TheReign
Hello everyone, I'm TheReign and this is my novel, I got this idea from reading all kinds of MMORPG and apocalypse novels so don't be surprised if you see some similarities, I hope you enjoy it and constructive criticism is always welcome, but this is my first try at writing a novel so don't be too hard on me.
writing quality takes a very steep, very hard dive about 60 chapters in. english writing is in past tense, not present. the story is a bit pedantic, and lacks any sort of development. the characters are stock tropes and stereotypes, and fifty chapters in they have yet to develop in any way, minor or major (no, levelling up and gaining skills do not count as character development). the world has little to no background information given. you know almost nothing about it. the characters magically know about monsters, attributes, skills and abilities, but nothing is ever explained to the reader.
Stopped after 10 chapters, way too much misplaced comedy and incoherences, that pulled me out of the story. There's only 1200 pioneers in the world which I assume has a 7 billion population which makes the chance of being one 1 out of 6 million and of course there's 4 of them being in the same school. It's also not explained why monsters would appear before the terraformation, whether they'd appear for everyone,... After getting these powers and the terraformation, you really get the feeling these guys are in a summer camp. Millions of people may die but all they think above is mocking each others and playing jokes. There's also the convenient fact that you have 2 sons of mma champions, a champion archer and a kid from an assassin family all in the same school... Too much for me to believe it'd be genuinely possible if such event were to be happening. It's a sloppy beginning.
I have only just started reading this novel so I can’t comment on much, but I have noticed something I think the author should know. The writing in chapter 8 is pretty awkward. I could tell something was off in the previous chapters but I wasn’t able to pin point it until now. I finally realized the problem while reading the fight scenes of chapter 8. The tense frequently switches from past tense to present tense. One of the main rules in writing is to choose a tense and stick with it. Otherwise it makes the pacing of each scene feel all messed up and off. Going back and editing all of the chapters with conflicting tenses and converting them all into past tense would make the story flow a lot smoother and improve the general quality of the writing. I recommend past tense because it is the one more suited to this kind of story. If you would like specific examples of where I think these problems are and could be improved. I would be happy to help.
The start is admittedly a little slow however it does get better and the story is now moving at a better pace (currently on chapter 524). However each adventure the group goes on is interesting if there is one thing I will say is that in the first 50 or so chapters there are a couple of chapters of when it’s just the group grinding however when it gets into later into the chapters the fights become gradually better written and more satisfying overall story is currently 4.5 but the first 100 chapters is about a 3.75-4. So if u are in the first hundred chapters and u don’t have much else to read I would still recommend continuing as long as you like some parts of the story.
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