1 Your sorrow is beautiful

The mid-night moonshine upon a young man that was covered in his own pool of blood through the slit of his kitchen window. He appears to have stabbed his own heart with the sharp blade of his kitchen knife in order to take his own life. If one would look at this scene they would feel absolute pity and remorse for this person because the look on his dying face was one of sorrow, despair, grievance, and depression, but if one were to look at the dying figure closely you can see a hint of satisfaction within his expression. It was like he was content and delighted with his action although he didn't show it anyone could tell this man was probably a broken man with so little in life he ended his own suffering. The only thing admirable about this whole scene is the fact that the man himself took his own life so easily without even the slightest bit of hesitation truly his bravery was commendable.

Of course, this was no other than our MC Chris Jenkins a super anti-social shut-in that gave in to his own sorrow and ends his life well he was still alive but barely. He was a young man at the age of 19 but due to the lack of any hygiene, he had the appearance of a 30-year-old man going through a mid-life crisis. He had long silky messy black hair that reaches his shoulders he also had a black eye that would have match his beautiful silky hair if he washes it or the fact that his eyes were devoided of all life in them but what made it even worse was the fact he had really dark and visible bags under his eyes and his skin was pale as if he had no blood whatsoever.

Even when Chris was losing all that blood it wouldn't have made a difference anyway from ever since he knew himself his skin was always pale this was also the reason why he drops out of school. The kids there would always tease and bully Chris due to the fact he looks like a living corpse and when they bully Christ they would do it in the sickest way possible. It reminds him of the time when he was 6 years old and a pair of older kids came and lead him into the wood where they would break his fingers and put them back into place while breaking them again and again Chris scream for help.

"Awwwww! why are you doing this to me" the voice of the little boy echoed through the woods followed by the sounds of rocks breaking something like twigs?

"Just a bit longer Chris how do you expect us to play doctor if there is no patient" the two boys Continue doing this until they were bored but they didn't stop at fingers no they break toes, elbows, hands, legs, and even ribs.

It then began to rain the 2 sick boys then disperse from their patient leaving a broken figure lying in the middle of the woods he can't move because his bones were broken he couldn't shout for help because his voice had long given in from the cries of help earlier. Hours pass like this he stayed in the woods till midnight in the cold and then the rain stop and what he saw was something he would never forget he saw the never-ending night sky as it stretches open with hundred and millions of glittering brilliance in every direction. It was the beautiful stars in the sky some blue some red some yellow hell even some grey ones with blue shading.

Chris didn't know why but he envies the stars with a passion

He envies their beautiful glowing light.

As it reminds him of the light he never had.

He envies their color and features.

As it reminded him of the color of his skin that put him through hell.

He envies their numbers and how they are always together.

As it reminds him that he will one day be alone while they will continue creating more brothers and sisters.

But most of all he envies their freedom.

As it reminds him of the freedom he will never have.

Chris then began to use all his strength as he lifts his little broken hand high in the air as if trying to reach the stars with his broken fingers it was the last thing he did before passing out. when he wakes up he was in the hospital he looks to his right and saw a young woman with the age of 18 this girl's name was Norma Jenkins Chris older sister and the only reason for living the girl then wakes up from the side of the bed and said.

"Chris you dumb dumb were did you run off too I was so worried when I found you I think you were dead what the hell happen". To not add additional worries to my beloved sister I lied and told her I got attack by a stray dog as it drags me in the woods.

She sneers at my excuse and looks me straight in the eye as if telling me to spill it I was only 6 there was no way I could face that scary glare as if it was normal.

Sorry, sis, I lied it was 2 jerks they say that we were going to play doctor and they broke my bones over and over again and just left me there.

Norma then went into a rage and shouted to the top of her lungs.

"I WILL KILL THE SON OF A BITCH WHO DARE LAYS THEIR HANDS ON MY LITTLE BROTHER''. This scared Chris a little seeing this side of her sister she was scary sometimes but she is just extremely frightening at this moment. Seeing this Norma calm herself down and went to sit beside Chris and hug him it was a moment like this Chris treasure the most his older sister was the only thing he had left in his life since bought their parents die when he was 2 years old.

