3 Sunday, August 11th, 2019

I had to rush and get my eagle binder ready and my parents accused me not doing my work

Parenting - I feel like it is partly/mostly their influence that has caused me to live in a way where I play around when I'm doing work. I was always raised with little gaming time. I've always heard from friends how much time they spent on games in middle and elementary school such as LoL or other computer games. But I feel like my parents never gave me time to have specifically for entertainment. If I were to finish with my homework, my mom would then say that I have time to study for a math competition or practice violin. I felt like even if I were to finish all my work and be productive, my parents would always have one more thing to work on whether it be chores, extracurricular activities, or extra studying. I received a phone years after my friends got their phones, and mine was a flip phone which was less entertaining than a calculator(actually tho, the TI I had had better graphics and could download simple games). So, I came to grow up realizing that there is no such thing as "play time" so I grew up liking to read books. It started out in the open, but when my parents started to want me to do extra work when I didn't want to, I would actually go in the bathroom and read books for entertainment. It was a place where there was no influence from my parents and I could have fun. When my parents got me a phone, I kept that habit, taking my phone in the bathroom and sitting on the toilet doing nothing but playing games. Back when I used to sneak books in the bathroom, my parents would always get mad at me for hiding taking forever in the bathroom. There were many threats about taking me to the doctor to get my digestive system checked which led me to stop spending long times in the bathroom. Then, I was introduced to web novels, this was the biggest discovery for me, entertainment with an unlimited library of books to choose from. Now, I am still addicted to web novels and read them for entertainment, mainly because my house WiFi does not have enough strength to allow me to play computer games and reading web novels is a silent activity. I have once tried other games such as LoL and my parents would always get mad if they found out I was playing (the mouse clicks were too loud) and I was always lagging in games. Keep in mind that this does not only reflect just my experience, but my brother is almost the exact same as me. A history of hiding in the bathroom to read to phone to being an active web novel reader. If I were to be a parent, I would want to show the importance of doing work in order to make time for entertainment. I would try not to overload my child with work just cuz "it will make them a better person" because this thinking will ultimately make the child have a negative attitude to completing work. This might seem just like a big excuse for why I procrastinate, but this is my honest opinion on how parenting caused me to be the way I am.

For some reason I started to listen to nightcore again - I remember listening to this specific YouTube playlist years ago. Why DO people like nightcore? it's just songs that are sped up and sometimes higher pitch. Is it because the faster and higher songs seem more energetic and hype? Then why do I listen to nightcore for background music of thinking and working? Nostalgia? Possibly. Nightcore just seems like a really good place to find good songs because the nightcore community is like a critic to a movie. The nightcore songs with the higher view count typically are the ones that have better original songs than the others.

Also, why do I like kpop? Obv the part that influences me is that kpop is good looking asians but how about the songs that I like. Maybe not knowing the lyrics of the songs help because you focus more on the other parts of the song. And in this case it would be the melody, the dance, and the visuals.

Music I like - pop, Korean, nightcore, worship, Chinese. Kinda weird selection but maybe I just enjoy conforming to the norm of people? and also maybe a little of joy in the ordinary to set precedents? Pop is the "well known" and "norm" while asian songs is close to me due to race? Nightcore with a relation to anime? Worship is songs which are common in the church and alike to each other? Maybe I should try to listen to more unique categories like rb and rap.

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Reflection - try to not procrastinate and be more open about what I am doing, maybe I am one who likes to be "normal" and if that is not good, I should try to branch out and take a gamble. Maybe being the "norm" is ok, and in that case, I can just be who I am. I should just do what I want to do, not let society choose how I live my life, or purposely go against society, but be myself