Illusions

September 6, 2019

The sky is dark and then it's light. One big white room. Then, the stars come out and the night hits the sky. Out of nowhere, the trees flicker into existence. Nothing is real. Nothing is true. This is all an illusion. Where is this place?

The sky quivers and vibrates, stars disparate. The bright white room blinds my eyes. I try to walk around, but I go nowhere while thinking I'm still heading somewhere. The stars glitch back and forth, and then, a building appears.

The building is old and grim. I open the door, shocked by the sound of the small bell; the first sound I have heard. The lights flicker on, revealing dining booths on the left, a convenient store all around, coffee machines across the room from where I'm standing, and then a kitchen and clerk counter on the right.

Something pulls me to the coffee machines. I grab one and when I turn around, people appear at the booths. When I pass the window, I get a glimpse of my reflection. I am wearing a small blue and pink puff dress, a white apron, and a note pad in one of the pockets. I am a waitress.

Sounds of talking and white noise fill the air. I walk over to the booths and pour the coffee into a cup. The cup belongs to a tall janitor reading a newspaper. When he realizes I am looking at him, he lowers the paper, revealing his face. His glossy blue eyes stare me down, his goatee facial hair moves with his expression of sheer disgust.

I feel my face warm of embarrassment, so I walk away to the next booth where a slender woman sits on her phone. Her dark blue skirt and top suit make me think she is a woman of business. She talks on her earpiece; her voice seems almost nonexistent. She holds out her cup when I approach, knowing I was filling up, then shoos me away.

I move on to a young woman in sweats and a hoodie. Her hair in a messy bun. I notice that her shoes are dirty torn bunny slipper. When she sees me approach, she almost seems scared, in shock. She must be having some trouble of some kind.

A younger man, almost a teenage boy, waves me down. The girl sitting next to him laughs at some joke he said before I make it over. Her dark hair tied up in pigtails by bows and ribbons. The boy has a red football letterman jacket while the girl has on her older fashioned cheer outfit. They both have empty cups. As I begin to pour, they stare at each other and then make cute faces, making me uncomfortable and walk away.

I walk back to put the coffee back at the machine to make fresh coffee. The store isles are filled with chips and candy, the walls with all types of beverages. The moment I put the coffee down, a man walks behind me. He is about my height, but buff and stern. His uniform and badge strongly suggested that he was a local cop, or a cop of some kind. Looking closely, the badge had no number and his shoulder patch had no city name. Still, he carries a gun, cuffs, and a flashlight on his belt.

The cop walks to the right of the entrance where the clerk stands. The clerk is a chunky man with a green apron. He rings up the cop's candy and bags it. They talk but their words seem muffled, almost muted.

The clerk then rings a bell near his register. The bell is the only thing I hear clear and clean. When the bell rings a few times, a large dark-skinned man comes out from the back. His green apron dirtied with stains; his hair wrapped in a hairnet. He puts on plastic gloves and begins to cook a burger right there at the small grill behind the counter.

Once the food is cooked, an average sized woman, maybe in her twenties, walks out and gathers all the dishes. She disappears for just a few minutes and comes back with the same supplies, only crystal clean. Her face is expressionless, her eyes always to the ground.

For a moment, the sounds of whispers and white noise machines stopped, and the room grew silent. I turn and look. Everyone still talking to each other. The janitor flipping the paper, no sound. The teen couple giggling and kissing, no noise. Even the businesswoman who is moving her lips fast and angerly does not make a single sound.

I turn to the coffee, hot and dark. Both the decaf and regular are full. I don't remember putting any new coffee beans in either, or even pressing the button. Still, they are both full. And again, I take the regular and walk over to fill more cups. The same thing happens. The janitor looks at me and makes me flee, the businesswoman holds her cup up and shoos me away. All of it repeats, even the sounds going in and out.

When the silence falls once more, the coffee is again full without my efforts to do so. And just like before, I walk around, filling cups. Over and over, it doesn't end. I can't help but follow the same pattern. It's as if I have no control. After the sixth round, I decide to do something, but what? Do I smile? Do I refuse to pour? Maybe I will just say hi.

Shoot! It's now the seventh round of the same thing. I keep thinking that I can do something different but when I get to the first person, the pattern keeps repeating. How can I change it? The constant in and out of noises bothers me, bugs me even. How can it be so loud, then suddenly dead?

Eight. This is round number eight. I try to smile at the janitor when he lowers the paper, but the second his eyes look me up and down, I can't bring myself to do it. And once again, my face is warm from embarrassment.

I then try to say hello to the businesswoman, but before I can open my mouth, she raises her mug and shoos me away. Still, I couldn't make a change.

I even try to say hello to the woman in the sweats, but she is too startled once again to even look me in the eyes. I feel bad for scaring her that I don't speak a word.

When I get to the teenage lovers, they are laughing in their own world, not even noticing that I exist. I fill up and walk away.

