1 Get Lost!

The croon of a cockatiel resounded in the minimalistic Pagoda, eliciting hushed awe from the gathered disciples.

"I am fortunate this summer monsoon arrived with this little fellow," boasted the swarthy and smart-looking Sect Elder Yu Fu. "This seven-colored fellow will be the prize for this competition."

"Ha!" hollered the gaudy Gāo Gèzi. "Sect Elder, we all know I am the most skilled out of the 10 of us! Allow this Young Master to learn the beast's nature and finally reach the Lǐ Rites Realm!"

"Young Master, you are truly fated under the Heavens to achieve so much at the age of 18!" the small-headed Xiǎo Nǎozi added.

"It's nothing. Nothing!" Gāo Gèzi harrumphed.

"Hold it, fellow Disciple Gāo Gèzi," Gāo Yìzhì cooly stated. "As cousins, shouldn't you give me some face?"

"Give you face!?" Gāo Gèzi huffed. "The only face I'll give you is with my fist!"

The two young men hopped to their feet. Faster than a fly dodging a swinging hand in a house, they scowled intimidatingly at each other and butted heads.

Sect Elder Yu Fu sighed and rubbed his glabella.

"I said this fellow is the prize for this competition. If you are unwilling to listen, you deviate from the Sanity Cultivation Path."

"Uncle, can't we fight it out? As Orthodox Practitioners, it shouldn't matter how much we know about the three essential values or the four prin… princi… whatever!"

The fatty who spoke pounded his fist on his chest like a drum.

"I, Dà Máfan, will not disappoint you, Uncle! I will repay my debts tenfold, if you let me use my fists instead of my mouth!"

"Shut it, fatty! You couldn't even last three moves last time!"

"Even if my cousin is prideful, you have the gall to doubt my might?"

The three began bickering while Sect Elder Yu Fu's face dropped.

"What has my family line done to deserve this?"

The other disciples disregarded this mess like it was beneath them and instead crowded around the other side of the Lecture Hall. That is, except for one dirty-looking man who sat in a state of Zuowang. He appeared to be in deep thought, with nary an emotion expressed on his face.

His name was Tōng Pèifú, and he had no relation to Tong Zhi, that the female disciples surrounded...

'F**k! What's so good about me that you like?' Tong Zhi thought. 'Harebrained hussies, I am not your husband! Stop bothering me, and go find a man to breed with!'

If any man who had no family, no finances, but had a fugly appearance like Tōng Pèifú, and suddenly, beauties with big backgrounds surrounded him, they would kowtow before the Heavens a hundred times over! However, there was one problem.

Tong Zhi was also a beauty with a big background!

Tong Zhi came from the Tong Clan, a long line of Sanity Cultivators. Being from the main branch, many expected her to be talented. Yet, she had nothing but the extremely rare Jade Essence Constitution, which only three other figures in history possessed.

The Tong Clan thought it was like a mite feasting on a dragon. What an exorbitant waste for her to be utterly talentless! Not only that, but her mother and father failed to produce any more children, leaving the main branch without a male heir!

Adding onto that, beauties galore fell in love with Tong Zhi upon seeing her! If the Tong Clan could not be angry, how would they face their ancestors!? So, the main branch became the side branch as her more talented and skilled cousins rose to prominence.

For years, the Tong Clan denounced her father for not taking a concubine, calling him narrow minded. From younger to older cousins, uncles and aunts, and many other elders, Tong Zhi received their torment! To hit a woman for no fault was frowned upon, but it didn't stop the harassment.

"Senior Tong Zhi!~" cooed Fei Wu. "What do you think?"

The jade-like woman had a wondrous appearance. It was a shame she was too jade-like, resulting in her disconcerting greenish skin, though it didn't matter to Tong Zhi.

"...Scum. They're scum," Tong Zhi mindlessly said.

The female disciples gasped and then nodded in agreement.

"Hahaha! Let's tell it to their faces! Senior Gāo Gèzi! Senior Gāo Yìzhì! Senior Dà Máfan!" chortled a beauty with blushing cheeks like pink lotuses.

