1 Chapter 1: Reincarnation? Seriously?
Author Note:
This is a draft but do comment :D. I am especially interested in your opinion on it.
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I was rushing to work because my alarm clock malfunctioned. Again...
Being half-hour late would be fine, but four hours? Nada. Ima fucked. Geez, I can already hear the annoying screech of my boss going on and on and on…
.
.
.
And on…
About how I should be more responsible. But let's be logical, alright!? It was not me who failed. It was technology!
As I was thinking up an excuse for my lateness I saw a girl on the road crying and a car speeding up right at her. Everything slowed down! I was closest to her so naturally, I jumped next to her and!
And I picked her up and jumped back, letting the car safely pass us.
HA! I may love fanfictions but there is no way in hell that I would be reincarnated because of car-kun. Not with my luck…
That actually makes me kinda sad. Anyway. SHIT! Now I am MORE than four hours late! I patted the little girl, gave her back to the gaping, horrified, and incompetent parent, and merrily continued on my way to work.
Suddenly I heard a scream from the side-alley! Hooh, another cliche situation with the potential to make MC reincarnate!?
Of course, I ignored it…
I mean, come on! I am a normal skinny 28 years old dude. Not some superman.
But I had to go around the entrance of that side-alley on my way to work. So, with a heavy heart, I stealthily tried to get past it and as my right foot took the first step, suddenly, a robber rushed out of the entrance and the fucker actually tripped on my foot and fell down!
Still holding a knife in his hand…
And, of course, he fell right onto the blade…
With his head…
Gosh, my first kill!
Or was it his first kill?
Now that would be pretty sad. His first kill being himself.
I didn't panic, no. I did the most sensible thing every concerned citizen in my situation would do. I casually walked around his body while whistling and was on my way. No such luck though. I was stopped by a concerned police officer who was now greener than ever. Yup. You are late, dude!
After two hours of on-spot interrogation, I was finally let go.
Six hours late… Is it even worth it to go to work anymore? Shouldn't I just turn around and go home? I mean, seeing a man stab himself can be taken as psychological trauma. Right?
Gah, the urge to just go home was irresistible. Anyway, I went on and reached my final destination. The port! Coming closer, I already knew the magnitude of my fuck up. It was obvious. Really. My boss's head could be described as scarlet. And I am not talking about his hair. And… Is that steam rising from his head?
Now I really regret not turning around and just going home. He was nervously tapping the ground with his foot as he was scaring everybody with the ugliest scowl imaginable. Sigh. He turned to me and our eyes momentarily met. Oh. Yup. I am fucked…
God, just kill me now.
"Sorry, boss, my alarm clo…"
I didn't manage to finish that sentence as one of the TRUCKs that were being loaded onto a ship by a crane fell right onto my head.
Needless to say, it was instakill...
.
.
.
Whelp. I died…
Shit happens. Right?
The space I appeared in was a black void. Well. I, of course, waited.
And waited. And waited some more. Until!
Nah, I just waited. You know, I read some fanfictions where the protagonist gained his abilities from the void. I would be very happy to tell you that I analyzed every single moment of my life in HD and gained profound wisdom of life, my soul was tempered by the void and I became an immortal spirit or that I gained some magical abilities because of it, but. Nothing. I officially call bullshit!
"Amusing." A voice sounded behind me.
I quickly turned around to see the most average looking man I ever saw. Heck, even his averageness was only average!
"Hello, I am TUFAP. The protector of the multiverse 1404." He continued.
"The what now?" I blurted out. No, ok. Multiverse 1404? I? Whatever? It's not as if it's relevant information for me, is it?
TUFAP just smiled knowingly.
"So, you are not a god?" Of course, I had to ask that! You see. Death. Void. Mysterious man. It all clicks! Even though, using fanfictions as a reference is probably kinda dumb...
"No." He drawled amusedly. "Gods govern. I only watch over."
Hmm, then, why am I here?
"Because I was bored." TUFAP deadpanned.
Ah. makes sense, right? Wait, seriously?
"Yup. I will reincarnate you."
Hmm. Didn't he say he is not a god?
"Yes, I did."
"Okay then… Wait. Did you just…" I threw his exasperated look. "read my mind?"
'Of course, I did' Sounded in my head.
Geez, this is weird.
"You are quite calm about it." He said tilting his head.
"There is nothing I can do about it. So? Do I get cheats? Wishes? Special abilities? Summons? Pikachu?" I threw question after question at the stone-faced man in front of me.
"Yes. You have 1000 Karma points. You can ask for a few things for your next life with that."
