18 Déjà vu

Paris, Summer 2020 France

To think that only a month ago I found my life dull and very boring, as if I was in a coma. Today, my nerves were stretched to the limit. All my senses were on high alert. I was scanning every sound, every breath, and every movement. Instead of finding my life boring, I was captivated by it now. The feelings of people walking by penetrated me and I sensed vibrations, like swirls of color coiled around them, making their feelings so obvious. Life attracted me more now. I have a reason to exist, no longer just a body and soul stagnating. This was enough to change my mood and perceive the meaning of my existence differently. I no longer suppressed my talents, but allowed them to spread so I would have better access to information, to understand her. At least that's what I was hoping.

Had she thought of me?

I had seen her reaction. Since she had noticed how I had looked at her, after having rescued her, she surely must have asked herself why. People constantly and desperately want to be normal. This need is particularly strong during the teenage years - well, she wasn't a teenager any longer. Alma had to be very shy, if she had not confided to Vera.

Maybe she had.

Fear filled my heart. I would definitely have to go to the hospital to find out what happened after I left. Had she stayed? Had she tried to find me? Ah, this day had become just like the day before I left! I was tired of hiding! My desire not to lose sight of her, made me hide. I was constantly afraid that she would see me and run away. That wouldn't be a bad solution for her. But for me...

In the morning, going to the University to see her after my long absence, I heard her talking and planning to go to the museum that evening. I decided to be her shadow. She could not deny me access; my existence was preserved by anonymity. Even though I would keep my distance, I did not intend to give up.

Once in my car, I felt more relaxed. The powerful engine that the techs had boosted for me was purring. Soon I was on the road and knew that with every mile I drove, I approached closer to her. I was alone. For now, I was pleased. I stopped the car some distance from Palais du Louvre. Coming out, I did not even notice the world around me.

A strange feeling, a change for sure.

I walked fast; I wanted to arrive first. Why? I was still baffled that she was the one true motivation for my return.

There she is! I said to myself.

I felt my body stiffen; I tried to look normal. I stared around as if I was expecting to meet someone. I avoided aiming my prying eyes in her direction. I forbid myself to look at the place where I knew she was. I could not help but listen, however. Vera spoke animatedly. She seemed distracted, and did not mind the long line. I saw that her cheeks were a rosy tint again. Vera gesticulated continually and breathed in short fast gasps, nearly suffocating because of the speed at which the words came out. I gathered that the young man who was standing near them was Alex, and Vera gazed at him with languid eyes.

Yes! I remembered when Alma had mentioned his name: Alex Krupp. Another girl was with him. They approached Alma and Vera. She was blond, tall, robust and with an air of that of a cheerleader. She nodded from time to time, shook her head vaguely, without deigning to open her mouth. Alex was all smiles. Tall, pale blue eyes, ashen hair, but skinny. He squealed when he spoke to Alma and Vera. Every time she looked at him, Vera suddenly changed her attitude. I heard Alex ask Vera what was wrong with Alma. I did not like how he was interested in her, how he surrounded her with his gaze.

Fantasies were surely fogging his mind and she knocked him out of his daydream by saying in a clear and quiet voice: "I'm okay. What do you want to see?" Her voice seemed an echo in the noise of the crowd, but I knew that was only because I focused on her with such intensity.

"We are not yet agreed on the Art Expo," Alex said with a laugh and without looking at Fanny, the girl who accompanied him.

"As you wish," said Fanny, who stared at the floor while the blood was slowly fleeing her face.

"Why don't all of us go together?" continued Alma catching up with the line.

I could not help to glance in her direction. I averted my eyes quickly. I became aware of myself and tried to transform my wry face into a natural expression. Fanny was wondering: Why Alma?

"Is there is a problem?" Alex did not let go of the discussion and wanted to know why Alma seemed so far away from everything. I wondered what was wrong with her.

"I'm a little tired," she said and her voice was lower, but still clear.

Why was I frustrated Alex Krupp's eyes seemed to reflect a strong need to protect her? What difference did it make if his words were so possessive? Did it concern me, if Alex Krupp was so worried about her? Maybe everyone reacted like this to her. Had I not myself instinctively wanted to protect her? But was she really sick? It was difficult to judge - she certainly had an air of delicacy with her alabaster skin. When I realized that I was now worried, just like this stupid guy, I forced myself to stop thinking about him.

Anyway, I did not like seeing Alex. I began to watch Vera, who was looking for a place to sit, because the wait looked as if it was going to be long. Luckily, they sat down below, on one of the leading edges near the entrance.

Relax! Honestly. This is not the end of the world!

At that precise moment, Alex pulled out a water gun that he was hiding in his pocket and squirted Fanny's T-shirt. She blinked her eyes surprised, and then cried.

"Hey!" Vera said, as she and Alma drew back. Vera laughed. Alma looked taken aback.

I had the clear impression that Alex had chosen this moment to embarrass Fanny.