13 Remember and Flee

But I wouldn't do it. It would all be for nothing. Why hold on for four days and then quit? I was never a quitter. I wasn't someone who just gives up. Also I never tried to hurt or kill myself. I never wanted it. I was stronger. And I will always be stronger.

Once I had a friend who tried to commit suicide. He was in the hospital then and got therapy. He finished school and got a job in his father's company, I heard. I thought he was okay now but we somehow lost contakt. I wondered how he was now or what he was doing. I will search for him when I get out of here. If I get out of here. No, it's when not if. I will find him. He threw some partys back then. He was funny, but then he got depression and it got downwards from there. That's what I remember.

So back to my plan. I will try it again. This time it will work. I will be prepared. I know the person dressed in all black is strong but maybe I could use the element of surprise. I looked around in my cell but there was no place to hide. I could only press myself against the wall and jump out in the right moment. Maybe that will work. So I got there at the wall, stayed still and waited. It nearly was 12 am. The person will be here soon. My heart beated so fast. I sweated and tried to breath quietly but it was hard. I was so nervous and kinda afraid. What will happen? Will I make it? Then I heard footsteps. They came closer. Got louder. It was coming. The person. And it didn't know what I was up to.

I saw the person outside the cell door and pressed myself more at the wall. Hopefully it didn't see me. It seamed relaxed and calm. I waited. The person unlooked the door, slowly came inside and I saw it had food in one hand. It was in the cell and noone was in the cell door. I got out of my hide-out and ran at it as fast as I could. But the person was next to me near the cell door and pushed me to the ground. There I was. On the ground. In the cell door. I nearly made it. But I failed. Again.

The person grabed my feet and pulled me back inside. No! I got so far. Also, it hurted. The stone ground is hard and I got scratches on my arms and hands. I wanted to stand up but I wasn't fast enough. The person was already outside the door and just locked it again. I could only watch it walk away. Into the darkness. I was still laying on the ground and had put my head down. I was upset. I failed again. Damn it. Slowly I set up and hugged my legs, putting my head on my knees.

I could have said something. But I was so nervous and it all happend so fast. What could I even have said? It wouldn't have changed things. I didn't really think that my words could better my situation. I cried to let me go before. It didn't matter. I stared at the ground for a while till I spotted my food. Lunch. Right. I got something to eat. I almost forgot about that. After all the planing and trying to escape, I really forgot about that. I was too nervous to be hungry. I got to my food and saw that it was pizza. Great.