10 TEN

All Celeste could think about as she drowsily opened her eyes and stared at the sky, was how desperately she craved a hot bath. The sky was gray as if it was reflecting her mood. She stared at the treetops swaying gently to the breeze.

Celeste sat up at once and regretted it instantly. Her whole body ached as if she had collided with a horse. Her hair was caked with dirt, and her back was sore from sleeping in such an uncomfortable position. She sat in silence for a few moments, embracing the peace while it lasted. She could guess it was sometime after dawn but she had no idea where they were. Karen was still huddled on all fours, her blond hair on her face which looked pale and sickly. Celeste could still see the tear trails. And just like that, the guilt returned.

Thomas was nowhere to be seen but she couldn't help but feel a little worried even though she had only known him for a day. He had just lost his home, Celeste knew what that felt like from experience.

She climbed down from the cart as quietly as she could. But alas, Celeste was no ninja. She winced as a twig snapped under her foot and froze for a moment to see if there was any movement. She almost had heart failure when she saw a figure sprawled on the ground. Upon further inspection, she realized with a start it was Will.

The guilt returned, worse than before. How long had Will driven the cart while the rest of them grieved? And then had he laid there on the cold hard ground. Had he cried himself to sleep? Or had he felt numb?

Celeste stared at him for some time. She didn't mean to be weird, it was just that Will was a different person when he was asleep. There was no scowl on his face, nor was there a frown or a smirk. Here lying on the ground in the sun's dim light, he looked innocent and younger.

Celeste wondered with a frown how she herself looked after the last three days. She had never been one to fawn over looks but she wondered if the pain she felt reflected on her face. Were her eyes too, dull? She had read about people losing the spark in their eyes in books but she always thought that was an exaggeration. What did eyes have to do with heartbreak except for tears? With a pang in her heart, she thought about how Thomas's eyes had looked last night.

Gabriel always sai-

Gabriel

Gabe

It should be unlawful, Celeste thought, to feel so much pain so early in the day.

Gabriel, her brother, her best friend, the person who was always there to help her, to solve her problems.

The boy who was beheaded in front of the people he was supposed to rule like he was a pig for slaughter. The boy who had lost his family and then his life.

Oh how intensely she missed him. As if his absence was an ocean and she was struggling to stay afloat. Even now, she didn't let herself think about the fact that she would never see him again, that she would never talk to him again. That he would never make her laugh again. Celeste was afraid that if she did think about these things, the last of her self control would shatter.

She clenched her fists, trying not to think about him more. She just couldn't bear to. It was then she became aware of a distant familiar sound.

Running water. There was probably a stream or something here. With a sigh, Celeste realized how thirsty she was. And how badly she wanted to wash.

So she found herself following the sound of water, aware that there could be danger and she would be walking right into it.

" The fates can't be crueler than this can they?" She whispered to herself.

It didn't take her long to find the stream. It was little, but the flow was fast and the water was so inviting. But what wasn't inviting was the blond figure sitting there on the grass, holding his knees to his chest. Celeste turned back immediately, in her hurry to avoid Thomas collided headfirst into a tree and cursed loudly.

" I thought princesses were supposed to be graceful," Thomas said, his voice rough and scratchy.

Celeste froze, checking for any sign of bitterness or hatred in his voice or face. But there was none, Thomas looked exhausted. His eyes were swollen, his seemed to curl into himself so he looked impossibly small, and he looked nothing like the joyful boy who had given her a nickname.

" Don't try to leave on my account Blue. You can sit, " He said turning back to the water.

" That is if you want to" He added.

Despite warning bells ringing in her head, Celeste slowly sat down on his side leaving a respectable distance between them, still wary of the boy. She turned to the water, putting her hand in it. Damn it was freezing. She brought some to her mouth, suddenly not feeling thirsty though her throat was dry. She glanced at Thomas uncertainly, hesitating to speak,

"Where are we?" She said softly.