'F**k, wait, Zhao Bian!' Tong Zhi panickedly thought.

But it was too late.

"Senior Tong Zhi called you scum!"

"What, this useless trash dares to call this Young Master scum?"

"The shameless speak up against the educated? Are you asking for a lesson?"

"Your face is begging for I, Dà Máfan, to fist!"

"Truly, the words of a scum, like Senior Tong Zhi said!"

Zhao Bian puffed up her cheeks and didn't spare them even a glance

"F**k, your offensive mouth is not helping! Do you want us to die!?" Tong Zhi accidentally said in an outburst.

"Mmmh!"

Tong Zhi covered her mouth, but the damage was done. The beauties swooned over her overbearing threat and the trio mistook the words as aimed towards themselves.

"Sect Elder Yu Fu, this Young Master requests a duel with Tong Zhi!"

"Sect Elder Yu Fu, this disciple requests a duel with this fool!"

"Uncle, let I, Dà Máfan, fist her, or my name isn't Dà Máfan!"

Tong Zhi looked over at the usually complacent Sect Elder Yu Fu and prayed for mercy in her mind.

"Fine. In the end, the bigger fist decides."

'F**k, I'm dead,' Tong Zhi thought, as Sect Elder Yu Fu led the disciples to the Dueling Grounds.

In a matter of minutes, they arrived at the raised circular platform.

Gāo Gèzi brushed past the two others and leaped directly into the center of the ring.

"Come here for a beating from this Young Master! You will know your place is beneath me, once we are done!"

Tong Zhi hesitantly stepped up and nervously laughed.

"Senior Disciple Gāo Gèzi, my words weren't meant for you. Please go easy on this Junior."

"Ho?" Gāo Gèzi raised an eyebrow. "Failing to pay respects to this Young Master is more than enough reason for a beating! Sect Elder Yu Fu, when will we begin the duel?"

"Now."

Tong Zhi couldn't curse the unfairness as Gāo Gèzi glided over. Instantly, the difference between someone without Sanity Cultivation and someone who completed the three phases of the Lǐ Sacrifices Realm became apparent.

Gāo Gèzi lifted Tong Zhi from the scruff of her robes and began slapping her.

PAH! PAH! PAH! PAH! PAH!

After having his fill of slapping her face, Gāo Gèzi dropped Tong Zhi to the ground. Her cheeks swelled up, but no serious damage was done. Rather, these slaps stung with extreme pain.

"Gāo Gèzi wins!" Sect Elder Yu Fu announced.

"Remember to not offend this Young Master."

Gāo Gèzi left the ring while the female disciples muttered obscenities at him.

"Scum! Scum! Truly, scum!"

"Young Master of your lonely hand, more like it!"

"Remember not to offend yours truly. This Big Mama won't take this lying down!"

Tong Zhi gasped for breath and felt like dying. Never had she been so shamed! Never had she been so hurt! For a moment, she thought receiving insults wasn't that bad.

Then, Gāo Yìzhì stepped up to the ring.

"Ah, Senior Disciple Gāo Yìzhì?" Tong Zhi barely distinguished from the tears in her eyes. "This Junior was just about to leave."

"You should know better as a Junior. It is my turn to teach you."

'F**k, I'm going to die!' Tong Zhi depressively thought.

"The duel begins now!"

Gāo Yìzhì pulled Tong Zhi to her feet and began stabbing her acupuncture points. Pain flared through her body like a storm! She convulsed in more agony than before, truly wanting to die, before Gāo Yìzhì unceremoniously dropped her.

"Gāo Yìzhì wins!"

Gāo Yìzhì glided off the ring, enduring the hateful glares of the female disciples.

"Scum!"

"Teach, your sister! You didn't teach anything!"

"This Big Mama… ah, my heart is burning! My Tong Zhi, keep in there!"

Finally, Dà Máfan waddled up to the ring.

"I, Dà Máfan, will fist you!"

"The duel begins now!"

Dà Máfan flew over and gave Tong Zhi three punches in the blink of an eye. Crunches echoed in the Dueling Grounds. Dà Máfan lifted Tong Zhi by the scruff of her neck and moved towards her ear.