All of it happens over and over. I keep track. Twelve, twenty-three, even all the way to seventy-nine. The same thing, the same random yet no-so-random dead silence. I even glance at the small clock above the entrance door. It hasn't changed. The sky is still dark and starry, the same thing. The same constant thing.

Around the eighty-first or maybe it's now the eighty-second time, I being to give up and lose track. I feel tired of the same thing. It just won't stop. Even I can't stop.

I turn to the now filled coffee once again. I am exhausted. My feet and back ache, my hand and wrist cramp up from continuously holding the coffee pot. Then, something different breaks the cycle. I drop the pot. The glass shatters, creating a loud noise that echoes throughout the entire building. As in slow motion, I watch the coffee pot break. The glass shards flying in all directions, the liquid flowing away.

Everyone gets up and stares at me. For a moment, I was happy the pattern was broken. I was even happy that the coffee pot was broken. Even with their judgmental eyes, the spell was broken.

Without warning, I watch the pieces of glass gather around the liquid. The ordeal began to rewind. The pot fixed back and went back into my hand, then back on the burner to make more.

I pick it up like before and turn around. The sounds flows back and I walk over just as before to give the janitor his coffee. When he lowers his paper, the person is not the same. This time the janitor is the big dark-skinned guy who was originally the cook. When he stares me down, I walk away as before.

When I get to the woman on her phone in a skirt and suit, it is the same woman who was scared of me in the sweats. The woman in the sweats is now the teenage girl who was in love with the football boy. The football boy and cheerleader are now the original clerk and dishwasher. The cop with no real tags is now the janitor and the clerk is now the cop. Lastly, the dishwasher is now the businesswoman. Each person changes roles.

I run through the new pattern a few times before I once again drop the coffee pot. Again, it reveres breaks, and when I walk back, everyone has switched again. I back away. The first real action of difference.

I drop the coffee pot at the door, not even caring if it builds back up. I grab the front door, open it and run. The bell doesn't make a sound.

Outside, cars are parked. When I walk past each one, I feel something deeply watching me. I check the driver's seats to see if there is any other people around. Nothing, but the feeling doesn't ease away.

I look at the sky and see the stars. For a split second, I feel calm. The stars are my only willing constant. Only looking deeply at them, I notice that the sky begins to glitch. The hairs on my neck stand up and chills run down my body. I run. One foot in front of the other, I run as fast as I can. There are no other buildings around, just a deep void of darkness around the rest of the building.

I turn the corner, running behind the building. I feel a dark being, a shadow, following me. There is a small gap before the I turn to the front of the building. When I look back, I see a deep shadow growing towards me. Not a bobbing being, just a growing dark shadow. It lingers and grows closer with every second.

I am terrified. My body shakes and my head screams to keep running. Still, I am frozen, watching the shadow enlarge. Every instinct in my body says danger, that I will die if I don't leave.

Finally, my body listens to my head. I run out of the corner. I run into the black obis and hope that the shadow will not follow. I run and run and for a moment, the feeling being watched has ceased.

I stop and look around. Nothing is near me, not even the strange building with the strange people. No shadows, but yet no light. I fall to my knees and stare at the ground, or what I think is the ground. The stars begin to sink and the ground that my hands and knees lie on becomes the sky.

Wherever this is, whatever this is, it has become an endless space full of melting and falling stars. They melt and droplets fall creating ripples in a pool of shimmering water that wasn't there before. My head can't even comprehend what is going on.

Looking up, the stars land on my face as if it were rain. Bright warm beautiful glowing rain. I smile. For the first time in this weird place, this strange existence, I feel calm. Even though what is happening isn't normal, this is the most normal it could be.

I slowly close my eyes, open them back up to see the infinite space. I close and open them again. The room is now plain white just as it did in the very beginning. I almost freak out, but something tells me it's over. No more shadows. No more diner and no more creepy roll swapping.

"Congratulations," a voice echoes in the bright emptiness. "You have not only faced your main fears, but you have succeeded on finding your peace. You are cured."

A small door opens up about three yards away from me. The inside is unknown. This whole thing is unknown.

"Your fears were working in the same place for too long, watching things change but no you, and the unknown. Your most interesting was the, well, shadow. It goes deeper than you think. You fear a darkness that may always follow you, even though you have no idea what it is. Just something that will ruin everything n the blink of an eye.

Could be that you're afraid to be happy. Afraid that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you will never be happy. You did still run away instead of dealing with it face to face. But that is another time. You have learned at least how to keep pushing through and staying calm. Great work. Come back tomorrow to work on the confrontation."

Confused yet satisfied, I step to the door. I was hesitant. What if it was another illusion? What if the cycle continues? How will I know what is real or just another simulation?

As I step through the door, I feel cold. The darkness swallows me whole and before I can turn around, the door shuts and everything begins to glitch.

The sky is dark and then it's light. One big white room. Then, the stars come out and the night hits the sky. Out of nowhere, the trees flicker into existence. Nothing is real. Nothing is true. This is all an illusion. Where is this place?