5 -Lie until you're not lying anymore-
(A/N: There is vague mention of triangle masturbation in this chapter, just a warning. Very brief, more like an offhand comment.)
Little Will was growing up so fast, his check up went without a hitch. He was perfectly normal. He was also solely a male.
I was always demanding to hold him, to feed him, to read to him. Orange let me take care of my little brother with a soft look. Will is such an energetic child. He babbles loudly and clings tightly to me whenever I pick him up. I fall more and more in love everyday.
It was nice to come home after a stressful day at school to play with Will. Our 'dog' loved Will too. The three of us would just sit around as I talked about my day or read books about advanced mathematics and the importance of fractals. Will understood none of it but I just liked speaking to him.
"Big brodda!"
"Will? Did you just?"
"Big brodda!" He squeaked.
It was the happiest I've ever felt in this life.
---
I wonder if my parents mind that I call him Will? I have never heard them refer to him by name so its not like I actually know what his real name is. They don't question it when I call him Will so I think its fine?
Gray takes Will with him to work sometimes. Mainly to show him what his job would be when he's older. I'm a little jealous, even if i don't want to be a carpenter, doesn't mean I'm not interested in learning it.
I tried to teach Will to sing but sadly my species seems to be literally incapable of understanding melody. I am in despair. The fact that music doesn't exist here has left me in despair!
The years go by and I'm getting older. I have been managing to pass the tests so far. Not perfectly but I do well enough. With nothing to do here BUT study I feel like I'm doing more academically than I've ever done in my first life. I miss internet. I miss fanfiction. I miss porn.
There is no porn here. People only Click for reproduction, not pleasure. I tried masturbating once because I was curious. It was a strange experience. It was vaguely pleasurable but the sensations were faint. Distant. Unimportant.
Also, my oval popped off when I peaked. Apparently thats how it worked. The Piece pokes out and after some stimulation, it ejects into the Slot. A new Piece grows after a few days. Meanwhile, the ejected Piece will incubate inside a Slot until its ready to hatch.
...could I theoretically impregnate myself with my own Piece? The idea makes me very unsettled. Disturbed even. I will not be testing that. Nope.
After my Piece popped off I panicked about what to do with it. In the end I smashed it into pieces and threw it in the trash. I was panicking okay?!
I tried to test out my slot but whenever my fingers start feeling up the edges I just couldn't bring myself to actually reach inside. I'd be gripped with a cold feeling and a sense of wrongness. So sadly, as much as I wanted to fully explore this new body, its probably not going to happen for a while.
---
There are no dates. Nothing to mark months or years. We do not have a calendar. All schedules are written as things like 'Doctors appointment 2 days from now' or 'Meet with matchmaker 57 days from now' and it made it hard to remember when the events are supposed to be happening.
For me at least.
Anyway, my point is that I have no idea how many years I've been here. I also have no idea what mine and Will's birthdays are. They don't celebrate birthdays here. But I wanted to give Will a party anyway.
He's old enough to start triangle school soon. He'll ace it I'm sure since I've already taught him to read and write. I liked teaching him. I wonder if I can ask the council to give me a teaching job? Its something I would be okay with doing.
---
Will came home today and asked me "What's a freak? Its a bad word right?" I froze.
"Where...did you hear it?"
"The other kids at school. They said that you were a Freak and that I must be one too..."
I narrowed my eye. Oh no they didn't.
"Will, you're not a freak. You're a perfectly normal and healthy triangle. Don't listen to them."
"What does it mean? That word?"
"It means...not normal. Something different."
"I don't get it." Poor Will looked so confused. I pet his top corner and tell him not to worry about it.
---
I'm graduating today. I'll also be getting my career assignment today. Part of me is upset that I don't get a choice in the matter but frankly I just cant find the energy to care anymore. As long as I can get time off to visit Will I don't care.
He's old enough to start helping Gray out on his jobs. Just small things like bringing him tools or carrying stuff. I ask him about his day whenever I'm home and he's so excited to be learning about structural foundations and what all the whirly tools do.
