Chapter 37 Patheticism of Feelings

Classes had started and the campus was swarming with students once again. It almost looked surreal because of how different the atmosphere was only a few days ago before everyone had gotten back from their holidays.

I hadn't seen Wes in over a week. Part of me may had been avoiding him but I excused it as being caught up in my courses and assignments and that is exactly what I kept myself busy with.

I knew I would have to see him soon but I also needed to get myself in check and make sense of my feelings before I did so.

Michelle, Chris and I were hanging out at the cafe between lectures and Chris decided to invite Wes to join us, without telling me.

"You can't avoid him forever," he told me sincerely. "And the longer you do avoid him, the more awkward you'll feel when you do see him."

I knew it was unfair of me to steer clear of Wes without giving him an explanation. As much as I wanted to avoid him until I magically made my feelings for him vanish, a big part of me did miss his company.

And his eyes.

And his jokes.

And his hugs.

And basically everything else about him.

I didn't think it was possible to feel this intensely for someone until I fell for Wes.

I adored Nate and he was sweet to me, at least up until the end of our relationship. Nate was an angel and he made me happy and flattered. But with Wes, it was different.

As soon as he walked into the cafe and I spotted him, my heart started fluttering at high speed.

He sat down beside me and every time his shoulder would lightly rub against mine, shivers would run through my body while my stomach started dancing with butterflies.

When he laughed, the sound would sound like music and make me smile in awe.

I am fucking pathetic.

Feelings were pathetic. They turned you into a big wuss.

I wasn't paying attention to whatever conversation the three of them were having. I was too caught up in my own head - overthinking each of his words, overthinking my own words, worrying about what to say and what not to say.

My phone beeped with a notification causing me to lift it off the table and look at the text I had received.

MichEllie: What are you doing? Stop acting weird!!!

I looked up at her, giving her a sarcastic smile before typing on my phone.

Fia: What do you want me to do!!1!!11!!11! I don't know how to act SOS

Michelle let out a small grunt that the boys didn't notice because they were too busy talking about one of their psycho professors.

MichEllie: Either act NORMAL or...

MichEllie: Maybe put your game plan into action

MichEllie: The one you THINK is going to help you get over him

I heaved out a heavy breath as I placed my phone down on the table and mentally prepared myself. This was going to be agonizing but it was the only thing I saw as a solution.

I leaned forward on the table, drowning out Chris and Wes's voices as I started skimming the cafe to find a suitable candidate.

She's too blonde, he never sticks with the blondes.

She's in my psychology class and is way too much of a know-it-all.

I knew Wes well enough to know how picky he was. I knew I had to find him someone he couldn't nitpick.

Part of me was glad because that meant he would find a flaw in everyone I could introduce to him.

The other part of me screamed at myself. I wasn't supposed to be glad. I was supposed to put my heart into this, find him someone and move on. This was going to help. It had to.

It might hurt at first but sure enough, after a while it would get me over Wes. Right?

I inhaled deeply as I continued skimming the crowd.

He's going to hate her outfit. He hates when girls feel the need to wear heeled pumps to lectures.

She's a stoner, he won't like her friend group or source of entertainment.

Jesus. This was turning out to be much harder than it should be. I convinced myself that I was looking out for Wes's best interests and truly finding him the perfect girl.

But I'm not an idiot and I know most of it was me avoiding finding him a girl who he might actually ask out on a second date.

And then Summer Thomson walked in.

She was in one of my courses. She was smart but not too smart. She was loud but not too loud to the point where it got annoying. She was kind but not too nice where she allowed people to walk all over her. She was funny and knew how to laugh. She wasn't uptight. She was outgoing but not too wild.

She was...

Well, she was perfect.

She was gorgeous. Perfect average height, a beautiful body that she neither showed off or hid completely. The perfect wavy beach blonde hair and blue eyes.

She's perfect.

And that scared the hell out of me because I knew with certainty that Wes could easily fall in love with her just from looking at her. Hell, I would go gay for her.

My heart felt like it was going to explode. I clenched my fists, trying to force my head into the game so I could get this over with no matter how badly it may hurt.

I wanted to back out and pick some random girl I knew he would quickly reject but that was unfair. That was unfair to Wes because I told him I would find him the perfect girl who would make him want to invest himself with.

I couldn't be selfish and out my petty feelings above him. If I went through with this like I knew I had to, it was one step closer to getting over my feelings and getting back to my perfect friendship with Wes.

I hadn't zoned back in until Michelle lightly kicked me from under the table.

I snapped my gaze to her, looking at her frantically.

'What are you waiting for?' She mouthed the words to me, bulging her eyes at me.

I sighed as I plastered a cheerful smile onto my face.

It was now or never.