot in his life again, I won't take it.

"Well, if my friend stops here, but Kinn keeps on pursuing him, what then?" Tem asked. 

Suddenly, silence overtook the entire table. Tawan seemed perplexed for a while until he smiled cunningly.

"Porsche's brother, Porsche'. How is he?"

Anger immediately raged through my head. I stood up from my chair and leaned in to grab his collar so hard that Jom and Tem had to rush to pull my arm.

The audacity of this shrimp!

"Get out of Kinn's life. And don't get involved with him ever again!" Tawan stared back at me without even a hint of fear.

"I'm out! I won't mind going back and meddling with your kind again but if you ever as much as touch my brother, I swear I will fucking kill you!" I gritted my teeth before pushing him away harshly.

"Do as I say!" Tawan said loudly behind me as I and my friends walked out of the shop. 

"He's crazy. He's like a desperate mad dog who doesn't know what to do anymore to get Kinn so he came to threaten you." 

As soon as I got in the car, Tem immediately said to comfort me.

"Look how he bothers you. Damn Kinn for having a crazy drama queen ex." Jom said angrily. 

"Tem, bring me to that mansion. I will be moving out today." 

I told him to drive towards Kinn's house immediately. I am not afraid of Tawan's threat but I'm tired of dealing with this kind of shits. The conversation earlier was nonsense. It only added to my stress with the fucking Kinn.

Even if I walk out of Kinn's life and he happens not to want Tawan back anymore, is that my fault? Is he fucking crazy? But let's just say that I want to end everything as quickly as possible. I don't want to carry these problems and mess in my life anymore.

I went to tell the guard to open the gates so that Tem could drive into the house. I told my friends to wait for me in the car. 

Damn, this is Déjà vu!

This is the same situation when I decided to quit the first time. I walk slowly into the house, not paying attention to everyone's eyes that is on me. As soon 

as my feet step in front of Khun Korn's room, Khun Chan walks out. I waii'ed at him in respect.

"Porsche, you have been missing, I'm glad you're back. Do you have something to talk about?" Khun Chan's expression is extremely tense.

I nodded and said what I came here for. 

"I have something to talk about as well." 

"Now that you are here, I will call for you after a few minutes so don't go anywhere else for the time being."

I nodded in agreement and didn't say anything more before heading towards my room.

"Bastard, pack your things. We are going home." I said to my brother who is reading a manga on the bed. He turns to look at me in confusion. But I don't explain any further. I go straight to pick up my bag and shove in everything carelessly.

"What is happening?" My brother asks in confusion.

"We are going home!" I said sternly.

"What's going on right now? Hey, tell me before anything else." Che' walks closer to me. He looks alternately at me and the bag of clothes that are currently being shoved like a garbage bag. 

"How? Why are we going home? I don't understand!" 

"Who said you can leave?" A voice suddenly catches our attention as a figure swings open the door. The sound of it makes me fume in anger.

"What are you talking about?" I immediately responded. I pack my clothes faster than before. I want to get out of here as fast as possible or else, I could murder someone.

"Che' could you leave us first?" 

Che ' looked at me and Kinn before heaving a sigh and hurriedly went out of the room. 

"What rights do you have to stop me? Huh?" I asked rashly and turned to face Kinn directly. 

I don't want to look at him. The more I see him, the more difficult it is for me to control my emotions. 

His reddened eyes that are on the verge of crying make me feel things I have sworn not to feel again. 

Damn!

"Porsche, where are you going?" Kinn said gently. 

Too gentle for me to hold the anger that has been stirring in my chest. That gloomy look on his face makes me want to slap him and tell him to stop looking at me because I might falter. He took a step towards me.

"Why did you come in? Get out!" To my annoyance, I threw the bag hastily into his face. That damn face! I don't want to ever see it again!

"Ouch! Porsche, do you have to act like this?" Kinn cursed softly. I know that he was hurt but he stayed still.

"Oh, why? Did that hurt? Get out of here then!" I said firmly. 

My eyes were blazing with fury, I wanted him to know that I am not the same person I was yesterday. I'm not a weakling to let him ruin my resolve and I am not here to let my emotions get the best out of me. 

"Would you please listen to me first? Listen to me." 

Kinn stepped up to me once again, grabbing my arms and pulling me into his chest, hugging me tightly. 

"Release me! Damn you, Kinn, let me go!" 

I struggled as hard as I could, but he forced his way with me and held me back with all his strength. No matter how much effort I made, I just couldn't get out of his embrace.

"I am not bored of you Porsche. I am stupid. I was confused with my feelings, I'm sorry." He said softly near my ear. 

His voice was trembling as he strained from holding my squirming body. I am taken aback for a while. The words that I longed to hear yesterday are here, being said to me in the softest voice he could muster. I should be happy and ecstatic about it. But it only infuriates me even more. What the hell is this bastard saying?

"Release me!" This bastard is looking down on me! He thinks I am easy.

