In Naruto with OMNITRIX

This has some good potential. I think this is the authors first fanfic and it is noticeable, although it has potential. I read 8 chapters so far and here is a little advice: 1. Shorter paragraphs makes it way easier to read compared to long paragraphs, but this got better after a few chapters. 2. Shorten the prologue. I have noticed that in most fangics, no one really cares about the Mc's former life or how he died, most readers ONLY care about what wishes he got and then they want to start the story. So it's better to have a very short prologue. 3. It's better to not break the forth wall with sentences like "if you're wondering what year it is then it's..." don't talk directly to the reader during your story, and don't use emojis or other similar things like (-_-) because these things can make the story way less immersive for the reader! If your follow these advice, I'm sure you'll write a really good story. This one has potential and I know that people who like Ben 10 and Naruto will enjoy this. 4/5 which is really good for a first fanfic. I strongly believe that by your second or third fanfic you'll have a really amazing story, while this one is a diamon in the rough.

well the first chapter says prologue but it has how the MC dies and his meeting with the Rob and there conversation. I'm the writer so I shamelessly rated it 5 stars

Es una novela muy interesante y tiene potencial algo a lo que le llamaría la atención es que de ser posible fuera más descriptiva en pequeños detalles como la apariencia de los personajes como por ejemplo en las conversaciones describiendo si está pensando, suspirando, etc... Si quieres una referencia leer el fanfic "Me niego a convertirme en un cabrón en Tokio" puede servir de ayuda después de todo es una novela por lo que no tiene video ni imágenes entonces tienes que ser descriptiva para que el lector pueda hacerce una imagen mental de lo que Lee.

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