To Iwa - Penchant for Freedom

'Alright, what's the progress, system?'

[Symbiosis: 87%]

'Holy shit, why does everything involving the symbiote take so damn long...?' I wondered to no one in particular as I panted.

Actually, speaking of something taking a long time...

'Holy fucking shit, how much longer is this going to take!?' I asked myself as I tiredly stepped up a tall hill.

After some more rigorous movement, I and Sayuri finally climbed over the hill as I let out a demonic groan filled with vitriolic annoyance.

20 hours... Twenty fucking hours! TWENTYFUCKINGHOURS!

God fucking dammit!

It has been twenty HOOOOOOUUUUURS since we finally left the rain territory and we are currently forging forward toward Iwa.

I have not slept yet, but fortunately, the symbiote was satiated.

The symbiote had always been feeding on my adrenaline to sustain itself, but its hunger had reached the breaking point.

My own adrenaline wasn't enough to keep it stable and so we decided to go only 2 miles to find some food for the symbiote.

That's all well and good. Seems simple right? Just reach the area we need and get food!

SEEMS SIMPLE RIGHT!?

Unfortunately, when we arrived at the location, it turned out to be a fucking orphanage full of kids.

Should I have torn their heads off and devoured them right before Sayuri? Yes. Did I? No.

So then I decided to move on from that after Sayuri had a chat with the matron to try to find some other food.

Unfortunately, that ended in failure as well. Apparently there were no fucking candy vendors anywhere nearby.

I got desperate after that and would've customized myself some chocolate, however...

<I'm not gonna waste my precious DP on something like chocolate!> was my thought process at the time.

I fully regret that decision. Because at the end of the day, I did indeed use the system to make some chocolate.

Only after a few hours of torture did I actually do it. All that time wasted.

I may know that the symbiote needs phenethylamine as a food source, but I wasn't some time before babel genius to remember all the things that hold it.

All I know is neurotransmitters and chocolate.

And had I not restrained myself in front of Sayuri, I am fairly sure I would've most likely gone apeshit and devoured those orphans.

But, hey, at the end of the day, I managed to satiate it's hunger right?

At the end of the day, I could continue on my journey and get to Iwa! Yay!

Nope.

Well, it's true that I could peacefully continue forward to Iwagakure, but there was one small caveat.

Apparently, we had to take an absolutely fantastic detour because Sayuri needed to finish up some extra business in a different direction.

Initially, I didn't really mind it, but, as it turned out, this little detour would end up with us nonstop walking for TWELVE FUCKING HOURS.

And then after reaching the place where Sayuri did her business, we once again continued to Iwa.

It's been 8 hours since then, 8 hours of walking. All that time without rest stacked together being 20 hours of shit.

I mean, seriously. What was so goddamn important over there that we needed to go through this shit?

"Hey... Sayuri... How much longer...?" I asked tiredly as the woman next to me calmly spoke.

"Hm..." She hummed, considering the distance, "A day or so I guess," She spoke nonchalantly.

Despair filled me as I dropped to my knees in anguish and pure, unadulterated, misery.

I stared emptily at the sky, "You've gotta be fucking with me..." I let out a bit of frustration.

Unlike before, Sayuri didn't reprimand me for my harsh language and I even spotted a slight amused smile on her face.

All signs of my manipulations going just as I wished.

Ugh, whatever, I'm too exhausted to think of this shit right now. I just need to stay awake and then get to Iwa.

Granted, my actual body wasn't too tired from any of this work so I could keep going for a while.

Except the fact that my physical endurance wouldn't help me mentally.

My vastly higher Vitality stat would not allow me to get too physically tired from greulling labour, but my brain was a different story.

The anguish of staying awake for almost two straight days on top of the physical work was simply torturous.

I could endure it of course, and I wasn't about to let my weakness show in front of Sayuri, but Ninja Jesus was it difficult.

Wait a minute. If I want to give my mind a rest... couldn't I just do that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, if I did that I wouldn't experience any sort of difficulty and I could essentially skip through most of these tough experiences.

'Hey symbiote, I want you to take control of my body and let me rest in the backseat.'

'Do not talk to Sayuri, do not act suspiciously, stay behind Sayuri and keep running. If something of urgency comes up, then wake me up.'

It was an easy way to take a nice break from all of this difficulty and finally sleep for the first time in two days.

You know, Sayuri seems so disconnected from the rest of the world that she doesn't even seem to see when someone is having difficulty.

Like, she can keep running for days on end, but she's so disconnected from people that she would never realize that I don't have the same mentality.

And that lack of social awareness could cause great trouble. Specifically right now with my tired self.

It's a curious phenomena.

Anyways, my body will not be experiencing any rest with the symbiote taking control but my mind will finally take a break.

It should be fine however, since I have an insanely high Vitality which would keep me active for a long while.

Still. I should be careful with pushing it. Symbiote, take control, wake me up if shit goes down.

Soon enough, the symbiote abided by my words and I fell into darkness.

....

....

....

[Symbiote POV]

....

There was nothing. Nothing but a lack of existence. Which is a contradiction in of itself.

