1 Abigail: Day 1 (still alive)

It was dark just like one of those nights when you don't really want to be alone. I could feel the rain drops slipping off my skin slowly. My legs had given up, I didn't have any strength to get up and run , run again to save my life, to save myself, my body . I wrapped my arms around my small body blinking my eyes that had turned red once or twice to clear the blurry scene that was created. I felt the chattering of my teeth and the sharp sound they made, I quickly lifted my left hand to cover my mouth inserting my thump between my teeth and pressing them hard enduring the pain without making any further sound. The sky was making noises filled with anger, anger as if it knew I was alone and running for my life, running to save my pure soul from that monster. I could hear my heart beat faster and the noises my bare foot made each time they contacted the wet surface. It felt like my heart would burst anytime tearing my skin apart if I took one further step. I was running from past one and a half hour, my feet were bleeding, my sleeves were ripped off leaving the scratches around my arms and shoulders open. I started to convince myself to run a little longer but sensed the weakness of my body asking me to stop but I didn't wanted to understand it, accept it, in that situation all I wanted to do was to drag myself even if it left bruises around my body. I wanted to drag myself to a safer place, a place where no one could reach me, a place where no one could lay their dirty hands on me but I failed.

I couldn't catch my breath.I started gasping, begging for air, everything around me was spinning. It was blurry, my head felt heavy, the sound of the thunder roared in my head tightening my chest. I grabbed my temples with both my hands trying to hold up a little longer but it didn't work. I fell down facing the ground, I felt my head hitting the wet surface . I somehow managed to pull my body up and turning it around to face the sky above by applying as much pressure as I could. It was still blurry  all I could see was the sky covered with dark clouds and no sooner a men coming towards me , he stared at me for a long time. I couldn't see  him after few minutes  but I could feel him laying his hands on me, grabbing my right arm tightly and holding my jaw with other hand, I tried to rescue myself from his dirty hands by moving up and down and dragging my body in every direction I could but he was conscious and way too stronger than me. The more I tried the more it hurted . I blinked my eyes but it didn't help it was still blurry , this time my head was causing me more pain I couldn't hold it any longer , my eyes felt heavy forcing me to close them, my head was spinning, all I could feel now was his dirty touch, his nasty hands around my body.....

I was sweating profusely, my hands were trembling I could hear every single heartbeat of my pounding heart I could feel tears slipping off my cheeks. I couldn't get hold of myself, my current situation.

"Its happening again, NO! It can't, I-I c-cannot bear it. It's already been one year ABBY!! get hold of yourself!" I tried to convince myself.

"No, I cannot let it affect me again..." I  said while  glancing at my  phone's screen.

It was already 7:00 A.M, I needed to get ready for my so called 'second year's first day'. Honestly I was in no mood to go to that bloody damn school which I won't even consider as a learning temple because all you could see was people making out, I  mean not really making out but close to it, like, if cameras weren't there they wouldn't mind throwing each others clothes on you and that's the reason I loved it, not the school but the 'cameras'.

I didn't wanted to ruin my first day so I started to gather myself up right away, trying not to focus or think about what happened few minutes ago. I gathered myself up trying to stand but couldn't help and tripped,  this always happened,  the flashbacks made me weak everytime, during the staring months it was way more intricate and vexatious because it reminded me of the moment where I didn't have any control over my body.

"Are you okay? Abby? "

I heard a voice- sweet and soothing,  calling out my name with an anxious tone and helping me to get up.

"Yeah... I  j-just tr-tripped...I mean my leg got tangled with the blanket and I didn't notice it. I'm sorry if I woke you up I didn't intend to you know.... I'm sorry," I said explaining her the situation in  detail so that she could buy my little lie. 

" Calm down honey its not like I'm going to shout at you and  you didn't wake me up I was just coming to your room to check on you, you know its your first day of  second year, my maltovich," she said  while showing that worried and a silly smirk of hers.

