14 Chapter 14

Rose pov ..

Take care of yourself and the little Amelia , Henry says to me and I smiled . He walked out and I kept on looking at his fugure until he was not at sight. I sighed and looked at the little house. This place is so beautiful and cosy too I mumbled and walked inside the room .

I started cleaning , wiping up dusts on the windows and the little table . I hummed with an aunknown tune as I worked . I wish I could have been a a men , I wouldn't have been bombarded with all this .

" baby's stress, raising a baby too !! "

Maybe I would have been better of without Amelia, with that thought my heart ached a little . I want a little freedom . Henry is my inspiration since I met him , he helped me in everything. He works day and night to provide himself,

I envy him alot, he doesn't depend on anyone .

Hours later......

I mumbled and sighed when I heard her waking up from sleeping . " Here we go again !!, " I shouted and walked inside the room and rubbed my forehead and took her in my arms.

" what Amy? " Are you hungry ? I ask her with a little smile but shw started crying, Since we took her to the hospital. She has been so silent, shw cried alot and slept because if the medicines which we have been giving her . I never thought at the fusrt place if Henry would treat us this way and even though he is as young as me .

She started crying hysterically in my arms and I took her to the kitchen where I prepared porridge for her . I started giving her the food and she latched on the porridge like her life depends on the food . " I look at my little daughter in my arms and now alot of things have been on my head "

She is better off without you ..i heard sounds of my head telling me .

But she is your daughter, yiu gave birth to her ...my mind kept pastering me .

No, you need to stay for her ..she needs you . She needs a mother..I kept on hearing the voices .

" but you have dreams , I mumbled looking at her little face . " Don't you want to work in a place where you went few days ago? My subconscious asks me and I gulped as I looked at my cute daughter's face.

I am sorry Amelia , I whispered lookinga t her innocent face. I love you so much b..ut ..you are better off with me my dear . I tell her shamelessly . I am poor ans I need a new life , I need to find myself just like you saw how Henry struggles with himself to be rich .

I have no idea what I am telling my daughter , but at the same time the guilt is killing me so bad . I can't stay here and be dependant on Henry, we are both young and I belive that I have to go out there and struggle and to make sure I strive and get what I deserve for the determinations which I am going to make .

Amelia looked at my face and smiled lovingly at me ,I wiped my tears and loooed at her little body . " I don't know until when I will be with you , but I..I.. love you so much that I am willing to live you here with him and entrust you to him "

He will love you and take care of you like his own , he will give you all the joy and love which we were both looking for , " I saw it in his eyes, he envies us ,he envied our love and I know he will be willing to keep you with him .

I kissed her cheek as she started sleeping on my arms , I made her drink the medicine and soon she slept into oblivion.

I wiped my tears and my face clean and poured some water into it and sighed, " sometimes things ans people have to change , I can't remain poor like how my mother ended . "

I thank Henry for these few days for opening up my eyes , i can't dealeavung with poor, humiliation and being held as captive without me doing anything about it . " I have to change for the best, "

But what yiu are going to do is not right at all, it will look like you are abandoning her , my inner me says to me and I can't deny to that shameless act which I was going to commit either, I want to experience life, I know it's going to be so hard and I don't want to risk her life at all .

"Shshs ," She will be safe with Henry.. I tell myslef helplessly .I have every reason to run off from here, nightmares have been chasing me throughout the nights , I close my eys but can't sleep .

Guilt is eating me up so much, I haven't forgot how I killed that man mercilessly . It felt so unreal but I did it, I killed him brutually . " I am a murderer , I whisper witha tight smile covered on my face and bitter tears streaming down my eyes as I recalled how I was violated .."

" I hate my life ," I wanted to shout so that I could ened my misery but I couldn't ...

I coul..." Remember you didn't do that willingly, you were just defending yourself from that animal, he hurt your feelings , he touched you , he made you looks o cheap infromt if your own daugh...."

Stop ,stop it !!! I yelled out as tears brimmed my eyes , please stop it , I yelled and shaked my head which was filled up with miseries and guilts and pain , " please stop it, I murmured ... my head is playing games with me "

I know what I did, so stop talking in my head, Don't make me regret the next thing I desire to do , I debated with my conscious and a sinister smile deepened and played on my face.

I wanted the pain which I had in me to end , I wanted to look like other girls, but ...but ..how ? ..I aksed myslef .

" kill yourself, just kill yourself Rose and all the pain you feel will disperse and your soul will rest...

In peace " my subconscious tells me and I smiled with that thought.

Just how I killed the man with my bare hands and he managed to sleep at the end peacefully maybe, I could just do the same. " he closed his eyes and slept peacefully after you ayriked him on his head repeatedly " I heard a voice in my head telling me .

I didn't wait at all as I took the que of going inside the kitchen and saw kerosene , " yes kerosene, we use it in the making of fire ,and now I am going to light the fire in me so that I could rest peacefully .

I opened the bottle in the small kitchen, poured the kerosene on my whole body and I looked back at the room which my child was sleeping in and smiled one last night . " maybe this is the right thing for the both of us , I want you to never ever ask who was your mom and who abondoned you and left you with a stranger ."

I am sorry baby, I am not sure what i am doing is right or wrong !! But what I know is that I will be free from the struggles and the tortures of the world , the humiliation and my greedy mind for a good life . I said silently and took the match out whichbwas near and dropped it closely on myself .

" I am sorry , darling..." I am sorry Henry, hope you will always and forever be with her....

All I could think of is asking myslef as flames started surrounding me, " is this my fault?

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