Oh right, my graduation is today. I'm not the top of my class and Puce (an obnoxious 15 sided shape) likes to gloat whenever he sees me. Buddy, I don't give a fuck.
But I'm doing well enough. If all goes well I'll get a good job with good pay. It's not like there's anything else I can do. If I keep my angles down and do what they say I'll be able to live peacefully. The rebellious part of me is screaming for me to fight back against this stupid governmental system but seriously, what can I even do?
I have no power. I don't even have my own money yet. Not to mention I don't want to cause any trouble for my family, don't want to make their lives more difficult. And there's also Will to think about. I have responsibilities. I have things chaining me down.
I don't want to cause trouble for the people around me. So even though my self-worth and sense of freedom were screaming at me, I grit my teeth and bare with it. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad once I actually have a job. Maybe I can just do my work and have free time to pursue my own interests?
Optimism! Or I'm just trying to make myself feel better.
Lie until you're not lying huh? I don't want to believe that's a proper response to my situation but I won't lie about it being tempting.
---
Theres no fancy ceremony for graduation. I prefer that actually. I hated the stupid robes and hat and standing around for HOURS for the damn thing to start. Its such a waste of time. This efficient system where we just go up to the evaluation booth and get our results is so much easier.
I get my slip of paper that would decide my future. I'm almost afraid to read it. I peer down anyway. Need to get this over with.
-Archivist-
That's all it says. I know what an Archivist is. We had a class explaining all the different positions of employment in our society and why they were important.
Triangles are meant for labor working. Construction, farming, sanitation and so on.
Squares are a mixed bunch. Depending on their intelligence they can become low level teachers, merchants and overseers for the Triangle work force in various fields. Some Squares can even enter the food industry. Triangles aren't trusted to prepare meals.
Pentagons can be teachers, overseers, designers or doctors. There are a couple other careers they qualify for simply because of their shape but lets just move on...
Hexagons are just the next step up, more doctors, higher level education professors, scientists, engineers and so on.
Heptagons are the next step up, blah blah blah...
Ok, what's important here is that Archivist is a surprisingly important job, while also being an undesirable one. Its a career path normally limited to Decagons and above. It consists of transcribing the laws and history of our society. Since there were no computers here, or printing press, all books are hand written.
I found it strange that the job of being a glorified copy machine was so high up. Scribes and Archivists were similar jobs, but the Scribes at least can be as low as a Heptagon to qualify. They just copy down text books on math and language.
What this meant for ME was that I had the task of spending hours just writing words over and over again. I had a quota of books I need to finish copying per 8 day cycle (so its like a week), after which the government will send someone to pick up. If I finish my quota before the 8 day cycle is done, I'm free to do whatever I want.
In other words...
FURIOUSLY WRITE NON STOP AND GET EVERYTHING DONE ON THE FIRST DAY SO I CAN JUST SLACK OFF!!
I work hard for the sake of slacking off! There are no words for how stupid that sounds in retrospect.
I slam my pen down and collapse on my desk. My hands are aching. Funnily enough, my ambidextrous nature carried over into this life so I could give one hand a break and work with the other. Hours upon hours of work lay before me. My first job was just to copy a simple Law book 10 times. That's my quota. 10 books per cycle.
I can handle that. I look over my work. Yup, neat lines, clear and legible handwriting. Certainly much better than the old text I was copying from. I even went through the effort of fixing the spelling errors present in the original text.
Ugh, mindlessly copying something was dull. I don't know if its good or bad that I've pretty much memorized this damn book by now. I glance around for the clock. It doesn't display time. Not in the way human clocks did. There was a sliding meter from left to right that showed what part of the day it currently is.
The far left is the starting point which would be the beginning of the day, its around this time that shapes begin waking up to go about their business.
There were lines placed along the meter to mark 'check point's in the day.
Wake up - 1st meal - work - break - work - 2nd meal - work - break - work - 3rd meal - sleep
Well I just worked for the whole day. My bricks ached with hunger and I groan as I trudge out to the kitchen. Upon graduation I was given my own house. A small place that was more like a glorified shed. There was only my bed/workroom and the kitchen/dining room. Its actually nice. I don't need much space right now, its small and clean. Efficient actually.