"I'm sorry. Listen to me, I admit I was wrong." 

He thinks just because he said sorry I would forgive him and get back toge— no! We are not together! Never been and will never be. 

"Admit what? I've had enough. Idiot! I can't stay here anymore!" 

I struggled as hard as I could. I need to get out of his arms before my willpower crumbles down. These arms that I have longed to hold days ago, the warmth that I yearn for every night for the past week, and the smell that my nose has been looking for is here in front of me but I hate it all just the same. The time for forgiving and explanation has passed. I won't believe any words that Kinn would say anymore. I had enough.

"Porsche, I'm sorry. I'm begging you." 

Beg your balls! I won't fall for it!

"Kinn!" I gathered all my strength and shoved him away, yanking at his collarbone as I pushed him against the wall.

"Porsche, you have to listen to me." Kinn said, his voice trembling. I press him against the wall with my two hands and hold on to his collar tightly. 

"No! You listen to me, Kinn! What else do I have to hear?! I have had enough, Kinn. I'm sick of this situation! I don't want to get involved with you anymore! Why would you care about me? Huh?!" 

I slammed him against the wall once again in anger. 

"What more do you want from me? Why do you want me to stay? Are you lonely? Don't you have your boy toys anymore? Did you get tired of them as well? Why are you bothering me like this?!" I yelled in rage. 

How does he see me? Do I really look weak and easy in his eyes? I already told myself that I won't get affected by him anymore, but he keeps on tormenting me in ways I couldn't take control of myself. 

How am I supposed to move on from this?

"It's not like that. I'm sorry." 

"Stop messing with my life! And tell your ex to stop harassing me! Because you and I have nothing to do with each other!!" I burst out of control as I slammed him the third time as hard as I could. The hand that holds the collar of his shirt begins to tremble.

"What did Tawan do?"

"He bothered me at school just to show me your favorite restaurant! He irritates me to the bones and please do tell him, if he touches even the tip of my brother's nail, I will definitely kill him!"

"Porsche, but Tawan and I—"

Kinn didn't have the opportunity to finish his sentence when a knock on the door came.

"Porsche, you have been called." 

Khun Chan's voice from outside stopped us. I let go of his shirt forcefully before taking a deep breath. I need to calm myself before facing Khun Korn. I glance at him who looks impeccably pale before I walk out of the room.

"Hey. It's been a long time, what's going on?" 

As soon as Khun Korn saw me enter the room, he greeted me calmly. He put down his pen and looked at me thoughtfully.

The sound of the door opening startled us all as Kinn walked in looking just as tense as me and stood behind.

"Kinn, what's going on?" Khun Korn turns his confused gaze to his son.

"Dad, why did you call for Porsche?" Kinn asked sternly.

"Alright, let's get into it. Are you aware that you are very close to Vegas lately?" Khun Korn asked directly to the point that I furrow my brows in confusion. 

Wait, what? Was he talking about my intimacy with Vegas?

"I honestly ask because I believe you have nothing to do with it. But I want to be sure and want to hear it directly from your mouth." Khun Korn shows a troubled expression on his face. His eyes look as if he is expecting some answer from me.

"What happened?"

"I don't usually sit and do things like this to ask my people but I have already said before that I treat you as my child. Like a son. I will ask you again. If you do it, I will accept it then we will talk about the reasons after but if not, I am ready to believe you." 

Khun Korn and Khun Chan's eyes are on me. I felt all the heavy pressure until I turn around to look at Kinn. His face was solemn and dark with dissatisfaction. 

"Yeah, what's going on?" I furrow my brows. The air around me becomes extremely uncomfortable. 

"Did you have any involvement with the missing documents of the company?" 

I am stunned for a moment because I'm quite confused about what he is asking me. Missing important documents? "Documents?"

"There has been a series of missing documents from the company and then the competitors have all the information so I wonder—"

"So, you are suspecting me." I said quickly, cutting Khun Korn's words.

Whatever bad things happen in this house, it's always connected with me, right? I look back at him seriously. Just because I seem to get close with Vegas, do they have the right to think of me that way? I won't do such a dirty thing.

"Tell me it's not you and I will believe it." 

What trust have I gained from these people? Who said that you see me as your son? If that is the case, why think ill of me? Don't you know me at all? Did my attitude show that I could do something like that? But he has the right to doubt anyone just that, I am the main suspect.

Huh, son my foot!

"If you think of me that way, so be it." I said uncaringly.

"Porsche, why are you saying that?" Kinn asked in disbelief.

"If I said I didn't do it, but remained close to Vegas, I would still look suspicious and would seem like I am just making excuses. Let's just say that I show my sincerity by resigning." I said firmly.

"Porsche, calm down. The men are all summoned by Khun Korn to talk, not just you." Khun Chan stepped in quickly.

"Well, whether this happened or not, I am going to resign anyway." 

"Porsche, don't do this." Kinn said in a low voice, walking one step closer to me so I moved away. 

