6 Chapter 4: I am Ready

I looked at my friend Ben for a few moments, as I saw he had a bit of a guilty look on his face, as I could tell he felt as if he had lied to me for a lot of time. I did not feel that way at all, but I was starting to wonder if he was my friend at all, or if he only talked to me because my mother had asked him to do so.

I lowered my head down to the ground, not because I was upset with Ben at all, but more due to the fact that I was not sure what to believe at all any more. I blinked a few times, as I looked at the floor of the two leg room that I was on for a bit of some time, as I was not quite sure what to think.

Maybe I did not need to think at all how ever... Maybe this was just a time to let my brain race through its crazy thoughts. I was not sure if that was a good idea how ever, as normally when I let that happen, it would always end up with me getting upset, or getting hurt, which was not exactly the way I wanted to feel after what Ben had told me.

I knew he had the guilty look on his face, due to the fact that he felt like he had lied to me all of this time, which was not the case at all, besides the fact that he might have lied about being me friend, and my only friend all this time, which did in fact hurt me quite a bit to think about it like that.

I lifted my head a little bit, as I saw he still had the look of guilt on his face at the same time too. I was not sure what I could say to make him feel any better at the moment. I was not sure if I should be upset by him at all. I was doing my best to control that part of me, as I let out a bit of a soft sigh, and then I looked up at the roof this time, rather than down at the floor.

That made me feel a little bit better, as it was good to know that I was looking up to the future, rather than looking down at the past. I knew that there was no reason at all for me to get upset at the fact that he had been friends with my parents, besides perhaps the fact that he had not told me before.

I let out a much louder sigh, to get the attention of my long time friend, who I still was a little bit worried if he still considered me under the label as a friend in the first place, or if he ever even had. I shook off those thoughts how ever, as I saw him lift his head to look up at me. I then nodded to him as well, as he did the same time me, as I then began to speak to him.

"It does not hurt me at all... As long as we are at least friends, and that was not the only reason that you came over to my place." I began to say back to him after the initial few moments of silence that seemed to stir in the room. He had seemed to stop eating, which I could not blame him for, after what it was that he had just said to me.

I always knew he was a skinny cat, so I would have never assumed that he was in fact fed at his two leg home. The fact of the matter was how ever, he just did not eat all that much. I wondered if it was in fact because of the dry food, as he had told me that my dry food was some of the nastiest that he had ever tasted.

It was fairly nasty, I had to admit, at least, if you were to compare it to a mouse, or some other fresh prey for that matter. I shook off those thoughts at the same time too, as I wondered why, if he did not like the fact that he had to eat dry food, and he was rarely in his two leg home, unless it was in the night, why he would not wont to follow me out in to the wild.

Was it simply due to the fact that he did not know how to hunt? If that was the case, than me and him could learn together. It then came back to me at the same time too. Maybe he did not want to go out there with me, due to the fact that he might not actually consider me so much as a friend, as I could be a burden to him, due to the fact that his friends, and also my parents had told him to make sure I was okay.

At least my mother for that matter, as I had been told by him, not too long before now, that my father had left me as soon as I had been birthed. Did he think that there was perhaps some thing wrong with me? I was starting to get more and more afraid by each passing moment, as I shook my head to shake off all of those thoughts at the exact same time too.

I was kind of hurt by that, if I was going to be serious with my self, rather than the fact that I would be hurt by Ben not really considering me as a friend to him. I looked back over at my friend at the same time too, as I purred a little bit as well, as it was a little bit of a natural instinct, so it felt at least.

It was me trying to pretend to Ben that I was not hurt by this, which I could tell that Ben was not buying it, due to the fact that he had his eyes squinted at me as well, which kind of got me a little bit nervous, and stressed, as it made my anxiety levels feel like they were about to fly to the sky.

Ben seemed to notice that as well, as he shook his head, and then grinned at me a little bit. I was still a bit worried, but it did in fact manage to calm me down, at least for the time being. I smiled back at him, as I waited for him to speak back to me, which he did in fact do after a little bit longer, as I listened to hear what it was that he had to say back to me at the exact same time as well.

"Of course we are still friends... That does not change any thing at all... You are an amazing cat... You are a lot like your father in some ways..." He said to me, as at first I was a bit happy by what he had said to me, until he added on the last part, and it brought me back to what it was that he had said about my father a little bit earlier. I dipped my head a bit low to the ground, as he seemed to realize his mistake right away, and he did his best to correct his mistake, as I heard him continue to speak to me. "Not in the fact that he left your mother, but he always said he wanted to explore the wild, and he was a sweet cat, at least until he left..."

I saw Ben dip his head to the ground, as I could tell that he was hurt by what it was that he had just said. It seemed like he must have been very close friends with my father. I had always assumed that some thing had happened to my parents, or I had been in another two leg home, up until the point where the two legs dropped my off at the shelter.

This was all so new to me, and to be frank with my self, I was not sure how to handle it. I kind of wished that Ben had told me long before now, but at the same time, I could of could see where he would be coming from, as to why he had not done so. I could see my self running from my two leg place, in search for where my parents could be at.