Chris would always remember his sister's warmth her kindness her smile her happy personality he remembers everything about her even down to the smallest details like her smell that reminded him of the purest mint. The beauty of her skin and the lovely texture and color of her hair and even her bright green eyes so full of life. He really and truly loves his sister to him she was like a mother and friend he never had.

The years pass by and Chris didn't go to school due to the constant bullying and discrimination but with time comes also comes flaws what might seem like a normal day would have ultimately been the last day Chris will ever see Norma again as the two converse.

"So Chris how was your day at home did you eat well," a beautiful girl with long white hair that was cooking in the kitchen said to a teenage boy with messy black hair and dead eyes when she looks at this she frowns in sadness and worries for his well being he then replied.

"It was good and you know the usual cup of soup" Chris answer truthfully but Norma just continues to smile bitterly and turn around and start shaking, of course, this didn't go unnoticed by Chris as he asks worriedly.

"Sister are you ok are you sick maybe you should rest" Norma saw his concerns and she smiles she then stand up straight and start peeling off the skin from the potato she then said.

"Hey, Chris can you promise me something''.

"What is it sister why are you acting weird".

"I'm fine I just need you to promise me something that's all"

Chris look at Norma suspiciously as if analyzing her body to see if anything is wrong all he could see was that his sister looked more tired than usual he then look her in the eye and said trying to force a smile say he promised to keep his word to her.

"My beloved little brother I want you to live a happy life without sadness without regrets and pain even if you don't understand these feelings at least try even if it hard I want you to think of the positive even in sadness. Here is my credit card and the passcode there enough money in here to se....t you f...o...r lif...

BAAM! a beautiful woman with white hair that reaches her back she had beautiful bright green eyes and with Jade white skin but if one were to look closely they would notice that the girl was a little pail and look extremely weak and famish as she drops to the ground unconscious.

I went to her trying to wake her up but she didn't no madder what I do she wouldn't wake up I tried to shout out her name.

''NORMA!"

''NORMA!"

''NORMA!"

''NORMA!"

''NORMA!"

''NORMA!"

''NORMA!"

''NORMA!"

''NORMA!"

''NORMA!" WAKE UP GODDAMIT

"WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP, WAKE UP!"

Chris was crying he didn't know what to do all he could do was call for an ambulance and so he did when he reached the hospital he found out something that completely fills him with despair as he heard the doctor said.

"I'm sorry young one but your sister she is in a Coma and must be kept on life support we did some test and it shows that your sister has stage 4 brain cancer".

Chris eyes could already be described as dead but now it lacks little to no form or joy towards life in a whole the old doctor saw this and can only pity Chris he been in this profession for over 30 years he had grown so used to breaking bad news like this but he could never get used to the look of the eyes that Chris was showing especially from a 13-year-old boy all the doctor could say was.

"Live strong kid and everything would be ok" but Chris wasn't as gullible as the doctor thought and he knew deep down this was it he would lose everything he held dear in this life he could only shed tears of despair seeing this the doctor could only walk away.

5 years past and things just got worse his sister's long beautiful long hair was all cut off due to the chemo her jade white skin was pale and she had bed sores cover her hole back she lost over 70 pounds due to the fact she was been fed from tubes.

Every time Chris saw her he wanted to cry but he couldn't his tears gland were all dried up due to constant crying every day.

He went to visit the hospital every day always hanging on to the hope that she might just wake up even doe it was just his delusion of not accepting reality. While he was watching his sister the same doctor from 5 years ago came to him again Chris had grown a custom to this doctor since he was the one taking care of his sister for 5 years.

This was Dr. Martinez he has been a doctor that deals with many patients with Chemo and Chris sister were no different Martinez had also grown a custom to Chris company he treated the boy like his own son he even offered to adopt Chris when he found out he had nowhere to go but it looks like to boy sister was actually rich and leave a huge inheritance for Chris hence he could take care of himself hell he even paid for the medical bills without a problem and on time every end of the month but as Dr. Martinez looks into the dead eyes of the boy he treated like a son over the years even if he didn't saw it the same way but he knew that the boy in front of him was suffering and he didn't know how to spill the beans Yes for the first time in Dr. Martinez 35 years of breaking bad news he hesitated Chris saw this and could only prepare for the worse as he said.