"I am sorry, Tong Zhi. I thought I trained hard enough, but I am still weaker than those two. I released the acupuncture points and provided the quickest treatment I could. This fatty is ashamed. I failed to protect you…"

Dà Máfan dropped Tong Zhi and began leaving the ring.

"Halt," a fierce voice commanded. "This is a competition for the Rainbow Cockatiel. Prepare yourself."

Tong Zhi, now free from the extreme pain, looked up to see Tōng Pèifú standing before her.

"Oh, yeah? I, Dà Máfan, accept your duel, but your special constitution means nothing if you can't use it. I will allow you to forfeit, so the real duels begin."

"You misunderstand," Tōng Pèifú emotionlessly stated. "I will get the Rainbow Cockatiel."

Dà Máfan chuckled and shook his head. He waited until Zhao Bian came up and gingerly brought Tong Zhi down.

"Uncle, I am ready."

Sect Elder Yu Fu nodded.

"The duel begins now!"

"Take this!"

Dà Máfan swung a casual palm to push Tōng Pèifú out of the ring.

But then, Tōng Pèifú caught his hand!

"Oh? Why did you show me mercy when you ruthlessly stepped on Tong Zhi?"

Tōng Pèifú clenched his hands and crushed Dà Máfan's wrist.

"Grwah!!! My arm!"

"How will you take this?"

Tōng Pèifú casually swung a fist, directly impacting Dà Máfan's shoulder. A thunderous crackle whipped through the air as Dà Máfan's shoulder practically disintegrated. Within the shake of a lamb's tail, obvious victory was reversed to utter defeat!

"Ah! AHHHH!"

"Dà Máfan!!"

The shocked Sect Elder broke out of his daze and produced a rare Life Renewment Pill. With trembling hands, he fed it to his nephew. After ensuring Dà Máfan's stable condition, he glared at Tōng Pèifú.

"You lowly b*stard! What disciple are you to be the crouching tiger and pounce on your fellows?!"

"What Sect Elder are you to be lecturing me when your nephew crippled a woman with no cultivation?"

"F**k, who cares about that useless woman! Ah, just watch as I beat her beyond recognition to show you the consequences of your actions!"

'F**k, I didn't do anything? How did this happen?' Tong Zhi cried.

Who knew the dormant carp beside her all these years was actually a tyrannical dragon!? And who knew that dumb fatty's scheme to distract the two scumbags finally failed?

'I should've known it wouldn't work. Cooking for a fatty to be protected? What was I thinking all these years!?"

Sect Elder Yu Fu passed by Tōng Pèifú, intent on reducing Tong Zhi into a paraplegic!

"Sect Elder dares!?" Tōng Pèifú called out.

"No!" screamed a female disciple.

"Please don't Sect Elder!"

Sect Elder Yu Fu's fist flew towards Tong Zhi, making her feel pressure like a mountain crushed her! If she leaked while being afraid for her life, it would be completely understandable!

"Stop, Uncle!"

'Fatty!' Tong Zhi thanked in her mind.

"Dà Máfan!"

Sect Elder Yu Fu came to the fatty's side and held the fatty's head in his arms.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm—PHREB!"

Dà Máfan coughed up blood.

"DÀ MÁFAN!!!"

"Ugh… I'm fine, Uncle. It's not Tong Zhi's fault. It's Tōng Pèifú who hurt me. Actually… Tong Zhi is my best friend. I made her my gofer—BLECK!"

Dà Máfan coughed up more blood.

"So no one would touch her. Please… don't hurt her…"

Dà Máfan lapsed into unconsciousness as Sect Elder Yu Fu sobbed.

"You foolish boy… you foolish boy…"

Tōng Pèifú looked astonished at the unfolding scene.

"I misunderstood? Impossible!"

"Lowly b*stard, may the Heavens eradicate your soul for this!"

Sect Elder Yu Fu began targeting Tōng Pèifú.

"Wait!"

"F**k, now what!? I will crush this lowly b*stard no matter what you say!"

"Wait, Sect Elder! If you were to make a move, it would be seen like a man challenging a termite! Allow me to fight on Tong— I mean, Dà Máfan's behalf!"

