Is It Wrong to Fake Accidents to Pick Up Girls in the Dungeon?

It happened right around when my ability to keep track of how much time had passed

was starting to fail after Master abducted me.

Having endured his special lessons in an ultra-luxurious inn, the fair elf made a short

declaration:

"We're going to the Dungeon."

"Eh?"

I was already worn out and in a daze, so his sudden order caught me off guard.

Hedin's remodeling—no, breaking in… or reincarnation? Ah, whatever, let's go with

remodeling… Anyway, I was subjected to almost two days of developing a sensibility

for "everything from the frame of mind for dealing with women to the most basic of

basics of escorting a lady." These lessons were more grueling than anything Miss Eina

put me through.

I still haven't been allowed a wink of sleep—he scoffed at the idea that I couldn't go

five days straight without issue since I'm Level 4—and then he dragged me down into

the Dungeon all of a sudden for some live practice.

"Ummm, Master… why did we come to the Dungeon for a lesson…?"

"You dolt. What would you do if Lady Syr caught wind of you doing something like

picking up women up on the surface? Do you want to make her sad before your date

has even begun, nitwit?"

"Of course not, sir. I'm sorry, sir…"

"You are currently an object of some attention in Orario right now. If you do anything

that draws notice, word of it will spread in no time. Put a little bit of thought into your

current situation, you harebrained fool."

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir…"

Under the barrage of scathing criticism, I can't do anything other than stare blankly

and apologize.

Human dignity? That means nothing to Master.

"But escorting in the Dungeon… Does that mean practicing with a monster? How

would you even differentiate the fema—"

"Are you mocking me?"

"—Ghp?!"

Master's merciless kick hits my bottom, sending me flying into the wall before I

collapse to the floor.

At least my defense level is going to be rising a lot!

I apologize over and over again pathetically.

"B-but if it isn't with monsters… then… doesn't that mean…?"

"Yes," Master says, adjusting his glasses. "For the remaining three days, you will hole

up here in the Dungeon. You will devote your everything to hunting monsters—and

women."

"Ehhh?!"

"What are you imagining now, you degenerate?"

"Agh! I-I'm sorry, sir!"

I apologize after a second kick lands as Master looks down at me scornfully, like I'm a

disobedient animal. Then he outlines his plan.

"You will use female adventurers as practice dummies for your training."

I break into a sweat at how casually he called strangers practice dummies, but I can at

least understand what he is getting at.

It isn't exactly what he was talking about earlier, but it's true things that would draw

attention on the surface would generally not be considered news if they happened in

the Dungeon. A bad reputation can spread like wildfire up there, but issues cropping

up between fellow adventurers is an everyday sort of thing. Even if I screw up, at the

very least it shouldn't start making the rounds aboveground until after the festival

starts. Though word might spread among the other adventurers before that…

"Ummm, so then does that mean I'll just be systematically talking to all of the women

down here…?"

"As if I'd have you do something so inefficient. Why do you think we're in the middle

floors?"

Right, we're currently on the thirteenth floor. Specifically in the Cave Labyrinth that

marked the end of the upper floors.

"In this vast, deep Dungeon, what region do you suppose is the one where the most

deaths occur?"

"Eh? Umm… it's the upper floors, right?"

"Correct. The unwashed masses of beginner adventurers who are found lacking in

their preparation and their effort. Those who have become arrogant, those who are

rash, those abandoned by fortune—they all come to die in the beginning floors."

I secretly breathe a huge sigh of relief at answering correctly as Master begins to walk.

As he said, the upper floors are where most people die.

About half of Orario's adventurers are lower-tier adventurers, and the rate of accidents

is highest in the region between the first and twelfth floors. The middle floors and

beyond are undeniably more inhospitable, but the denominator is just fundamentally

different—I think that was how Miss Eina put it?

The type of incidents that happen deep in the Dungeon are worse, but in terms of pure

numbers, there are just far more incidents on the upper floors.

That's how I pictured it in my head at least.

"So then, other than those upper floors, on which floor is an incident most likely to

occur?"

"…Here in the middle floors, right?"

"I asked for a specific floor, not a general region, imbecile."

He doesn't even glance back in my direction as he flicks a pebble that slams right into

my forehead.

"Wh-aaaaargh…!" I hold my forehead, groaning in pain as he ignores me.

