3 Death(1/2)

Over time, he had slowly accepted this life expectancy. It was hard to even get up in the morning every day, but after realizing his life would be entirely composed of such days, Haru was able to wake up faster and faster, when during the first few days it happened that he stayed even 30 minutes to stare at the ceiling, quietly wondering 'Why to me..why was I the one with such fate?'

Even though he was slowly getting used to his life in the hospital, Haru at the same time kept trying with all his might to hold onto everything that was precious to him, but almost imperceptibly, all of them were moving away, and when his mother confessed to him that after talking to the doctors he didn't have much longer left to live, Haru felt as if his world had stopped again, almost as much as the first time he was told that his illness was incurable and that his life expectancy was already running low.

'Live life to the fullest? How am I supposed to, stuck in a hospital with a few days left?'

His own thought made him smile bitterly. He had nothing against people repeating these words to him. He understood that in their way they tried to help him, but he himself couldn't understand. What was there to live to the fullest for him? Before that, he could at least go out from time to time. After the first days of check-up and observation, he had been given this freedom, but now that his illness had worsened, Haru could only watch from the window as this sunset, although equal to all the others, seemed particularly moving to him.

'...Must be the effect of the medicines'

Wiping the tears he was building up in his eyes, Haru watched the sun before he heard someone opening the door at full blast.

"...I'm sorry if I'm late!"

Said the girl, panting as if she had run miles and miles without stopping as sweat clearly flowed down her cheeks. The girl was obviously Asumi. Having run all the way from school to the hospital, she didn't know if she was late or not, so as a precaution she decided to apologize for the delay.

"It's okay. I mean, you're doing your best to pass your midterms..."

Asumi was a very studious girl, and she used to take 100 at all exams, for which she was praised by the professors, and in the last year also by Haru. But that was just a trivial thing about everything he'd been through with this girl. When he met her, she almost seemed to have the look of a child, but within just a year and a few months, Asumi had really grown up, and he had managed to see until she was 17 years old. Though at the thought of it his smile trembled, his heartbeat accelerated and his hands clenched in fists, Haru hadn't yet accepted the most painful truth of his illness, he would lose this girl.

"Kora! What are you doing up there? You need to rest in bed!"

It was one of the countless times that Asumi sent Haru back down from the wall and into bed. During the year, Haru had found several ways to make fun of her, sometimes with something light, other times with a playful smile asking to pick him up and put him to bed personally, other times playfully answered "OK mom!" coming down from the wall and lying in bed just as she had asked, acting like a well-mannered son, but this time he only managed to smile at her, with tears running down his cheeks, Haru couldn't pretend in front of those bluish eyes, He couldn't keep such information from her. No, even if he wanted to, it was simply impossible.

"W-What... Happened..!?"

Gasping for air from her earlier run, Asumi saw that Haru was desperate again. Those eyes that once shone with a light brown so perfect that they held their breath every time their eyes met. The magic behind his eyes had always been present, but this time, all that was passed on to her was intense pain, and she didn't think a second about what she had to do.

Even before Haru could open his mouth, Asumi was already next to him. It wasn't the first time Haru had such a moment, at first she felt embarrassed to comfort him. Although, theoretically, they were engaged for a few months. But right now, after a whole year together, Asumi didn't even hesitate when it came to proceeding beyond the simple kiss. She had matured to such an extent, precisely because Haru had always been a good boyfriend. When they were alone, he always wanted to cuddle her, to hug her, and give her little kisses, but that always applied, no matter if there was anyone in the room beside her.

Haru loved Asumi so much, even if it had been the discussion of some quarrel, just because he didn't contain himself even in the presence of friends, which embarrassed them.

But he obviously wasn't blind. After being reprimanded by Asumi, he decided to narrow down what he did in the company of others, and actually it worked even better, because it made those same moments more special, for both.

But now was not the time to be romantic, Haru seemed to be quite sad today, but when Asumi whispered gently to him to explain what had happened, his response petrified her. Just as Haru had such deep feelings for Asumi, the latter also had feelings that had grown so much over time. He was the person who made her a woman. A woman much stronger than the girl she was before she met him, but that didn't mean she'd be ready to let him go, no, to be more precise, she'd never be ready to let go.

"W-Wait. Didn't the doctors say they were working on treatments, that the immunotherapy was working perfectly, that the possibilities had increased over time... why..why..so suddenly?"

The news had destroyed her. Usually, she was the one who proved to be stronger mentally than the two, but now that Haru took a look at the chaos in her pupils, he took a long breath, letting the tears flow, but without making any cry, he had neither the strength nor the need for this kind of despair.

"..My tumour expanded."

Even though she used to hug him, now it was exactly the opposite. Right now, even if it was rather shameless for her, it was Haru who was trying to comfort her, even though he was the one who needed comfort... Her despair at the loss of the love of his life now so close was unbearable.

"I...I'm sorry..."

Her broken voice, her eyes so tearful, she could fill a river, her red nose. Asumi was in a horrible condition, but he could only giggle while his own tears didn't cease for a second.

"You're beautiful, even your crying face is beautiful."

Haru could only say openly what he wanted the most. Even though he had a few remaining days, even though the world around him was shattering, a simple tumour could never shatter such a strong feeling. No, this feeling would be the only thing that could warm his frozen heart.

"..Stop teasing me for once."

