17 Part 16

[Past-Lucien]

Lucien smiled at the memory of Lara's terrified face when she had received his letter.

I will kill Destiny.

He had no intentions of doing so. He didn't like the nosy woman but he was the only living member of Lara's family so he didn't really want to kill her. But she had gone to the police about the letters and he needed to do something about it. He had stalked her the entire winter break. Only two weeks were left to the end of the break and he had decided it was finally time to actually meet up with Lara. As he predicted, she was too scared to go to the police again and like a good girl stayed home.

She had yet to know it was Lucien who were sending her creepy poems he had found online. To make the memory of it unforgettable he had used real human blood to write them with but he hadn't really hurt anyone for that. He had simply asked his butler Arnold for blood bags and Arnold knew better than to ask what for.

In the back of his mind Lucien wondered why he was doing this. He didn't really have to scare her but he liked doing it. He never hurt her physically though except that one time he slashed through her skin with his knife. Everytime he looked at her face all he could think of was his mother and sometimes that pissed him off but it might probably just be the reason why he liked scaring her. He loved to imagine that same exact scared expression on Cardia's face knowing well his mother would never be scared of him.

Lara served as a good substitute for Cardia.

After Bare had that accident and died, his mother did not appoint a new bodyguard. But she did seem very pissed and had avoided him since then. He no longer wanted his mother's affection and stopped doing things just to please her. He knew better now. The woman only lived to carry out her owns selfish desires and Lucien hated women who only thought of themselves.

He was lying down on the couch when his mother arrived. Lately she had started exercising and walking during the evenings to keep herself fit. According to Lucien she was already fit enough and looked much prettier than other woman her age. He had checked her journal after picking the lock on her room and finally known why after all this time she had suddenly become so self-conscious. Lucien sat up at the sight of her.

"Mother," he addressed her.

"Lucien."

"We need to talk. Why don't you go take a bath and we will perhaps dine together?"

Though Cardia was surprised she didn't let it show. She and her eldest son barely ever spoke to each other so a proposal to dine together out of the blue seemed odd to her. She agreed, however and Lucien made his way down to the dining hall.

"I really love watching you eat, mother." Cardia looked up from her plate to see his son smiling at her. She absentmindedly wondered how long it had been since she had seen Lucien smile that way. The boy was always quiet and shy and even though Cardia couldn't bring herself to love him because of his actions she could not hate him either. She realized the more Lucien grew up, the more he started looking like his father.

She returned his smile. "So, do you have a girlfriend?" From his looks she could already imagine everyone at school swooning over him but his cold attitude could be a turn off.

"I do," he twirled a grape around in his hand. Then he slowly took a small bite and scrunched his face up in disgust. "It's sour."

"Try the apples. I heard they are the sweetest," Cardia pushed forward the plate and he picked up one of the slices. He slowly chewed, savoring the taste. It indeed was sweet.

"Her name is Lara McEnroe," he said. "She is real pretty and so sweet. A little shy and a little dumb but in a lot of ways she is like you mother."

She took a little time to digest the information provided to her by her son about his girlfriend. What did he mean when he said in a lot of ways she was like her? "Does she make you happy?"

Lucien thought about it. Happy? Did she make him happy? "She keeps me satisfied."

Cardia raised an eyebrow at that. She didn't know exactly what kind of satisfaction her son was referring to but she figured as long as he didn't hurt anyone else she didn't care.

"Bare." Lucien suddenly spoke. "What about his sister?"

"Do you want me to let her go?"

"Not like there's any use for her anyway," Lucien replied. "Let her go."

"I will," she said in short not wanting to even bother asking about why Lucien did what he did. She should have known better by now.

"I have not practiced the piano for a long time now," he stood up when he had finished his dinner and offered Cardia a hand. "Want to join me?"

Cardia was beyond surprised. Usually she and Lucien made sure to never cross paths. But tonight he was being such a gentleman that it took her off guard. He reminded her so much of her husband that she had to constantly tell herself to stop staring. Lucien smiled knowingly but didn't say anything.

The music room was at the far end of the hall. They made their way upstairs and met Arnold on the way. "You are dismissed for today, Arnold. Mother and I will spend some quality time together tonight, right mother?"

"If that's what you want, love," she smiled warmly.

Lucien looked at his mother, easily seeing through her forced smile. She was very uncomfortable at the thought of being alone in this huge mansion with the boy who had killed her children and he knew it. His heart tore apart at the look at his mother's face when all he wanted to do was be nice to her. Everyday every second he looked at her he was constantly reminded that she would never love her. She never could. He yearned for her love and would do anything for her but she never understood.