Maltovich- a term that was used in one and only country 'Maltoviana'. It basically meant "Maltoviana's wise students "  yes! You can say it was inspired by the term 'sophomore' or  actually it meant sophomore, anyways, people have been using this term since a long time, you can say its been used since decades.  From what the rumors say, during the ancient time The wise king Shicranzo and also the only one who was mastered in the art of sword, gave up his throne and made

Maltovia- one of his student the next king. It is also said that Maltovia was one of the special or maybe peculiar student and that's what made the whole difference, ofcourse no one is that kind or gracious to give their well owned and advantage-of-being-the-only-heir throne to anyone, and especially not to a student but there was something different about Maltovia maybe, like maybe he could do things - things that can change some other things. So basically he did things that changed different things to be the things that he wanted. You get me? If not then believe in the other rumor which said that he gave his throne because he was sick or maybe diagnosed with some kinda rare disease. They didn't mention the name of the disease as such and thats the reason why these things are called as rumors and not facts.

"So, you ready?" Mom asked while folding the blanket that was on the floor few minutes ago, OCD I guess. Not just this, she had an habit of cleaning every room of our apartment on alternate days.

"Yeah, I mean its not like I have an option..."

I could see that she was worried but she didn't really showed it and I didn't ask her cause I knew it . Sometimes its better not to ask things to confirm when you already know them.

"I'll prepare the breakfast,  freshen up a bit Maltovich," she said, trying to be funny.

"MOM! Stop it already..." I said, being annoyed by that goddamn term.

"Oh yeah, sure..." she said while pushing me towards the bathroom.

   __

"I'll drive you...let me just grab my keys-"

"NO! I'll go, I mean I'll take my bike its not like I've forgotten how to ride it,"

I cut her before letting her say anything further.

"Ahh... you sure? I mean I'm going to the office so I'll drop you.."

"No, I'll go mom, molly will be waiting, OH GOD I NEED TO RUSH!" I jumped from the chair giving her a quick kiss on her right cheek.

"CAREFUL!! call me after class..." she shouted from behind but I could barely hear her.

  __

"Ohh goodness, don't you think you're a bit early? I mean you should've taken your time you know, you still have FREAKING FIFTEEN MINUTES TO REACH THE GODDAMN SCHOOL MILLER!!" she shouted, literally shouted next to my ear .

"Dude calm down! I can hear you AND I can feel the sarcasm" I said, hoping that she would laugh.

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't plan to be late and I think you haven't  heard of that proverb  'better late than never!' " I said , pissing her more I guess.

"Oh Miller! shut the hell up ...."

"Okay."

"Better late than never," she said, imitating me.

I just gave her a glare, death glare to be more specific.

It was just a five minutes ride from Colborn street, where molly and I met, decided to meet.

"See! We still have five minutes left. We can go back to Colborn." I said, kicking the stand of my bicycle off and parking it.

Molly started pushing me towards the bike, indirectly telling me to get on the bike and ride back to Calborn street.

"Why don't you go and  ride back there? I'm sure Miss lily would love to use that phrase again on the very first day 'famous people make their way at the end ' and then utter her insane and rambunctious bray,"molly said.

"I don't think Miss lily would be happy hearing that."

I saw a tall figure approaching towards us. From what I knew she was Lara. A classmate with no mate manship( if that's even a word) She was pretty,  really pretty.  She was a kinda girl that every college or school had: a girl that every boy looks for. Basically, a definition of perfection for other students.  Her grayish eyes met mine.

"Hey nerdy Miller!" She said, making an irritating sound with her chewing  gum.

"That counts under bullying " I stated,  rolling my eyes.

I never liked talking to anyone except molly. She and I were together since we were kids. We were neighbors. We would probably still be neighbors if her parents never separated.  She moved with her father to a different colony, which wasn't too far from where she used to live or I still live . Her mom moved to a total different country as she was offered a job there. According to what I know, the main reason behind the separation of her parents was their passion towards their jobs. They often used to fight,  I knew it because everytime they fought molly would come to my house by giving a shitty but a normal reason: sleepover. She once told me that she loves me the most because I never asked her questions when she used to come for 'sleepovers' but I already knew and even she did-the truth.

"Yeah, it does " molly said, pulling me closer and taking a step forward so that I was behind her.

"No one asked about how miss lily would feel AND  don't you feel compunctious for eavesdropping?"molly said, irritated.

I kinda always felt that she was overprotective when it came to me. This wasn't the first time I was called a NERD. Her overprotectiveness was somehow  justified because she knew what happened one year ago but she kind of forgets that she didn't actually have a black belt in karate instead she had a yellow.