"Hmm, Those exist?" Seeing him raise an eyebrow I quickly added, "Ah. No need to answer! They clearly do when you offer that. So, where will I get reincarnated?"
"Random or Up to you. It will however cost KP if you make a choice. Think about it properly."
Alright, buddy. Wanna know what I think? Fuck you. That's what. Wait… He can read my mind. Shit!
Discreetly looking at TUFAP, I was relieved as he just distractedly stared to the distance, waiting for me.
"Soooo. Could you tell me the prices of Highschool DxD world, Naruto world, MCU, and Overlord anime world?"
"Hmm? Sure." He gave me a light-hearted smile and continued. "DxD would be 200 000 KP. Naruto is 500 KP. MCU is 300 000 KP and Overlord is 100 000 KP."
Uh? "What determines the price?"
"Ah, there are many factors." He just dismissively waves his arm at me.
"Such as?" I asked politely but got only a silent eye-smile in return.
I call scam! This was clearly a sham! Whoa, I would make a good octopus rapper!
"Whatever. I pick Naruto, but you already knew that." I couldn't help but scowl.
"You have 500 KP left."
"So, can I get some abilities now? Or, can I actually choose the clan or family I will be born to with KP?"
"Yup."
Hmmm, what to do...
I am stumped. Well, I read many fanfictions where MC picks Sharingan or Rinnegan or whatever blasted bloodline, but. Picking something like that could be pretty crippling. The power of those two is incredible. But, what if I am reborn as a civilian outside of a hidden village? What if I am an orphan in Ame? What if and even more what-ifs. No. I will have to pick a family I want to be born into first. Hah, I can almost hear the screams of loyal naruto fanboys. 'Pick the Uchiha! You will get Sharingan for free!' but you know what? Fuck. You.
Just, just think about it logically ok? Uchiha? No. While I don't believe in Curse of Hatred, I wholeheartedly believe that Uchihas are already born naturally retarded.
Why? Many reasons, actually. Madara is one. Itachi is another. Sasuke, Fugaku, Uchiha elders. Freaking hell, now that I actually think about it the clan is full of mighty headcases.
Madara. Now, this guy is self-explanatory. He is powerful as all hell but his mental facilities seem to be on vacation 24/7 unless he is plotting the demise of the world for world peace itself. See? I told you he is bonkers!
Itachi. He killed his own family. PERIOD. There is no need nor way to glorify him for it. Do not make him a hero because he did it, for fuck sake! It's unbecoming. While yeah. The guy is a champ. He is worthy of respect because of his determination, skill, abilities, way of thinking, and the sacrifice he made for the village and his brother but he is a total traitor headcase. I mean, he let his entire family sans his brother be killed off and then mind-fucked said brother with his most powerful Jutsu. Now, don't tell me the children under five or civilian uncle or grandma with the surname Uchiha who knew jack-shit about the rebellion couldn't be saved from that fate. No, that would clearly need the help of the Hokage nutjob. But, why ask for help? Madman called Danzo said 'kill', so let's kill! Who would talk with the man who is actually supposed to give you orders when his SHADY-AS-FUCK ADVISOR, that should have been executed many, many years ago if the Hokage nutjob wasn't, well, idiot, tells you what to do. Right? Geez, my head hurts only thinking about Itachi and his idiocy.
Next. Sasuke 'I AM AVENGER' Uchiha. Hn Jr.
Fugaku. Nothing to say. Anyone who is trigger-happy to rebel with, well, let's say, 200 active shinobi clan members against the entirety of Konoha is a clear case of being a baby dropped on his head during childhood. Well, 200 vs Konoha. Simple math. GG WP.
So, the Uchiha clan is out. Seriously out. And don't let me start to rant about Konoha! The entire village is a gathering of madmen.
Lee and Gai? Gai-ish nutjobs.
Naruto 'Future Hokage and protector of those that scorn him!' Uzumaki? Manipulated and molded to be the perfect guardian of Konoha by Sarutobi. He may be a lovable idiot but an idiot nevertheless.
Hiruzen 'Will of Fire' Sarutobi who is just too old for this shit. He is a naive idiot.
Danzo 'I love to kidnap children!' Shimura. He is a madman who loves to mind-fuck said children, then make them fight to the death and the winner will not even get candy! No. The winner's reward is a suicide and loyalty seal on his tongue and a lifetime of servitude to the said madman.
Sakura 'Sasuke-kyuuuun!' Haruno. Fangirl obsessed with a mental case. Yet again a complete mental case.
