23 Mejilelogun

About forty-five minutes later soup was boiling, stew was bubbling, and music was blasting from the speakers. I sat comfortably in a chair with ice packs on almost every part of my body, only getting up occasionally to snatch pieces of meat and add pepper when Ade wasn't looking. I felt warm inside for some reason, the image I saw when I looked up felt familiar. The smell of pepper wafting around the room, pots steaming so much the walls sweat, and the sound of laughter. I watched Ade curiously and couldn't help but smile. He was more graceful than any human ever should be, and as he flit across the kitchen, chopping, stirring, and tasting, I felt joyous. But also so painfully miserable. My entire being ached. I swear I have no idea why it was at those moments, when I found the few shreds of happiness I could, that I hurt the most. Maybe I felt I didn't deserve to be happy, while my baby siblings were confused, Asante worried, my parents grief stricken, and most of all while there were people in captivity. I knew that my finding happiness just for a second couldn't hurt them, if anything they'd be happy for me. But the confusion, feelings of abandonment, worries, grief, and abuse I knew those around me were being subjected to felt too familiar. It brought back memories I had tried so hard to erase. My eyes welled with tears, and I wanted to drop to the floor and scream. My breathing was becoming shallow again. I despised my emotions and how they thought they had the right to come out whenever they damn well pleased all of a sudden. It was beyond ridiculous. I blinked the tears out of my eyes as much as I could and looked up to see Ade was looking straight at me. The song playing from the speakers switched to mad over you and I grinned maniacally to change the subject.

"Bitch this is my song right here!" I started lifting the ice packs off myself in an attempt to start dancing.

"If you don't sit your crippled ass down. I don't know what you think you're doing tryna dance meanwhile you're limping like you just got jumped."

"Boy fuck you." I responded. He ignored me and stirred the soup.

"Come taste the soup for pepper."

"If I'm crippled bring the soup to me."

"Fine." Surprisingly he brought me the soup but I saw him instantly regret it as I grinned, set it aside and jumped out of my chair knowing he would have to catch me. "You're lucky you got your shit rocked or I'd let your dumb ass fall" he caught me and I cackled.

"I wish you would-oop shut up this my line, BABY GYAL YOU BAD OH" I sang at the top of my lungs and attempted to shake the bit of booty I had without throwing my back out. I forced Ade to join in, clasping his hands and forcing him into a less sexual version of the kizomba. Although he looked suicidal and his voice was monotonous, I knew he was enjoying himself. "Ei just admit to yourself that you're enjoying this so we can do the song justice and I can be satisfied and sit down."

"You'll sit down if I join in your stupidity?"

"Sure." Lmao of course not. He joined in and I knew he got into it because he was almost competing with me - in a fucking partner dance. By the end we were both cackling as we each tried to outdo the other. Obviously I won but those who were delusional would've never accepted that. "Again, again!" I protested.

"Are you three years old? You got one dance. Be happy and go take a nap to rest your body. I'll wake you up for food."

"First of all, I'm eleven so shut the fuck up. Second, you don't tell me what to do, I tell you what to do. Stay here and finish the food, I'm going to go take a nap. Wake me up when it's ready."

"I despise you."

"You love me."

I snuggled in the warmth of my sheets as traces of Ade's Cantu and my shea butter danced in the air and I descended into sleep.

The sky was blue, the air smelled like salt, and the sand was so white it reflected the sun. For a second I felt at peace, then suddenly my stomach flipped. Wind was hurtling past my ears as the sand was yanked from under me and I was free falling. I landed in a dark hallway. I didn't know what was chasing me, but I felt something dark, cold, soulless, and I pumped my legs as fast as they could go. I was screaming and crying as loud as I could, I felt my vocal cords bruising, but I couldn't hear anything. All of a sudden it was like I couldn't breathe, I was suffocating. I dropped to the floor and I felt genuine fear consume me, but all of a sudden the darkness stopped. I could breathe again. I stood up, but all of a sudden I was covered in something sticky and hot. I held my hands up to my face I screamed once again as I realized what the crimson substance was, but I couldn't hear myself. Something was chanting my name Nkiruka....Nkiruka....Nkiruka....Nki-

"Nki! Nki! What the fuck Nki wake up!" Ade's voice yanked me from my sleep and I blinked my eyes open to realize where I was. The bed was drenched in cold sweat and I was still shaking but I didn't know why. I could still hear my name in the back of my head. Nkiruka....Nkiruka.... Ade seemed to be saying something but I couldn't concentrate on his words. Eventually he just laid in bed beside me, looking me dead in my eyes. I could tell he was concerned but he couldn't tell if I wanted him near me right now. I did. I laid my head on his chest and grabbed his hand, guiding him to wrap his arms around me and he did wholeheartedly. Damp clothes and all. As I listened to his heart beat, slowly but surely mine began to settle. We lay like that, just breathing as I played with the coils in his hair and he brushed his fingers over the bare skin just above my waist. I waited until finally I felt him conclude I was calm enough to speak.

"What was it?"

"An omen." I sighed.