It still weirds me out how my new body doesn't produce waste like a human does. Anything I eat is broken down back into their base elements and filtered out of my body through the lines of my bricks. I feed not on the food but the molecular bonds inside their chemical make up. In other words, the more complex the chemical shape of what I eat, the longer it'll last me.
It doesn't seem to matter WHAT I eat so long as its made up of elements strung together into SOMETHING. I could eat a book and just break down the starch that makes up the paper.
That's some delicious C6H10O5 right there.
No wonder everything is bland as shit. A potato is made of starch. A book is made of starch. They taste the same to me. Its not called a potato, but it looks like a potato so I just call it that.
I tried eating a flower once to see if that changes anything. Still a Carbon based chain with Hydrogen and Oxygen. Ugh I am so sick of eating CHO.
Is everything made of that stuff!?
Well no, there's some vegetables with Ca, K, Zn, P and other assorted stuff. But the majority of food is just CHO.
There's not much in the way of meat in this world. Apparently our society doesn't really do the whole devour another sentient life thing.
I confess I have wondered what the 'dog' would taste like. I'm not going to eat my dog, but the curiosity is there. I have also considered cannibalism just to see what shapes taste like. Yes I have issues. Its not a new thing, even back in my first life I would sometimes just stare at someone and wonder what they would taste like.
My friends refused to let me watch Hannibal. Said it would give me terrible ideas. I even called dibs on eating one of them if she ever dies, half as a joke and half because I was just honestly curious about what humans would taste like.
She did give me the go ahead. I suppose me dying first means that'll never happen now. Probably a good thing. Wow I must be really hungry to be thinking about this.
I open my small fridge to see what I've got. Hm...need to go shopping soon. I only have a few assorted vegetables and a pitcher of water. I shovel the purple vegetable that resembles corn into my eye-mouth and crunch it. Doesn't make a difference if I cook it or not since it all tastes the same to me.
I sigh and rub my eyelid. I'm exhausted. But I finished my quota in just 2 days. Woo! I have to thank the torture they put me through all these years for that. At the very least its taught me how to work overtime.
I decide to go grocery shopping and stretch my frame out. I think I have a crick from bending over my desk for hours on end. I hum happily and set off.
So far, I'm enjoying adult life. Am I an adult? Technically no. I have a meeting with a matchmaker (a job only reserved for shapes of 20 sides or more) in a few days. They'll give me a full examination of my mating parts, career, social ranking and other factors to find me a 'matching' mate.
So much paperwork.
I'm sure another person would be angry at the whole arranged marriage thing but I just don't care. Its not like I have anyone I like. I doubt I'll like whoever they pair me with. The only issue I have is that I have no desire to mate. Being asexual seems to have carried over. The idea of being forced to Click with someone makes me shudder. Whoever I'm paired with will just have to deal with that fact that I'm never going to Click with them.
Ugh what is it with people constantly trying to set me up with someone? Why cant they understand I'm just not interested? I suppose it could just be that I haven't found anyone I really and truly liked...and I wasn't likely to find them here.
I make it to the grocery store. Its a small place run by a few square and triangle workers. The stuff here is cheap and I can sometimes barter the price down. Apparently I am quite the good looking triangle. So long as they don't know about the shape of my 'package' I can easily charm any Triangle I meet. I'm not really the flirting type but apparently speaking to someone politely and kindly is all it takes.
How badly are these other triangles treated that all it takes to endear me to them is being a nice person?
I bring my basket to an elderly isosceles who coos at my straight lines and perfect 60 degree angles. Being a completely equilateral shape is uncommon. Most folks are off by 1 to 2 degrees. Not enough to be noticeable at a glance but they apparently have an eye for shapes like me.
The isosceles rings up my purchases and chats good naturally with me. I'm polite as usual, I know firsthand how obnoxious it is to work in retail and things like it so I try to be nice.
While marriage is decided by the matchmaker (and thus, the government), there's apparently nothing stopping people from checking out an attractive shape.
