1 I Wish I Was Dreaming But I Am Not

I felt like I exploded into a million pieces...

My meager 25 years of existence was laid to waste in a mere second by the screeching of brakes and the irresponsibility of a drunk driver.

As life drained from my wilting body, I prayed to the heavens,

[In my next life at least give me a little bit of happiness]

I honestly felt cheated.

Images of my pathetic life flicked behind my eyelids in a way that felt like a never-ending stop-motion picture. They say that in the end we pay for our mistakes, why does it feel like my biggest mistake was simply existing?

Childhood - bullied for being short,

High School - bullied for being gay,

University - watching as my best and only friend talked to girls while I painfully loved him.

I couldn't even talk to my parents about it... they were never around. Like a ghost, all I had was small memories of their existence as they flew around the world on business trips. In the end they were disappointed in me due to my " Life Style Choice" as they called it. As if being gay was a choice!

Did they really think I chose to be this miserable?

The feelings of dejection, the buried emotions I had towards the one I loved and the unquenchable loneliness I felt all amassed in my chest like a sun compacting into a black hole. Threatening to pull me inside out.

These sentiments hurt…more than the physical pain I experienced during the impact.

I just wanted it all to stop.

Tonight he just so happened to tell me that he liked a girl. It had broken me harder than usual.

[Why was this the last thing I thought of?]

My body screamed as I took my last breath, my vision faded out to the sounds of shouting and the smell of blood. A single tear rolled down my eye. Dying wasn't so bad, at least its over I thought.

[God, I'm pathetic.]

I smiled my final fateful smile... or so I thought.

********************************

"Yuki, Yuki, rise and shine! It's a beautiful morning! " A sweet melodic voice whispered an unknown name around me as a bright light shined in my eyes.

[ Am I in the hospital? Heaven? Hell?]

" Young master please wake up, the head maid will yell at me again if you're late! " The voice whined pitifully.

I slowly wake up, nursing a splitting headache and the feelings of regret lodged in my chest. My vision begins to clear. It seemed like I was sleeping in a king sized bed. There is the smell of old oak and melted candles in the air with a slight hint of dust.

Opening one eye I spotted a voluptuous woman in a maid costume, the sunlight from the window had hit her like a halo but it seemed to refuse to shine on me. She looked like an angel, while I felt like I contrasted her as a shadowed form, a possible figment of imagination from the corner of one's eye.

Her massive breasts jiggled slightly as she clapped her hands together breaking the unsteady silence.

[ Her garb is rather fitting I guess. ]

"Good morning young master Yuki, it is time for your lessons but first some breakfast!" The maid chirped in a cheery tone.

[ Yuki? Me? Huh? Last time I checked, my name was Yuta. Do I have a concussion?]

" Uhh, good morning miss, are you talking to me?" I said shyly with a hoarse whimper.

" Young… Master?" She looked at me with a shocked expression. I could see a hint of astonishment flash on her face which was followed by a warm smile.

I rubbed the remaining sleep off my eyes in order to avoid her cheerfulness. That was when I noticed my delicate child-like hands.

[ These aren't my hands?! ... What the hell is going on here?!]

I jolted out of my tired state and checked the rest of my body. Everything from my slim white frame, to my groin, wasn't the same as I remembered.

I looked at the maid, then the maid looked at me, both of us carried the same bewildered expression.

"Miss, may I have a mirror please?" I shakily implore to the blonde haired beauty.

She snapped out of her daze and handed me a hand mirror from the side desk. I stared at myself unwillingly.

An unknown youth who seems around ten years old stared back at me. Pink lips, stern ice blue eyes with long wild and fiery hair stared right at me. These features matched perfectly with their pale white skin. I go to touch my face and the figure in the mirror does the same.

[ Is this supposed to be me? ]

I let the mirror drop from my hand, shocked and unable to move.

" Young Master? You're speaking! You are really speaking! The Heavens are kind! I am so happy!" the young maid stared at me with tears in her eyes. Her hands clasped together like a nun. " I will go tell madam and master immediately! " She rushed out of the door tears still glistening on her silky cheeks.

