1 Prolouge: One night

Napalunok ako nang marinig ko ang dalawang salitang isinisigaw ng lalaki sa aming harapan. Hindi ko siya makita at hindi ko rin kilala ang boses niya, pero rinig na rinig ko ang tono ng boses niya, nakakatakot, nakakakaba. Muli ay isinigaw niya ang pagpipilian ng mga neophytes na tulad ko.

"Hirap o Sarap!"

Muli akong napalunok. Paano nga ba ako napunta sa sitwasyong ganito? Isa lang naman akong ordinaryong college student, taking up Bachelor of Science in Business Management, hindi ako scholar pero pinapaaral ako ng amo ng Nanay ko sa isang magandang unibersidad na ito. Pero kahit gaano ako magpakabuti, napasok pa rin ako sa sitawasyong ito.

"Hirap o Sarap!"

Sigaw muli ng lalaking kanina pa lumuligid sa amin. Alam kong may mga kasama ako sa loob ng maliit na kwartong iyon. Hindi ko alam kung nasaan kami, o ako. Basta kinakabahan ako, pinapipili nila kami sa dalawang bagay na alam kong mahirap pareho, paano hindi? Virgin pa ako at kung sarap ang pipiliin ko, mahihirapan din ako. I sighed hard. Naramdaman kong may huminto sa tapat ko.

"Sheenalyn Marien Ybarra." Sabi niya sa akin. "Hirap o Sarap?"

I swallowed hard. Naikuyom ko ang mga palad ko. Bigla kong naalala si Nanay, kung uuwi akong hindi makalakad dahil sa pasa sa likod ng binti ko, mag-aalala siya, kung uuwi naman akong hindi makalakad dahil lang doon, mas madali kasi kayang kong magpanggap na hindi masakit, isa pa, how hard can it be? I mean, sex isn't really that bad.

Naiiyak na ako, nahihirapan pa akong huminga, sex lang iyon, pero masakit pa rin kung iisipin dahil iniingatan ko ang sarili ko para sa taong pakakasalan ko but right now, I will have to compromise myself because of the situation I am in.

"Hirap o Sarap?" Muling tanong niya sa akin. Bakit pa kasi ako sumali dito sa fraternity? "Tinatanong kita!"

"S-sarap! S-sarap!" Sigaw ko. Naramdaman kong hinawakan niya ako sa braso.

"Sasagot din pala." Sabi niya sa akin. "Dalhin iyan sa kwarto. Siguraduhin ninyong hindi matatanggal iyong blindfold." Sabi pa niya sa nakahawak sa akin. Nanginginig ang buong katawan ko habang naglalakad kami patungo kung saan. Naramdaman kong may bumukas na pinto at pumasok kami roon. The one holding me made me sat on the bed.

"Relax ka lang." Naulinigan kong sabi niya. Napasinghap ako. Babae ang may hawak sa akin. Tinapik niya ang balikat ko. "Huwag kang mag-aalala, mabilis lang iyon. Iiwan na kita, huwag mong tatanggalin ang blindfold." Paalala niya. Gusto ko sana siyang pigilan pero narinig kong lumapat na ang pinto. Naiwan akong mag-isa sa loob ng silid - mag-isa nga ba? Hindi ko alam. Naiiyak ako, sana hindi ako nagpadala sa mga kaklase ko na nagsabi na sasali rin sila dito sa fraternity, pwede naman akong tumanggi pero nagpadala ako ngayon, naiipit ako sa sitwasyon.

Napasinghap ako nang malakas nang marinig kong bumukas ang pinto. Palagay ko ay dumating na ang lalaking makakasama ko ngayong gabi. I bit my lower lip.

"Hi." He greeted me. His voice was sensual and kind. I don't know how I knew that but I just knew that he was kind. I felt his hand on my shoulder, he started massaging it. "Are you nervous?" He asked me. Umiling ako. Gusto kong makita niya na hindi ako natatakot. His hands started travelling down my neck. His palm was warm and soft. Para tuloy nawawala ang iyak ko. Naramdaman kong lumundo ang kama, naupo siya sa tabi ko, inalalayan niya ako paharap sa kanya. I was really scared but I had to make it look like I am strong.

"May first kiss ka na?" He asked. Napaawang ang labi ko. Why was he asking me that? Hinawakan niya ang baba ko at saka ko naramdaman ang paglapit niya. Maybe he was bending his head down, a little while later, I could smell his fresh breath. Consolation na lang siguro na ibibigay ko ang virginity ko sa isang lalaking hindi bad breath.

Hinalikan niya ako. I had never been kissed before. This is my first kiss - ever - and I can't believe that I let a stranger give it to me.

