57 Doubts in the heart

"Talk with me about what?" Sarah wanted to know more about text exchange she just witnessed. She was certain that it's about her. Seeing that he is getting anxious and not responding, only made her more wary of the situation. 'Just what is going on here?'

Aiden was troubled, 'This is wrong, this is all wrong.' But she saw it. He can't deny it. The only thing he can do is be honest, with hope that she will believe him. "This is not how I wanted you to find out."

Sarah turned around to face him. "Why are you so serious? You are making me nervous."

He exhaled. "I fear that you will reject me."

She was suspicious. "I can't think of a thing that could make me reject you."

'Oh, how I wish that is true.' He sighed. "Hear me out."

"OK. I'm listening." She attentively looked at him.

Aiden started explaining. "In White corp. there is a department that I lead. My brother is at the front, acting as a face of the department. He negotiates and signs the deals. I deliver. I... we are hoping that you will join us."

Sarah looked at him, suspiciously. "Is this a job offer?" She tilted her head a bit, and her eyes narrowed, "I'm pretty sure this is not the part that makes you worried if I reject."

Aiden hesitated.

Sarah does not like beating around the bush, she was getting impatient. "Just say what you need to say."

Sensing that she is losing her patience, he went to the point. "The type of work can be sensitive. It's a mix of research, digging up hidden information and cyber-attacks. Customers are whoever can afford the service: celebrities, heirs, businesses, even foreign governments."

"I see." Sarah thought about what he just said and decided to ask for more information. "Do you ever reject work, or you accept anything as long as the price is right?"

Aiden expected these types of questions. "Some requests are rejected."

"Based on what?"

"That is mostly in Jeff's hands. He makes decision if work will be accepted or not. I focus on deliverables." Aiden noticed that this sounds off. 'Why didn't I ever question work that I worked on?' He gave Jeff all power to decide what to work on, and just focused on finishing his tasks.

"If I join you, can I have the option to reject working on things I'm not comfortable with?" If she can reject work she is not comfortable with, that will be fine.

He thought for a second before responding. "I believe that can be arranged."

Sarah looked at him, thinking of something, before speaking. "I still think that this is not the reason why you are hesitant to talk about this."

'She is smart.' Aiden could not help but admire her. He inhaled before speaking. This is the part he feared the most. "You are right. I am worried that you might think that I got close to you just because of this."

"Didn't you?" She had to ask. In her heart, she is afraid of his answer. She is confident that he cares about her. But what if he is just very skilled and tricked her? What if all this is just a lie? What if...?

He looked her in the eyes. "It's not like that. At first, I did approach you in order to find out more about you and if you have the skills, to recruit you. But then I got to know you..."

"And...?"

"Regardless if you accept this offer, I want us to be together, as a couple. I hope you believe me that my relationship advances are just me being selfish and acting on my desire to be with you." His voice was getting quieter as he continued, "This... us... is not planned. It's not related to getting you to work with me. What we have is something really special to me, and I hope you won't..." He was not able to finish. Aiden wanted to say that he hopes she will not leave him, but words got stuck in his throat. He looked her in the eyes hoping that she will understand how much she means to him. His lips formed a thin line.

He thought about this talk with Sarah many times, and when he imagined case where she believes that he spent all the time with her just to trick her, he felt difficult to breathe.

Sarah observed his expression. He looked fragile, and her heart winced. Doubts in her heart almost disappeared. She knows that he cares about her. Or does she? It is easy for people to believe in what they want to believe. It's in our nature to reject the truth we don't want to know, even if it's staring us right in the face. It's easier to accept pretty lie than an ugly truth. Sarah is aware that she is in love with him, and that she will easily believe that his intentions are sincere, even if they are not. 'How can I confirm this without a doubt?' The only thing that will give her a complete confidence is a test of time. 'How can I continue being with him if I have doubts in my heart? Doubts will ruin everything that is good no matter how much I like him.'

She decided to ask few more questions with hope that she finds answers she is looking for. "Don't you think that I'm a liability if I reject?"

He shook his head. "I trust you."

"How about your brother?"

"He does not know you. Besides, he will not know how much I told you." Even if Sarah rejects, Aiden will make sure to protect her.

'Everything he said was just right. I can't help but to fall for him even more.' Sarah took a deep breath. "I need to think about it."

"Of course." He wanted to hug her, but he stopped himself.

Sarah sat up on the bed. "I want to put my pajamas on." She stood up, got her pajamas, and headed to the bathroom. Her head was buzzing from scrambling to find a right answer. She didn't think about his job offer. She was thinking if she trusts him or not. 'I can accept a job, and if it does not work out after a while, I can quit, right?' But this situation is not so simple. At stake are not only her skills. Her heart is part of the equation as well, and it's the first time that she is experiencing something like this. If it does not work out it's not as simply as leaving job, her heart will break apart also.

When she came out of the bathroom, Aiden was back at his laptop, working. He heard her coming back, but decided not to approach her, and to give her space to think.

Sarah is wide awake, and aware that she will not be able to sleep. She checked her phone and noticed that it's turned off. 'Oh, yes. When I left home this morning, I turned it off.' She turned on her phone and sat on the bed. Seconds later, her phone was buzzing with messages, mostly from her sisters.

[JoAnna]: "Don't worry about money, this sister will set up monthly transfer for you."

[Sophia]: "I can't believe that he went so low to cut your finances. Big sister will be sending you money."

[JoAnna]: "I admire you for standing strong in front of him and not giving in."

Messages from her sisters melted her heart. 'I feel lucky to have such supportive sisters.'

Sarah does not need money, her savings and income from various investments is more than enough, but she is happy to know that her sisters are there for her. She also got few messages from her mom.

[Stella]: "I will not let him cut you off financially."

[Stella]: "You have my support, and your dad will come around, eventually."

[Stella]: "I will talk with him when he cools down."

[Stella]: "Let me know when you reach Vivian. I want to know that you are safe."

Sarah smiled while reading her mom's messages. She responded to Stella that she reached her destination safely, so that she does not worry.

She thought about what Aiden suggested. To work with him, hacking into systems of foreign governments, or to find location of kidnapped children around the world, wreaking havoc and leaving without a trace... it sounds very exciting. She remembered when Sophia warned her that there is some unknown source of money in White corp. 'It seems I found out what the unknown source is. For these types of jobs, they are definitely getting large sums.'

Sarah looked at Aiden and watched him work on his laptop. The room has a dim light on, and his face is lit up by the screen of his laptop. She loves watching him, she loves everything about him. Sarah looked at the bangle on her left wrist, and then back at him. She can't imagine being away from him and is tempted to accept his offer. But what if it's something illegal or immoral? She can't accept something like this based on her feelings for him alone. And what if he is not sincere? What if all this was an act just to get her to accept the job? Sarah was getting irritated, 'Ugh! Why is my mind going in circles without being able to come to a conclusion?'