This was the last time he would try to make his mother happy, he promised himself.

The music room was the one that faced the back of the house. The large glass windows leading to the balcony were open and the moonlight entered through them, casting the room into semi darkness. Lucien didn't switch on the lights instead he sat her down by the velvet couched near the door and placed himself on the tool in front of the piano. The walls in the room were serving as a stage for the shadows to dance and although it made Cardia a little bit unnerved she knew she had Lucien with her.

He brushed his fingers once over the keys before launching into the piece he was about to play. He didn't even have to look at the sheets before him because even though he had not played in over four months he knew the melody by heart. After all, he had composed it.

Cardia looked out the window as Lucien began playing a music she had never heard before. It was melancholic and she had to admit she had never heard a better piece of music. Lucien looked like he had just stepped out of a magazine cover and in the semi darkness of the room she admired the perfect features of her son.

Where had she gone wrong? All she wanted was for her children to get along and most of all she wanted Lucien to be the one everyone could look up to. All her life she had disciplined him more than any of her other children and he had always obediently listened to her. Then why did he hate her so much now? She could see the look in his eyes everytime he looked at her.

He was in so much pain but he smiled anyway.

Was she the reason of his hurt? She realized they had never sat down and talked about any of it. But would talking make any of it better? Can she ever forgive her son for killing her other children? She couldn't.

No matter how much she wanted to she couldn't.

The piece ended and Lucien ran a hand through his dark hair. "Did you like it, mother? I wrote it for you."

"It sounded sad," she said truthfully.

"I don't like happy music," he said quietly. His voice had an edge to it she had never heard before. "I named it 'The Tragedy of Cardia', funny, isn't it?"

"Tragedy is a strong word," she commented.

"That's life, mother."

He looked at her and their gazes locked. Neither of them uttered a word for a long time. Then finally he broke the silence.

"Let's admire the moon together tonight, come to the balcony." He walked over to the balcony and leaned against the railings. Cardia joined him a minute later. She looked up at the night sky and it indeed was beautiful.

Everything was eerily silent. Their mansion was surrounded by gardens and the entire state stretched on for forever. She knew Lucien preferred silence so she kept quiet.

"There is a beauty in the silence not everyone can appreciate. Isn't that right?" Lucien smiled at her.

Cardia felt this was the most genuine smile he had given her all night. She closed her eyes and tried to forget about everything else that had happened between her and Lucien. Maybe they could start afresh, maybe she can start learning how to forgive him and maybe bring him back on the right path. Maybe she can finally admit without fear that there was another life growing inside her now. She knew Lucien would not hurt her again, something within her started to believe that Lucien had changed since he had started going to the boarding school.

Maybe they have changed him for the better.

Maybe it would be a new start for them all.

"You are pregnant, aren't you, mother?" Lucien stepped a little back and Cardia followed his movement with her eyes carefully. He was only a head taller than Cardia yet Lucien felt intimidated by her.

She was wearing a violet gown and had her long dark hair open. Lucien found himself wondering why he could see his mother in Lara but couldn't see Lara in Cardia. Was it because Cardia had no traits of the girl he loved?

"Yes," Cardia found herself answering. "I am pregnant."

"I love you, mother."

Lucien cradled her face in his hands and caressed her cheek with his thumbs. Cardia's breath stopped as she tried to think rationally about what was happening. Lucien was her son for god's sake but she couldn't bring herself to push him away. His eyes were sincere and he looked so much in pain that she couldn't look away.

She reached up and touched his face as a tear rolled down his cheek.

"Don't cry baby, I'm here. Mother is here."

"But you haven't been there for a long time. I am so lonely," his voice broke. "I have been alone for so long and you haven't been here to love me."

"I..." She was at a loss for words. She had neglected him she knew that. But she never knew it caused him this much pain. Her heart ached for Lucien. "I am sorry, Lucien."

He leaned down and she parted her lips without even realizing what she was doing. When Lucien's mouth was a fraction away from Cardia's he slowly brushed her lips with his own before murmuring, "I am not sorry, Mother."

He slowly gave her a push and the railing gave way. He had come back earlier and broken them all and then set them back to look as if it was all okay so a slight push was all that was needed for all of the pillars to break down. Cardia fell backwards and before she had time to comprehend what had happened her head was split on the pavement below.

There were rose bushes right below the balcony and Lucien looked down and felt satisfied when he saw Cardia lying with her eyes closed, bleeding through her head and hands. Her dress was torn in places from where the thorns had cut through. He smiled as he looked down at the cold dead body of the woman he once loved more than himself.

"If you can't love me mother I won't allow you to love anyone else."