"The answer is this floor—the thirteenth floor, where there is a clear, precipitous

increase in difficulty from the upper floors," he says, answering his own question like

a teacher explaining something to a hopeless student. "The people who will be your

practice partners are the unfortunate adventurers who often encounter tragic accidents

here."

"Eh?"

"Using the suspension-bridge effect, we will artificially inflate your initial impression,

creating a situation where it will be easier to commence a mock date."

By this point, even I can finally understand what he's saying.

It's true that I would never do the sort of thing like picking up women I had never met

before the way some gods did—actually, I wouldn't ever do that with women I do

know, either. But if they've already let down their guard somewhat, then maybe it'll

work out somehow, even if I have no experience interacting with women.

…Wait, isn't this kind of exactly one of the situations I dreamed of back when I talked

about picking up girls in the Dungeon?

"There are too many other adventurers in the upper floors, so there is no guarantee it

wouldn't draw unwanted attention. And more than anything, the sorts of swine

wallowing around in that region are too easy—airheaded and lacking in character. To

equate them to Lady Syr even for the purposes of hypothetical training would be rude."

He said all that harsh stuff so casually…

"Your head holds little more than air, too, but you are undoubtedly a choice article. The

women who base themselves in the middle floors will surely get at least a slight thrill

when they see you."

And he's harsh on me, too…

I can feel his words carving away at my heart, but I understand his plan. And also why

we've been traveling along the main route. The region inside a floor that has the most

adventurers passing through is, generally speaking, the main route—the straight shot,

shortest path to the next floor down. Even adventurers on a floor hunting for excelia

and not particularly interested in venturing further down tend to hunt near the main

route in case something unexpected happens. That way, they'll be more likely to find

some help from other adventurers.

It is a special training devised with the combined considerations of the festival being

only three days away and a need to not cause a stir on the surface.

But do we really have to take advantage of people who are earnestly exploring the

Dungeon for our own purposes…?

"Wipe that idiotic look off your face. It's time."

"!"

I'm already sinking into an abyss of self-loathing when Master noiselessly slips into

the shadows. I frantically move to the wall and, following his gaze, spot a party of four

coming closer.

"Two human men, one half-elf man, and one elven woman. Perfect."

"I-isn't that impossible…? There's just one woman and so many men…"

"No, all three of the men are interested in her and are focused on keeping each other

away. Meanwhile, she is completely fed up, but is trying not to disrupt the balance of

the party while they are in the Dungeon. An easy mark."

"How can you tell all that?!"

"It's clear just by looking at her face."

"Elves are amazing!"

Also, I didn't want to know about that complicated party situation!

B-but still, it looks like their party has plenty of combat ability. I mean, the balance

between vanguard and the rear looks solid, and they have decent equipment. They're

probably all Level 2, so they aren't likely to end up in a pinch…

"…Huh? Master?"

He disappeared at some point. I look around restlessly, trying to find him. And then I

hear what sounds like an electrical snap and a monster crying out in pain in the

distance.

…

...

... Th-there's no way, right?

"W-waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

"I-it's a swarm of monsters!!!!"

He really went and did it?!

I scream in my heart as I realize that Master has intentionally set off a stampede of

monsters.

What comes next is just awful.

Even if it's wide, this is still just a corridor in the Dungeon—not even a room. The pass

parade closes in instantly, filling what space there is with roars and screams. It's a

scene that would have definitely been traumatic for me when I was Level 2, and even

now, my whole face spasms.

And then, after the party puts up a desperate fight for a short while, they all run away,

abandoning the elf woman who had been holding the rear.

"Ehhh?! No way! Aren't they part of the same familia?!"

"Their being scum saved me some trouble. I was about to hit them with a blast or two

to knock out the ones on the front line if it looked like it would take much longer."

"Have you ever looked in a mirror before, Master?!" I reflexively shout because he

reappeared beside me so quietly.

"Just go already. Don't miss your chance," he shoots back coolly.

I'm at a loss for words, but hearing the woman's screams, I snap out of it and frantically

rush over.

She's already battered and on her knees.

I can feel my body heat shoot up and my heart roar that I need to save her as I charge

straight into the swarm of al-miraj and hellhounds.

Ah, this is divine punishment—

That was what Laurier, the elf girl, thought as the wall of monster fangs drew near.

It had all started with her patron god's unreasonable request.

