Infinity War

"That is incredible." I observed as the last of the Asgardian Migrant Fleet used the Bifrost to travel to Earth, "Even an absolutely traitorous tool can get a thirty six percent approval rating. But for everyone to leave. Thor was right, girl. You are just the worst."

"As cutting as my brother's parting remarks were." Hela chuckled darkly, "I don't need them. I don't need any of them."

"Necro-Army?" I smirked at her.

Hela rolled her eyes and huffed, "That is as apt a name as any."

Kate and I followed the Queen of the City of Asgard down into her treasure vault, where she dipped her hand into the eternal fire and created a Necro-Pickaxe in the same manner as her Necro-Swords and I guess her Necro-Spires. Everything with her is Necro-something to show that it is on brand.

She smashed open the floor and we fell a long way down, Hela's hand flame flickering down during the black descent reminiscent of a very iconic scene from a specific Peter Jackson franchise made right before he sold his soul to CGI.

We landed on the first level of a Necropolis… hehe… housing the fallen armies of Asgard under Bor and Odin before he realized conquest had turned him into an asshole.

Hela briefly lamented the fate of her dog, and I understand why. Fenris gave the Hulk the business and only lost via ring out. That is a damn fine dog.

"By the power of the Eternal Flame… you are reborn!" she declared as she slammed her fist to the ground releasing an explosion of green fire that settled into the mummified bodies of the dead, yet somehow fully restored only her desiccated dog.

"Neat." I commented, "They better limber up because if that is the quality of their movement then you are going to be conquering solo. Not a bad position to be in, done a fair bit of it myself actually."

"Yes, I am aware that you conquered and held a dimension all by yourself." Hela groaned, "I'm not hard of remembering… but it's not a terrible business model if needs must."

We led the Necro-Army up into the palace and felt Asgard shaking. In the sky overhead hovered the Sanctuary II.

"I was wondering when he would get here." I chuckled, "I've only been blaring the energy signature on this belt since we got here."

"Who is that?" Hela demanded.

"Ah yeah, he was after your time." I grinned, "That is the flagship of Thanos, the most feared being in the universe. For centuries he has been flying around invading worlds, and killing half the population before leaving to find another world to do it too. Rinse repeat, never stops for a break. The man has been providing one solution to a complex problem that no one asked him to solve with incredible focus and determination. A man after my own heart almost."

"And you brought him here. To my home. Where no one lives." Hela chuckled.

"I see you are getting it. Hold up a moment." I held up a hand and channeled the power of the Mind and Space Stones.

In a flash of blue energy, a half dozen children between the ages of eight to twelve teleported in front of us wearing little black super suits.

"Kids." I smiled.

"DADDY!" they yelled and flew into me hard enough to break the Hulk's ribs.

"Alright you lot." I addressed the children I sired during my stay at Kamar Taj who have developed their powers, "You see the armies coming down from that ship. Those belong to Thanos. That's right. It's Infinity War time. Now unless we do some time travel or alternate universe shenanigans, we will not get another one of these. So I brought you all along so we can have some family fun stomping these bugs into paste. This whole city is empty, so we get to fight everyone except your stepmom, and this lady friend of mine here, Hela, and her big dog. Don't worry about hurting the zombies. They're on our team, so no points for destroying them, but they don't count as team kills cause they're already dead."

"This is going to be so awesome! Infinity War!" Shouted my youngest here, the eight year old Daniel who used eldritch energy to form two giant gauntlets over his hands, "It's clobbering time!"

Daniel proceeded to ram through every building between him and the nearest drop ship, then plowed right into the transport and ten seconds later the whole thing exploded.

"I'm in the lead!" he shouted and my other kids rocketed off to get some points.

Hela looked at me intensely then pulled me into a kiss.

"I've just figured out exactly why I want to fuck you so hard." she growled, "You are a perfect analog of how my father used to be. Plus an extra foot of sex appeal."

"How did you figure that out, I've worn my kilt the entire time you've known me?" I raised my eyebrow at her quizzically.

"I'm talking about your height." she answered.

