1 Tobias Washington

We are supposed to embrace each other in our moment of weakness, but I never believed in doing so until I met this exquisite lass. This lass made me want to be a better person than I am now. I felt exhilarated, and lust coming to me when I was around her presence. I did not understand the reasoning of why I was feeling the way I felt. But something about her made me want to show love and not have much resentment towards people. I summoned the courage to approach her to ask her out. Nothing seemed to be what it appears to be. I noticed that she was wearing an engagement ring, which made me upset and furious. As I was backing away, I felt a touch on my shoulder.

"Hey, I noticed that you were observing me for a long time."

"I am sorry, I just thought you were very captivating in this room." She smiled, which made me believe she took my words as a compliment.

The lass said her name was Grace Faith Summer but preferred to go by her middle name Faith instead of her given name Grace. Faith had noticed when I was turning away as I was finally about to approach her after twenty minutes of staring at her. At that moment was when I introduce myself as Tobias Washington.

"I was paying attention to your left-hand ring finger and noticed you have an engagement ring on your finger. I have no desire to ruin your relationship with your significant other. That is why I was turning away after I had wanted to approach you." That was what I had told her.

"I am not in a relationship; I wear this engagement ring so that one can approach me. Everyone always finds me stunning. I wear this ring so people who are full of adulterous or lustful thoughts could let me be. If I do not pretend to be off-limits, people will approach me with shameful pick-up lines such as let me take you out, or do you like what you see as if I do not have self-respect for myself." That is what Faith had said to me.

Faith was correct about having guys approaching her because she was beautiful. What made her stand out among the lasses that were here was her fiery red hair that was long, her blue eyes, and the black dress she was wearing.

"Just because I had witnessed some guys come up to you does not mean I should believe you about the reason you wear an engagement ring. Is that why you expect me to believe you about wearing the engagement ring to throw people off from approaching you? I find it difficult to believe you are single. You the saying trust but verify. I also learned I should not trust everything until all facts are proven." That is what I had told her.

"Well, if you want me to prove to you that I am single, come visit me today at 1600 (4 pm). I will cook for you. Please hand me your cell phone so I provide you with my cell phone number and residency." That was what Faith had said to me.

The next thing I knew, I was driving to the address that Faith I have provided me. I was feeling fear that someone might be in the house with Faith. I started to tremble as I was ringing the doorbell. I felt my worst fear was coming true. I was falling in love with Faith. At one point, I remember thinking, is it possible to be in love with someone you do not know. I think I liked Faith for her body, not for anything else. Even though she was cute, I felt Faith was hiding something from me.

I was reminded of when I was in my first serious relationship with a lass I did not know well. The lass and I had dated for a few a month until I decided she was not my type. All this lass cared about was herself. At first, she was shy and reticent, but then she started acting cold towards me. Do not get me wrong, and she had long red hair, blue eyes, and a personal trainer. I believe her name was Tracey Winters; it is a blur to me. Anything Tracey said went in one ear and out the other ear. Tracey was demanding and pushy. Tracey had no good quality because she was fake with people who did not know her well.

"Well, honey, I guess it is time for me to cook for you." That was when I was still with Tracey. Her cooking was of excellent quality; just her personality was awful, something I was not expecting.

After I finished reminiscing about my past, Faith had opened her door to welcome me into her house. Once we started chatting, I told Faith about my personal life and my profound relationship experiences. Faith had put her arms around my body to bring comfort to me. I started to get emotional, which I have not been in front of anyone in a long time. I held back my tears because I did not believe in crying in front of a woman. I was not too fond of it because I thought they would laugh at me for becoming sensitive.

"You do not have to be afraid of being emotional in front of me."

"There is more to me on why I hate showing my emotions towards anyone." If you want to get to know me, it will be a long process. I want to get to know you first for at least three years.

"You must have trust issues that you want to get to know each other three years before you fully express yourself to me. I guess it is a normal response to not trust someone after only meeting them."

The next thing I remember was waking up on my bed. I do not know why I was feeling pain in my entire body. Every time I made a move, I thought I was going to pass out. I was probably drugged without me noticing. I believed Faith slip an untraceable drug on the drink she gave me. I will go back to Faith's place to find out what she has put in my body. I must figure out why she felt it was necessary to drug me. Even though I have trust issues, something tells me that Faith does as well. I believe both of us belong together.

Before I started developing trust issues, I have served in the military for four years on active duty and four years as an inactive reservist. I had put my trust in strangers because the military is a brotherhood/sisterhood. I had gotten screwed over and over that I gave up on trusting people. The right thing to do is try to continue trusting people, but I do not think that will undo the already created damage.

One day I faced the reality that the world has awful and cruel people. The only person you should trust or believe in is yourself; as I was getting ready to leave for Faith's house, my doorbell ring. I had to get out of my bed, which was hard to do—the pain was still flowing all over my body. When I went to find out who was ringing on my doorbell, it was suddenly getting shot at by those who seemed to be professional assassins. I ran back to my room and jumped out the window, which I instantly had regretted right away. The reason why I regretted jumping out the window was not only because I was in pain, to begin with, but the cuts from the window made it worse. I was gasping for air since the pain made it difficult to walk. Since the pain was unbearable, I thought I was dying surely but slowly.