Kakashi 'Lost on the road of life' Hatake. That guy is a lost cause. Seriously lost. Please return him upon finding him.
Neji 'Caged bird' Hyuuga. Whelp. At least SOME sense is beaten into him eventually.
Nada. I ain't gonna join Konoha. Not when Danzo is happily kidnapping orphans and Hokage just pats him on the shoulder with a job well done. I don't believe even for a second that Hiruzen doesn't know what Danzo does. He is freaking Hokage with hundreds of spies and assassins in his ANBU!
I am not joining ANY hidden village for that matter. Every single of them is kinda screwed in one way or another. No, there is a better way. A much better way.
"I want to be born 10 years before Obito makes Kyuubi attack Konoha as a second son of the Kaminari Daimyo."
"Hmm, that would be 100 KP. You have 400 more." TUFAP snapped out of his daze and looked at me. Huh, guess my monologuing was boring him.
Why Kaminari? Well, to be as far from Konoha's way as possible! 90% of the shit that happens in Naruto is BECAUSE OF some idiot originating from Konoha not being satisfied with his lot in life. Danzo, Madara, Obito, Orochimaru, Kabuto, and Sasuke, wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Right?
"Can I use KP to ensure that my future dad will be Daimyo from the time I am born until my older brother takes the mantle and then said brother won't have to face any opposition or assassinations? Also, I would like my entire family to love me beyond the grave."
"Heh, wanna be a spoiled second master, eh? That's fine. 250 KP taken."
I almost did a double-take after hearing the price! Sigh. Well, of course, I do. After all, any Kage is on the payroll of Daimyo. They may be strong but they have to listen to their bosses. And if my future father loves me beyond the grave? Heh. Heh. Heh. Ku-Ku-Ku! Cough Cough.
"I had to change a lot of things in that world for your wish. That's why it's so pricy." He answered my thoughts. "But, this way they won't be assassinated and will have quite a peaceful ruling term."
The second TUFAP said that something clicked.
"Make me NOT be a target for assassinations and kidnappings until I am at least fifteen too!" I shouted hurriedly.
He just smiled mischievously. "Sure. I thought you wouldn't notice my little hint. Done. 25 KP was deducted. Wow! There would be
MANY suckers who would like to kidnap the beloved second master! Now, this protects you only until 15 if you won't do anything major, OR the protection will be gone the second you do something extraordinary and is discovered."
Hmm. So birth circumstances aside. I have 125 KP. Hmm… Do I need ability? No. I don't need ability. I will be a toddler with more than twenty years until cannon starts. I need talent.
"How much would be fuinjutsu talent better than an Uzumaki?"
"Well, I can give you one for 100 KP. Before you say something. I used 250 KP to basically change decades of the ruling of Kaminari no Kuni. This affected a LOT of people. Maybe even the entirety of Elemental Nations. Giving talent affects only one person. You. So 100 KP is a VERY potent and powerful talent. Uzumaki will seem like toddlers compared to you who like to doodle instead of using fuinjutsu. Of course, there is no free lunch in the world. You will have to practice."
"Thanks, TUFAP." I told him enthusiastically, making him smile.
I was glad. Sigh. So 25 KP? Hmm.
I stood there thinking about my future path for a while. Ten minutes. Twenty. Half-hour. Hour.
Ah, nah, nothing. What can I get for such a low amount of KP?
Well. What can I say? I will be in Lightning country so...
"I want to know what lightning for 15 KP and Chakra control for 10 KP would do then." I said sullenly.
"Sure. your lightning affinity would be strong. But you would still have to train it hard. As for the chakra control, you can train that but you would never reach perfection. With expending 10 KP you would actually be able to learn yin and yang releases and will have a natural ability to control chakra more freely. It may kinda manifest like Uzumaki Chakra Chains." He nodded at my choices.
"Thanks, TUFAP. I will take that."
"Sure." His calm demeanor completely shifted and he started to giggle.
Seeing my confused looks he decided to elaborate.
"There is no such thing as Karma Points, man! If there was something like that, half of the multiverse wouldn't get to reincarnate or reach the afterlife. I just pulled you here for my entertainment. You could ask for literally anything and it would be granted! Immortality, Goddess as Wife, Heck even Godhood. Sure it would take all of your KP but still! You were just bound by your perception of 1000 KP. Also, to answer the question of why the Naruto world was the only world you could afford. It was so because you wanted to go there most!" The bastard smirked. "Ah, it was refreshing to have you here and listen to your decisions. I hope you will enjoy your new life to the fullest. Bye!"
The second he told me how irrevocably played I was, darkness engulfed me.