"Laurier, I want you to investigate the familia written on this memo. I need information

on their inner workings. Work your way in by disguising yourself as a solo and get them

to accompany you into the Dungeon. Their familia is predominantly male adventurers,

so with your looks, they'll probably spill their guts about whatever you ask. Eh? That's

seduction? An elf like you can't do that? Hey, now, I'm Hermes. I know quite well what my

cute little followers can and can't do. You're brilliant, and this mission will be a cakewalk

for you! I just know it!"

She had been sent off without any chance to object, her god's shady smile on her back

as she left.

Laurier was part of Hermes Familia. And her patron god and his merry band of

comrades did this sort of thing—spying on other familias—all the time without

hesitation. She knew from Hermes's teachings that information was more valuable

than money. And she had been dispatched to spy again in order to sniff out anything

suspicious or weaknesses in order to secure leverage for future negotiations.

"Sheesh… why does someone like me have to use my appearance like this…?"

Laurier was a beautiful girl. Her long blond hair was often worn tied up in the back

and her deep green eyes were quintessentially elven. Her face also had the look of

someone just growing into their prime, all excellent features for capturing the interest

of most men. There was no end to the number of adventurers who would have loved

to share a drink with her.

In terms of ability, she was a solid Level 2 upper-tier adventurer. And yet in Orario, she

was relatively unknown.

The reason for that was because she was generally tasked to deal with things occurring

outside the city. Hermes Familia always had its ear to the ground for happenings

throughout the entire mortal realm and would often dispatch people to other countries

and cities in order to gather information. And she had carried out covert missions or

been forced to accompany Hermes on one of his jaunts plenty of times as well.

A little over two months ago, in fact, it had been none other than Laurier who had

snuck into the estate of a foreign aristocrat and discovered a monster that could

speak—a Xenos—being held there.

"I understand that only those of us who take care of things outside the city can avoid

the suspicion that comes with being a member of Hermes Familia, but… ughhhh!"

In any case, that was how Laurier had ended up getting close to a party from a different

familia. She had clung to a small hope that they might be suspicious of her and ruin

the plan, but her wise patron god had been correct, and the overwhelmingly male

familia had gladly, excitedly welcomed her.

She had hid her cringe with a smile as she explored the Dungeon with them while

extracting information out of them, steeling herself for the overtime work that would

come from having to let them treat her to a drink later that night.

That was when divine punishment came for her.

"GUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

An unbelievable swarm of monsters had suddenly attacked, and the men had

abandoned her as a decoy and run off.

All alone, with no support. Unlike Asfi and the others, Laurier did not have as much

experience in the Dungeon, so she had no hope of escaping this disaster.

And in the midst of such un-elf-like insincerity. Our Great Tree would never forgive such

indecency… and I'll never forgive you, Lord Hermes.

Battered and torn, down on a knee, she watched as the hellhounds approached with

fangs bared. Laurier had accepted her fate with resignation, when—

"—Hah!"

A white blur too fast to be seen rescued her from her fated death.

"…Huh?"

The attacking hellhound groaned gruesomely as it was cut down. But before she could

register what was happening, the white blur began to exterminate the rest of the

monsters.

With a single stroke, the jet-black knife dismembers the al-miraj, and the giant liger

fang that pounced from behind is handily dispatched with one slash, as if a dark

shooting star cleaved it in two. The battle itself was moving too quickly for Laurier to

follow as the blur's shining red eyes etched themselves into her mind.

Finally, the blur charred the hellhound mob that was preparing to spew fire using an

outrageously fast chant, easily finishing off all of the monsters that had swarmed the

passage.

As sparks flew behind it, the blur—which turned out to be a boy even younger than

Laurier—turned to face her. The moment his red eyes looked into hers, Laurier felt

her heart race in a way she had never experienced before.

—Just as a single elf who adjusted his glasses in the shadows had anticipated.

Playing it safe, I even use Firebolt, prioritizing the girl's safety as I carefully clear up

the swarm of monsters.

After making sure that they have all been eliminated, I turn around to see her sink to

the floor, staring up at me in shock. Her smooth, pale skin is ever so slightly flushed.

…The guilt is killing me.

I feel so terrible.

I wonder what the me who first came to Orario would think if he saw me now…

"Umm… Are you all right? Can you stand up?"

"…! Ah, yes, I'm okay!… Wh-who are you?" she asks as she rises.

…Master is motioning for me to hurry up and introduce myself.