My mind throbbed while visions of a past that didn't belong to me etched themselves inside my skull. It seemed the body of this boy was Yuki Aikyo who died in his sleep due to a heart condition.

His parents are from powerful backgrounds. His father a decorated soldier and his mother from a high-class merchant family.

His grandfather is the general of a place called the Tama kingdom. Both the grandfather and father hold quite a bit of sway in the kingdoms court.

It seems this Yuki Aikyo hated talking and grew mute some years ago. Sifting through the memories I found it was due to the pitying gazes he received from everyone around him.

[ No wonder she was shocked. ]

I held my head and passed out. Too much had shocked and frightened me.

I awoke a few hours later. I could tell by the position of the sun hanging in the heavens. There was a cold feeling of fingers pressed on my wrist and the smell of medical incense so thick I felt I could taste it in between the gap in my cracked lips.

I opened my eyes to see an old man checking my pulse, a handsome older gentleman with fiery red hair as well a women with green hair holding his arm. The maid from earlier was standing to the side. They all held expressions of baited breath and worry.

The old man, seemingly a doctor, broke the silence with "Young master Yuki will be fine, it seems his fever has gone down and his heart condition has stabilized. Let's not get our hopes up however and keep an eye on him"

[ Is that what you should be saying in front of the patient doc?]

The pair of lovers near the entrance stared at me smiling. The gentleman spoke up stating warmly " My son, you were only out for two days this time. We heard from Ki that you spoke to her. Truly there is kindness left in the world"

[ Ki must be the the name of the maid in the corner. ]

The man and women then looked at one another and embraced like newlyweds.

[ I'm glad that they are happy but do my new parents need to be so close to each other? Damn you and your happiness!]

" Mother, Father I am fine, just a little woozy from sleeping too much. Please don't worry" I say in a hoarse whisper.

They both stared at me incredulously. The one who is my new mother starts crying on my father's shoulder. I felt I sounded like a spoon caught in a food dispenser but it still brought them happiness. I stare at them and pause for a moment. A hint of jealousy for the previous Yuki flashed in my chest.

[ Wait a minute… Yuki Aikyo with a maid called Ki… why does that seem familiar?]

I sat up and shook my head. My stomach gurgled and I blush.

" Yuki, it seems sleeping so long has made you hungry, your mother and I will come to see you later just focus on getting better!" my new father stated smiling.

He led mother out of the room before the doctor respectfully followed behind them. The sun has just hit mid-afternoon.

Ki sat down next to me and started hand feeding me porridge. She paused for a moment looked at me directly and spoke" Young Master, Lady Rosli had came again to visit, she was sad to hear you were asleep again. She really misses you, you know. When you get better you should pay her a visit."

The porridge must have had some medicine in it because it tasted really bitter. My stomach and it's hunger refuses to complain, however.

" Princess Rosli? I am sorry miss Ki but it seems like being asleep for so long has left me with gaps in my memory. " I said between mouthfuls.

Ki once again looked at me like I was an invalid before masking it with a smile.

[ I finally understand why the previous Yuki didn't bother to speak ]

" Princess Rosli will one day be your fiance, she is the 3rd child and only princess of Tama. Ahhh such a sweet girl! She is very kind to you and brings you toys to your room" Ki states as she popped another mouthful of bitter sludge in my mouth.

I chewed while I looked around and digested her words as well as the porridge. I saw many different hand puzzles and books lined the old fashioned shelves. There were open books laying around, a sign of a well lived in and frequently used room. I smile bitterly to myself.

[ Princess Rosli another familiar name… wait a minute wasn't there a princess Rosli in that stupid game my best friend made me play? She was the main character of the harem novel game he liked. Making me sit there and help him conquer girls... Did he even know I liked him? What torture... ]

[Wait that's not the point Yuki... Yuki... Yuki Aikyo..... no way.]

I hold my breath.