"You look like you should be old enough to be Paired soon." She squints her old eyes as she bags my purchase.
"Yeah, my matchmaker meeting is coming up soon."
"Oh you're going to make some lucky triangle a happy one dear. I just know it. You're such a sweet lad. Why I remember my Partner. He was so stern in public but an absolute darling in the bedroom..."
"Okay! Yes! Thank you!" I say hurriedly as I pay and power walk out of there, my bricks glowing orange. I can hear her soft laughter following me out.
---
I visit home often. Will is always thrilled to see me. I bring gifts, mainly little books that I wrote myself containing stories from my first life. I give my parents a small portion of my paychecks. They keep refusing it but I want to help in any way I can. Its not like I'm using that money for anything. There's not much to buy but food, writing supplies and clothing. They don't have video games here. Or taxes. All books are non-fiction and boring. There are no movie theaters or other forms of entertainment.
Seriously, what do these people do for fun? Apparently they just work. What do circles do then? Aside from running the government I didn't really learn about what jobs a circle really has. Running the government can't be THAT time consuming. What do they do in their spare time?
What does ANYONE do with their spare time? I see children playing in the parks. I see a few adult shapes just sitting around on benches and relaxing. Is that it? They just sit and do...nothing when they're not working?
Sounds boring as fuck.
I've already gotten a bunch of paper together for the express purpose of making some art in my spare time. I doodled throughout this life and now that I can have more time to myself I was planning on drawing again. Or making origami. I'm sure the people here would appreciate origami.
I can't imagine just sitting around and doing nothing. Sleeping is fine. I can nap for hours but if I'm awake I just need to do SOMETHING. Don't these people ever get bored?
The only creative thing I've seen from these people is the weirdoes buildings and clothes. Wearing clothing that consists of hats and other accessories is literally the closest thing these people have to a 'hobby'. I despair at this world full of boredom.
The stark lack of color in this world is starting to get to me. Why does nothing have color even though we, ourselves are in color? How does that even work?
After all these years living in this world I am no closer to answering all the questions I have. Even in all the history books I read and copied, there were no explanations. Has no one in this world questioned it?!
There is no curiosity in this world. How do they function as a species. How do scientists exist? Doesn't it require curiosity to make innovation? Then again, from what I've seen the only science the shapes study and use are biology stuff for explaining how our reproductive system works or miscellaneous things for increasing crop production.
Ugh.
Well I'm going to see if introducing origami to them might yield any sort of reaction. I make it home and start putting the food away. There's a knock on my door and I look up in surprise. What?
I open the door to see Gray. Its the first time he's ever come over to my place. Actually, its the first time he's ever sought me out. Did something happen? Is Will ok?!
"Son...I know this might be a surprise visit, but may I come in?"
"Uh...sure dad..."
I awkwardly show him into my tiny kitchen. There's a small dinning table with 2 chairs and I politely pull it out for him. He sits and I stand around for a bit before getting out some cups and pouring him a cup of water. Its not like I have anything better.
"So...why are you here?"
He just hold his cup for a while. I sit down across from him and wait. Gray has almost never spoken to me. I don't know anything about him. Growing up, he's just been the always working father. I'm not sure what to expect.
"Son...you have to stop visiting us."
"What." I said flatly.
He isn't looking at me. "We have been informed by the Circles that we are not to interact with you from this point on."
"What." I repeat.
"Its not proper for a higher rank like you to spend so much time with us."
"That's bullshit! You're my family!" I stand up and slam my hands on the table.
"...I know this is upsetting for you. But its how it is. We cannot disobey an order from the circles themselves. I'm...sorry."
"What about Will?"
"You are not to make contact with your brother."
"No! They can't do that! Will is my brother! They can't stop me from-!"
"Please Son. We don't want any trouble." Gray finally looks up at me and I see the desperation and fear in his eye.
"...will you really get in trouble if I come visit? Or do you just want me gone?"
"The circles have told us that we cannot...distract you from moving up in life. They have said that we cannot keep dragging you back into...the lower caste now that you have ascended." Gray's hands are trembling around the cup.