That would not be a good, or a smart move at all, as I knew that I did not know how to make it out of this two leg nest that I lived at. The more I thought about it as well, the more I realized that it could be a bad idea. I was tempted to ask perhaps if Bens two legs would let me live there with him, but I already felt like I knew the answer to that question.

I let out quite a loud sigh, as I was not sure what to do. I felt like perhaps it would be safe to stay here, and maybe even ask if I could go and follow Ben as to where it was that he went off to on a daily basis, but at the same as well, I knew that staying at this two leg place at night could be a bad idea.

I got more and more worried by the day too, that they would soon drop me off at a shelter, due to the fact that the young two leg was the only one that seemed to care for me at first, but as a grew older, it seemed that she no longer cared for me at all, and she would not mind if the older two legs were to take me to a shelter.

I shivered at those thoughts at the same time as well, as I did my best to shake it off, even though I knew it was in fact some thing I needed to realize in my head, that could happen in the near future. I closed my eyes for a few moments, as I did my best to just clear my mind space, and shake off all of those thoughts at the same time too.

After a little while longer, I looked back up at my friend, as it hit me even more than before, that this cat did in fact know my parents. I felt like I wanted to know about them as well, as to what they were like, and what it was that might have made them just leave me to live out my life at a two leg nest.

I knew that my mother did it, because she knew that it would be a safe place, but why would my father leave me? Had he just not been in love with my mother? I shook my head, as a single tear dropped from one of my eyes, as I then looked at Ben at the same time as well, and I then nodded to him.

Ben looked at me for a few moments, as I could still see a bit of a look of guilt on his face, which I was not sure if it could be due to the fact that he felt guilty as to the reason that he had never told me that ever before, or if it could be due to him seeing that I was almost to the point that I was crying about all of this.

Ben noticed me nod to him how ever, as he nodded back to me at the exact same time as well, after just a few moments had come to pass. I let out a bit of a soft sigh to my self, and I finally then began to speak up to my long time friend, as I could tell that he was well aware of me, and his surroundings, which he always seemed to be, as he listened as to what it was that I had to say to him too.

"What were they like? Why did my father leave? Why did my mother leave me here?" I asked of him, as I knew that it was a lot of questions to be asking him all at once, as I saw him dip his head a bit low to the ground, which I could not tell if that was due to the fact that he was thinking on the questions I had asked, or if it were due to the fact that he still felt a little bit guilty.

I had to figure, that I knew that the cat was a little bit of an empath. He could tell that I was not upset at him at all, nor did I really blame him for not telling me this ever before, but he could tell that I was in a lot of pain, as to why my parents had both left me for some odd reason or another.

I knew that Ben was a good cat, and that he had chosen his friends wisely as well. I knew it meant that my parents were good cats too, but I was just a little bit confused as to why they both would have left me here, rather than let me stay with them. I had to assume that they both were not two legs, due to the fact that Ben had told me that my father was always interested in the wild, such as I was.

I dipped my head a little bit low to the ground, as it felt like there were far too many questions racing through my head all at once. I just wanted to shake all of them off, and pretend that none of this was real, and I was simply in a dream right now. It then brought me back to the dream that I had last night, that had started all of this, leading up to this point.

There was no where, or no way that I would be able to shake off all of the thoughts that were going through my head at the current moment in time, so I kind of just gave up, and figured that I would let them do their thing, as I winced in pain, at the fact that I had found out my parents had left me.

I was about to get deeper in to those dark thoughts, until I heard the voice of Ben, and I realized that he was talking to me at the same time too. I lifted my head up, just as soon as it had seemed like I had dipped it down to the ground, as I nodded to Ben at the same time as well, as I then listened as to what it was that he had to say to me.

"They were both great and sweet cats... They seemed to be madly in love with one another... Your father was happy and excited about you, and so was your mother..." He began to say to me, as I then saw him dip his head a little bit low to the ground, as it seemed as though now he had to stop him self in this story. This time, I did not see a look of guilt on his face, as much as it was more a look of pain. I could tell that he must have really been good friends with the both of my parents, and he for sure was not lying to me about any of that. Though, he was not a cat to ever lie to me, so I knew I should not think other wise. I blinked a few times, as I saw that Ben lifted his head up at the same time too, as he then nodded to me, as it seemed he was ready the answer the other 2 questions that I had asked of him. I nodded back to him as well, as I listened as to what it was that he had to continue with in the story. "Your father came to me one day, and told me that there was some thing calling him to the wild, just as you had told me... I can't remember his exact words... Your mother left you, because she was in grief, and she felt like she could not raise you, with out your father."

I looked at Ben for quite a bit of some time, as I had my eyes wide open at the same time too, as it was quite a crazy, and a fascinating story that he was telling me. I could not help but to get excited for it, as if I was waiting for him to tell me more, as I had quite the smile on my face for some strange odd reason ot another.

