Spending 10000 dollars on FGO.
You read the title you know what's about to happen.
Too much action and seriousness are not good for a story so here is some anime logic pain of a typical FGO Player, displayed by Satoru himself.
Note: I don't play FGO since it is not available in my country but my friend abroad plays it and streams his rolls on discord often. So, I am going in with that knowledge, hope you can point out some mistakes I can fix later.
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After receiving his badge, certificate and uniform Satoru had some free time as his duty will only start tomorrow after some paperwork.
So he decided to play FGO on his mobile. Don't ask were he got it.
So the first thing he did was some rituals. Like every Gacha gamer before rolling a gacha and going totally insane in the process. He had to do some rituals to 'increase' his luck.
Here is how the ritual goes:
Step one: Take a bath.
Step two: Do PP training while taking a bath.
Step three: Offer the results of training to all the 'collection' under his bed.
Step four: Clean off the results using a towel and then dispose of the towel using Hollow purple.
He then jumped on the bed and positioned himself in a gamer in the bed style.
This ritual worked 'often' for him in his pervious life. He hoped it worked here as well.
'It can't be that difficult right, I have 5000 dollars, more than enough to get a ton of servants in the game. Nothing can go wrong right... right'
He didn't have this kind of money even as a streamer in his pervious life but now that he was god and he had all the money he could have, he was feeling... let's say like he was high on an entire 10 grams of cocaine.
So to test the waters he first did a 1x summon.
The screen showed the the usual animation until a card showed up.
Lancer, he was getting some eerie vibes just looking at the card but when it reveal who it was he just straight up jumped out of the bed in shock and then jumped back up to look at the screen carefully, rubbing his eyes under his blindfold just to make sure he was not hallucinating.
<Lancer: Karna>
He got a five star on his first try. A freaking five star.
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"Wait, pause for a second. This is future Satoru talking and all those FGO players in the comments please calm down. I know this looks cap and all but, butt, if you read carefully then you will see that I got a Lancer servant and anyone even who is even a bit familiar with fate knows where this is going... Enjoy the show."
"Butt before we continue, here is something you must know. I had a goal that I wanted to accomplish while spending my money,
"I want to get all the Sakura face servants, yes I am a Sakura simp if you haven't guessed it already, and the most important of all I wanted Astolfo including the Saber version. Not for the memes or anything. I just wanted the guy, like tell me he is not cute and I will punch you in the face.
"Anyone who has watched Apocrypha knows what I am talking about because you know what"
"Sometimes, it takes a real man to be the best girl." - Gigguk. Approved by: Speedwagon, Dio, Dio over Heaven,and Muzan.
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Feeling confident in his 'luck' Satoru then tried his hands on the 10x summon and well... shit happened.
So after the 10 rolls he was disappointed. Like there is not a single servant that he wanted. Like the the only good servant might be Edward, only because he is a fellow man of culture nothing else.
So with his disappoint immeasurable he rolled again. And this time, this f**king time... "I DIDN'T EVEN GET A SINGLE A SERVANT." is what he screamed he did it again and the result was the same.
Thinking that his luck was in the 1x summon Satoru returned to it and rolled and then...
<Berserker: Eric Bloodaxe>
Who the f**k is Eric Bloodaxe. He doesn't remember this guy. Not that he really doesn't remember, it just that his frustration at this point was building up and since he hadn't played FGO or any other Gacha games for a... while soo, he went a bit... mental.
And after finishing up all his free Saint Quatz, Satoru started using my IRL money. Now here is the thing each 10x roll takes him about 26 USD meaning with my 5000 dollars he can only roll 10x about 192 times before he runs out of money.
So Satoru started doing what every gacha gamer who is high as if he had taken an entire an packet cocaine and has a lot of money would do... he went and abused his wallet like a sadistic bastard.
A few inches later...
So 520 dollars in with 20 10x rolls, his luck didn't give him shit and Satoru's frustration almost made him a berserker about to smash my phone on the floor.
The best thing he got were like the 1 five star. Also he was thinking, "Maybe I should just kill the Gacha Gods and replace them with new ones." but he immediately removed that thought because Satoru wanted to prove that he ain't no kid who will just abuse his power like some loser.