" Whispering woods" He grunted.

" Whispering woods? Aren't they full of bandits and -" she trailed off awkwardly. Thomas shot her the smallest of smiles, Celeste had faked enough smiles to identify one immediately.

" Well didn't have many options did we?"

It grew silent between them.

" I'm sure you wish you hadn't helped me now" Celeste made a feeble attempt to lighten the mood.

" Why would I?"

Stupid, stupid, stupid...

" Well, because- after last night" Celeste swallowed the lump in the throat, staring at the running water as if it was the most interesting thing she had ever seen.

" I've already answered that question Blue," Thomas said impatiently.

"As for last night... There was nothing you could have done. The soldiers would have come whether or not I saved you. I'm sure I could find some far-fetched way this is your fault but then, it's as much as everyone's fault then, " He said weakly. Celeste stared at him, the shock and gratitude clear on her face.

"It's not your fault either you know that right?" Celeste said gently. Thomas raised his brow.

" I never sai-"

" I know. Survivors guilt" She chuckled bitterly. Thomas looked away.

" My parents," He said suddenly in a pained voice.

" They died of the pox when I was eight. It was just me and Karen then, had no relatives to look after us. We were all we had. I was all she had."

Celeste bit her lip, she couldn't imagine how hard it might've been. Even though her father had done his best, loads of children died every year. Some from hunger, some from beatings, some from the cold.

" We were shipped off to an orphanage. It was horrible, " He said, his distaste clear in his voice.

"I've always thought I'd rather be on the streets than in there. If it was up to me, I would've run away. But Karen... I had to look out for her you know? Protect her." He chuckled darkly.

" She was so innocent, just a child who thought her parents were in heaven. And I wanted her to stay like that Blue. Even though her blind hope in the world and its people made me jealous. I wanted her to stay a child. To have a good life. So I lied to her, tried to brighten things up, lied to her some more, built up this illusion that everything was okay. That we were going to leave this place soon. Find someplace better. But it was all getting too much, and I couldn't do it any longer. You see, I didn't for a moment believe a better place even existed. I was too..."

" You were a child," Celeste said suddenly, frowning at Thomas.

A child, she wanted to emphasize. No child can bear a burden like that/

" No one should have to go through that"

Thomas frowned back at her.

" No one should lose their families. No one should hate them. No one should die. And no one should want to die. Words Blue! That's all they are because... people do lose their families and people do hate them! People do die and people do want..." Thomas stopped and turned his gaze on the ground.

" I had lost all hope" He whispered.

" And then we were told an old man was going to take us in. Karen was ecstatic but I wasn't sure you know? What if he was cruel and mean and couldn't take care of Karen? I could bear that. But she couldn't. I was so worried. I didn't want our lives to be this way forever. But ever since Yogi took us in..." His voice wavered as Celeste stared into his watery eyes.

" He gave us a good life. He gave Karen the rest of her childhood. He gave us a family. Sometime after that, he took Will in too. And an orphan can't ask for anything more, can he? To be loved, to be wanted, to not feel like a burden on someone, He convinced me that there was good in the world. He's the reason I started trusting people again. He gave me a family "

Celeste understood that though she had only been an orphan three days.

" And now he's dead. Both of us know the soldiers are no welcoming pixies. Even though Yogi told us to leave. He had a choice and he made it. He told me he had lived a life of no regrets and now he was ready to die quite happy knowing that he was protecting the people he loved! I try to hold on to that Blue, I do. But that doesn't make it hurt less" His voice became strained. Celeste understood the panic in his eyes. Thomas was desperate for someone to understand.

" I'm not sure anything will make it hurt less" Celeste admitted.

" I mean, there can't be some magic potion that we can drink and live happily ever after. It doesn't work like that. Because... how can that pain ever go away? How can it ever stop hurting when the person you loved is..." Celeste broke off biting her lip.

" I think you just have to learn to live with that"