"My name is… Bell Cranell…"

"R-Rabbit Foot! The record holder who climbed all the way to Level Four in one

bound!… The one Lord Hermes always mentions…"

She looks amazed when she hears my name.

It sounds like she said something about Hermes, too… She seems to be struggling with

where to look before finally stealing a glance at my face.

S-so this is the suspension-bridge effect…

It is amazing how effective it is, but the guilt is almost unbearable…

"M-my name is Laurier. You have my gratitude. I was saved thanks to your aid…"

"N-not at all. Please don't worry about it. Really…"

As we both struggle to string together a proper sentence—she out of nervousness, me

out of shame…

"—Soldiers of lightning."

"Hgh?!"

"?!"

Master's super-short-cast blast hits me right in the back. Laurier didn't notice because

it had happened so quickly, so my sudden groan catches her by surprise. When I turn

around, I'm met with nothing less than a subzero glare silently telling me:

—Escort her properly, fool. Or do you want to be scorched?

Even though I already got scorched!

I turn pale as I hurriedly redirect my attention back to Laurier.

"L-Laurier! Your clothes and equipment have gotten rather beaten up, so please take

my coat!"

Taking care not to scare her, I waste no time taking the coat that Master had given me

for some reason before setting out to the Dungeon and placing it on her shoulders.

H-he's so kind!

Badump!

Laurier's heart raced. Her face turned redder as she felt the coat settle on her shoulders.

"Laurier! I don't know your situation at all—really, truly—but moving alone through

the middle floors is quite dangerous! If you'd like, I can accompany you back to the

upper floors!"

"Eh? N-no, I couldn't possibly trouble a stranger so…!"

"It would be no trouble at all! Really! Given the situation and also the danger you might

face, I can't just leave you here!"

"Y-you can't?!"

On the receiving end of Bell's earnest gaze—and the intense feelings of someone who

was at that very moment being targeted by magic and could not flee—Laurier became

incredibly flustered. Putting a hand to her cheek that was growing hotter by the

minute, her eyes flitted back and forth.

Laurier had no experience when it came to romance. Or more precisely, she did not

know how to act when it came to engaging in a pure, uncalculating relationship

between men and women. Being a part of Hermes Familia, she was capable of using

her appearance to get closer to her targets. But in her heart, she had a very low opinion

of men in general. As an elf, a race considered attractive by many other races, she was

scornful of the vulgar sorts who often approached her and had developed a bit of a

bias. She was the embodiment of strict elven chastity.

And in that innocent state, having never experienced her first love, she was suddenly

faced with this extreme situation.

After being gallantly rescued from imminent danger, she received immediate and

solicitous concern for her well-being and found herself the subject of an intense set of

eyes (paying no heed to appearances).

It came through clear as day just how much he wanted to protect her (and his own

life).

Laurier was confused. She couldn't understand the heat rising within her. And put

bluntly, though she did not know it herself yet, a younger human with white hair, red

eyes, and an attentive nature fit her tastes perfectly.

"...I-in that case… I guess I'll take you up on your kind offer…"

Her face was still red, and she nervously rubbed her hands together, assenting in a

quiet voice.

With Hedin watching over them still, she and Bell formed a temporary party, which

gave Bell a chance to breathe a little sigh of relief, though Laurier never noticed.

We walk together, keeping an eye out for monsters as we chat.

I focus the conversation on shared topics, just like Master taught me—in this case, he

had said it would be easy to keep the conversation moving with interesting information

about the Dungeon or personal stories—and gradually, both of us relax a little bit.

"That party was a gathering of miserable cowards! Running their eyes all over me,

trying to build a rapport with me, and then abandoning me and running when push

came to shove!"

"Ah-ha-ha!… It seems like you're very popular."

"P-popu—?! D-don't sweet-talk me! Everyone simply makes too much of the fact that

I'm an elf. I don't have any special allure…!"

"Ummm… But from talking with you, I get the feeling that you are actually a really kind

person."

"!"

"You were feeling guilty about them letting you into their party despite not being from

their familia, right? That's why you took the lead in defeating lots of monsters and why

you let them have the lion's share of the magic stones and drop items… and maybe the

reason they left you like that was because they mistook you for a really strong

adventurer?"

"Y-you've got it wrong! I was getting close to them out of selfish motives! It was just a

self-interested desire to distract myself from my guilt! It's a horrid way to make a

living… and I'm always, always doing things like this… that's why… today was simply

my just desserts. I'm a hideous elf…"

"…I have a friend, an elf who's very similar to you, Laurier… But if you ask me, anyone

who would do something for someone else's sake, even if it meant hating themselves

for what they did—I don't think that person is hideous at all.

