1 Chapter One - Memories

Bright teeth and dancing eyes, there is no doubt that his smile could light up any room. His brilliant blue eyes seem to sparkle so much that even the camera seemed to admire. With a single glance, he was always able to brighten anyone's day no matter how sad they may be. He was my hero, he still is.

It has been almost three years since he died. It was so sudden that not even the doctors saw it coming.

He is not talked about much anymore, not at all in my house at least. It is still too raw and painful for my mom to even say his name. Every time she does it brings her to tears.

It would at least be nice to have someone to talk to about it. To have someone be able to comfort me in a way only two people in my entire life have been able to do. But, both are gone now. One is dead, and the other...is just gone.

It was hardest the first couple of months, but through the years I have learned to cope with the neverending pain of his death. I have learned to hide the pain so well that I myself can barely feel it.

It is not as if it is not there, trust me it is, but I have become so... numb that it is as if it is barely present in my body.

You might be thinking that oh she has no feelings, she is not happy because she is numb how can you be? But, that is not the case I feel things like happiness and joy, I simply like to tune out the pain.

Most of it at least. Sometimes, sometimes in my dreams or at random times, all that pain and anguish comes in like floodwater. In those times I feel like I am drowning. I feel like I am drowning and my body just keeps reviving but I am stuck under the water. Just below the surface, with no one around. I am all alone in an infinite ocean of agony.

I guess I am being a little over dramatic but that is what it does feel like sometimes. Even if it never seems like it.

It is said that the prettiest smiles hide the darkest secrets, the brightest eyes have cried the most tears, and the kindest hearts have felt the most pain. They have no idea how right they are.

Well, now I sound like I am depressed. I assure you I am not, just really, really sad.

I look back at his picture again as memories fill my mind, not all good and not all bad, simply memories.

Looking away towards my medium-sized walk-in closet, I catch a glimpse of an old picture. One I had buried in my closet just over three years ago, right before my dad's death.

This one was not of him though. But, of an old best friend. One who left me without explanation only months before my father's death. The sad part is he did not check on me at all. Didn't call or text to see if I was okay, he didn't even spare me a glance at school.

I have a different phone and number now so even if he wanted to he would most likely not be able to. Text me or anything that is.

Honestly, I don't think he would want to. I really don't.

I have seen him around school. That does not mean I have talked to him, but I have seen him.

Freshman year, only a couple of months after he left, he came back as a completely different person.

A person I didn't recognize in the slightest. His clothes were slightly different, he looked slightly different, he even spoke differently. But, those are all of the little things I noticed after slightly overhearing a conversation, or seeing him walk into class or in the halls.

What really changed though, more than any small observation I could make on how he dressed or how he talked, even how he walked. The biggest thing... was him.

He had completely changed, I had no idea who he was anymore. Every time I would catch his eye, I was met with a cold unforgiving gaze. He was no longer the boy who used to apologize for the stupidest things. He was no longer the boy who opened the door for you and kept it open for everyone else walking out. He was no longer the boy who could make me laugh so hard my spleen would explode even if I was crying not two minutes before.

He was no longer the boy I knew. The boy I had known since I was three. It was as if we had never met. Had never known each other. Had never cried to each other. Had never laughed with each other. Jumped on his trampoline or swam in my pool together.

We were perfect strangers.

Who never knew each other.

And most likely never will.

I was not mad at him, I get it honestly. We were going into high school, I was a dork that liked reading, music and the stars. Why would anyone in their right mind want to stick around me? Poor ol' tragic me.

He was just a discarded chapter in my life I never really got to fully close. but still, like to look back on every once in a while.

Looking down at my calculus homework I decide to take a much-needed break and watch some Disney.

What I don't know is whether I should watch Jonas or one of the DOM (Disney Original Movies) movies.

I could watch Camp Rock to get the best of both worlds.

Get it because Hannah Mon- Ughh nevermind.

Anyways that way I could have my Jonas dreams with Demi and awesome music.

Huh, I am really smart. But, it is kind of sad that I love 2002- 2013 Disney so much. With the exception of Austin and Ali of course along with Teen Beach 1 and 2. Part of the reason it is so sad is because they don't play reruns on Disney Channel and they don't have any of them on Netflix so they are hard to find. You know besides the fact that I have all the seasons of the shows I like and all the movies also. Just overlook that fact, and it is still oh so very sad.

You know I am just going to stop thinking about this now.

Like right now.

Maybe now.

Okay, this is stupid.

Camp Rock 1 and 2 here I come.

↞30 minutes later↠

Like fire and rain

You can drive me insane

But I can't stay mad at you for anything

We're Venus and Mars

We're like different stars

Like different stars

But you're the harmony to every song I sing

And I wouldn't change a thing

She's always trying to save the day

Just wanna let my music play

She's all or nothing

But my feelings never change

Why, does he try to read my mind?

I try to read her mind

It's not goo-

"Scarlett, can you please stop singing so loud and banging on the floor I'm trying to work!"

"Sure Mom!" I yell back, rolling my eyes in the process.

"Work, work, work, work is always more important than trying to get to know your f*cking daughter," I mumble under my breath.

So, I may have been singing loud and dancing around, I love Disney bite me.

