1 Chapter 1

I wipe my face on the sleeve, heaving hard after a long session of dancing and exercising. The black denims I had bought a year back wouldn't fit me anymore; I have no alternative. The throbbing nerves running down my thighs make it hard for me to balance, and I lean against the railings, taking in my surroundings. The newly constructed house on the next alley has switched on all the lights, and it blinds me to look at it, amidst the darkness engulfing the evening. I was sincerely having second thoughts about coming up the terrace today; even though no one is quite perceptible on the rooftops surrounding my house, the bright light makes me feel exposed. And the other way down the road is a birthday party going on outside. Damn! All these pounds shed off in a week and it will just come back in an hour, I knew I shouldn't have agreed to go to this party at all. And the party is lighted so brightly with halogen lamps and colourful fairy lights that I shrink away, afraid that I might be put into the spotlight by their glow. Something tells me that I won't be visible, standing in the dark, with lights coming from three houses down, but Physical Science definitely doesn't make sense with a throbbing head. Not that I was ever good at it.

I am momentarily distracted. Perhaps a glare from the lights reflected on a window glass, and there, again! Heavens! Is it rainy season already? I can't say I love rains, well, maybe I do, a little bit. But I could really do with the cooling after this sultry heat. Beside I love thunderstorms. I am shaken from my thoughts by another jolt of lightning, unaccompanied by thunder, bringing in flecks which I know to be clouds. Great! I would definitely love to attend the party in this weather, especially if their decorations are all ruined. If only it stays away for two hours or so.

I perch up on the window ledge, grimacing as I sip the bitter brew. Who in the world just woke up one morning and decided to brew up some bitter tea leaves and forgot to add sugar to it? As I watch the television listening to the rantings about how I haven't studied since the morning, the wind outside is working itself into aggression. The cool wind feels soothing against my sweaty face, and I have no intention of leaving this room for my own furnace, because it is on the other side of the house and brings hot air in summer and cold in winter. I dawdle by enough until my parents rebuke me a bit more and tell me to get on with the bath unless there is a power cut.

I fetch a towel and a new pair of dress and move towards the bathroom, pausing a minute to check out myself in the mirror above the sink. Sweat plastering my acne filled face doesn't make a great spectacle. I contemplate my recently-acquired double chin, my not-so-boundaried dark lips, my upturned nose which in my opinion, makes me look like a pig, and my eyes. I linger on for a moment, not really looking into them, but around the edges, the dark waterline and the shape which one of my friends had called lotus-petal-like. Nothing on my face pleases me except my eyes, and I avert them from themselves. It has been long since I've really looked into my black iris, and it won't be now, with the distant gurgle of the skies, that I would do that again.

Putting my sweat smelling T-shirt and shorts in the bucket, I turn on the shower and close my eyes as the cold water falls on my heavily perspired body. I open my eyes and immediately lose orientation as I see black. An eternity passes as rings of black shrinks and expands before me, velvety black surrounding the rosewood hue moving slowly inwards, the matté black ring expanding slowly in the centre, before I come to my senses. Oh! This is just a blackout, and I thought I had gone blind. I turn my thoughts to a more pleasant made up scenerio, in which a famous singer asks me to feature in one of his music videos to evade the alternative, the inevitable one. Too soon I hear it, and I do one thing I do everytime I know something's going to happen. I dig my lids into my eyes, as the cold water suddenly turns warm and start smelling sweet. I try to turn off my surroundings, but the hammering on the door is incessant. Slowly, knowing that any escape is impossible, I open my eyes and wait a moment to stop the walls from spinning. I turn right angle to the left, my heart hammering madly about my ribs, and shrink back as the door thumps again. I clutch my heart in relief as I realise with a shaky laugh that it's just the wind.

It's after 10 that we head off to the birthday party, my long creased skirt hitched upto my knees to avoid the mud puddles. As anticipated, the rain and the storm had blown off the decorations entirely, and the celebrations had to be shifted to the cramped house. Head spinning, I thank the crowd for their tiring aura and spend a dreamless night, quite an achievement, afterwards.

I roll down and fall hard with a thump! The marble floor is rock cold, but I have a feeling that I was already frozen long before I actually woke up. Stretching my limbs to regain any movement in them, I find the culprit just outside my window, drizzling down in a curtain of diamonds. The sky outside is tinted a dark grey, though it is clear from my wall clock that it is after 10 in the morning. I love rains, the soft splatters on the ground, clinging to the leafs like pearls, but only when I am inside the house. I don't like the water droplets sticking to my skin, crawling down my forehead and dripping down the end of my nose, rolling by my cheeks, making pathway into my lips, tasting of salt and smelling of sweat, then down my neck, drawing patterns and curling through the hairs above my back...

I snap my eyes open as I feel a burning sensation just over my collarbone. My fingernails present a blood caked sight and I stare at them, till a burst of thunder brings me back into my room. I hear Gracie's footsteps coming up, and I run to the bathroom, horrified.