36 Reality Check

What? Mr and Mrs Grey? I look up at Noah in disbelief. Is this some kind of a prank?

"And now you know how it feels!" his expressions turn dark. My heart refuses to believe any of the bullshit written in here.

"This is bullshit!" I yell so angry with him I don't know what I'll do.

"It's not! I found it yesterday. You can go ask Mr Anderson or your so called parents. You were just lucky enough to get adopted by rich bastards otherwise you are like us! Abandoned by your parents! It's very easy to give lessons on crap but very difficult to live through it! Mr Anderson didn't want you to know. The truth is he recognized you the moment you set foot in this orphanage! Bitches like you don't deserve whatever your parents gave you, you deserve a life like us..." A slap knocks Noah off his balance. It didn't come from me. I turn to see Nathan standing by my side.

"Shut the hell up, boy!" he yells, "Just because you are younger than us doesn't mean you say anything to my wife!" he's angry and red, "April?" he turns to me, his eyes soften. Unable to say anything I hand him the file, my file.

His green eyes pop out of their sockets as he reads the file, "This is bullshit!" he says to me, "You are not going to believe a spiteful boy, are you? Don't be so naive baby. Obviously, he made this up!"

"What if..." I sob, unable to complete my sentence. Nathan takes me into his arms, brushing my hair attempting to calm me down.

"There is no what if, love." he says, "This is a prank."

"You have to take me to my parents!" I say between my sobs.

"Okay, I will."

As soon as we reach my parents' house I climb off the car and run inside summoning them.

"April! Nathan! So nice to see you two. We missed you at the party yesterday." my mom paces towards us.

"Where's dad?" as soon as I call him that, fear builds inside me. He may not be my dad. Maybe my whole life is a lie.

"Honey, what's the matter? Have you been crying?" my mom says full of concern. She looks back at Nathan who sighs. She looks at him suspiciously, "Did Nathan hurt you?"

"This!" I hand her the file. A part of me still has hope. This has to be false. She needs to deny the existence of this file.

"Who gave you this?" she asks and my heart sinks. It's true, "Honey, who gave you this?"

"It doesn't matter." I try to keep my voice together, "Is it true?"

"Uh, sweetie..." I raise my hand to stop her. It's true. I feel Nathan's hands around my shoulders. My knees fail to take my weight but before I can fall Nathan holds me.

"You lied to me!" I scream, "My whole life is a lie! I'm not even your daughter!"

"No! April, you are my daughter."

"You answer one question of mine, Mother." I stutter as I sob, "Did you give birth to me?"

"Please, April listen to me." she dodges the question.

"I don't want to hear more!" I turn and move out.

"April!" Nathan stops me. I turn and hug him. I cry into his arms. "It's okay, baby!" he says, "It's going to be okay!"

"My life is a lie!" I sob, "Noah's right. I don't deserve any of this. My own parents abandoned me!"

"No, baby! What are you talking about? I'm sure there must be a reason. You are not giving them a chance. Don't do that baby, please!" he says, "I know this is horrible but let's listen to their side of the story. You cannot trust some stupid boy from an orphanage more than your own parents, especially the ones who love you so much."

I process his words. He is right. I can't trust Noah's words. Maybe my mom is trying to say something else, maybe I'm looking at this all wrong. I nod and agree to go inside and listen to what my mom has to say.

"What's going on?" my dad comes from the study. He sees my mom crying along with me and takes the file from her hand. His shocked eyes meet mine and I look away. He is the one person I love the most. He has to be my dad.

"Mr and Mrs Grey, let's sit and talk, shall we?" Nathan suggests. His hand never leaves mine as we sit together on the sofa beside my parents.

"Well, this is bullshit!" my dad says, "You are our daughter and no one in the world can change that. So what we didn't give birth to you? You are ours and we love you more than anything. Honey, we never meant for you to find out because the moment we saw you in that orphanage we knew you are ours." he tries to reach for my hand but I move it away and clench Nathan's arm.

"We used to make donations to that orphanage every month." my mom continues, "A month before you got there I came to know I can't be a mother." she sobs, "When I saw you look at me with those bluish eyes I found my daughter." she cries and I break as well, "Sweetheart, no matter what you are my daughter! And a piece of paper cannot change that!"

"Where are my parents?" I ask them.

"We are your parents!" it aches me to see my mom in such a vulnerable position but oh wait, she is not my mom!

"Do you have any idea about my parents' whereabouts?" I ask again.

"No, we don't." my dad says. His expressions are pained and his voice is flat. We sit in silence as my mom sobs into my dad's shoulder.

"I have to go!" I get up. I can't take this anymore. It's too much. I can't sit and watch her cry nor can I console her because she lied to me about my very existence.

Nathan follows me outside and we quickly take off. Silent tears escape my eyes all through the way. Nathan has not said a word. This must be really awkward for him.

"I'm sorry." I say as enter the living room, "You shouldn't have to deal with this. You have other things to worry about."

"What? Not at all! April, you realise I'm your husband, not some hook-up boyfriend! It's my duty to stand by you. That's what I vowed to do!" he assures me.

"Those vows weren't real Nathan! Just like my goddamn life!" I say looking away from him. I run upstairs to my room and bury myself in the bed. When I hear the door click I look up.