"Dr. Martinez thanks for your concerns but please just tell me". Dr. Martinez closes his eyes and then looks into the boy's emotionless eyes as he said.

The tumor in the brain was far worse than we thought at this rate your sister only has about 7 months left to live before she is completely brain dead.

This was it for Chris he already knew he couldn't hide from the inventible but surprisingly he didn't show it his face remains emotionless when the doctor saw this he swore thought that the boy would break down right here right now but Chris didn't want to cry in front of his sister he didn't want to worry her even though she was practically dead.

Later that day Chris went home he wanted to watch anime but for some reason, he couldn't watch it every time he watched it he felt all the joy he had once have for these things were gone till something start happening to Chris the world around him went from beautiful with color to the dead fast land of black and white the world for Chris started to lose it color but strangely Chris didn't mind.

He feels like this lonely black and white world is where he belongs here he was safe in this isolated world without color but strangely as if all the sorrow and sadness he held in started to crush him under its weight. As the non-existent tears try to force themselves out of his eyes Chris started to truly grief as the reality finally hit him.

Denial

"Sister is just asleep yes yes she just asleep"

"Sister is just tired from a hard day at work I'm sure she remembers me soon and comes home and cooks dinner like she always does".

Chris waited in front of the kitchen table for a period of 2 days with the impossible taught of his sister coming home to cook dinner but sadly it didn't happen the tears he taught was long dried up start flowing from his eyes to the table as if realizing reality as he then went to make something to eat but he couldn't taste any food no madder how hard he tries to.

Anger

BAMMMMM THUMP BANG!

BAM BAM BAM!

CRAAAAAASHHH SMASSHHH BANG!

The sound of glass and plates been broken was present all in the background.

Chris punches holes in the walls all over the house he broke the television, mirror, glasses, plates, etc. He did this for hours till his hands start bleeding when Chris look at his hand all his fingers were broken his hand was cut and swollen really badly strangely he stop feel pain but he didn't stop as he took out his rage on everything before him.

He wanted to crush the world in his sorrow as it crushes him.

He wanted to hurt the people who hurt him.

He wanted to smash death in the face for taking his sister away from him

He wanted to kill God for making him suffer.

He wants the world to know his pain and feel his suffering and to be drowned in eternal sorrow as it did to him this continues all night and day till he passes out due to blood loss.

Bargaining

"Almighty and every lasting God and Father please heal my sister she is a good person even though she is scary and mean some time and also love teasing others she means no harm so just give her a chance".

"God can you please make my sister WAKE UP YOU CAN TAKE ME INSTEAD RIGHT I KNOW MY SINS ARE FAR GRAVER THAN HER RIGHT TAKE ME INSTEAD!"

GOD

YAHWEH

VISHNU

ANUBIS

LUCIFER ANYONE PLEASE JUST ANSWER ME JUST GIVE ME A SIGN THAT YOUR THEIR.

But sadly no one answers his prays it was from that day he lost all his faith in God in a whole.

Depression

1 *Slice*

2 *Slice*

34 *Slice*

576 *Slice*

"I cut, I stab, I bite, I slice and still I can't feel pain no madder how many time I cut myself. My heart hurts my soul crumble".

"Ahhhhhhh this feeling of losing blood is truly exhilarating the feeling to be so close to death makkkeess me so prefill".

Acceptance

In a dark room where garbage is present everywhere a pale skin teenage boy with long silky messy black hair and blood-covered bandages and black fingernails also had a heavy bag under his eyes really truly he looks like a mummified corpse.

The young teen has finally lost all joy in life in a whole he had an emotionless look on his face then suddenly he started to smile and laugh if anyone were to see Chris they would shiver as these laughs were the laugh of insanity and joy. No one knows why the boy was laughing but it was a very scary laugh.

"HA"

"HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAAAHHAAAHHAHHAHAH"

Chris was laughing at the fact he couldn't help his sister

"HHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHH"

Chris was laughing at the unfairness of the world.

"HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Chris was laughing at himself for being so useless.

"HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Chris was laughing at the world and its so call GODS for their cruelty.

And then it stopped and what we see now is Chris with the most depressing look yet it was as if during his insanity the world came to halt and Chris gain Enlightenment as he said.