Actually, don't though because that is actually really gross.

For the past 20 minutes, I have been watching Camp Rock 2, I may have skipped to the singing and Mitchie and Shane parts in 1. Sometimes I do that when I don't want to watch the whole thing but still want to watch certain parts.

Normal people do that too... right?

Yeah, they have to because I'm normal.

Keep telling yourself that.

Stupid brain.

Anyways, since the first song I have been standing, and every time a new one comes on I dance and sing along.

And people say I'm immature, ha. That's funny.

I snap out of my very "mature" thoughts and run to my bed making a big starfish shape with my limbs midair and landing on my stomach.

Told you I'm mature.

I crawl myself up to my pillows only moving my arms and squirming my hips, It is much harder than it looks.

After flipping around I grab my remote and my KitKat's paying attention to the 59 inch TV hanging on my wall once again.

Did I already add that part that it is also a smart TV?

No, well it is.

I don't know when but I eventually fell asleep, since it was already like, 12 at night.

Speaking of I have no idea why my mom was still up, or frankly why she didn't yell at me for being up. Oh well, I really don't care.

↞Next Morning↠

"Ow," I groan.

Let me explain.

↞10 Seconds Ago��

I was sleeping perfectly content in my serine undisturbed sleep then Boom.

What happens, oh yeah, this was the perfect moment for my alarm to decide it hates me once again.

"Ahhhh," Oh and how could I forget the cause of even more distress. This is me... falling off my bed after the alarm went off.

I'm off to an amazing morning, aren't I?

↞Present Time↠

Okay, there isn't much difference in time, I just did the time thing to be dramatic.

But, in my defense overdramatizing my distress is the perfect thing for the absolutely terrible, just horrible morning that it has come to entail.

To add to it, I have only been up for less than two minutes.

To top it all off I have to get up and get ready for hell, oh uh I mean school, I totally mean school. Wait then I actually have to go. I hate today already.

Just when the floor was starting to get comfortable too. Life sucks don't grow up, that is my advice for young kids or really everyone.

Good advice I have to say.

Sighing I roll twice then finally get up and leisurely make my way towards my ensuite.

A very warm, very relaxing shower that made me want to jump back into my bed later. Sadly I had to get out and step into the cold harsh world they call humanity, and also being a teenager in high school.

I walk over to my closet while patting my hair down with my towel and grab a simple black pair of leggings and a dull green crop top that says "Life Sucks But at Least the Food is Good". After putting that on I hang my towel on the hook so it can dry, then go to grab a pair of black socks from my sock drawer.

I slip those on and grab my white low top converse, after tying those up I make my way out of the closet and back to the bathroom to brush my mop-like, waist length, light brown hair. Eventually, I get it all brushed out and I sweep it up into a ponytail.

I then make my way out of my room and down the stairs for my breakfast.

If you were wondering yes I have more than one towel but I hang the wet ones up so they don't get anything else wet. I hate that especially when I am going to do my laundry and I have no general clue as to why.

Finally reaching the kitchen I walk to the refrigerator door and grab out my yogurt. After scooping some of that into a bowl I close it up and place it back in its spot in the refrigerator. Grabbing my bowl I place it in my little eating nook and grab a spoon and banana.

I sit down and start to break the banana into bits, I am about to put it into the bowl when it hits me.

"Ahhh I forgot the granola!" I yell while running to the pantry like a crazy person. Grabbing my granola I take it back to my nook area and get a handful of the oaty goodness and sprinkle it into the bowl. Once there is no more left in my hand to sprinkle I close the seal on the bag and walk over placing it back into the pantry.

"Numy Numy, this is heaven to my tummy. Hey, that rhymed... kind of. I am such a baby." I exclaim sighing.

Once I am nearly done eating I hear a car pull into my driveway, with the honk of a car horn accompanying it.

I place my bowl in the sink quickly rinsing it, then I dash upstairs and to my bedroom to brush my teeth. On my way out of the bathroom two minutes and 30 seconds later I grab my backpack from my desk chair and run out of my room and down the stairs, making sure I have my phone and my homework as well.

After shutting off all the lights still on I make my way to the front door, grabbing my keys as I do so, then locking the door behind me.

The horn of the car honks three more times before I am finally able to make it across the driveway and to the vehicle.

"Was that really necessary?" I question after ripping the door open and throwing my backpack in.

"Very much so," Jordyn, also known as one of my two best friends.

Speaking of...

"You know, I never understand why you ask such meaningless questions, I mean either you know the answer, you are being sarcastic, or it is a rhetorical question." The other half of my best friends wonder, " Wait the third one is the same as the first." Yeah, he's not exactly the best or sharpest, not even the most colorful crayon in the box.

More like that one you accidentally put back in, can barely see and is just a big fat pain in your anal orifice partly because it is hard to get out.

Yeah, that is Nate.

But, he is still one of my best friends, I love him and I wouldn't trade him for the world. If you tell him that, or anyone else for that matter, trust me.

I will torture you, rip off your limbs, and slowly but very surely kill you.

But, don't worry as long as you don't repeat any of "that" you are in the clear and none of that will happen to you. For that reason at least.

Next chapter