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I hear the fan turning but I can feel it's still hot and I'm sweating, I can feel the sun rising from the windows hitting my face with its rays and its annoying, I can smell the cooked food from downstairs and feel my stomach rumbling, but I can also feel my body protesting, not wanting to get up even if the whole world is trying to help me get up from the bed.

Every morning its the same. But I still don't want to get up from bed, everyday. I wish I could sleep forever, not minding everything around me, not minding anyone. Not wanting the reality to rain down on me that always happens once I get up from bed.

That's when I thought of the quotations that I read, that people who always sleeps are the loneliest person and sleeping is their way of coping up and forgetting about their problems. I always wanted to forget even for just a little while, maybe they're right, I am lonely.

I've always imagined someone being there for me, through good times and staying through bad times. I've always craved to be seen and appreciated for who I am and who I want to be, not to be moulded to who I should be to their liking. I just wanted a person to accept and see me as me and to support me to whom I want to be.

"Oi, get up! It's already 10 in the morning and you're still in bed. Get up! You still need to cook lunch!," I heard my brother say, breaking me from my thoughts.

"Yes, yes," I grumbled through my pillows. I didn't heard anything from him and just heard his footsteps going downstairs.

I lied down some time more before getting up sluggishly. Everyday its always the same, I wake up early but try to sleep again then wake up again and think things through about what's happening with my life, getting called to cook, getting up sluggishly, cooking, eating, washing the dishes then back to reading novels to escape my reality, then cooking dinner for them, then eating, then sleeping and repeat. I want to escape my life haha.

Maybe that's why I always read transmigration novels, I was envious of them, I wish I was them. I wish I can permanently escape my present life. I don't want to just die and not live my dreams, I want to be like them, given a second chance in life to live their dreams when they were not given a chance to live theirs in their first life.

I went downstairs finding my brother getting ready to take a shower. "Oi, cook our lunch already, I don't want to be late for class," he told me.

"Yes, I'm cooking can't you see," I grumbled at him, still annoyed for interrupting my thoughts earlier.

He just waved me off then entered the bathroom. I sighed and just continued what I am doing.

After getting ready for school and eating, my brother left for school and I was left to prepare my grandmother's food and take it upstairs in her room. After that I fed our cat and dog then do the dishes.I sigh and think about my life again, what is happening and how it came to this.

A few months before, I was happy with my life, happy that I graduated from high school and I always dreamed of what being a freshman in college would be. I always would think about the schools that I applied for, that one of them will be the school that I will study in.

And now that I look back, I realised that I was a fool for just thinking of just that. Of not thinking about who will help me financially, of if I really wanted the schools and courses that I've applied for or if I was just doing it unconsciously for them and not thinking for myself.

It all started from that day, my 18th birthday, I started to realise who I really wanted to be, I realised who I really am, what I really want, that I've been denying from myself even though I have realised it long ago. All that I did since I was little was a result of them telling me who I should and should not be, what I can and cannot do, and what I will and will not become. As I grow up, I slowly forgot what I really want.

On that particular day, I was not even heard when I tried to speak, I was not even listened to when I tried to explain. It was my day of birth, that, they so-called 'most special day' in my life but I did not even feel that I was there.

I've felt that they only did that, despite me protesting to not celebrate it, was just to show off and not to be made fun off others. They always take highly of what others say but disregarding what I, their own blood, really wants.

That day, I was so stiff, always being careful of what I do, being wary of what I say, I was even told of what to wear and what not to wear. It did not feel like my special day, it even felt worse than my normal day, maybe even the worse day of my life.

I feel that their eyes are not just watching me but judging me, how I look, how I talk, even how I eat. That's when I realised that I've always left my life going to how they want it and not how I've wanted it. Their judging voices woke me up to the reality that whatever was going on with my life now was not what I've always wanted it.

Out of the three universities that I've applied to, I passed one and the other gave me a chance in their other campus but I have to take a test and interview to officially pass. Back then, I realised that I was not happy with the decisions that I've made but was continued to be told what to do and not what to do.

I did not have a choice back then because I was always told that they were the ones whose going to provide for my studies in college implying that I should follow what they want.

I wanted to enrol in the university that I passed in, but was stopped because of the conflict with the requirements in both universities and was told to just wait for the other university and take the test and interview. I was stupid enough to listen even though I have known that my chance of making it is smaller than my chance of failing.

Hence, I did not pass the interview, I have no school to go to. That's why I am here washing the dishes, thinking about all the more nasty stuff that happened after that.

My so-called sponsor for my studies is angry and took back his promise of helping me financially in my studies. Its not because of me failing to get into the university that he wants, its more like him getting his hopes up and not listening to what I really want, but its not just that, he was frustrated at me, I know but I also know that it was really because of what happened after that he wanted to stop providing for my studies.

I shook my head to try and forget that unpleasant memories that became the reason why I'm stuck at home for a year or maybe even more if I will not pull myself together and do something to get what I really want.

As always, after washing the dishes I lied down in the sofa comfortably and read in my phone. It was about a woman transmigrating with a system.

As I was reaching the end of the story, my heart started to ache and I had trouble breathing. I dropped my phone as I try to stand up while clutching the part of my chest where my heart is. I tried to make a noise and call for someone but I found that no sound was coming out from my mouth.

As I tried to call for help, I felt myself loosing my consciousness from the lack of oxygen. That's when I realised that I was approaching my end, my eyes were blacking out and I felt my body falling to the ground but my last though was that, until my last breath I died not being heard and not being able to say what I wanted to say.