31 ọgbọn

When I finally mustered the strength to pick myself off the ground, my first thought was food. I hadn't eaten in more than 24 hours and the effects of my starvation were quite palpable. The room spun as I made my way down the stairs with a mixture of dehydration from crying, exhaustion from barely sleeping, and hunger weighing me down. When finally reached the kitchen I debated turning back because the man I despised more than anything was sitting at the table. I was robbed of that choice when I began to faint and he caught me and guided me to a seat. He babbled about how he was learning how to cook on YouTube and placed a heaping plate of breakfast in front of me. With a raised eyebrow I grabbed the fork and dug in, at this point if it was poisoned I didn't really care. I had to admit the food wasn't bad and I could tell he really tried his hardest, but half of me wanted to crush his dreams like a grape and tell him it was disgusting. Instead I opted to remain silent, washing my dish upon finishing, and heading to the library inside the house. I chose a book thick enough to distract me from everything going on and forced myself to continue reading even when Asier came to sit across from me and did nothing but stare at my face intensely for the next three hours. I tried to ignore him but finally decided to toss a book at him.

"What the fuck are you looking at?'

"The most breathtaking thing I've ever seen in my life."

"Whatever."

"Do you even realize how stunning you are?"

"Yup."

"I'm glad. If you didn't it would be a shame."

"Asier I hope you know that kissing my ass isn't gonna get you any closer to tapping it..."

"I know. But I love you, and love is unconditional, so even when you don't give me what I want I can still show affection and love for you."

"Really? Which romcom did you watch now?"

'When Harry Met Sally."

"Figures." I turned back to my book and was granted a moment of silence before I heard the 'click' of a camera. I sighed without looking up. "What?"

"Its a polaroid."

"Why are you taking photos of me?"

"To add to my collection."

"What collection?" He smiled and got up, gesturing for me to follow. A chill ran down my spine and I was sure I was going to be led to a dark room with serial killer style photos of me on every wall. Instead, I was lead to something that looked more like a crafts room. I walked to a table with hundreds of pictures of me arranged across a huge poster to spell out "Marry Me?" .

"Are you fucking proposing?" I looked at him like he was dumb.

"No no no, this was made way before all this. I was going to propose on June 20th. The same day I found out you betrayed me. I had the venue for the engagement party picked out and everything. Imagine..."

"Did you buy a ring?"

"Yup. It's gone now though. It was right on my desk when I found out about everything so I just opened the window and threw it out. I thought I was done with you, if only life were that easy." His voice broke at the end of his sentence and he walked to the other side of the room, seemingly to compose himself. I felt a tinge of guilt and sympathy for the first time ever. I supposed he really did think we were in love, I had never considered how those lies would impact him. I still didn't regret a thing, but it was interesting to see how the things I did impacted him. I knew I was a good liar, but I never thought he truly believed me when I told him I loved him. I looked closer at the pictures and didn't understand how he had taken most of them. Pictures varied from me sitting on my bed at home with my bonnet on to my most recent post on Instagram before I was kidnapped. I understood how he'd gotten the latter, but the bonnet pic suggested that he had cameras in my room weeks - if not months - before he kidnapped me. I picked the picture up and turned to him.

"How did you get this?"

"How do you think?"

"So you're not just a kidnapper and abuser, you're also a stalker. Nice to know."

"It's not stalking. I was admiring. There's a difference."

"Is there really?"

"....No. You're right it was stalking. You've got to understand, I was obsessed with you for a very long time. You don't know how many times I stood out your window. I didn't realize until you came and totally didn't give a fuck about anything I did that that's not what love is supposed to be like. It's how my dad showed my mom he loved her. I just truly didn't and still don't really understand the way all of this works but I know that I love you. I really really love you. More than anything or anyone. More than Ade ever could. I might not be good at expressing it, but I would die and kill for you. Can't that be enough?"

"Asier you're much smarter than you would have me believe."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I don't buy it. We've had this conversation before but I will have it with you as many times as I need to for it to sink in. I do believe that you have a warped concept of what love is, and maybe you are trying to change a bit because you think you love me. But, you also know right from wrong. You're a grown ass man. You knew when you sold those children for personal profit it was wrong. You knew when you put your hands on me and beat me senseless on multiple occasions that what you were doing to me was wrong. And you know right now, that trying to manipulate me is wrong. So no, none of it is enough. You can't just give your fucked up past a fresh coat of paint and call yourself a new, better person. You need to take accountability for your shit, get actual help for your obvious mental issues, and actually make amends for everything you've done. You're pretending to have this new outlook because your time has run out, I'm all you have left, and you need me to love you. But if I fall in love with an illusion, what's the point? Regardless, you're only hurting yourself with this delusion that you love me. The very best I can offer you is a chance of eventual friendship way way down the line when you sort your shit out and learn to love yourself. As for now, it's hard for me to even forgive you enough to stop hating you, so love will never, ever, happen. Okay?"

"Nani why can't you just let us be happy? You only know like half the shit I've done! I've done too much and its all too bad to make amends for! I wouldn't know where to start. We're here all alone. Why can't we just start fresh?"

"Because, the past shapes us. You can't just erase it because it's convenient. Everything you've done is a part of you, whether you like it or not. So, you need to finally decide to deal with it. Don't talk to me until you do." I walked out and heard things crash in the room as I walked away. Ximenes was being Ximenes and throwing a fit. I'm sure he expected us to walk out of that room together, but I was too manipulative not to recognize when I was being manipulated. First he conveniently exposes that Ade used me then he shows me how much he was supposedly dedicated to me? As if I was going to forget all the times he hurt me and Ade bandaged me up. All the times he made me sick to my stomach and Ade held my hair as I threw up. Anger bubbled inside of me. I believed that Ade definitely had something to do with my kidnapping, but I also knew he meant it when he said he loved me and I meant it too. I needed answers. I sighed and walked across the house to the little hidden nook I had stayed in the previous night, it was kind of comforting to me that he couldn't find me there. I grabbed blankets and pillows from the linen closet, snacks from the kitchen, and read my book from the library till I fell asleep. My sleep was as angry and restless as my thoughts.