I could tell that Ben was surprised by it as well, as I knew that he would have thought that I would have been hurt by the story, and the reason that my parents had left me at a two leg place such as this one. That was not the case at all how ever, as for some reason, I had my mind on some thing completely different, on all of that.

It was the fact on what it was that Ben had said to me at the end, that was getting me so happy and excited. I knew that he would have thought that I would have been angry at what it was that both of my parents had done, and how they had left me, but it was just the opposite of that how ever.

I was actually excited for some reason, and I was more interested in ever before, about going out in to the wild. I had been told that it was an endless expanse, and it never seemed to end. I still felt that I might be able to find my father out there. What if he had been told the same thing by that cat that I had seen in my dreams, as I was?

Ben had admitted that he thought that dead cats could come to see you in their dreams. If that was in fact true, than it meant that I had to go out, and follow the sun, just like that cat had told me to do. What if he had said the same thing to my father? What if I was going to meet him out there?

I excitement levels seemed to be running through the roof at the current moment, as I knew that I really needed to calm my self down, as I was breathing very heavily, and I was panting, as if I was already out in the wild, and in the endless world that was around me, out there.

I shook my head, as I got my eyes, and my focus back on to Ben, who I could see had a little bit of a sad smile on his face, as I could tell that he was happy for me, but at the same time too, I could tell that he was in a little bit of pain as well, as it seemed to be clear to me that he did in fact view me as a friend, much unlike how I was thinking it do be earlier.

I then nodded to Ben, as I knew that I needed to be quite a bit serious at this current moment in time, as he then nodded back to me at the same time too. I let out a little bit of sigh, as I was not sure what to even say. I was tempted to ask him to come to the wild with me again, but at the same time too, I also knew that he had already turned that down.

I let out a little bit of a sigh, as I kept my eyes on my friend for a little bit longer. I tried to remember what it was that he had told me long before now. He had said that he could hook me up with a cat that would help me. She was going to teach me how to make it out in the wild! That got me even more excited that before.

I did my best to control my excitement how ever, as I saw that my friend was looking right at me, as it was clear that he was waiting for me to speak, which I did not blame him for at all either, as I did in fact just nod to him, not too long before now, making a bit of a gesture that I was about to speak. I smiled a little bit as well, as I did in fact begin to speak up to my friend.

"So... You said that there was a cat that would help me? She is going to teach me how to make it out in the wild?" I asked him, as I once again realized that I was asking him a lot of questions at the same time as well. As I kind of felt a little bit bad for him. He did not seem to be too upset at all, or too stressed for that matter either, which made me feel just a little bit better.

Ben seemed to look up at the ceiling once again, just as he had done earlier, as this time, I saw that he was the one that dropped the tear from his eye. It was clear to me, as I felt like a bit of an idiot now, for even asking him so earlier, that he did in fact view me as a friend, just as he had viewed my mother and my father.

It was in fact getting me a little bit emotional too, as I dipped my head a little bit low to the ground, as I was in pain. Ben had said that he was not going to come with me, which I suppose was fair enough, if he did in fact actually care about his two legs, which I could not say the same at all for mine.

I kind of wish that I had gone with my old friend, out in to the wild before, as he would have taught me how to hunt, but it was far too late for all of that now. I let out a little bit of a soft sigh, as I stared up at the ceiling at the same time as well, not sure what to do at all, nor what it was that I should even be thinking.

I sighed just a little bit, as I was still a bit afraid to go through with my plan, even though I knew that it was what I needed to do. I was still a bit afraid, as I had been told stories about what it was like in the wild, and all of the scary creatures that came after cats for prey, but I also knew that we did the same for other animals as well.

It was a beautiful place to live... There was no denying that at this point, and I knew that was where I needed to go. I was not going to let any thing stop me from doing so now. I blinked a few times, as I lowered my head down, as I heard my friend Ben, begin to speak to me, as I listened as to what it was that he had to say at the same time too.

"Yes... She is not the nicest cat, but she is straight, and direct with you... She will help you either way..." He said to me, as I tilted my head a little bit, as I knew that was not the first time that he had told me that. I was not too worried as to whether or not she was nice. It was at least nice of her to even consider helping me learn to hunt in the wild.

I let out a little bit of a sigh, which I knew that Ben could hear, but he did not seem to be too worried about it at all, as he nodded to me. I could not nod to him just yet how ever, as I still was not quite sure if I did want to go through with this plan, and if I was ready for this, or not.

I looked around at the two leg nest that I was in, as a part of me was sad that I was leaving this place, but at the same time as well, I knew that when I did leave this place, I would not look back at it at all. I gulped just a little bit, as I then turned my head back over to Ben at the same time too.

He had his eyes squinted at me at the same time too, as he noticed me look at the place one last time, as if I was having second thoughts. I shook off those thoughts as well how ever, as I then nodded back to my friend Ben, finally. He smiled just a little bit, as I began to talk to him, and he listened to what it was that I had to say.

"Alright... I am ready..."