"I think that's a beautiful thing," I add with a heartfelt smile.

"Hya?!… Ah… ahhh…"

She puts her hands on her cheeks that had turned bright red.

I-is this really okay?

—"In your situation, just say what you think. If you notice something good about them,

go ahead and praise them. That's sufficient. If your compatibility is high, you will evoke

their desire to protect and—" something something something…

I'm staying true to Master's teachings, and Laurier is gradually getting redder and

redder and honestly starting to behave a little oddly. It sort of feels familiar, like I've

seen something similar recently—oh yeah, Lyu's been acting just like this.

Anyway, with all that, I spend some time dealing with monsters we come across,

making sure to protect Laurier, who's still injured.

Taking the most direct path back, the passage leading to the upper floors gradually

comes into view.

And with that, this is mission accomplished.

My battle will continue, but for now, I can rest easy knowing I've completed my first

escort. Just then, though, Laurier, whose eyes had been pointedly focusing on the

ground, suddenly looks up, as if she has just made up her mind.

"R-Rabbit Foot—no, Bell! Thank you for helping me! But it would be a stain on my

honor as an elf to not do anything to repay you!"

"It's fine, really. You don't need to trouble yourself over it."

I guess it's because we're about to go our separate ways? Her face is still red as she

stands there looking very serious.

But honestly, as the person who's responsible for the problem in the first place so I

could have an opportunity to rush in and save you, I really don't want you to feel

obligated. If anything, the guilt I already feel is still threatening to crush me…

"Please, I insist! So, um, if you don't mind… could we perhaps meet again some time?"

"Meet?"

"S-some other time is fine! Whenever you want is fine! I'll always be waiting! Though

of course I'd be happy if it happened soon, but… A-anyway! I want to repay you

somehow when we meet again! So… maybe get you a sword, or armor, or something!

And maybe just walk around the town a little bit!"

Ah, so like that time with Miss Eina, then?

Equipment is essential for any adventurer… so giving weapons and stuff when

someone helps you, maybe that's just one of the unwritten norms of adventurers that

I'm not familiar with yet. Maybe it's like how dividing up drop items when exploring

the Dungeon just sort of happens based on mutual understanding…

"S-so… if you don't mind?"

She keeps looking down and then mustering up the courage to sneak a glance at me.

I just naturally smile back, thinking how nice she is and how very elf-like her strong

sense of duty seems to be.

"Of course not, that would be nice—"

As I say that, her face blooms beautifully. But just then…

"—Soldiers of lightning."

"Fgh?!"

Less than a second after I open my mouth, lightning strikes.

Why?!

As I start to slump from the shock, which naturally startles Laurier, Master comes to

retrieve me faster than I can follow with my eyes. I'm still crackling and charred as he

lifts me over his shoulder and forcibly pulls me out of my encounter with Laurier.

"Wh-why did you do that…?!"

"Making arrangements for an encounter? Are you looking down on your date with

Lady Syr, you harebrained fool?"

"I-I'm sorry…!"

"…Also, I suspect if you interact with that elf any further, things will only become even

more complicated."

C-complicated…?

I can't speak or move because the numbness from the shock hasn't totally worn off,

but I am a little confused by that.

"Put simply, there are few beings more troublesome than an elf whose feelings have

awakened."

Master says nothing more, leaving it at that.

I guess I'll never find out—

"On to your next target. Your live practice will continue with a new woman."

And with that, he carries me off to the next battlefield.

My battle isn't over yet…

"What happened…?"

Bell had suddenly collapsed, and then what seemed like a shadow ran by in an instant,

and then he was gone. Laurier stood there dumbstruck, questioning whether she had

hallucinated it all.

"No… it can't have just been my imagination."

Confirming she still had his coat draped over her shoulders, a slight smile crossed her

lips.

She hugged the coat gently, as if it still held his warmth, her cheeks adorned in a light

shade of red.

"Ahhh, Bell…! I wonder when we can meet again…"

The elven face that was normally severe and cool had melted into bliss.

This was the birth of another of the white rabbit's most ardent fans.

Hermes finding out later that one of his followers had fallen madly in love with Bell

when her mission went sour, and the god's falling over backward in shock, is a story

for another day.