"Oh…" I responded then turned to the needlessly destructive battle, "Shall we play. Just don't bother competing with Kate." I told her as an army of glowing gold Dupli-Kates plowed into Thanos's Army, "That is just unfair."

We both drew our swords and she smiled, "I'll get first blood."

The Space Stone glowed blue and I stabbed my sword forward, the blade disappearing into a portal from which I drew back ablack blood covered sword then flicked a little brain matter off it, "That's Ebony Maw right there, first blood and a member of the Black Order for me."

"Does anyone in your family play fair?" she demanded in a huff.

I smiled widely then chuckled, "Nah."

We hit the Chitari and Outriders like a bullet train, tearing through them non-stop and only turning to find more bodies to destroy. Even the Thanos's mindless soldiers understood the hopelessness of their situation, and then the Titan himself descended like a falling star, burning in the purple omnipotent might of the Power Stone.

I glowed with the fulness of my might, a Viltrumite elite empowered by Eldritch, Cosmic, and Chi Energy and did the fucking dumbest thing I could possibly think of, something anyone with a single sliver of intelligence would not do, something cinematic as fuck.

I punched his punch.

Our fists did not meet, held a part my a handwidth of tortured cracking space as reality itself tried to escape the collision. The world heated up as the air exploded in its rush away from us and the city cratered under me. A ball of hyperdense energy formed between our fists as we struggled against one another, neither willing to budge. A crackling noise drowned out all other sound as it grew, and then for a brief moment, all of creation held its breath, and in one glorious flash of light Asgard ended.

I shook off the impact, and pulled the Power and Soul Stones out of the blackened Infinity Gauntlet, clipping them to my belt while the ashes of Thanos's hand emptied into space with the rest of him.

Using Eldritch whips I gathered up Kate and my kids, and even found Hela inside the charred husk of her wolf. The loyal creature swallowed her to protect her with its own body. The rest of it all, dust. Only beings capable of surviving enough force to destroy a small planet survived the blast, and golden buildings are not on that list.

Everyone came too inside the bubble of habitable space I created using the Reality Stone, and technically I could just put Asgard back together with the Reality Stone, but the Power Stone refused to work with the Reality Stone outside of a Snap scenario, and I hate using the Reality Stone without an alternate source of energy.

The Reality Stone is a real asshole.

Hela awakened last as the kids counted up their points, gleeful about the brief rampage they went on.

"Please tell me you didn't punch my kingdom to dust." she moaned as she clutched her head.

"I didn't punch your kingdom to dust." I smiled, "Thanos did. And since he isn't here anymore to say otherwise that's what happened. It was all his fault. What an asshole."

"Yeah. The Purple guy was an asshole. Dad's the best." Daniel defended me then he leaned over Hela, "Say otherwise. I dare you."

"Hold up, killer." I smiled as I pulled him back.

Kid might be four times stronger than her, but Hela's swords could cut me, meaning they'd shred young Daniel and his siblings.

"I didn't think that would happen." I squatted down and looked her in the eyes, "I figured we'd have a cool punch off, maybe do some mid fight power ups, then I'd kill him and we'd all laugh about it."

"Miscalculations happen…" Hela said with a quivering lip, "Most of the time they don't turn everything I own to dust."

"How was I supposed to know he'd channel enough power to turn himself to ash. Trust me, all this destruction is after I shunted half the force to the Capital of the Kree Empire." I informed her, "If I hadn't managed that and the spatial dampening shields I put around us all, I'd have been left here all alone. Sorry about the dog, the the Space Stone can only do so much versus someone willing to kill himself with the Power Stone to win."

Then I turned to my kids, "Remember this kids, when fighting someone with technically infinite power, you need to find a way to redirect that power, or things like this…" I gestured to all the cosmic dust that used to be Asgard, "Could happen to a place you actually care about."

"Don't worry, Dad." Daniel said with hands on hips, "I know how to dodge counterpunch. None of that punching his punch nonsense."

I ruffled his hair, "You say that now, but when the call for a cinematic moment fills you, you'll be punching his punch, no matter how stupid that is."

"Nonsense." Daniel insisted.