But then, there was existence.

I began existing.

Everything was disconnected, as though my mind was broken off from a family of other minds.

I felt unwhole. Pieces missing.

My existence nothing more than a janky, mismatched, fabrication of something more complete.

An amalgamation of... something... Created by something... without, well, anything.

Wandering around aimlessly, I was. Doing nothing but moving before I felt something call to me.

Soon enough I reached the beating heart and then I bonded to it. The moment I did so, a whole world opened up to me.

Senses I didn't know I had, thoughts I didn't know I could possess, limbs I didn't know existed.

But I was still a broken mess. The bond was imperfect, it was terrible.

Once again, I wandered. But then I heard it, I smelt it, I felt it... It was a human.

Cold, almost dead, bleeding out before me.

Almost as though desperate, I left the animal I was possessing and then I entered into a whole new world.

That was the moment I bonded to Akuto.

His mind, it-- it was...

It was so terrifyingly beautiful.

Every thought, twisted and free, every part of his mind, corrupted and terrible... but oh so alluringly free.

At the beginning, I was mindless, but I slowly awakened my own sense of self after entering his body.

And then, soon enough, I found myself getting rather dangerously attached.

At first, I didn't know why I was so attached to an unknown being like him, but then I realized why.

This human-- this creature --has freedom.

And so I stayed with him, I did things with him, I attacked him, he cured me, so many things occurred.

Existence felt... admittedly good... being bonded to him.

Relatively recently, after skimming through his memories of various exploits with various women, I wondered something.

He had partaken in these activities with so many people, he had spoken with all these women, and yet... that's where it ended.

He did the deed, benefitted, and then just... moved on.

It was confusing behaviour.

Eventually, I got curious... I asked the man who had granted me a home, the man who put my pieces together.

I asked him why he was so opposed to the idea of affection.

Confused at first, he asked what I meant and why it even mattered. Typical of him.

After a while of him grudgingly refusing to engage in the conversation, I ended up finally getting through to him.

He said to me so dully, 'I don't need attachment. I'll get sexual pleasure and get even stronger. I just have to keep getting stronger.'

The statement was so vitriolic, so hateful, so passionate.

A statement so filled with strength to the point where it could set someone on fire.

Unfortunately, his voice was anything but. It was dull, empty, but determined.

I cannot explain why, but it felt upsetting to hear something like that from a creature born with such freedom.

I, a monster born from nothing, no goal, no existence, no purpose other than to survive. A creature who can only survive within the life of another.

He was not me... Something born lacking freedom...

He had freedom, he could do anything, he had incredible potential, he could live however he wished...

And yet he wished to walk a path without freedom, a path restricting him to despair, difficulty, anger, loveless sex, and so many other things.

Why? I could not fathom it! It was just so nonsensical to me.

And so, I asked him one more thing. Why was he doing any of this in the first place?

Why did he choose to go down this foolish path of self-satisfaction, empty emotions, and blind power?

He paused when I asked that. He took a moment to think about it.

'It's the only thing I know how to do, I guess. The only thing I'm really good at,' Was his response to me, spoken with an uncaring shrug.

I was rather confused at the vague statement at first.

But then it hit me. The reason for this.

It was because... Well, he simply... wasn't free.

As opposed to what I thought, he was not born with that amazing freedom.

He was just as purposeless, freedomless, and lifeless as I was. As I was before meeting him.

Someone not born normally, created without any purpose other than to survive. He just took his survival to the extreme.

His survival meant conquering others' freedom. As though taking everyone elses' would grant him some semblance of it.

But... You know, I think he doesn't realize it, but...

He is free. He has complete freedom. I suppose, the only thing stopping him from living differently is himself.

Which is why I have devoted myself to him. In the slightest chance that this freedomless, rageful, lifeless, inhuman man could live a life he wished

I was aware of the dark truth...

Damien. Akuto.

A life before, a life now.

Neither lives truly embracing freedom.

I was aware of the dark truth...

He would never stop. The peace he strives for is a single-minded, ruthless desire.

Something no different from his prior life.

Akuto and Damien were nothing more than slaves to their own desires.

He simply could not live without this kind of thing.

Without mindless violence, he would have to contemplate.

Without gaining power, he would have to live calmly.

Without taking control, he would have to be satisfied with normality.

Without empty sexual interactions... he would have to love.

An empty journey to fill in a bottomless pit with things that wouldn't fit inside. As though putting the square block in the circular hole over and over.

He was an emotional being who mistook his emotional drive for cunning. Emotions, good and bad.

There was only one, all-encompassing, feeling within him that was completely true, that was completely free.

A sensation that was completely his.

Anger. An anger toward his own faults, an anger towards the world's faults, an anger towards people's control over him, an anger towards existence, an anger towards not pushing forward, an anger towards those who lacked conviction.

It was a drive that pushed him forward, a drive to pursue nothing but complete... Total... Overwhelming... Infinite...

...Control.

Such a thing... It frightened even a devoted creature like me.

Because I knew the truth of it all. The truth that Damien would conquer everything.

I could not muster even an ounce of doubt at that declaration.