1 Black Unicorn

Entry 1

Hi stranger.

You probably know me. I'm one of the girls you scrolled down on your timeline. But I would like to be more optimistic and say that you're one of my followers, so please allow me to assume that you are. And I have good news for you, I signed a million-dollar contract today. Yay! Someone believed in me. Someone saw my worth. All my hard work paid off. As an influencer, my brand is my name, my logo is my face, and my reputation is my story. Someone finally bought…me. My product is myself. I finally reached the young, rich, and famous status. Dream. Come. True. But I would not be here if not because of you, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I am that someone who everybody knows, and you are that someone who nobody knows. I know deep down that is what you're thinking. But you know what? Let me tell you something, you are not a nobody. I see you. I hear you. And trust me when I say I know you better than your closest friend, and maybe I know you better than yourself. I know what you want--- and that's a fact, and sometimes I know you even before you knew it yourself. For instance, I know you like it whenever I post how perfect my life is: my perfect makeup, my perfect dress, and my perfect boyfriend. My most liked post is when I first revealed my boyfriend to you guys. You probably did not know this, but the day we took that picture was one of the best days. We started our day on a new posh restaurant a few blocks away, and they just basically paid us to dine for free in exchange of posting our experience on Instagram. Easy. Done deal. And thanks to us, that restaurant became known as the place where we confessed about our relationship. I know because people tag me all the time whenever they go there. It's a win-win-win situation, really. The restaurant had more customers, we got more followers, and you, you were happy. I did not say this before but he's the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't know if it's because we're in the same industry, but he gets me. I finally have the support that I wish I had from my family. Boyfie knows what he's doing; he knows my perfect angle to take a picture. Girls, he's not a good boyfriend if he's not your own professional photographer, right? (I know you agree with me on this). We never argued about my supposed vanity, we support each other in whatever we do. That is why I could tell you a little secret; I think I finally found the one. And I found him because of you. You told me about this guy who had a crush on me, the guy who literally dedicated a video for me. The guy who knew everything about me even before we met. Like, how sweet is that. So, thank you for celebrating my life with me. You were so happy for me. You wanted me to have a perfect life. You wanted me to have it all. And I have it all. You saw in me the life you wanted for yourself. I am the version you wished you were, and you followed me for that. See? I told you I know you. I know you wanted me to be a princess, and I delivered it straight to your screen, just the way you liked it.

Let's see…oh yes. My second most liked post was not as happy as my first but well, you liked it just the same. It was when I admitted I had bulimia. I mean, how else do you think I managed to achieve this waistline while eating those junk foods. Well, now you know my secret on how to achieve this 23 inch waist; vomiting is the easiest option I've got to maintain it. And oh, did you remember my post where I shared that I lost my brother to suicide? Yeah, that was pretty popular too. I remembered the day it happened. I was excited that I've got this PR box and was recording my first impressions review in my bedroom when I heard my mom screamed. It was the most haunting sound I ever recorded in my life. I remembered I was irritated with the interruption and I had to pause the recording. But all thoughts were gone when I saw my mother trying to resuscitate my lifeless brother beside her. After this incident, I admitted to you guys that I've been diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder. Your response? You searched for my alleged emergency call. You're pretty resourceful, I got to give you that. My 911 call is somewhere out there on the internet and it's not after I played it once and after a few therapy sessions that it occurred to me that my brother hanged himself on the doorknob with the thousand-dollar belt that I gave him. I was an accessory to the crime. I had so may what ifs. My therapist can't free me from this crime. Only you can. You like stories like this. My followers doubled, then tripled. It was an achievement of a lifetime. I was so broken, but you stayed by my side. You told me lies so I could keep on standing up over, and over again. You encouraged me to be a warrior in this fucked up life. You told me to be strong, you needed me more than ever. You needed me so you could feel good for yourself. You realized that I'm not so perfect after all, you empathized with me. You could not imagine someone to go through that, you could not imagine yourself to go through that. And for that, you know in your heart that you're thankful that you're not me. I am the broken version you never wanted to be, and you loved me more because of that.

I have to give credit to you though, you know something about me that my non-followers don't. You knew how much your support means to me. Do you remember that one time where I posted about my self-baked birthday cake? I found it funny how burned and inedible it was, but I guess you didn't because I only got a thousand likes on that one. Lesson learned and never did it again. I ordered my cakes from a pastry chef ever since. Or did you remember that one time where I showed you how I hiked a mountain, sweaty and barefaced? You did not like that one either because I've gotten even lesser than a thousand likes on that one. Well, lesson learned again so I showed you what a Paris fashion week looks like and you liked that one better. I like how you know what you want, you guide me on what I should do. But there are times that you would confuse the heck out of me. Like how you hate it when I over accessorized with diamonds, but you also hated it whenever I'm wearing my thrift shop pajamas. I mean, really, what do you really want? If only you could be more precise, it would make both of our lives much easier.

I think part of being an influencer is to be insane. You know, to keep the creative juices going. But knowing that you see my post every day is my kind of therapy. It keeps me sane. It helps me sleep at night. You keep me balanced, I guess. You put a smile on my face whenever you comment on how beautiful I look on that bikini or on how only I could pull off that kind of lipstick shade. I would wear those for you if you liked it that much, but then again you wanted variety, so I gave it to you too. I did everything you wanted. I became everything you wanted. I am your dream turned into reality. Sometimes, your nightmare. I could give you more because I know you best. Because I am you.

My brand is you, my logo is you, my reputation is you.

I told you I could be like them. I could be young, rich and famous too.

We shared that same dream. You could see yourself through me.

But there's a fine line between us.

I did it, congratulations to me. I did it, I became like them.

I did it ,right?

I am not the follower anymore; people follow me.

I don't get jealous anymore; they look up to me.

I don't cry for them anymore; I'm numb for me.

Now that I am here at the top, I feel like I'm so far away from you.

You were the dreamer, the untainted.

You were the innocent, the beautiful.

You knew who you are, the original.

And I would like to admit to you: I liked me better when I was you.

-Black Unicorn