"No..." lara said,putting a hand on my left shoulder and squeezing it.

"Do you mind Myler?"

"Its Miller," I responded. I really didn't wanted to get into a fight on the very first day and its not like that, that she'll change her opinions about me if I take a stand for myself and that too for such a small issue.

"Even if she doesn't, I do, " molly said.

And before she could speak any further I started pulling her shirt signaling her to let go. Her eyes met mine, telling me to stop and wait as she was dealing with her but I gestured a 'NO' sign with my eyes.

"Let go" I whispered.

"We're already late. Let her be," I  said.

Molly wasn't surprised by my behavior because she knew I didn't like that - the fighting part. I always thought that it was okay to let people form an opinion about me and I still think that way, it won't change and it shouldn't.

"Please" I said.

"For once?"

"You gotta be kidding me," she said, looking at me but her hands on lara's shoulder.

"No. I am not KIDDING. Let her be, molly. This isn't the first time," I said,making her realize what she was doing. She was helping someone who didn't wanted any help.

"Yeah, exactly, this isn't the FIRST FUCKING TIME," she said, while expressing her anger via those three words 'first fucking time'.

"Molly!" I said, in a voice which  sounded like warning .

"You want this?" She asked and looked at me and again moved her eyes towards Lara's shoulder and letting it go.

I nodded.

"Okay. If you say so. Deal with you later,  fake ass!" Molly whispered in her ears and started walking towards the stairs.

There was an awkward silence. Air felt little cold but warmer at the same time.

"We're in school premises and you cannot curse here, it's a learning temple," I sighed.

"Yeah... there's a reason behind calling it a learning temple." Molly said, putting her arm around my neck.

"You know I care about you, right?"

I nodded, "I do."

"And I love you, right?"

"Yes."

"Okay then."

We were talking to each other about how Calborn turned into a well known street now and how it used to be years before. Its just what it is. This is how we were, emotional at one time and random at other. I liked her, very much. She wasn't fake, she was real and that's what made her different. She never felt shy or uncomfortable.  She was 'she' and when asked why was she like that, like, the real 'she' her answer would be the same- " ME is better than OTHER"  by which she meant being real self (me) is better than being someone else (other)and somewhere she was right, I've seen people fake their personalities to look good in others eyes, I mean, its not like they mattered. We are humans not robots. We are flawed, beautifully flawed.

I was so lost in my thoughts that my concious mind was unconcious, yeah, if that makes sense.  I was physically walking but mentally talking with my own self. These were the thoughts that I used to store in a corner of my brain which I called as an 'useful corner'. Even if I used to think about things that didn't even mattered,useless things but they were my thoughts. MINE.

I was about to take a left turn to enter the first aisle as we reached the second floor but I was rammed headlong on the ground by an unfortunate bystander. My heavy bag fell on the ground along with me.

My eyes met his, they nearly scanned him. He was tall, half of his weight on his right leg. His face was chiselled while the lower part was craggy and dimpled.  The dimple on his left cheek made me feel the urge to cup his face with my cold hands. His eyes were brown and covered with dark circles, it felt like he didn't sleep for days. His skin was sallow but a little fairer. His lips were parted, they were beautiful,  he was beautiful.

"I'm sorry..." he and I said at the same time.

"Jinx!" Molly said, extending her hand towards me.

"Shut up!" I whispered.

I saw the book he was reading while walking 'last summer' it read.

"You should not read in the corridoor. People walk here," I said and walked away.

"Miller...."

Molly tried to talk but I was fast.

While I was walking I looked behind to see if molly was still there and guess what? She wasn't.  She was talking to him. Suddenly this pronoun felt important to me, like, why? Why was I even focusing on little details on his face? Why his brown eyes suddenly felt deeper and deeper? Like it wasn't the first time I saw a BOY with brown eyes. Was he different or was it love at first sight?

𝒀𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 no, it wasn't!   𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆! 𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒐𝒐 𝒂𝒕 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕! No. I'm not. It's just that he is pretty, like, handsome maybe? 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒈𝒖𝒚𝒔 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔𝒏'𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑶𝑵𝑳𝒀  he was handsome that most other 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒏𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒂𝒍? I don't know...𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕? 𝑲𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆....

"NOT NORMAL!" I said.

It happened, many times, MANY TIMES, my thoughts converting into words...