My Name Is Not Lame

Detention for a month, give me a god damn break. So I might have put little Ms. Steph-in-doo in a headlock while it took eight people to yank her pale ass free.

Really though… not my proudest moment.

She knows I despise being called Lame Jane, she was asking for trouble.

In fact, she used to defend me from the name-calling. Then her family got all rich from investing in the power plant and became all too fancy to chill.

Even when my brother… she could have just said something, you know.

Anything other than pretending I wasn't there.

Friends... they'd only bail on you when you need them most.

Also, there's nothing lame about me. I'm a freaking superhero.

Yet they persist to call me Lame Jane.

Just say the name and Jane will swoop in and save the day!

Aha, I could help but laugh at how cheesy that was.

"Jesus... I'm so freaking bored!"

"McCarthy, quiet! Or is two weeks of detention not enough?"

Did I say that out loud?

Why not just suspend me?"

He gives a low laugh as sits in front of his desk, doing whatever principals do, I don't know... golf magazines?

"You can't fool me, Ms. McCarthy, last year you were top of your class," He says.

"Yeah, against like fifty other students? Face it Pops, this town sucks ass."

"Language."

"Sorry," Not that I much cared.

"Being the smartest person in the room is nothing to be ashamed of." He says. "Remember that."

"So are you the smartest person in the room or am I? Cause as a lady it feels like your man…."

"You're deflecting the subject, Ms. McCarthy."

"Wow, I didn't know I had two Therapists. How amazing!"

"Ms. McCarthy… should I be I'll be seeing for Saturday detention as well," he gives me the ole one eye look.

"Got it, zipped shut..."

Sitting for forty-five minutes it felt as if my desk was getting more cramped by the second.

"Damn it, I got to pee, Mister!"

"That's is not how you ask, Jane. This is one of the reasons why you are here."

"Well? Can I go!?"

"Not until you ask properly, no. Try again."

"Oh okay, then what are you going to tell the media when they find out that you watched your young innocent female student urinate in front of you? perv."

"Without saying a word, he reaches out his cell phone. "Lucky for you I got your mother's number on speed dial."

"W-w-wait a sec… Mister chill!"

"I know a troubled child when I see one. I tried being nice. "

"Hello? Yes, this is Principal Fabian Weller and as I mentioned earlier your daughter is currently serving her detention. I'm disappointed to say she has been highly disrespectful…."

Blah blah blah I get it I might have gone a tad too far, yeah.

"Ahahaha, is that so? Well, you too. Bye-bye, now," He hangs up. "Your mother is coming to pick you up."

"Uh-huh, so… is there a chance I could use the restroom, please?"

"You may… when your mother arrives."

Ah, me and my stupid mouth. The first day of school and look at the shit ton of trouble I am in.

Fifteen minutes later, Mom comes in clicking her bright red heels like fucking Dorothy. Why the hell is she so cherry for!?

I punched a kid in the mouth and put my ex-best friend in a headlock. Oh yeah! I got committed to therapy like a god damn rehab patient, too! Yet, she comes through the door with the pep of a fifties sitcom?

"I'm sorry it took so long, I had to ask Jenny to take over my shift at the diner. You know Jenny right? She the one with the diabetes. The doctor says one more muffin and off goes her leg.

"Oh did she tell you that?" Weller says wondering.

"No, I said the doctor did…"

Some doctor he is… or she. I'm not judging, I'm all for the powers of vag.

"Well, not to interrupt, but can I pee now! I'm practical bursting!" I blurt out.

"Go on dear, I'll listen to what the nice man has to say," She doesn't even face me as she responded.

Yup, that's all I needed to hear as I rushed out the door.

"Ahhh…" I flushed the toilet and washed my hands.

Exiting the ladies' room I spot James heading my way.

Why is he still in school?

Whatever.

"James!" I say out to him. Swiftly realizing it was me he turns pretending he never saw me.

"Oh come on James, who you think you're tricking?"

Jogging up I catch up to him. "Umm listen, there's something that I always wanted to tell you."

"Well, spit it out, Jane. Or do you feel like telling me about Sydney being banged?"

"No, it just that I have known you forever and... and I like you."

What?" he takes a step back slowly I see the confusion on his face. Then I replay what I said in my head and realizes how this could be misleading.

Fuck! As a FRIEND!

A FRIEND

I like you as a friend

AS A FRIEND!

Why didn't I say as a FRIEND!

"No! Sorry, that came out wrong, I…" Suddenly I hear a gasp behind me.

"Oh my god, Jane! You sure don't waste time. Jeez, make up your mind."

"S-Stephanie!?"

"First, you insult him now you want in his pants!"

"N-no... What? That's not what I said!"

"Syd! C'mere… Lame Jane moving in on your man!"

"Ew! That's like so pathetic, Lame Jane!"

"Lame Jane!

"James! C'mon say something!" I look to him hoping he would help defuse the situation but he breaks nodding his head. "

I- I'm sorry… you know I'm with Syd!

"James!" betrayed I see Stephanie smirking as she sees the weakness in my eyes.

"Awe that's my Boo. So how bout you step back, Lame Jane!" Sydney wraps her arms around his chest mocking me as she does so.

"Trying to steal someone else's boyfriend. Ha, you really are so lame." Stephanie violently slams me against the lockers.

I'm... I'm not lame! I'm not!

"Not so tough now, are you bitch! You're so freaking lame, Jane!

I...I can't… my chest hearts… My breath shortens as the taunts loops continuously in my head.

"You need to learn your place, lame-ass bitch!"

Quickly I push Stephanie away dashing down the hallway.

"See you in class!" She teases as I run away in a panic.

I hate her! I absolutely hate her!

Reaching back to the classroom where my mom was in. I wipe away the tears from my eyes.

Waiting a few seconds from my breathing slow. I finally open the door.

"Oh, Mr. Weller! You're so BAD, Mhmm!"

What?

Is happening?

So Yeah, if your thinking what I'm seeing. Then the visual image is my principal tongue down my mother's throat!

"Oh! Would you look at the time…" I say entering the room.

"Jane!" My mom jumps wiggles away from his hands.

"Well, Principal Weller was it? Or did you lose the principal part with your erection?"

Leaving I slam the door shut I only to hear the muffled cry of my name from behind the door.

"Jane..."