She was crying, and yet Haru made her smile with a simple sentence. This was one of the things she loved most about Haru, but her insecurity could only remind her that Haru was also a very playful person.

"..I'm not, moron."

This was her answer, but after Asumi pretended to be angry at his 'insult', Haru didn't hesitate to approach her face, whispering in her ear "Being playful may be a part of my personality, but don't misunderstand. When I say you're beautiful, you are."

The two comforted themselves with the warmth of their bodies, their emotions, and their hearts as time passed and, before they realized it, visiting hours were also over for today.

"Then...I guess I'll go for today."

Wiping her eyes and nose with handkerchiefs, Asumi said these words while Haru nodded and decided to go back to bed as she had asked without making a fuss.

"Yes, I'll see you..."

When these words were finished, Haru felt that day was different from the others. Normally, he would have decided that was enough for today, but as if the effusions that had been exchanged between them until now weren't enough, Haru took her by the wrist, pulling her toward him with little force so as not to hurt her.

Even before she could figure out what was going on, he put his lips on hers. It was not a romantic kiss, it was purely a gesture that he had done impulsively, the emotions behind that kiss were indescribable even for Asumi who, blinking and realizing what was happening, had her face red again as ripen tomato, as red as the first time Haru confessed his feelings.

It was her turn to reciprocate and the words simply didn't come out of his mouth. She felt as if the roller coaster she used to experience when he kissed her, but this time they were put at maximum speed, without her even knowing it before she found herself raiding the train itself.

After a few seconds, however, Haru remembered that the nurse who had come in to tell Asumi that the visiting hour was over was still there, but opening his eyes he saw that she was smiling gently. Haru had known this nurse since she started working at this hospital, and since then she had been one of the most understanding people around him, even though she didn't know anything about his life, that smile of hers still made him nod in his mind and, by slowly removing his lips from hers, he could only have a smile on his face at the sight of an Asumi so embarrassed as the first times he had known her.

"..I love you"

As if already kissing her in an almost passionate way wasn't enough, Haru placed his forehead on hers while he whispered these words. He wanted to show her that he loved her, but words alone wouldn't be enough. No, this was the only way he could really express his feelings.

Asumi could only look at him. She wanted to respond in the same way, but the words simply didn't come out, perhaps because of too much emotion, perhaps because of embarrassment, she didn't know why she couldn't pronounce these words, but Haru stopped her by caressing her head gently.

"...You don't have to force yourself to say it. You can tell me tomorrow or when you feel like it. I know you love me as well."

After a little reprimand from Asumi who tried to change the speech and Haru who decided to be playful about it, the minutes passed and she chose to leave because the visiting hour was over for a while now, and the special treatment certainly wasn't seen favorably in the hospital.

"You went all out and said it.."

The nurse was certainly surprised, not expecting to become an observer to two young people in the flower of their passion, but certainly, the thing had only warmed her heart, just because the look that Haru had while staring at her was that of a man in love, Not a kid who talks only out of sheer passion.

"...I had to. My life span was reduced to merely a few days, If I ended up dead without saying it, how could I go to the afterlife with pride?"

At her words, the nurse sighed knowing that his reasoning made sense.

"..You put another burden on her though, is it truly what you wanted?"

Haru was far too mature for his age, this was something that the nurse saw both positively and negatively. It was certainly good that he was mature, but this put great pressure on the girl, who, normally for her age, wasn't mature enough to respond to those words so easily. And the more she couldn't answer him, the more upset she'd be.

"..She's a strong girl. No matter if she gives me an answer or not, all I wanted was to confess these feelings and let her know how much I loved her this year. The only thing I really hope is that Eichiro will be able to help her as much as possible when I'm gone, My only wish is that she lives her life without having me in her mind, and maybe, when she'll be a little older, find someone who can cheer her up at least as much as I could by seeing her eyes lost in the void."

He had difficulty saying these words, and even the nurse knew it very well, but she could only nod. His words made sense again, but she didn't praise him for it. There was a time when she praised him when he said something wise, but right now she knew that wasn't what he wanted from her.

"..I'm sure that girl will grow stronger, exactly like you want her to. But now it's time to sleep, tomorrow you have another check-up."

In the hope that a more aggressive approach to immunotherapy would have some effect, Haru had to go to bed early so that the next day he would have no trouble waking up and, Although usually, his playful attitude would begin to make its way into the conversation, he just nodded his head, slumped on the bed.

Saying goodbye to the nurse, Haru felt his head getting heavy. Unlike the other times, he always had difficulty breathing and therefore difficulty sleeping, this time he fell asleep almost immediately, but it was different from the other times. The time when his head was heavy lasted only a second, after which Haru felt his head, as well as his entire body, acquire a lightness that he had never felt before...

---

(Kora: Informal term meaning "hey!" or close to "listen here!" and is used to get someone's attention in a rough tone.)

(To explain why Asumi was so surprised about his simple 'I love you' after a whole year they got together, it's because my novel is only written in English, yet my setting is Japanese. In Japanese, there's a whole line that separates 'I like you' from 'I love you'. Loving someone for a teenager is considered rare, so rare it could be said teenagers who say 'I love you' easily could be considered as people who simply do not respect Japanese culture, and of course Asumi and Haru, two Japanese, have the same mentality. This means that for Haru, clearly expressing his love with 'I love you' instead of 'I like you' was one of the most important steps in their relationship.)

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