Alone
"Mom...Mom...mom!!!" She calls
"Please don't leave me."
"Please, please, please don't" she continues begging while she cries hysterically.
She wants to move but she can't. The darkness surrounding her terrifies her. She tries to reach out for anything but her arms are too heavy. She looks around wanting to see where she is but only darkness and nothing stares back at her.
She decides to call for her mother again. She swears she saw her with her own eyes. She knows she didn't imagine her. She was there in the flesh. She didn't know how but she was there.
"Mother!" She screams at the top of her voice.
"Please don't do this"
"Please don't leave me again"
"I won't make it this time mom" she says panicking. Her voice now hoarse from all the shouting and crying.
"Please mama"
"Take me with you"
She pleads again and again but only silence.
A huge lump forms in her throat.
"Why are you not answering me mother"
"I need you"
"I can't do this alone anymore"
More tears leave her eyes as she is pulled back to a time in her life when she felt utterly alone.
She was that 13 year old once again. Sitting all alone in the empty house after her mother died. Wondering what to do next. Her mother had been her everything. They were there for each other. Even when life became hard as long as they had each other they were happy.
She had tried to focus on their happy moments but with each smile and laughter she remembered the void in her heart grew bigger and bigger reminding her of what she was going to miss.
How does a little girl move on from such a loss. With tears flowing down her face she closed her eyes and sung her mother's favourite lullaby, hoping it would help her escape that void if only but for a moment.
Good night....good night
See you when you wake
Good night...good night... good night
Good night Layla
See you when you wake
Good night.... Good night... Good night
She remembers looking at her mother's picture through tear streaked eyes. Her beautiful face radiating her beauty and gentleness. She was always the one to put a smile on little Layla's face. Every time Layla was unhappy she would take it upon herself to get her smiling again even when she was the reason of her daughter's unhappiness.
She had held that photo frame tightly to her chest as if that would make her feel her mother's embrace one last time.
Her lips tremble as anguish engulfs her. If only it was a good night. The darkness is scary. Her soul is being torn apart. Her only love is no more, her sunshine is gone. Her laughter is quiet, never to be heard again.
She is lost. She doesn't dare think of her tomorrows. All she wants is to sleep and never wake up, to sleep next to her mother as she had done all her life.
Her eyes are still closed but sleep doesn't come to her. The darkness around her only becoming thicker.
....
A sharp pain rips through her heart and she feels like she is at death's door. The pain was nothing like anything she had ever felt before. She tries to open her eyes but they feel too heavy like they are glued shut. Her whole body feels very heavy. Her mind cannot comprehend what is happening. Before she can recover from the shock another wave of pain hits and she screams as hard as she can. Her whole body is covered in sweat and she is panicking. The pain has her whole body awake. She is wondering why she cannot move or why she cannot see anything. She wants to know what this place is. She tries to think back but she can only go as far as the darkness nothing more.
Why can she not remember anything about getting here.
"Is she dead?"
That thought drains all the life in her. Is she really...dead? Is this what death feels like? Where exactly is she? She tries to look around as the questions fill her head with no answers. She is still met with darkness. Her worst fear. Darkness always reminded her of her worst fear. The fear to remain alone, to grow old alone, to never know the happiness of being surrounded by loved ones. Tears keep trickling down her face. Was she meant to live this life alone?
Why her? Even when everything was finally falling into place she can't seem to get a happy ending.
"How could life be so cruel to me?" She whispers into the darkness.
Everything she had worked hard for seems to have been swallowed up by the same darkness that is surrounding her and threatening to take her sanity. She had been strong through out her life. Taking everything life threw at her but just when she is about to have the one thing she wanted, it all gets taken.
She wonders what she could have done to the powers that be, that only misery is what gets dished out to her.
The heaviness of her soul makes it harder for her to breathe.
She can't tell how long she has been here but her mind is tired. Tired of fighting, thinking, wondering. All her struggles have consumed all her energy. So she just stares into the darkness. Not wanting to think anything. Letting go of everything she closes her eyes wanting to escape the darkness she sees when they are open. She doesn't know what this place is or if she will ever get out but what she does know is, yet again she is alone...all alone. Warm tears fall on the sides of her face, the thought of being alone overwhelming her. She feels hopeless and defeated. In her world she would have found something to make her smile and keep going but this place has sucked out every little drop of hope and will to go on that she had left. She surrenders to the darkness ready to accept whatever comes her way..