1 Home

I HATE EVERYTHING! My life sucks and I just want everything to be back to normal. Sadly it will never be like that again because the world is just out to get me. Like it's always been, ever since that day. I wish I could just see her again and give her a big hug before she left. I should get some sleep in my ice-cold bed as always. Curl into a ball and cry me to sleep, as if anyone even cares about what I go through. 

As I wake up I feel all wet and soaked on my pillow. Probably from me crying in my sleep thinking about her. The pain to lose someone you love is just unbearable, but why me of all the people. Why did she have to die? Why did my mom have to die and not dad! The only person who loved me for who I am. Who wanted me to be happy and proud of who I was. But it's all over for me now. The only thing for me to do is suffer and suffocate with no one to help me. But I should at least not die in this place called Home.

Hasn't felt like home ever since mom died and it never will be like this again. Especially since dad hates that I'm gay and wants nothing to do with me, not ever. Dad treats me like garbage and just makes my life horrible than it already has but one thing he never changes is he always calls me to eat. It's the only happy thing I can remember and will always love about my dad. Speaking of him I hear him calling me now "Ian come down, and eat." As I get up and dress, I head down and look over the railing. I see the table has pancakes and eggs and bacon. They are all cooked like the way mom would cook them. It made me tear up a bit. But doesn't change the fact dad still doesn't support me. But it's okay I think, The quicker I can eat the quicker I can pack the faster I can leave this place.

As I take a bit of the food. I just want to cry and from the thought of eating with mom, dad, and me at the table. Dad sipping his coffee while he scrolls through his phone dealing with work. Mom helping me cut my pancakes so I can eat since I was always reading and studying for exams while eating. But that was when I was 16. It's really been 4 years since mom passed away, seems all too unreal still to me. But that never stopped me from being the best in school because that's what mom wanted for me. To pursue my dreams and be happy no matter what.  Saying that in my head made me shed a tear of love down my face and was quickly interrupted by knocking on the front door. 

I get up and walk on over and checked the peephole first because our neighborhood isn't the best and everyone knows you just don't open the door to anyone without checking. I was curious as well, as I checked it was my friend Tristan. I opened the door and smile at him. What are you doing here Tristan? He replies "I'm here to help you pack" I laughed and smiled. Good, I'll have you clean my entire room like a maid. Tristan grins and lightly punches my side. Come in and head upstairs. I'll be up there in a sec. Don't touch anything I swear Tristan. Tristan grins again and hurries upstairs. 

I go back to the kitchen and stuff my face with food and put my plate in the sink. Then quickly running upstairs to make sure Tristan doesn't find something in my room that might expose my secret. I opened the door and scan the room and see Tristan isn't anywhere to be seen. Until I look down and see his skinny self on the floor. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TRISTAN! Tristan replies. "I'm tired already." I grab my stinky sock and slaps him with it. "Smell this and you'll wake up" Tristan gets up and scratches his head. "Oh weird I'm all of a sudden full of energy" I laugh and throws an empty box to him. 

Time to start packing. Should be down in a couple of hours if we focus and label everything. We start by gathering all my stuff on my desk. I had a lot of stuff and on my desk since I was an overachiever of a student when I was in school. Next was my clothes in my dresser. I didn't really have much organizing when it came to clothes since the majority of my clothes were either baggy and comfortable since I never really went to anywhere fancy in my family well besides mom's funeral. Next was well my underwear and socks. I had a thing when it came to underwear and how they feel. It was really soft and comfortable I loved it. 

Besides clothes I wanted to pack some personal things that I don't want my dad to find that he might just sell or throw away or something. A blanket from when I was a little boy. It was something that reminded me of my mom and how she took care of me. A shirt I always wore when I'm studying that mom bought for me for Christmas. I grabbed the necklace that my mom wore before she passed away. It was too small for me to wear but I usually have it under my pillow or in the drawer of my desk. The last one is my journal or you can call it a diary under my mattress. I write in it whenever I get lonely and I have no one to talk to and I need to express my feelings.

I don't tell Tristan my feelings or how I feel because I'm scared of if he finds out that I like guys. He might judge me and leave me because of who I am. I can't afford to lose a friend when that's all I have really left to really chat and talk to and hang out with. Especially when I'm going to a university and I don't really want to hang out with people I don't know.

I know when I go there I will be all alone. Finally some peace and quiet to myself. There shouldn't be any dumb people who wouldn't take this school seriously. Pretty sure people are to concentrated to chat then study and pass this University. So I should be okay. Since I was able to pack quicker than I expected I think I can move in early than what I planned to. But before I forget, I need to make sure I bring the scholarship papers with me and my room key. 

The University had already sent me the key a couple of weeks ago after my graduation from school. Seems to be easy to get my stuff since I was one out of the 10 people to get the scholarship. Only needed to remember 10 people. Oh yeah, I should bring my bedsheets and pillow and posters and my lights. I'm pretty sure it's going to be dark in the dorm. I forgot that my blanket is the one my mom used. It's another thing I can feel closer to my mom. 

As we finish packing and putting it in the car. I bring my paperwork and put them upfront so I don't lose them. I checked my phone and it's about a 3-hour drive to the University. I'm so excited to finally get a space that doesn't remind me of my dad hates me. I asked Tristan if he wants to come and he said "yeah" which makes it easier for me to rest when I get there. So as I finish up everything I yell at my dad. "IM GOING DAD BYE." Than get in the car with Tristan and we start our long drive. Just remembered I have to bring him back oh gosh and go back by myself. 

avataravatar
Next chapter