"I don't care what the circles think. Dad, do YOU want me to stop coming over?"
"It would be best for all of us."
"But what about Will-"
"I AM thinking of your brother." Gray says a little louder, not yet yelling.
"He will inherit my craft. He cannot afford to be distracted by fanciful stories. He is normal-"
I feel cold. "Which is to say, I am not normal."
Gray twitched a little but he stares firmly at me.
"That's what this is really about isn't it? You don't want me near Will. The order from the circles is just an excuse."
"Please Son. You will only hurt your brother's chance for a good future if you continue to fill his head with nonsense."
"They're just stories! Its entertainment! It makes him happy!"
"Please stay away from your brother and from us. Son please. We've been through so much just to raise you."
"If you need money I can keep giving you my salary-"
"I don't need your PITY. Please. Don't come around anymore."
"Pity? Is that what you think?!" I shook with anger. Is there no such thing as filial piety?!
"If you keep forcing yourself into your brother's life we will suffer for it."
"That's...you..."
"You are not a child anymore. You cannot meet with us anymore."
"What does Mom think about this? What about Will? Have you even told Will?"
"Please do not contact us anymore."
"Get out. Get out of my house!"
"I need you to tell me that you understand."
"Oh I understand alright. You want me gone. You just can't stand me hanging around cause you're afraid I'll infect your NORMAL son with my freakishness!"
"...if I say yes, will you agree to never speak with us again?"
"Fuck you."
"I will take that as an affirmative."
Gray stands up still looking sad and fearful. I can't tell if he really feels bad for cutting me out or just because he doesn't want me bringing the government down on our family.
"I really am sorry...son."
"Get out."
He leaves and I slam the door behind him. As soon as I'm alone I scream in rage and throw my chair across the room. It slams into a wall leaving a small dent.
He didn't even drink the glass of water I got him.
---
I tried to visit anyway but they apparently had people watching and I was politely escorted away by some soldiers.
I kept trying to get to Will but they were really adamant about keeping me from my family. After being turned around and led away for the 5th time I realized I should probably make an actual strategy instead of just storming in.
I cancelled my matchmaker appointment. I had no desire for it anyway. I stayed home brainstorming ways to at least get a message out to my little brother. Was he doing ok? Did Gray explain anything to him? Would he understand?
Ok...I glance at the 'clock' its going to be night soon. I say night but its not like we have a sun. There's no change between day and night. It doesn't get dark out. The sun doesn't set because there is none. I can find no light source in the sky but I can still see everything clearly. It doesn't make sense.
Then again, this is a world with no color and no shadows. Lack of shadows implies a lack of a light source to cast them. How can we see without light is irrelevant right now. Night is coming.
Night is simply when all shapes go to sleep. I will need to check if there are any soldiers patrolling at night. If there are, I will need to find a way to sneak past them. If there aren't then I can break into my brothers room, he has a small window...don't know if I can fit through it but I can at least slip a letter inside the room.
At the very least I know that there are no cameras and other bugs (I have never seen a camera in my whole life here) in this world so I have privacy within the confines of my home. I peek behind the drapes on my window to see if the soldiers are gone.
The streets are emptying out now. I can see shapes of all sides and colors heading home. Where are...there! A large isosceles soldier leaning against a building across the street. He's watching my house.
I glance around to see if there are anymore of them. There's another one watching the back of my house. Crap.
Well its not like I can leave my house except through the front door anyway. The windows are square and I can't fit through them. I sigh in annoyance. Think Jan. Is there any other way to sneak past the soldiers?
Disguise? Not gonna work since I'll still be spotted leaving. Bribe the soldiers? Naw, they're not gonna go for it. I don't have nearly enough money anyway. Dig a tunnel under my house that leads to my parents house? Would take too long.
Ugh. I flop down on my bed and whine. I cant think of anything.
At least I've still got 4 days free before my next assignment cones in. I lay awake on my bed and brainstorm ideas for the rest of the night. At some point I fell asleep and dreamed of taking Will away with me as we go on the run, dodging soldiers and starting a rebel army.
Now there's an idea.
-