"Nathan, I need to be alone right now!" I plead. He doesn't say anything just lies next to me on the bed. He intertwines are fingers and keeps my hand on his chest, closing his eyes.

"I have to know about my real parents." I say after a while, "I have to know why they gave me up for adoption."

"That's not very easy, Grey." Grey. I'm not a Grey. This is a lie I have been carrying around with me my whole life. I'm not a Grey, I'm not even April. I don't know who I am. Or am I something or not? I'm just alive because of my so-called parents and Mr Anderson's sympathy. Maybe my own parents don't care whether I'm alive or dead. They didn't even bother to give me up properly. They threw me away like a piece of garbage. Why am I even alive?

"April?" Nathan's soft voice snaps me out of my thoughts, "Come here." he wraps his arm around me.

"Can you not call me Grey please?" my voice cracks in the end.

"Yes baby I'm sorry." he kisses my forehead, "You know, whatever you decide I'm with you."

"Then we have to go to Mr Anderson!" I say, "He was the one who found me. The file said I was lying on the street when he found me."

"Baby, do you really want to meet the people who didn't even have the courtesy to drop you off at an orphanage when they had trouble raising you?" he asks me, hesitantly. I can tell he is terrified to upset me even more than I already was.

"Yes, I do. I just have to know." I reply.

"Then, I'm with you. But before we go, let's get you some sleep..."

"Sleep is not what I need right now!" I cut him off.

"I know, but please? Pretty please with a cherry on top?" he pouts. I give him a small smile and lie on his chest thinking about the moments with my fake parents.

When I wake up, Nathan is on his phone sending out some emails. His arm was tightly around me and the other one typing on his phone.

"Crap! You had office today?" I rise, "I completely wasted your day!"

"No, I just had some small meetings but they were boring so I shifted them to next week. Don't worry about it, okay? And you did not waste my day!" he replies. He pecks me on the lips which soon turns into a pretty passionate kiss.

I wrap my arms around his neck and push myself onto him. This feels so amazing. So relaxing. I need more of this right now. I reach for the hem of his t-shirt but he stops me. I groan when his lips leave mine.

"Alright, we need to take this slow," he says.

"Don't please," I say almost pleading.

"Not right now." He says. I nod and hug him. I kiss the nape of his neck and move around.

"No, please." He pulls me away, "I don't want this right now. I can't." I sigh and respect his choice. It just felt amazing. It took all the pain away.

It's dark when we reach the orphanage. I rush into the main office to find Mr Anderson. I finally find him in the nursery with Bella, putting her to sleep. I picture myself in his arms instead of Bella. This was my home once.

"Mr Anderson?" I call.

"Yes, April. Hello sweetheart, how are you?" he says politely.

"I need to talk to you," I say. He puts sleeping Bella down and we move to his office where Nathan and Ethan are chatting. Mr Anderson motions for Ethan to go and check on the children.

"I came to know I'm adopted from this very orphanage," I say bluntly.

"Yes, I saw the file was missing. I'm sorry Noah told you. When you joined this orphanage your father called me to destroy that file but I couldn't do that." he says, his tone very gentle.

"Where did you pick me from?"

"In the ally behind. You were kept in a box. It was autumn but being a baby you were cold. I took you to our orphanage doctor, he said you were not more than two weeks. One and a half months later you were adopted by Mr and Mrs Grey."

"So her actual birthday is not 1st December?" Nathan asks.

"No, it's 28th September," he answers. Of course, my birthday had to be a lie since my whole life is.

"Where are my parents? My real parents?"

"I don't know anything about that, April." he looks at me sympathetically.

"Alright then, maybe you can't help me after all," I say and move out.

When we reach the house, I go straight to my room. Anne and Robin have left for Miami. So Venessa, Nathan and I have the house by ourselves.

Nathan comes with a food tray in his hand after a long talk with Venessa. For the first time, I am not in the mood of eating. All I can imagine is how I would have never been lucky enough to buy two meals a day if Mr Anderson hadn't found me. Maybe my real parents still can't afford it. He doesn't resist my denial of food. I lay in his arms thinking about my parents, the fake ones whom I still love so much.

"Baby," Nathan says after a long moment of silence, "You think it's right to treat your parents like you did today? I'm just saying, I don't think it's a big deal if they didn't give birth to you." Anger boils inside me as soon as I hear him say that. How could he take it so casually?

"Not a big deal?!" I yell and get up, "How about if you came to know your whole life was a fucking lie?! How would you feel then?!"

"No, you are interpreting this wrong. I meant your parents really love you. You mean the world to them, April. Didn't you see your mother today?" he says calmly.

"Well, there is this thing you should fit in your mind, Walsh! She is not my mother! My mom is probably out there shivering in the cold wishing her daughter was with her!"

"The mom that abandoned you? Don't tell me you are choosing a person you haven't even met, who gave you up as soon as you were born over the parents who practically live for you."

His voice is still calm but questioning. My head is spinning. I have no answer to his questions. In a way, I know he is right, but some part of me refuses to do this. Tears started streaming down my eyes.

"I have no idea what to do, Nathan." I sob, "Everything is just falling apart." He gets up and hugs me tightly.

"You and I aren't," he says. He's right. We aren't falling apart. Who knew Nathan Walsh would be the silver lining in my life someday.