"If you have lost all purposed in life why continue"

"Don't cry because it over smiles because it happens"

"Smile because now I have what it takes to free you, my beloved sister"

"Hahahahaha how could I been so blind this sorrow wasn't hurting me it was showing me the way out yes the way out a way out for the bought of us".

If anyone had the ability to see a person soul they could see the soul of Chris turning from golden to pitch black in appearance his soul look like it was an evil soul that was tainted by the evilest thing in existence the black got blacker and blacker till it looks like a black hole that would swallow everything in its path.

Present time.

A man covered with bandages from the leg all the way up the neck was walking the street everyone who saw this person instantly avoided him no one wanted to get close to this person he gave off a cold and crushing aura that would drown you if you stay close to him some even taught he was monster in the shape of a human due to the amount of pressure he was releasing.

Chris saw this and try to conceal this pressure he didn't know why but he felt like he was changing the way he thinks the way he feels the way he presents himself everything in him was changing he didn't know why but it felt like he had to do what he was going to do.

Inside a hospital room where the evening sunshine brightly shines on a sick girl with no hair and pale skin, she was so boney that if you aren't careful you could break her bones. In modern terms, one would already call this girl dead since the only thing that keeping her alive is a machine. The breeze blew the curtain and from the curtain came a man with a bandage all over his body except his face that lacks any sign of happiness but instead it has great grievance depression and sadness over all the figure then rub the head of the sleeping woman as he said.

"Sister sister do you feel it the sorrow the sadness the pain the hate the glee the regrets and eternal despair and suffering".

"..."

"You want to be free right free from pain-free from suffering-free from sadness free from yourself"

"..."

"This shell that is keeping your soul from moving on you want it to end right you want freedom right you want peace right you want happiness right you want to escape the cold hands of sorrow right"

"..."

"Freedom is the most beautiful thing in life with freedom you can do anything, become anything and be anything you want''.

"..."

"HEHEHE sister is cute when she is silent but she doesn't have to answer me since brother no what you want most so allow me to give you the most beautiful gift one can receive FREEDOM!

Chris then raises the huge kitchen knife he had in his hand above his head and stab down toward Norma's heart this blow had the last of Chris emotion and attachment to this world his sister his love his hate his regrets his everything just before the knife pierces Norma heart Chris starts to remember all the good memories he had with Norma as he then said.

"Thanks for loving a worthless person like me".

"Thank you for caring for me".

"Thank you for your warmth".

"Thank you for your kindness".

"Thank you for this pain".

"Thank you for this Suffering".

"Thank you for everything".

"And with this blow with all my gratitude and appreciation for you".

"I now accept my sorrow farewell sister".

STAB SPHHHHHSHSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS as the knife pierces the heart of Chris sisters all that was heard was the splatting sound of something been pierce and the scent of blood present in the room as the white sheet was stained crimson along with Chris reason for living seize to exist.

Chris looks at the freedom he gave his sister he looks at this with blood tears coming from his eyes and as if to confirm his deed he heard the heart monitor.

Beeb beep beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

The cold breeze blows the curtain covering Chris and with that, he disappeared Chris then came back home as he cooks a grand meal and glass of old Scottish wine from the year 1899 he got this as a gift from his sister when he was 10 like what the hell why did you give a 10-year-old wine so he left it for when he turned 18 but he was waiting for midnight to turn 19 he would drink and gift himself freedom.

In the kitchen in the middle of the night, we see a man covered in bandages drinking a cup of Scottish wine and eating a plate of steak he enjoyed the meal with all his heart even if he had a depressed look. As he finishes up his meal he then looks up at the stars and the memories of his life flash once again he thought about everything he went through and wanted freedom, even more, he then grabs the knife and raised it up as he looks up at the starry night sky he then said.

"How beautiful tonight truly is a wonderful night".

Then with all his might, he stabs his own heart he then fell from his chair onto the cold ground and looked at the bright sky and saw the stars one last time admiring its beauty he then said with a voice full of sorrow and regret.

"I'm a sorry sister in the end I couldn't live for myself".

As he began to take his last breath and gained the freedom he desires he heard a mighty and powerful voice as it shouted to him.

"Broken child of man your sorrow is beautiful allow me to give you a new purpose".

With those words, the world before me became dark as lady death embrace me with her all.