[ Yuki Aikyo was the villain of the story an overbearing playboy jerk who bullied his fiancee. ]

[ In the end, the lead character of the game and his buddies ruin Yuki 's family and leave him destitute. In the end the lead married Princess Rosli. ]

[ I can't be in the video game " Romance Fantasy ++" Right? ]

I stare blankly at the covers on my bed, then stare at Ki before breathing out.

[ This maid seems familiar too... Wasn't she also a capture target for the men who liked older women? If my thoughts are correct that means in a few years my health will get better and I will attend a school called Main Magicus to study. I have to check]

My stares must have frightened Ki a little as she looks down and blushes.

" Umm.. sorry for staring Ki, I wanted to know if you have heard of Main Magicus School for the Gifted Elite" I state coldly.

" Young Master have your memories returned? Of course, I have! You should be attending there in two years should your health get better!" Ki mentions while giggling.

" I am sorry miss Ki can I have a few moments to myself, I will call you later. I am feeling a tad light-headed" I mention to Ki with pitiful eyes.

Ki looked at me and put down the bowl. She bows once left the room. She glanced at me once more before she exited.

I took big deep breaths and screamed without sound. Silently cursing at the heavens for the injustices that have fallen upon me. I crawled further into my blankets to sulk while I stared at my slender hands. I shook all over.

[ First I get stuck in some random body, which I could barely deal with.... now I know I am in some perverse video game aimed at straight men and lesbians.]

My face contorted under the beds covers.

[ I also now know that before I even get a chance to graduate I am gonna end up dead in a ditch by some jerkhole women stealer. ]

My fingers gripped their palms, red marks began to appear.

[ My first high school experience was already traumatizing enough and now I have to do it again. This time in a damn game my best friend loved full of women?!]

Huffing and grumbling I rolled around. Taking my grievances out on my pillow, with barely any strength. I tired out rather quickly.

I sighed and stared at the ceiling. No thoughts entered or left my mind, I focused on counting each of the bricks that comprised it to calm myself down. I breathed in and out deeply. My heartbeat calmed and I clutched my chest meekly.

[ Alright me, I know I am hated by the heavens and I will end up in a ditch if I attempt to marry princess what's her face. So why don't I just not do that, focus on my studies and graduate under the radar?]

I laughed at myself deprecatingly.

[Maybe I can even take up sword fighting and magic. Yes, that could be fun… at least I could make the most of this stupid situation. First I need to gather all the information about this world I can, then I need to find a way to fix my heart murmur.]

I attempted to continue to talk myself into some positivity.

[Then hmm I should practice the sword and learn magic so that I can be a wandering swordsman in case this fails and finally I must be nice to everyone so that I don't have to be murdered or something. This… this may work! ]

I clenched my fist pitifully filled with determination. My pep talk to myself seemed to work as I continued to plan for my future. Ki walked in some time later with some dinner. My face finally relaxes.

[ Step one be nice to everyone, the more allies the better! ]

" Ki is that dinner? It smells wonderful, Thank you for always taking care of me," I said in the sweetest voice I could muster. I still sounded like a blender with sentience but she genuinely smiled at me brightly in response.

She placed the miscellaneous gloop in the bowl on the bed's side table. With a careful vigor and blush on her cheeks she fed me.

[ Porridge again?! I should try to focus instead on not feeling too disappointed at the lack of a handsome butler, but Ki seems nice and reliable enough. Maybe when I am older I can find her a nice gentleman in thanks. ]

" Miss Ki, tomorrow I wish to study hard could you please inform my parents that I will do my best not to let them down," I said after the final bite is taken.

She put the bowl away and lit a candle next to me. She then surprisingly hugged me tightly. Her massive breasts blocked me from breathing.

" Miss Ki… Please stop I can't. Breathe…" I spluttered as I turned red.

She stopped and looked at me, embarrassment drawn all over her face in red crayon.

" I am sorry young Master I have just been so worried! I spoke to your parents and they mentioned that the princess will be visiting tomorrow. We hope her visit will cheer you up" She replied and bowed to me.

[ ....oh crap. The princess. Tomorrow?!]

" ...I am looking forward to it," I say with my most plastic smile.

Ki smiles brightly in return.