"Open your mouth." He said after a while, I opened my mouth and I felt a thousands of electrons travelling from his mouth to my mouth to my whole being when his tongue explored the insides of my mouth. He was a good kisser - it's not like I have any other references but somehow, I know that he kisses well. A moan escaped from my lips when I felt his hand on my neck - caressing it, making me feel like I am thirsty for something.

Lumayo siya sa akin.

"Huh?" Iyon lang ang lumabas sa bibig ko. I wanted to ask kung tapos na.

"I am undressing, honey." His voice was really something. I felt like I have heard it before. "Put your hands together." Sabi niya. Pinagdikit ko ang kamay ko. Maya-maya ay naramdaman kong itinatali niya iyon.

"Teka po, Kuya wag po..." Sabi ko sa kanya.

"Shh, hindi mo ako pwedeng hawakan. Fraternity rule." Sabi niya sa akin. Naramdaman ko na naman ang kamay niya sa katawan ko, he started undressing me. Naka-uniform pa ako noon. He unbuttoned my blouse and pulled down my skirt. Hindi ko alam kung madilim o maliwanag, pero nakakaramdam ako ng hiya.

"Beautiful." Sabi niya sa akin. He made me lie on the bed. He started pulling down my underwear, he had unclasped my bra after taking off my blouse kanina. I closed my eyes kahit nakapiring pa ako. Naiiyak ako, I can't believe that I am doing this with a stranger.

I had always imagined my first time to be with the man I love with all my heart, it was supposed to be on the night of my wedding. I guess wala na ang pangarap na iyon. I felt him placed himself on top of me. He took my tied up hands and put it over my head.

"You are free to scream, I just won't tell you my name." He breathed near my ear. I bit my lower lip when he licked my lobe. Bumaba ang halik niya patungo sa leeg ko. My breathing became hard, pakiramdam ko, nasusunog ang buong katawan ko dahil sa mumunti niyang mga halik.

I gasped hard when I felt his lips sucked the skin of my bared breasts.

"Uhhh!" I couldn't help but moan. His lips started travelling down my abdomen, down and down again, until he found my sacred core, a tear escaped from my eyes when I felt him touch me there. No one had ever touched me there siya pa lang. Noon lang nag-sink in sa akin na nangyayari talaga ito. I felt him spread my legs wide, I felt his breath on my core and later on, it was his tongue I am feeling inside me.

"Ahhhhhhh!" I screamed loud. I couldn't handle what he was doing. It was as if he was agitating me in a very good way. Seconds later, I felt a tension building up inside me, it was as if I am going to explode, I got scared because of the pleasure I was experiencing, suddenly naintindihan ko kung bakit tinawang nilang SARAP ang activity na ito, it was because it felt so good, so good that I wanted to scream his name, it's just that I didn't know him.

He put a finger inside me; he thrust his finger in, while his tongue works magic. I felt heavenly.

"So wet." I heard him say. Maya-maya ay naramdaman kong hinawakan niya ang mga binti ko. Parang naka-angat na ako ngayon.

"I am going to put it in. It will be very painful." He said as if warning me. I didn't know what to expect. Napahagulgol ako nang biglain niya ako. He wasn't gentle, he was rough!

"Ouch!" I exclaimed.

"Fuck, you're so tight!" He hissed. Hindi siya kaagad gumalaw. I guess he was letting me adjust. "Fuck..." He said again. "Fuck, honey, you feel so warm, damn it!"

I don't know why but when he started moving, I felt my toes curled with so much pleasure, the pain was there, but the pleasure was overwhelming, not a moment later, I found myself sighing because of relief, moaning because of his lips and groaning because of his thing between my legs.

He was good, and something tells me that I will never regret this night, just one night with him but I am sure I will remember this for the rest of my life.

He collapsed on my body; we were both catching our breath. Naramdaman kong tumabi siya sa akin at saka ako kinumutan. He didn't hug me like I expect him to do. Kinalas niya ang tali sa kamay ko at saka nahiga muli sa tabi ko, pinakiramdam ko siya. Nang maramdaman kong regular na ang kanyang paghinga ay saka ako bumangon. I gasped when I felt the pain in between my legs, gusto ko pa sanang humiga pero alam kong kailangan ko nang umalis. I don't want him to see me after he wakes up, isa pa, I wanna see him, alam kong lalabag ako sa rule ng fraternity sa oras na tanggalin ko ang blindfold ko, pero I wanna see him. I wanna see the face of the man who took my virginity.

Nanginginig ang mga kamay na tinanggal ko ang blindfold ko. Dahan-dahan akong lumingon sa akin lukuran.

"Oh my god!" I exclaimed when I recognized his face.

I cried so hard when I realized who he was.

The one who took my virginity away, the stranger who claimed me was none other than Sancho Angelo Cruise Consunji...