So, here we go again.
"I am the roll of my Order
*Loads Quartz in the machine gun*
"Locked and Loaded"
Saint Quartz is my body and Friend Points is my blood
*Machine gun firing SQ*
I have Rolled over a thousand keys
*Pulls out another Machine gun*
*Moaning and gasping wallet-chan noises*
Unknown to Ruler, Nor known to Attila
"1508 dollars in and still no Sakura face servant or Astolfo" *Sweating*
*Phone screen about to crack*
Have withstood pain to roll many Kirei
*Epic gun reload and starts firing again*
Yet, those hands will never hold Nero
"F**k it" *Pulls out mini and starts blasting*
So as I pray, UNLIMITED GACHA WORKS"
*Calms the f**k down*
2496 dollars in and his wallet is screaming at him to stop(Yamete kuda sai).
But he was pretty happy with what he had gotten,
Parvati, BB, Meltryllis and Astolfo(Saber) acquired.
'Please... ple-ase stop~I can't... handle... handle it anymore'
*Pushes wallet-chan down. Covers her mouth with his hand and leans into her ears*
"We stop... when I say we stop."
"I know you want to go on don't you, my dear wallet-chan~. You haven't felt so emptied in a while have you, carrying all that weight around must be difficult, don't worry even if you're emptied now I can always refill you *Wallet-chan gasping again*. So come on let it out. let it out!!"
*Weird wallet-chan noises*
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(A/N: Ah, s#it... here we go again.)
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At the 3276 dollar mark, he had offically gotten himself Kingprotea, Kama, Summer BB and Astolfo.
Also during this mark he found out that he was a Lancer magnet and had gotten every single Lancer servant out there.
On the next one he decided to do a 1x summon and he got,
Illyasviel von Einzbern.
As soon as he got her, he heard someone knocking on his door with force enough to bend it, for a moment he thought the FBI had come to pay him a visit, because you know... Illya. Satoru quickly closed the game, turned off his phone, put it under the pillow and went to open the door.
He was greeted by Mikoto's smiling but menacing face.
"Sa... To... Ru~" she said in a sweet voice but her tone clearly screamed anger.
"Yes, mother"
"Do you know what time it is."
"What time... is it."
"It dinner time and I have been knocking on your door for 5 minutes straight. Everyone is waiting for you downstairs."
"..." Satoru kept quiet.
"For goodness sake, what do you even do shutting yourself in your room like that. Don't tell me you brought over a cat or a puppy, did you?"
Satoru shook his head in denial.
"... Hah, come down for dinner." Mikoto said and left.
"Haa," After releasing a sigh of relief, he closed the door behind him and walked downstairs.
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After finishing his dinner, brushing his teeth and making sure everyone was asleep. Satoru got out of his bed and deployed a curtain and to be extra sure he took out 8 stump like things with a pointed end.
He placed 4 on each side of the floor and the other 4 on the ceiling. And then did a little chant after which a barrier deployed itself in the room.
A soundproofing barrier.
Satoru then took out his phone and started playing FGO. He looked at wallet-chan who was looking thin and slim. Catching his gaze wallet-chan blushed and looked away, memories of what he did to her came back as she went 'puff'.
Satoru then checked how much money he had left, only 1724 dollars left. No wonder wallet-chan was looking so thin, he pretty much sucked her all the way.
'Hey, Author-san.' Satoru just casually broke the fourth wall.
(A/N: What do you want.)
'Can you lend me some money.'
(A/N: No)
'Why'
(A/N: No means No, No questions asked. Also I am broke.)
'Come on I know you can do it.'
(A/N: ...)
"..."
(A/N: ...)
(A/N: Haa fine, here 5000 dollars.)
'Yes'
(A/N: But on one condition.)
'What condition'
(A/N: You will have to do a jojo pose in every battle for now on.)
'...' Satoru contemplated the offer for a while before agreeing.
'Ok deal'
(A/N: *Evil subarashi smile appears on face)
'I mean what can go wrong, its just jojo poses.'
5000 dollars started filling wallet-chan as she suppressed her urge to make any noises but that failed miserably.
*Stop she is already dead*