I wanted to know who those people were and what did they want from me. I am surprised no one was chasing after me. Since I can barely walk, let alone run away. Why do I feel like I got set up for a crime I have not committed? Are they planning to keep me from seeing Faith? I will not allow anyone to frame me or keep me from seeing the lass I fell in love with. I do not get scared quickly or give up. They were probably looking for something that has meaning to me, like a picture of my family. I do not understand why I am getting targeted by assassins known to kill and torture people. To get the information they want. They could have easily found me since I left a trail of blood behind me. Also, they could have easily knocked me out and tortured me for their entertainment. I have a feeling that everything does not appear to be what it seems.

I am surprised I have not bled to death from the injury of jumping out from the window. I want to know why I do not have good luck but instead a horrible fate. When I was in the military, I had been shot a few times and stabbed numerous times. My body has a lot of scars. I think they look fantastic but might scare others. One of the scares I have is a cross that I got when I got stabbed. The scar goes down from my stomach and across my chest. I had come close to dying a few times, but my will to live is stronger than most people. Right now, the unbearable pain I am feeling is making me wish I were already dead.

I once got into a fight with someone I had considered my brother from a different mother because he mistreated his wife like garbage. He claimed his wife was a cheater who would be with other guys when he would get deployed. He punched her in the face so hard that she had to get surgery due to being cover in a lot of blood. I defended her by hitting her abusive husband, Rod, who was my best friend. The fight got so bad that the police and ambulance had got called to the scene. We had started to stab each other with broken glass, which was not fun getting cut by the glass. I ended up getting a scar on my forehead, eyes, back, and legs, and each one was worse than the previous ones. The only injury Rod got was on his face, which he cherished more than anything. I felt sorry for them because they had six children together.

I did not particularly appreciate remembering my terrible experience of my past. The reason is that it was a nightmare that I was living instead of dreaming. What I needed now was medical treatment for my injury. I felt my life was slowly fading away since my memories that I had forgotten is coming back to me. The more I moved my body, the more I bleed out. If I were to die, now I would like it to be on my terms and not the way I am. I want to die as a "Hero" for someone. I do not mind if I get stabbed to death, shot to death, or fought to the end if I was protecting someone.

I am wondering how or who would be helping me get to a hospital? I needed to get treated as soon as possible before I die. I have always wanted to assist and protect people. I got raised as a Christian, but I like everyone else; I also struggle with my faith. My struggle with my belief started when my parents got a divorce when I was ten years old. I had to see my mom and dad with their partners. I once caught my dad with a woman who was gorgeous in his bedroom. She was in good health and fit —another time, I noticed my mother getting together with many men in her bedroom. I got traumatized for life since that image got stuck in my head until this day. At the time, I thought I was the cause of my parents getting divorced, that I had attempted suicide.

Slowly as my eyes were closing, I started to remember the first time I had slept with a girl. When I first lost my virginity, I started high school, and it was with a beautiful girl that I liked a lot. This girl had blue eyes, long blonde hair, fit. This girl was not my first official girlfriend, but someone I wanted to lose my virginity to. I once found myself in a situation that scared me a lot because I had slept with a different girl I thought was dying because she kept saying her heartbeat was beating faster and faster. I dialed 9-1-1, so the ambulance could come and get here before she dies on me. The ambulance arrived on time because she was slowly closing her eyes. But the emergency medical technician (EMT) did their job to keep her alive. I visited her out of guilt, not out of obligation. Everyone kept telling me to stay with her because people who suffer traumatic events eventually try to commit or attempt to kill themselves. If anything, I understand how she felt because I was with her that night when I had to call 9-1-1. I do not know how nobody is putting my feeling into account.

I did not realize that people could die painful death slowly because I wish I were dead right now. I hate the pain I was feeling. I was hoping that Faith was with me. I guess this what I deserve for having so much hate in life instead of following God's word of caring for others. A Bible scripture supports this statement, which is 1st John 4:8, which says, "He who does not love does not know God, for God is love," from the New King James Version (NKJV). There is also 1st John 4:18 that says, "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love," also from NKJV. Most of my hate came from me hating my parents for being hypocrites because they raised me to be a Christian. They told me to follow God's word and believe in him. Instead of them doing what they told me, they just gave in to their sexual desire instead. That filled me with anger and confusion because I thought sleeping with someone had to be in love with them.

I guess love means different things to people because I felt when I saw my parents together laughing, holding hands, smiling, and being around each other was being in love. I wonder if having slept with someone factors into being in love or thinking of being in love? If sleeping together is fantastic, someone will confuse that with romance because I know I did. After all, the lass and I had nothing in common. I want to say my parent's intimate life was good at one point because they were together for over fifteen years until they decided to be with other people. I want my parents to be happy. But not with other people but instead with each other. I want my mother and father to rekindle their love for one another. And figure out what made them attractive to each other in the first place.

"Tobias Washington, do not close your eyes," is what I heard. Who is calling me? Am I dead that I am picturing my version of how Heaven and Hell would be to me? The person's voice sounds familiar, but I cannot but a name to the voice since it is faint. I guess I am not dead since I do not see a white light, but I feel my life is coming to an end.