A rose-like woman appeared, with hair like sharp thorns and skin like the softest pink petal.

"Oh, it's Senior Core Disciple Qin Shou!"

"She's number two in popularity among all fan groups!"

"Ah, if she only looked more cool and charming instead of a renegade gangster…"

"Who is number two! Your *ss! Who is a gangster? I'll show your gang stars when you go flying from my fist!"

Qin Shou's threats cowed the female disciples.

They, in sync, bowed and shouted, "Paying respects to the Honorable Senior Core Disciple Qin Shou!"

"Much better."

Sect Elder Yu Fu appeared next to Qin Shou.

"Are you sure you can teach this lowly b*stard a lesson?"

"Ha! If I can't beat him, I'll call him Daddy!"

"Good!"

Tōng Pèifú turned his stoney face towards the approaching woman and Sect Elder.

"If I beat her, will I get the Rainbow Cockatiel?"

"Hm. If you beat her, I'll even let you decide what to do with Tong Zhi!"

'F**k, stop involving me! I want to go to bed and forget I ever lived!' Tong Zhi thought.

"Agreed."

Tōng Pèifú took a stance across from Qin Shou. The two apparently sensed each other as strong opponents and prepared to go all out!

"The duel begins now!"

"The Parent Educates The Child: 100 Spankings!" Qin Shou hollered.

A flurry of illusory palms trailed along Qin Shou's hands and sped towards Tōng Pèifú's buttocks!

"Ah!" exclaimed the beauty Bai Mu. "That's our Sect's special punishment move! No attack or defense can stop it! Only a week's worth of shame and pain lay ahead for Tōng Pèifú!"

Tōng Pèifú clicked his tongue and drew his hands together.

"The Hand Strikes Evil: Face Slapping!"

An uncountable number of hands seemingly appeared and struck across Qin Shou's delicate face! Because she dropped low to deliver the spankings, Qin Shou couldn't avoid the attack! Like a combo meal of a sandwich, a side dish, and a drink, Qin Shou got served!

Tōng Pèifú finished attacking and Qin Shou flew up from the ground to gracefully drop in front of the female disciples.

"Boss!" they screamed. "Are you alright?"

"Your mum! I'm fine. Ugh… Tōng Pèifú, you were stronger than I expected."

"Qin Shou already complete two rituals of the Lǐ Rites Realm! How could she lose!?"

"Could he be on the third and final ritual of the Lǐ Rites Realm!?" the beauty Bai Mu responded.

"Correct. If I get the Rainbow Cockatiel, I can break through into the Lǐ Propriety Realm!"

"Genius!" Bai Mu screamed. "He's defying the Heavens at the age of 18 and almost reached the same Realm as Sect Elder Yu Fu!"

"Bah, what trickery is this? This Young Master refuses to believe this dirty peasant is on the same level as the Sect Elder!"

Gāo Gèzi made his way up to the ring and stood upright in front of Tōng Pèifú.

"You're going to die!" Bai Mu warned him.

"Shut up, woman! This Young Master demands respect, even from pathetic whelps like you! Watch as—"

"Scram!"

"Gelueb!"

Tōng Pèifú struck Gāo Gèzi across the face and sent him flying into the wall. He smashed butt first, leading to his rear sticking out of the Pagoda and his knees uncomfortably slamming into his face.

"An opening!" Gāo Yìzhì shouted. "The Parent Educates the Chi—"

"Scram!"

"Peura!"

With another palm, Tōng Pèifú sent Gāo Yìzhì flying into the wall, his legs sticking out of the Pagoda and his butt hanging above Gāo Gèzi's head.

"Ah! He dared to hurt this Young Master's prized face! Ah!! Whose *ss is this!?"

"Bah, who are you to care whose *ss this is?"

"Remove it from this Young Master's sight or face my wrath!"

"Remove me from this wall and I'll oblige you a knock on the head!"

As the two Gāos bickered, Tōng Pèifú appeared before Tong Zhi.

"As the winner, I claim my prize," Tōng Pèifú monotonously droned. "I have one command. Get lost!"