"I told you that whatever happens, I would believe in you." 

"I am resigning. Do I have to sign any documents? And oh, the fine will be transferred to your account later." I said heedlessly. The whole room is silent. Khun Korn and Khun Chan looked at me in dismay. 

"If there's nothing else, I'm going. Thank you very much." 

I raise my hand to pay respect to both elders before I turn around and walk out of the room immediately. I went back to my room. Seeing my brother tensely standing at the foot of the bed, I bend down to grab my bag and stuff my clothes into it again. This time, I take out what is necessary and discard everything I can buy again, and get myself out of here as quickly as possible.

"Move! What are you waiting for?" 

"What about you? I always follow what you want me to do. When you say go, I go. We are in this house because of you too. Why don't you give me a reasonable explanation this time?"

"Let's talk at home!"

I pull his arm and lead him out of the house. Kinn, who had just walked out of Khun Korn's room, rushed towards me. I hurriedly throw my bag at Jom and is about to open the door on the passenger's side and stuff myself inside when Kinn quickly grabs my arm. 

"Porsche, let's talk first."

"I don't need to talk!"

I waved my arm vigorously. The surrounding bodyguards began to panic.

"Don't be selfish, Porsche. Listen to me first." Kinn tried to hold me, ignoring those eyes on us. 

"What do you want? Stop messing with me!" 

"About the documents, I don't suspect you with it. Porsche, can we go back and talk about this?" 

"Oh! And people like you believed me? What did I say? Is there a time when you believed me? Let me go!"

From the first day until today, is there a thing that you choose to listen to me first? In your mind, I know you think no different from your father or Khun Chan. 

"I won't let you go back to your home!"

"Watch me, Kinn!" 

I flicked his arm away in anger before slamming my hard fist into his face. With all the pent-up anger that has been settled inside my chest, I punch Kinn so that he staggers and then fall on the ground. I grit my teeth as I look down on him.

"What the hell are you doing, Porsche?!" Big hurriedly runs toward us and points his gun at my face.

"Ohoi, go ahead if you dare!" 

I walk one step towards the tip of the barrel. Now I am so enraged that I cannot control myself anymore. With Tawan insulting and threatening me, seeing Kinns fucking face, and being a suspect for god knows what, I am at my limit!

Why is it all about me?!

"What's going on?!" Kim, who had just driven in, parks the car and hurriedly runs to see the situation. 

"Big! Damn it, stop it!" Kinn yelled loudly at Big who didn't seem to listen. He is still pointing his gun at my face and aiming to shoot me.

"Khun Big! What are you doing to my brother!" Che gets out of the car, walks straight to Big, tackles his hand vigorously until the gun falls to the ground. 

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" 

Big pushes Che's chest until my brother hits the hood of the car hard. I stare at him in disbelief, my hand begins to tremble in anger that I almost jump into him to break his neck. But Jom and Tem hurriedly pulled me back.

"What the fuck did you do Big?!" Kim yells back and steps in instead of me. He pushes Big's chest in full force until the latter falls to the ground.

"Porsche! Are you hurt?" 

Kinn walked up to me and took advantage of my short disorientation to hold me into his arms.

"I'm fine, but my younger brother is not. I'm going to kill you!" 

I wave my hand and push Kinn once again. Now my attention is back to the situation where Kim is straddling Big's body and throwing fists in the latter's face multiple times.

"Kim! That's enough!" Che walks over to hold Kim's waist from behind until he stops throwing punches at Big's already bloody face. 

"That's weird." Kinn murmurs in a low voice.

"That's weird." Jom also mumbles as he looks at the scene in front of him in amazement. 

I don't want to think too much but is that right? Kim turns around and hugs Che tightly. I started to take deep breaths. I do not like what I am seeing. I hurriedly snatch Che's wrists away from Kim. 

"Get in the car."

"Where are you going?" Kim asks in confusion, looking at my brother incredulously.

"Come on Porsche, let's have a good talk please?" 

"Let's go." I manage to push Che inside the backseat of the car and turn to open the front seat. 

"Porsche."

I push Kinn's chest out of the way before getting myself in successfully. I immediately told Tem to drive away.

This is crazy! What the heck just happened?! 

"Oh my god, this house is crazy!" Tem said as he looked at the rearview mirror. 

"Why didn't you talk with Khun Kinn first?" Che yelled as he sat in the backseat frowning. 

"And why are you siding with Kinn? Is it because of your friend?" I huff in annoyance and he doesn't say any more words. 

"Looks like it's deeper than that." Jom murmurs but I heard it. 

So what I've seen today is not a nightmare? Is it the year of the bad omen for me? I think I have to go to the temple, make merit and clean the nine temples to let everything go and clean my soul. 

But why do my senses tell me that this is not yet the end?

[End of KINNPORSCHE BOOK 2]

You can search "coffeesiuss" on wattpad for the whole novel including VegasPete Special and VIP chapters.