Chapter 20: Intense
Time has passed yet I havent moved my mind still repeating what Will said.
Emotions flood through me. Anger. Sadness. Shame.
I shouldnt of allowed him to speak to me like that yet I couldnt will myself to speak. In the years I have been captured, escaped and now here I have never had anyone lay my dirty laundry on the table like that.
Despite my powers awakening and my animal instinct calling me I cant bring myself to go and tell him he is wrong. Mainly because he isnt, he isnt wrong. I left my friends in Insurgo for myself and yet I act as if I am alpha who should be obeyed.
Alphas lead they dont run. So who am i? The lone wolf like my clay model or an Alpha.
My tears blur my vision and my breathing has quickened as my life crisis begins. Shit Will is right. I am a lone wolf. Every decision I have made stems from the fact I have always thought like one. Ever since that woman gave me to those shitty guards all I have done is look out for my own skin.
I had friends and played the part of a team yet in their time of need abandoned them. Who the fuck am i? Who the fuck can i be? I pick up the figure I made and launch it into pieces.
I did this. I made me what I am today because of Her. For years I hated the mere mention of her and I convinced myself it was because of what she did but no. I hated talking about Her because deep down I am Her.
I lash out when I am angry just like she did. I think of myself first as I did with Peter and the others. I thought of myself first when Layla met Laith. How the fuck can I judge anyone for what they do when I cant even sort myself out.
I want to save Peter and the others without consequence. I wanted Layla to find her dad but not leave me. I wanted the respect but not the role that comes with it. I wanted to get stronger but hide away. I have ideals yet fail to live by them time and time again. I wanted to be different from Her yet I am Her just a younger version. I wanted to know who my father was yet didnt act. What use are words if your actions do not show them.
I feel like my entire life on the run has been a lie. I just looked after myself. If Layla hadnt come along would I have ever thought I could save the rest of Insurgo. Honestly no.
Frustration and self loathing have intertwined themselves into a ball of anguish and all I can do is scream. But the scream isnt merely human its guttural and it sounds like a dying animal.
Thats right it is a death.
The death of the Purple Predator and the birth of The Purple Streak.
The Purple Streak that has chosen her side and purpose. No more doubting.
I pull myself up from the mess on the floor. This is the first step.
The lone wolf is dead and the Alpha born.
I take a step towards the table and hold Will's model in my hands.
Will's parents died fighting for what they believe in, they took their role seriously and despite the fact Will's alone he lives up their wishes.
I will learn from his example.
I will train. I will get stronger. I have chosen my role in this fight.
I will be an Alpha. I will never abandon people again. I must be redeemed.
Once I rescue Insurgo whether they forgive me or not is up to them but I will do so anyway, that is the way of an Alpha or in human terms Leader.
I will be a Purple Streak of hope people will look too.
Just watch me.
Turning and storming out of the Art I stalk to Laiths broken door and bend down to knock.
This is a new chapter in my journey.